by A. Hart
An Original Publication From A. Hart
Braver With You
Published by Amanda Isaacson and A. Hart
Copyright © 2015 as “Braver With You”
All rights reserved.
This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and locations are either a product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious setting. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, or people, living or dead, is strictly coincidental. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written consent from the author. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
First U.S. Digital Edition, 2015
Dedication
To my sweet friend Tiawna, who took the time to read my manuscript on her honeymoon, you are amazing and will always have a special place in my heart. To all my army wife friends, that became family in my heart forever, keep holding down the fort ladies. To my hubby who helped me every step along the way, thank you for being my best friend. I will love you forever and always.
Xo- Amanda
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
About the Author
Also By
Chapter One
Emerson Williams
September 3rd, 2012
There he was. Exactly how I remembered but somehow more beautiful. Strong but soft, the best contradiction I had ever found. He was just standing there, propped up against the fence with his hands in his pocket, like a model from a catalog. His hair was longer than I remembered and he obviously hadn’t shaved in a day or two, but I could spot that smile and those baby blues anywhere. He was breathtaking real. God there he is…
I had imagined this moment so many times, imagined what I would say, how I would act. I pictured his lips on mine. His hands holding me like a cast holding together a broken bone. I dreamt of the many days we spent together, watching reruns and talking about the things we wanted to do with our lives. I was haunted by the last time we kissed, on that night, the last night I saw him.
I pictured that I would tell him how I hadn’t stopped thinking of him. About how I spent days asking about him, trying to find a way to contact him, about the many letters I wrote and sent, hoping they would find him somehow.
The last year had been good to me but it had also molded me and changed me. Would he be the same? Would he like me? Did he think of me? Was our spark still there? I knew where I stood, I could tell by the way my heart was thumping in my chest. I was still completely consumed with his beauty. Not only physically but the beauty he held in his eyes, how they shined with compassion, the soft way he spoke when he was concerned, his laugh and his way of seeing the good in the darkest moments.
I was awkward and clumsy. My life was Murphy’s Law and I accepted that as my fate. It made me feel fearless sometimes but really I was terrified. If I was honest with myself I was often a bit too withdrawn. It made me a wreck sometimes, not being able to feel anything more. Unfortunately it was how I was wired, how I coped with things, it was my wall.
Last time I saw him he had knocked down all of my walls and pulled me out of the debris. He made me realize I had to fight to stay alive. So that’s exactly what I did, I fought and it felt damn good to say that I won. I kicked Cancers Ass. I smiled out loud at my victory.
Cal was different than any man, any person I had ever met. He was steady, like a star guiding you home, constant, compassionate and strong. He saw the beauty in everything and the possibilities that life held if you only fought to have them. Would he even care to see me? Why hadn’t he tried to contact me? Questions started rushing through my mind like bullets to the brain.
I stood there anxious and awkward. Staring. Just staring. I wanted to look away but I was afraid to lose track of him. I was afraid that I would never see him again. I couldn’t help the tingle down my spine or the way my heart began to thump in my chest like it was beating to a song.
I pictured his hands in mine, twisted, his lips, soft and wet, brushing, softly…Pull it together Emerson. I shook my head and looked away long enough to hear Sarah still going on and on. I rolled my eyes at my best friend and her long winded rants. I looked from person to person quickly to see that no one had noticed my obvious and awkward stares. That’s good, at least no one else can see how strange I’m being. I selfishly looked back to the fence.
He wasn't there. Where the Hell did he go? I knew I hadn’t look away for more than a couple seconds. I feverishly looked through the crowds, searching for his lush caramel brown hair and his sharp jaw line. I didn’t care if I looked like a girl who just lost her phone at the night club. My heart calmed a little when I finally found him, he was talking to someone by the ice cream stand. I sighed loudly, puffing out my cheeks in relief.
Sarah stopped and glared at me "What the..." everyone else looked at me. Before she could continue, I interrupted her with a smile and excuse “Sorry I thought I saw an old friend." And that was true...except I wanted to jump the bones of this particular "friend". Once I was sure that everyone began ignoring me again, I turned back to stare at him some more. He was holding an ice cream cone. Strawberry, of course, I can see some things haven't changed. He stopped talking long enough to take a bite of his cone as he nodded his head to the guy he was talking to. His lips moved back and forth, he bit down and then licked at the side. It was likely to stop his cone from dripping but it was somehow so erotic to me. I needed a cold shower...
My desire was broken when I heard a high pitched scream "CAL!!!” A small blonde lady skipped towards him. She jumped up into his hug. He swung her around and then he put her down and gave her a quick kiss on her head. My heart sank into my stomach and I could feel a knot forming. Suddenly I felt like the world was falling around me. I was too late...Damn it.
