A Very Special Christmas

by Jessica Matthews

  For the last two years they'd holed up at their cabin on the lake to avoid partaking in the season. Claire had gone with them the first year, but last year she'd volunteered for the Christmas Day shift at the hospital and hadn't.

  "No, Marion," Claire said softly, "we're going to stay here. Give our love to Leroy."

  Conscious of Alex's unrelenting stare, she disconnected the call. "My mother-in-law," she explained. "This is a hard time of year for her."

  He nodded. "I see. And now you're feeling guilty."

  It was so unfair that he could read her so well. She studied the buttons on her phone. "A little, yes."

  "I think it's more than a little."

  She met his gaze. "I don't want or like to feel this way."

  "But you do."

  Claire hesitated. "Yes."

  "Do you regret Saturday night?" His tension was obvious in his voice, as if he hated to ask the question but couldn't prevent himself.

  How could she regret the best thing that had happened to her since Joshua's birth? "Part of me does," she said, hating to see his face take on a stony appearance, "and part of me doesn't. The problem is, I don't know what to think or do or feel." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I've never been so confused over something in my life."

  "We can see the lights tomorrow—" Alex began.

  Shaking her head, she rose. "No. I want to go—now. I need this." Maybe a few hours with Alex would help her regain the equilibrium that Marion had destroyed in a few short minutes.

  "Good girl."

  But try as she may, Claire couldn't forget Marion's accusation as they drove through the park. The elaborate light displays passed by in a haze of sameness as her mind raced to find answers to the questions she'd thought she'd put behind her.

  How could she possibly enjoy herself knowing that Ray's parents were still suffering? And how could she possibly think of a rosy future for herself as she approached another anniversary of Ray's death?

  An hour and a half later, as Alex carried a tired Joshua into her house, once more guilt had landed on her doorstep.

  "I'm sorry for being such lousy company,", she told him as he set Joshua on his feet. "I didn't mean to ruin your evening."

  He smiled, although she noticed that it didn't reach his eyes. "We saw the lights, the kids were delighted, and I was able to spend time with you. That isn't a ruined evening."

  She shrugged, not convinced.

  "After a decent night's sleep, you'll put everything back into perspective. You've come too far to turn back now. Remember that."

  She nodded, hoping he was right.

  Alex tried to follow the advice he'd given Claire—to get a good night's sleep—but he found it impossible. Her brittle smile and over-bright eyes haunted him and he knew that her mother-in-law's conversation had replanted the doubt she'd uprooted only a short time ago. Unfortunately, he couldn't ask Eddie for a few more words of wisdom.

  He was on his own.

  At least Claire was here, with him and not with the people who so clearly didn't want her to move ahead with her life. All he had to do was carry on as usual and Claire would see that she'd made the right decision to go forward.

  Wouldn't she?

  But as the next few days slid past and Claire missed their regular Wednesday lunch, Alex's own fears began to grow. Perhaps she hadn't gotten over Ray after all. If that was the case, where did that leave him? And how could he compete with a memory?

  On Friday, Nora cornered Claire in the small lab which doubled as her office. "What's with the sad face all week?"

  Claire avoided her gaze. "What sad face?"

  Nora snorted. "You know what I mean. You've moped for the last four days and I want to know why. Alex doesn't look much better." Her eyes narrowed. "Did the two of you fight?"

  "No." Claire was aghast. "Absolutely not."

  "Then what is going on between you two? And don't tell me it's my imagination because I've fielded questions from other people. People who were at the party, I might add, and saw the way you two looked at each other."

  Claire sank onto a stool and rested one elbow on the counter behind her. "Ray's mother called."

  "I might have known." Nora's disgust was obvious. "And she said things like 'How could you forget my son?' and 'How dare you enjoy yourself at this time of year?' Right?"

  Claire stared at her friend in surprise. "How did you guess?"

  "This isn't molecular science. It's a case of two people who are still mourning their son and they expect everyone else to do the same. Especially you."

