The Color of Heaven Series [03] The Color of Hope

by Julianne MacLean

  As I sat there, staring at the football game, I felt a little sick to my stomach over what I’d said to him in the bedroom, over what I had insinuated, and what I had suggested to Nadia at lunch. I really needed to get a grip. If anyone had a problem, it was me.

  I wanted desperately to fix everything, but somehow, when I tried, I only managed to make things worse.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  MY BROTHER ADAM, who had been living and working in Australia since the fall of 2011, called me one Sunday afternoon to let me know he was flying to Vegas for a conference the following weekend. It was a last-minute decision, and since I hadn’t seen him in a year – and he was keen to meet my twin – we made arrangements to meet up.

  I then called Becky, and she decided to fly out to meet us as well, since she hadn’t met Nadia yet either, and it was the perfect excuse for a family get together.

  The following Friday, Rick, Nadia and I finished work early, threw our suitcases into the trunk of Rick’s car, and headed out of the city.

  “This is wonderful,” Becky said as she shook the ice-filled martini mixer at the bar in our sprawling penthouse suite at the Palms Casino Resort. The suite had a gourmet kitchen, a spacious living room with contemporary leather furniture, a stunning view of the Vegas skyline, three and a half baths, and a pool table.

  “You can say that again,” Nadia replied. “I never imagined I’d ever set foot in a place like this. I keep wanting to pinch myself.”

  Becky poured the pink cocktails into our long-stemmed glasses, and we raised them for a toast.

  “Here’s to finding lost family members,” Becky said.

  “Cheers to that,” I agreed with Becky. Adam was now the only one of us who didn’t know anything about his biological parents, but it wasn’t likely he ever would, because he’d been orphaned in Africa.

  “Your brother’s a great guy,” Nadia said, swiveling on her leather bar stool to watch Adam sink a few balls at the pool table. “I always wanted a brother, when I was little.”

  “Now you have one,” I said to her.

  She swiveled back around and gave me an appreciative look. “I should knock on wood when I say this, but thanks to you, for the first time in my life, I actually feel lucky.”

  Becky smiled. “Then we came to the right place. Hurry up and finish that game boys!” she shouted into the other room. “Nadia’s feeling lucky. It’s time head down to the casino.”

  Chapter Forty

  WHILE NADIA, RICK, and Adam went to check out the blackjack table, Becky and I found two seats at the bar to talk privately for a while. She wanted to know how things were going with Rick.

  “I’m trying my best to give him space,” I explained, “but it’s not easy when I don’t want space between us. I want to be closer. I was watching one of those trashy reality talk shows last week, and there was a woman who’d been living with a guy for eleven years, and her family was trying to convince her that he was never going to marry her or have children with her, but she wouldn’t leave him because that would mean she’d wasted all those years. I don’t want to wake up when I’m forty and wonder where my life went.”

  Becky reached for some bar nuts in a bowl. “I think every woman feels that way at some point in her life.”

  “Do you feel that way?” I asked. “Are you worried that nothing’s going to work out, and you’ll never find that special person who wants the same things you do?”

  Becky considered it for a moment. “I’m still hopeful,” she said, “but it’s easier for me at this point, because I’m just finishing my degree, and I’ll be moving to Nova Scotia soon, starting a new job. Everything still feels undiscovered.”

  “The world is your oyster,” I said with a smile.

  I was happy for Becky. I wanted her to have everything.

  “How about we go try our luck at the roulette table?” she suggested.

  “Sounds great.” We slid off the bar stools and went searching for a spinning wheel that looked lucky.

  More than an hour passed. I scanned the noisy casino floor, searching for Nadia and the guys. “I wonder if their luck was any better than ours,” I said.

  “I’ll text Adam and find out.” She dug into her purse for her phone, while I went to check out a poster about a stage show that was playing in the hotel.

  “We should go see this,” I said. “Looks like fun.”

  “It’s a magic show,” Becky replied, after she pressed ‘send.’

  “Yeah. They’re usually pretty amazing.”

  Her phone vibrated and she swiped the touch screen. “Oh,” she said, her brow furrowing.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Adam left. He ran into his boss and they went to another hotel for a late dinner.”

  “His boss is a woman,” I said. “Isn’t that right?”

  Becky raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “I wonder what’s going on there.”

  I turned to scan the casino floor, while trying to ignore the monotonous carnival sounds: the discordant music and chiming beeps and bells. “Where are Nadia and Rick?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s go look for them.”

  We wandered around the gaming tables and through rows of slot machines, but didn’t see them. I texted each of them but neither replied.

  “Maybe they went to one of the bars,” Becky said.

  “Can you text Adam and ask him where he saw them last?”

  She pulled her phone out again and typed the message.

  A moment later, his reply came in.

  “He says they were at the slot machines when he left.”

  We were standing in the middle of the slot machine aisle, and had gone through it twice.

  “Maybe they went back to the room.” I checked my phone again in case one of them had texted me. Still nothing.

  “Want to go upstairs?” Becky asked, and I knew she recognized my concern, my need to check up on Rick and put my concerns to rest.

  “Let’s find a house phone and call up to the suite.”