It hurt as badly as that night he left. I couldn’t help but stare as my world fell apart and I think my heart literally skipped a beat as I saw him return my gaze. I looked away and ran my fingers through my hair. I threw a persistent nod and my best "tell me more" smile at Sarah. I hoped that would be enough to make it seem as if I had been listening to her the whole time and prayed that I hadn’t just agreed to participate in some ridiculous charade. She raised her eyebrow at me but continued talking.
Chapter Two
Calvin Smith
I had been waiting there for almost 20 minutes. I laughed to myself at how predictable she was. It was just like Jenny to keep me waiting. I thought about coming late but I was sure that if I did, it would be the one time she wasn’t late or for God’s sake early. I would have to live the rest of my life as the "late one
”. Although her persistent tardiness was an annoying quality, it was part of what made her who she was.
I was just glad to be there. I was glad to be able to see people I loved and to do normal things with them. Most often I longed to be part of the stories I always heard about. I longed to be a part of my own life and not just watching, more like hearing or reading, from the side lines. I hadn’t seen the light of day in almost 48 hours and there I was, in my home town, at the country fair. I was breathing fresh air, watching families walk by, happy, healthy and whole. It was so different from the moments I was experiencing only hours before. Darkness, despair and death...I was here and I was alive. I cranked my neck at the subtle pain that shot threw me and reminded myself -not here, not now Smith.
My mind flashed to her. Those huge dark brown eyes, her flushed cheeks, her adorable smile. She was so strong and happy. I thought of my hand cupping her warm blushed cheeks. I shook my head and came back to reality. It was now only a weak memory but it still felt so fresh and so real. Her smile and her laugh haunted me almost every night. It was the thought I often went to. I pictured her face again and thought of where she must be. I prayed that she was okay.
I prayed that she was still running around with that goofy laugh and her ability to brighten anyone’s day with it. I prayed she was okay. I prayed every day. The problem was I knew that she was weak when I left. God, how I didn’t want to leave. I wouldn’t have, if I didn’t have to. I have never wished for anything more than that I didn’t have to leave her. Laying there, sleeping, at peace but inside in so much pain. Her body fighting a battle that was just as violent and devastating as the one I left her to fight myself. I cringed at the memory.
When I looked up I saw Sam walking towards me with a huge smile on his face. I began walking towards him by the ice cream stand. He was carrying two ice cream cones. One was strawberry, it was my favorite and I couldn’t remember the last time I had it. I walked towards him and smiled but before I could say anything his loud voice cut me off, “Cal! Shit man! It’s so fucking good to see you!" I looked around and gestured "Dude...kids...everywhere!" Parents covered their children ears and I shot them an "I’m so sorry" look. He responded with a huge grin on his face “Well...Shit...” he hugged me, trying to balance the cones in his hands. “Here man, I know you don’t get the good shit over there so eat up bro. I’ll buy you more if you want." I smiled as I savored my first bite and nodded my head at Sam “Yeah man this is the good shit for sure.”
I looked up and saw my peppy little sister skipping towards me, looking like a little girl at her first sleep over. "CAL!!!!” Sam took my cone form me "I’ll hold this." I smiled and opened my arms for what I knew was coming. She jumped up into me, I wrapped my arms around her and swung her around. It was so good to hug her and see her ...healthy...happy... thanks to my childhood best friend turned brother-in-law. "Hey sis...You look great! I missed you so much". I put her down and laid a kiss on her sweet blonde head. I still saw her as my 6 yr. old little sister towing her dolls behind her. "Shit Cal...You look like crap..." I laughed "I see you haven’t had any influence on my sweet little sister Sam” He threw his hands up and laughed with a mouth full of ice-cream.
They talked to me about everything I missed, filling me in like they always did. This time I would be home for two weeks. The last time I was home was for their wedding which was a year previous. I had gotten three weeks that time but I was grateful for whatever I got. My last visit home was when I met Emerson. My mind flashed to her face again, so graceful, so full of life. Then my mind took me to my darkest place, the night I left her, laying there, fighting for her life...
I had been called for a last minute deployment to Afghanistan. It was a rescue mission, two days earlier than I was supposed to report back to Fort Bragg. I didn’t even get the luxury of being there for a whole 24 hours. As soon as I stepped foot in North Carolina I got straight on a plane to the dessert of hell and got stuck there for two months. We were successful in our first mission but as casualties in the infantry units built up and more hostages were taken, we were given more missions.
After our first deployment I was home in Fort Bragg, North Carolina just long enough to sleep, eat and shower my pain away before I was called out to training. This repeated between missions and training until…well, now. We were all drained and horrified at the outcome of our last mission. Usually able to shake it off, we all needed a break. Our commander ordered us all to go home and see our loved ones, to remember what we fought for. Nothing was better motivation to do our job, than remembering why we fought.