  With the subject out in the open, Claire couldn't contain herself. Her thoughts had run in circles until she didn't know up from down, right from wrong.

  "She made me feel so guilty because I had a tree in my house and went to the office party. I shudder to think what she would have said if I'd mentioned Alex."

  Nora sank onto a chair. "How do you feel about Alex?"

  How could she answer? Those feelings had turned her inside out for the past four days. "I really want him in my life and Joshua's," she said slowly, "but—"

  "There are no buts," Nora said firmly. "Your memories of Ray won't keep you warm at night or make your toes tingle. Need I remind you that you already went down this road before the party?"

  "I know, and I thought I'd gotten over the worst, but Marion and Leroy are having such a difficult time. It doesn't seem right that I should be happy when they're not."

  "It's their choice," Nora said firmly. "You've gone to the next phase of your grief—acceptance—and they haven't, but that's their problem, not yours. You can't let them hold you back. Why do you think I was so insistent you move away from them and come here? I knew if you stayed close to their influence, you'd wear widow's weeds the rest of your life. And that would be a waste."

  "Joshua and I would have a good life together," she insisted.

  "Of course you would, but with Alex, wouldn't it be so much better? What about those three children you always wanted? Are you willing to settle for less because two people don't want you to go after what makes you happy?"

  No, she didn't. Neither could she deny the truth—Alex made her feel complete. "It would have been so much simpler if this wasn't happening now, at Christmas."

  "Did you ever stop to think that this was the perfect time of year for you?"

  Claire stared at Nora. "You're kidding, right?"

  Nora shrugged. "It seems strangely appropriate in a cosmic sense. Alex is a mighty fine gift to be receiving right now."

  She hadn't thought of it in those terms, but Nora could be right. Whether one called it fate, or Ray's way of looking out for her from the Great Beyond, Alex's arrival in her life was truly a gift. With that realization came the knowledge of what she had to do next.

  "I'm afraid I hurt his feelings," she said, thinking of his mood of late. Oh, he'd been kind and polite but somewhat distant, as if he'd been preparing himself for bad news. "He hasn't said two words to me that weren't work-related."

  Nora shrugged. "Can you blame him? He has his pride. I've heard that he practically begged his ex to work on their marriage, but she left anyway. He's simply waiting for your move, so talk to him. If you don't, he'll think the worst, if he doesn't already."

  Claire glanced at her watch. "Our afternoon patients will arrive soon. I won't have enough time."

  "Oh, rubbish." Nora rose and dragged Claire off her stool. "You, my dear, have already wasted four days. Why wait a minute longer?" She shoved her toward the door. "Go on. He's in his office."

  Claire looked at Nora over her shoulder. "And what are you going to do?"

  Nora grinned. "What every good friend does. I'll watch your back and keep the wolves at bay until you two straighten yourselves out."

  "Wish me luck?"

  "And then some. Now, hurry up." Nora nudged Claire forward. "The suspense is killing me."

  Claire drew a deep breath before she knocked on Alex's door and poked her head inside. It pained her to se
e the harsh lines on his face where she'd once seen laugh lines, but perhaps, after the next few minutes, she would again.

  "Hi," she said brightly. "Do you have a few minutes?"

  He leaned back in his chair and tossed his pen onto a stack of papers. Wariness replaced his initial curiosity and she hated that she'd caused him such obvious grief.

  "For you, of course," he said smoothly.

  She stepped inside, suddenly nervous. "Do you remember when you asked me if I regretted our night at the party?"

  "Yes." His voice sounded cautious.

  "And do you remember how I said that I didn't know?"

  Alex nodded.

  "Well, I just wanted to tell you that I didn't regret a single moment of that night and I don't now.'' She brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. "I never did, but my mother-in-law's phone call threw me for a loop. It took me a while to straighten everything out in my own mind, but I have."

  "I see." He held his index fingers to his mouth.

  The few seconds of silence were deafening and Claire's determination—and hopes—faded. "Anyway, I just thought you should know."

  She headed for the door, but before she could reach it, Alex's arm barred the opening. His breath caressed the back of her neck and she shivered.