  We found one in an alcove near the washrooms, but there was no answer.

  “It’s a big hotel,” she said. “They could be anywhere.”

  Then my phone vibrated, and I quickly swiped the screen. “It’s Rick,” I said with relief. “He says they’re in Rain. It’s the dance bar.”

  “It’s just over there.” Becky turned and pointed.

  I was relieved to have finally heard from him, but I wished he or Nadia had texted us earlier to invite us to go with them.

  When we finally found them in the club – which was flashing with pyrotechnics – they were waving to us from the dance floor. We pushed our way through the crowd to join them.

  Chapter Forty-one

  BY THE TIME the four of us made it back to the penthouse, I knew I’d had too much to drink, because all I wanted to do was pass out on the bed.

  “Want some chips?” Nadia asked, heading straight for the kitchen.

  “Definitely,” Rick replied. “And I need to drink some water.”

  “Me, too,” she said.

  I tossed my purse on a table and met Becky’s gaze.

  “I’m exhausted,” Becky said. “I need to go to bed.”

  “But it’s still early,” Nadia called out from the kitchen.

  I heard the sound of the chip bag ripping open, and went see what else was there to eat.

  “It’s three o’clock in the morning,” Rick reminded her with a playful shove. She shoved him back.

  I reached for a bottle of water, opened it, and tipped it up for a drink while I watched the two of them. “I need to go to bed, too,” I said.

  I waited for Rick to follow my lead, but he took his water and the bowl of chips into the living room, sat down on the sofa, and turned on the television.

  “What’s on?” Nadia cheerfully asked. She kicked off her heels and sat beside him.

  My muscles tensed with agitation, and heat rushed through my body.

  “Good night,”
I said, moving past them to go to bed.

  “I’ll be in soon, babe,” Rick replied, but it was five in the morning before he slipped into bed beside me.

  “You’re beginning to sound crazy,” Rick said when I stepped out of the shower to get ready for breakfast. “Nothing’s going on. What...? I’m not allowed to stay up and watch TV now?”

  “There’s a TV in here,” I argued, gesturing toward it.

  “I wasn’t tired,” he explained. “I wanted to stay up.”

  Surely my blood pressure was burning a hole in the roof. I wanted to biff a pillow at him.

  “She’s your twin sister,” he said in disbelief. “How can you even think what you’re thinking?”

  “Just get up,” I said, brushing my wet hair. “We’re supposed to meet Adam in twenty minutes.”

  Rick groaned in complaint, and tossed the covers aside.

  I managed to keep a smile on my face most of the day, but on the inside I was quietly fuming over how Rick seemed to be ignoring me. He talked and laughed with the others, but the wedge between was as obvious to me as the flashing neon lights on the strip.

  We went to Cirque Du Soleil that night, then returned to the Palms to gamble in the casino again. Nadia stuck close to me, which took some of the edge off, and I made an effort to give each of them the benefit of the doubt and consider the possibility that the problem was with me, not them. Maybe I just needed to lighten up and have a good time.

  While Adam and Rick played poker, Nadia, Becky and I did well at the craps table. People began to cheer for us, but before long, our luck took a turn for the worse, so we decided to quit while we were still ahead.

  I gathered up our chips. “You guys go find a seat in the bar,” I said. “I’ll take these to the cashier’s cage. And text the guys. Tell them where we are.”

  A short while later, I found Becky in the Scarlet Lounge with a glass of white wine on the table in front of her. She was reading emails on her phone.

  I sat down in the facing chair. “Where’s Nadia?”

  “She went to the washroom.”

  I ordered a glass of wine and checked my emails as well.

  When Nadia didn’t come back after about fifteen minutes, I said, “Do you think she went to find the guys?”

  “Maybe.”

  I texted her: Are you coming back?

  Adam walked in and sat down. “I heard you guys won big at the craps table,” he said.

  “We won two hundred dollars!” Becky proudly told him.

  “Does that mean you’re buying?”

  “Sure. Let’s get the waiter over here.” She waved a hand to flag him down.

  “Where’s Rick?” I asked Adam.

  “I think he went to the washroom.”

  “When was that?”

  “About fifteen minutes ago,” Adam said.

  Alarm bells were going off in my head, but I tried to keep cool. “I’ll be right back.” Grabbing my purse, I rose from my chair.

  I walked out of the bar and checked the ladies washroom on the casino floor. There was no sign of Nadia inside so I took a quick stroll through the slot machine aisles and searched around the gaming tables. By this time, I had tight knots in my stomach. I hated feeling suspicious, but I couldn’t help myself.

  I walked across the sky tube to the tower where our penthouse was located, reached the lobby and pressed the button on the elevator. It was quieter there, away from the sounds of the casino. Impatiently, I tapped my foot on the floor.

  Then the elevator chimed, the doors slid open, and I stood motionless, staring. Rick was inside the elevator, stepping away from Nadia after kissing her up against the side wall. With a smile on his face, he turned to get off, but stopped dead when he met my shocked gaze.

  Chapter Forty-two

  “OH, MY GOD,” Nadia said with horror as she covered her mouth with both hands.