I only had 3 more months left. One last mission (fingers crossed) and I was out. I was glad to be starting something new. Life was full of possibilities. I was ready to do something boring for a while. Maybe mow lawns or do maintenance or possibly work my dad’s ranch for a little while. Maybe eventually I would go back to working as a paramedic. Not for a while though, I knew what I needed. I needed a break from the blood and the loss.
I was ready to slow it down, ready to stop fighting for my life. I was good at it, I knew that but I wanted to live my life for once. I shook out of my thoughts, nodded and tried to take it all in. I soaked up everything they were filling me in on. I felt strange though. Like there was a pair of eyes on me. It was a feeling I was trained to recognize. An instinct I banked my life on many times. I looked around to see if there was something I had missed. Jenny sighed and said "got to pee, be back." I smiled awkwardly and shoed her away.
Sam wanted a corn dog, I told him to go ahead, and I would wait for Jenny. As he walked away I looked over to my right and there she was...Emerson... Or at least I was pretty sure. She was different, she had medium long brown hair that curled at the ends, and was tanner, much tanner than my Emmy. She was fuller and glowed a sense of health but I swear it was her. The girl quickly looked away when I looked at her. Maybe I was just seeing things because that’s what I wanted, because I wanted to make sure she was okay. My heart fluttered and my hands grew shaky at the thought of speaking to her.
I had written her so many letters. I never quite knew what to say or how to say it. I was afraid of disrupting her life. Most of all I was afraid of not getting letters back. It was my biggest fear. I lived in the unknown because the possibilities of the truth terrified me. The world would be a dark and scary place without her. I honestly couldn’t bear the thought of it. I don’t think I could have gotten through any of my missions alive without the thought of her smile. She needed to be okay. I never sent the letters because of it. I placed them in my tough box and hoped I'd see her in person one day. I’d give them to her then. I planned on finding her, the thought of me finding her gravestone and not her herself made me cringe and gave my stomach an awful stabbing pain.
I shook my head and forced myself to think of the positive. I'm sure she is great! She was probably already in a happy relationship and living a wonderful life, the life she deserved. I wished that over my fear, although it would still break my heart, it was the lesser of two evils. I stared again at the girl, which did look a lot like her. I looked around the people around her to see if I recognized any of them. Although the chatty short girl with the flailing arms looked a little familiar, I couldn’t place where I had seen her.
Jenny and Sam came walking back together laughing and holding hands. They told me that they were heading to the hypnosis show. I said that I didn’t really feel like it. Jenny begged me to go anyway. She said it would be hilarious and then “volun-told” Sam to do it so I would come. Sam protested but then said he would do it for me. I was tired and didn’t care for those kind of things. I despised being out of control or watching others out of control. This was why I didn’t drink often and when I did it was never past my buzz. I convinced the love birds to go ahead without me and said I would meet up with them at the bar later.
I usually sipped on a beer and soaked up everyone’s company. The owner was a family friend and it was a relaxing atmosphere. Jenny smiled widely and gave Sa
m a glance. Sam had an almost panicked look on his face, like he had seen a ghost.
It seemed a little odd but I was too concerned about finding out if the girl was Emerson to worry about it now. I figured whatever it was, I would find out soon enough. Jenny placed a kiss on my cheek. I watched them walk away. Sam turned around and yelled “seriously... go eat something you look like an African kid..." You could always count on Sam to make you want to shove your head in the ground like an ostrich. I watched them walk and thought what I would do to keep them safe, to keep them in their love bubble, so unaware of the many evil things that filled the world. I turned back towards my girl and tried to make out her features. She looked at me again and then quickly looked away once she caught my...holy shit...Its her…
My heart started thumping, hard and fast. I had faced many things as a paramedic and as a soldier, yet this was by far the most scary and intense feeling I had ever experienced. I was frozen in place, unable to move. She was so beautiful, the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. She always had been but the memory didn’t even compare to real life. I snapped out of it and smiled lightly. Our eyes held in gaze. Shit what do I do? What do I do? Think man, think!
I wanted to grab her in my arms and hold her but that seemed odd. Do I walk over there and say hi? Do I wave? Do I ask her out? Shit. I definitely wasn’t ready for this yet. Before I could decide what to do, my hand mindfully threw itself in the air and began waving. I threw it back to my side and brushed my other over my hair. Shit. I was frozen. I looked up to see her walking towards me...so graceful. So beautiful. Here we go Rico Sauvé, think fast!
Chapter Three
Emerson
I stood there staring at him. Is he ...waving? He is waving. What the hell. A wave? Really Cal a wave? I started to get red in my face and not from all the anxious desire I had been feeling for the past 20 minutes. I was angry, pissed actually. A year and I get a wave? Obviously he recognized me. He had left me, after the best three weeks of my life, for good reason I know, but still. All I got was a wave? I stood staring at him in shock. I smiled back almost sarcastically and then decided, enough was enough. Yeah I was nervous as hell and could feel the surge of hormones shaking through my body but mostly I was just livid.