  "Did you just say what I think you said?" he asked, his mouth hovering over her ear.

  Her heart had somehow leapt into her throat and she couldn't speak. Instead, she nodded.

  "The question is, will I have to compete with Ray's memory?"

  She twisted herself around to face him. "No. I'll always remember him, because Joshua is his son and will want to know the kind of man his father was, but I'm ready for a new chapter."

  Before she realized it, she was in his arms and his mouth was against hers in an emotionally charged kiss that would have cut her off at the knees if he hadn't been holding her. She was so happy, she could have sworn that she was soaring, but the feel of her hands on his back as she traced every muscle kept her rooted to the ground.

  "You're certain," he muttered against her mouth.

  "One...hundred...and...ten...per...cent." As his lips traveled down her neck in a trail of fire, she could hardly breathe. "Oh, Alex."

  "Ahem."

  The distinct sound of someone clearing their throat in the hallway managed to penetrate the sensual fog surrounding her. She and Alex broke apart to see Nora wearing a huge smile on her face.

  "If you two have worked things out, and from the smoke coming out of this room I'd say you have, I'm afraid duty calls. Roberta is about to do her caged-tiger imitation."

  Alex released her, but the warm glow residing inside her made up for the loss. "I'll be right there," Claire said.

  Nora gave a jaunty salute before she headed down the hall, presumably to her own tasks.

  Alex stared at Claire with hungry eyes. "Did you know you have lousy timing?"

  "Not until I met you," she replied, with a smile.

  He stroked her cheek. "I don't know if I can concentrate on medicine instead of you for the next few hours."

  Thinking of the weekend ahead and what might transpire, she nodded. "Then we're both in the same boat, Dr Ridgeway."

  * * *

  The weekend turned out as wonderfully as Claire had imagined. She and Joshua spent nearly the entire time with Alex and Jennie, and she and Alex were fortunate enough to steal a private hour here and there. By the time Monday rolled around, she was sorry to have to share him with his patients once again.

  "What should we do this evening?" Alex asked her. "Take Joshua to see Santa Claus at the mall?"

  Claire shook her head. "Christmas is only a week away and I have a few more gifts to find."

  "Would you like us to watch Josh for you?"

  "Thanks, but Nora's already volunteered. We're still on for tomorrow night, though, aren't we?"

  "Yeah. Jennie's talked about it all weekend. She can't wait for the annual network showing of Rudolph. I think that's her favorite Christmas cartoon?'

  "Mine, too." Knowing of his daughter's love for popcorn, Claire planned to have plenty on hand. To make the treat more special for their movie night, she'd serve it in her plastic boxes that were identical to the paper ones used at the theaters.

  "And don't forget her pageant is on Wednesday night."

  "As if I could." Jennie had marked Claire's calendar with a huge red X. "I'm looking forward to it."

  He pulled her closer. "Are you sure you don't need company while you're shopping?"

  "Some things are best done alone," she said lightly. She'd finally gotten an idea for his gift and she didn't want him tagging along.

  "Dr Ridgeway." Roberta's voice came over the intercom. "Phone call on line two."

  Alex planted a swift kiss on her mouth. "Have fun."

  "Shopping for presents is hard work, not fun," she corrected.

  "Then don't work too hard."

  "I'll try."

  Although Claire knew what she wanted to buy, finding it proved difficult. After visiting several jewelry stores, she was about to give up, but one little shop tucked at the end of the block, off the beaten path, caught her eye.

  To her great relief, they carried the exact watch she'd been looking for. "Most men want something a little more high-tech," the jeweler said, "but we have a few who don't."

  Claire gave a cursory glance at the tray of watches that had more dials on their face than the cockpit of a 747 before she studied the one in her hand. "This one is perfect."

  "Would you like us to wrap it for you?"

  "Thanks, but I'll do it myself."