  Rick looked down at the floor. “Shit.”

  The elevator door started to close, but he held it back and quickly got off. Nadia followed him.

  “Diana, I’m so sorry,” she said.

  I shook my head at her. “Don’t.” Then I turned and started walking away, back across the sky tube to the casino.

  “Diana wait!” Rick shouted.

  My stomach churned with sickening rage as I entered the noisy casino. I wanted to hit something.

  I knew Rick had followed me, and when he grabbed hold of my arm, I whirled around and shook myself out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me!”

  Nadia caught up with us.

  “You know as well as I do,” he said, “that we’ve been having problems for a while.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked. “Is that supposed to excuse what I just saw?”

  “You’re too uptight,” he argued. “All you want is a ring on your finger and a white dress and a wedding cake. I don’t want any of that!”

  “That’s not true.”

  He lowered his voice and spoke close in my ear. “Remember the beach? You didn’t want to make love because it didn’t fit into your grand master plan for the night. Nadia’s not like that. She would have made love on the beach.”

  Nadia grabbed his arm. “Rick, stop!” Her eyes shot to mine. Her cheeks were flame red, her eyes full of angst. “I’m so sorry, Diana. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

  “Well, it did,” I replied. “And you can’t take it back.”

  I started back to the bar to find Becky and Adam, but Nadia followed.

  “Please, Diana, let me explain.”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” I said. “I don’t even want to look at you. Don’t follow me.”

  I returned to the Scarlet Lounge where Becky and Adam were talking. Becky glanced up at me. “Oh my God, what happened?”

  She knew me well. “I need to get out of here,” I said. “Can we go?”

  “Of course.” She and Adam stood up. We left our drinks behind.

  Chapter Forty-three

  Nadia

  IT WAS THE understatement of the decade to say that I had never been so down on myself.

  Diana wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, and we had no idea what happened to her after our blowout in the casino.

  Rick and I spent the night in the penthouse alone. He slept in his room and I slept in mine, while we waited for Diana to return. She never did. It wasn’t until the next day, when we were checking out, that her brother Adam finally took pity on us and responded to a text. He told us that she and Becky had gone to a different hotel, but they’d hopped on a flight out of Vegas early that morning. They were already on their way home to Bar Harbor.

  “Ask him when she’s coming back,” I said to Rick, while we stood at the hotel reservation desk with our luggage.

  Rick texted the question to Adam.

  He got back to us almost immediately.

  She hasn’t decided.

  He sent us no more information.

  During the three-hour drive back to LA, Rick and I spent the first hour arguing over what had happened. Mostly we blamed each other.

  “We had too much to drink, that’s all,” he said.

  “That’s all?” I replied. “Seriously? Is that what you really think?” When he didn’t accept responsibility, I laid into him, hard. “You’ve been flirting me for weeks. Even Diana could see it.”

  “Hey, it’s not like you weren’t doing your part!” he argued. “You always look at me like I’m your knight in shining armor. Ever since that night I punched out your loser boyfriend.”

  “He wasn’t my boyfriend,” I said with disgust. “And yes, I was grateful for what you did, but I never wanted this to happen. Jesus, she’s my twin sister.” I touched my hands to my cheeks. “Oh God, how could we have done that?”

  He said nothing for a long moment, then to my surprise, he reached over and touched my knee, rubbed it reassuringly. I looked down at his hand, stared at it, befuddled, then frowned at him.

  “I’m sorry,” he gently said.
“You’re right. This is really messed up. It shouldn’t have happened.”

  I was still angry with him. Nothing was going to change that, because even if the fault was ours to share equally, I blamed him for being so incredibly attractive.

  “You said terrible, hurtful things to her last night,” I reminded him.

  “Yeah,” he admitted, returning both hands to the wheel, “but every bit of it was true.” He glanced at me. “Don’t pretend she didn’t talk to you about our relationship. I know she told you everything. She talked to you more than she talked to me.” He shook his head. “All she wanted to do was get married. She was really smothering. I could barely breathe, so last night I finally just snapped. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about it anymore.”

  I rested my elbow on the door and cupped my forehead in a hand. The world outside the window sped by in a blur and I was reminded of that day long ago when my mother told me to find myself a rich man. “Love just ain’t enough,” she had said.

  Those words seemed so empty now.

  “And don’t deny your part in this,” Rick said. “It wasn’t all me. You were giving off plenty of signals.”

  My self-loathing escalated to a new level, because he was right. I was attracted to him, and wildly so. I’d been in awe of him from the first moment he walked into the reception area at work. I nearly fell out of my chair that morning, and had to fan myself after he left.

  I never told Diana that, of course, but whenever Rick looked at me, I melted. Each time he spoke to me, the pull grew stronger. I just didn’t dare admit it to myself.

  Last night, in the elevator, the willpower I’d been clinging to finally gave way. All he had to do was look at me with those mesmerizing blue eyes, and all the sparks that had been flashing between us for weeks suddenly burst into flame. I wanted him so badly – physically – that I just couldn’t say no.

  And the kiss had been electric. My whole body surrendered. When the elevator doors opened, I was in a dazed stupor. I could barely comprehend what was happening.