  With this major purchase under her belt, she drove to the Super-Mart. Fortunately for her bank account, the small starter sewing machine she wanted for Jennie was on sale. It was only capable of straight and zigzag stitching, but Claire knew the youngster would be thrilled. Her interest in sewing had been obvious during their hours of working together on Jennie's costume and Claire knew that with Jennie's creativity and her eye for color, she would want to sew all sorts of things in the future.

  Pleased with her success, she stood in the checkout line and was surprised when Edwina and Joe joined her.

  "You're shopping, too, I see," Claire said cheerfully as the clerk rang up her purchase.

  Edwina appeared pale and her smile seemed forced. "Finishing up the last few things on my list. You?"

  Claire motioned to the box now enclosed in a sack. "Same here."

  "I can't say I won't be glad to stay at home," Eddie said as she rubbed her stomach. "It gets crazier every year." Without warning, she gasped and bent over.

  Joe grabbed her arm. "What's wrong?"

  Eddie moaned. "The baby."

  CHAPTER TEN

  Claire had seen a lot of expectant fathers, but none wore the look of sheer terror that Joe did.

  "Oh, my gosh," he said, horrified. "Why didn't you say something before now?"

  "Because it just hit me."

  "Let's find a place for you to sit down," Claire said. "Joe, finish your business and I'll look after her." Without waiting for his agreement, she grabbed Eddie's arm with one hand. With the other pushing her cart, she led her to the restored foyer where management had thoughtfully provided benches for tired shoppers.

  Claire helped Eddie sit on a bench before she took her pulse. It was fast, which wasn't surprising. "How are you doing?"

  "Not so good." She gripped Claire's hand hard enough to leave bruises. "I haven't felt right all day, and I couldn't put my finger on it, but now...something's definitely wrong. I thought contractions were supposed to come and go."

  "You're having one long steady pain?"

  Eddie bit her lip and nodded. "It's easing now, but it reminds me of the last time."

  The last time being her miscarriage. Claire placed her free hand on Eddie's uterus and felt what seemed like spasmodic twitching rather than a muscle contraction.

  "Here's what we'll do," she said, patting her hand. "You're going to lie d
own while I call for an ambulance. I think your baby is ready to make his or her appearance."

  "Can't Joe drive me?"

  "He could, but the paramedics can start an IV and save time." She glanced up and saw Joe approach with a worried frown on his face. "Here he is, so I'll go—"

  Eddie didn't release her hand. "Stay," she begged. "Please?"

  Keeping her patient calm was paramount. If having a nurse nearby helped, Claire wouldn't leave. She turned to Joe. "Go back inside and ask the ladies at the service desk to call for an ambulance." Because she'd seen a small but definite red stain on Edwina's trousers, she added, "Ask for a blanket, too."

  He obeyed without argument. "Now, Eddie, I need both hands," she said kindly. "I want to call Dr Ridgeway so he can meet you at the hospital."

  Eddie nodded.

  Claire's fingers were numb from Eddie's death grip, but she pulled off her coat and covered Eddie before she managed to punch the numbers into her cellphone. "Please, be home," she murmured under her breath, relieved when he was.

  "It's Claire," she announced without preamble. Turning her back to her patient, she lowered her voice. "Edwina Butler is with me at the Super-Mart and she's having problems. Her uterus is tender and I can feel mild muscle spasms. She appears comfortable for the moment, but she's also bleeding."

  "How much?"

  "It doesn't seem severe, but I can't tell for certain. We've called for an ambulance."

  "I'm on my way to the hospital."

  "Do you want me to call ahead for you?"

  "I'll do it," he said. "If her placenta is tearing, I want Jivanta and the surgical team ready to roll."

  Jivanta was one of the obstetricians who was often teased because she wasn't much larger than the infants she delivered. She might come in a small package, but she specialized in high-risk pregnancies and often lived up to her name which meant "gives life." Eddie would be in excellent hands.

  "I'll tell her."

  She rang off and smiled brightly at Eddie and Joe, who'd just returned with the manager and a blanket.

  "Is there anything I can do?" the man she recognized from the accident at the store a few weeks earlier asked.