The Color of Heaven Series [03] The Color of Hope

by Julianne MacLean

  We began walking again, slowly falling behind the pace of the crowd.

  “I appreciate the compliment,” he replied, “but some people might disagree.”

  “You’re being modest.”

  He squeezed my hand. “We’re a team at Mass General, Diana. Everyone is top notch. I’d like to hand Nadia’s case over to Dr. John Reynolds, if that’s okay with the two of you. He’s an excellent surgeon and a good friend.”

  “But she’s so comfortable with you,” I argued. “That first day when we met in your office, I believed you were the right doctor for her, and I still believe it.”

  “I’ll always be nearby,” he assured me, “available to consult about anything. Like I said, Dr. Reynolds and I work as a team.”

  We pushed through the theater doors, and when I still didn’t agree to Jacob’s suggestion that we move Nadia to another doctor, he stopped and took hold of my arm.

  “Diana, the main reason I want to take myself off her case is because I don’t want to hold anything back when I’m with you. She’s your twin, and there’s a gray area there, in terms of ethics. Do you understand? Also – and this isn’t easy for me to say – if anything happens to her, I’m afraid that every time you look at me, you’ll be reminded of how I couldn’t save her, and how I failed you.”

  I swallowed uneasily, then nodded to indicate that yes, I understood. He was choosing the possibility of a future with me over Nadia’s medical case. I was pleased, of course, that he wanted to explore what might be possible between us, but at the same time, I was hesitant to take him away from my sister. After everything she’d been through, could I really do that?

  Chapter Sixty-four

  IT WAS NEARLY midnight when Jacob pulled up in front of my house. A jazz tune was playing on the radio, but he turned the volume down so we could say goodnight.

  “You’ll be ready to go at 5:00 tomorrow?” he asked.

  “I’ll set three alarm clocks,” I replied, “just to make sure I don’t sleep in.”

  He smiled. “Good. And I promise it’ll be worth it. You know what they say – every hour spent fishing –”

  “Adds an hour to your life.” I chuckled. “Are there any statistics to prove that?”

  “I don’t know, but I like the sound of it.”

  “Me, too.”

  He reached for my hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed the back of it. The soft pressure of his mouth on my skin sent a current of desire rushing through me.

  Jacob’s eyes met mine, then he leaned in for a kiss. The moment our lips touched, I was overcome by a jolt of pleasure that erupted in every part of my body, all at once. I slid my hands across his shoulders and up the sides of his neck to the strong line of his jaw. The quickened pace of his breathing matched mine, but for me, it was so much more than physical. I felt as if the bond forming between us was not new. It had always been there beneath the surface of my existence, waiting quietly and patiently to be discovered. All that had been required was for us to meet.

  As we drew apart, I fought to catch my breath and gain control over my desires, because I had to go inside soon.

  “Your cheeks are flushed,” Jacob whispered with a smile. He rested his forehead on mine.

  “That’s because I’m happy,” I replied.

  “So am I. I haven’t felt like this in a very long time.”

  I swallowed over my disbelief. Was this really happening? “I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this.”

  He nodded in agreement.

  “I should go inside before I attack you,” I said.

  My words caused him to press his mouth to mine again, but this time his passion was fierce. His kiss filled me with desperation and a mad need to go home with him that night – because the thought of a single hour away from him felt like torture.

  It took every shred of discipline I possessed to lay my hands on his chest and put a stop to this. “If I don’t go inside right now,” I breathlessly said, “things are going to get out of hand.”

  He nodded. “You’d better go. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  My hands trembled as I reached for the door handle and got out.

  “Good night,” Jacob said, leaning across the passenger seat to smile up at me.

  As I stood on the curb, I felt completely dazed and beguiled. I closed the car door and turned to walk up my front steps.

  I inserted the key into the lock and entered the foyer with a smile on my face, but turned to discover Nadia, standing in the center of the living room in her fleecy blue bathrobe. She stared at me with a frown.

  “You didn’t tell me you were going out on a date,” she said accusingly. “Were you lying about that?”

  Chapter Sixty-five

  I SET MY purse and keys down on the table by the stairs and inhaled deeply. Here we go.

  “Who was he?” Nadia asked, before I had a chance to explain anything. She crossed to the window and pulled the curtain aside to look out. Thankfully, Jacob was gone by then, but I wondered how long she’d been watching us.

  I moved into the living room. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was going to, but with everything you’ve been through lately, I didn’t want to cause you any stress.”

  “Why would it cause me stress?” she asked.

  “Because of who I’m dating,” I answered honestly.

  She tilted her head. “And who is that?”

  Clearly, she already knew the answer to the question. She just wanted to hear me to admit it.

  “I was with Jacob Peterson tonight.”

  She pointed her thumb into her breastbone. “My doctor.”

  “Yes.”

  Her shoulders rose and fell as she exhaled. “How long have you been seeing him?”

  “Not long. A couple of weeks.”

  “Why him?” she asked. “Of all the men in Boston.”

  “I didn’t plan on it,” I explained. “We bumped into each other at Starbucks, that’s all. It was a coincidence. Turns out he lives in our neighborhood.”

  “But your date with him tonight wasn’t a coincidence,” she said, and I saw the wheels turning in her head. “When you went out for dinner with clients last week... Were you lying about that, too?”

  My mouth became dry. I wet my lips. “Yes.”

  Nadia’s nostrils flared. The next thing I knew, she was storming past me toward the kitchen.

  I followed her, but remained in the kitchen doorway.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, “but I really like him.”

  She opened the cupboard door over the microwave and pulled out a small box of herbal tea, and slammed it down on the countertop. “Are you just doing this to get back at me for what happened with Rick?”

  “Of course not. This has nothing to do with that.”

  “Are you sure?” she answered reproachfully. “I know you haven’t forgiven me for it. You didn’t answer my texts or emails for almost a year. I was on my deathbed before you would return a phone call, and now that I’m here, you never talk to me. I think the only reason I’m in your home is because you feel it’s your moral duty to be a good person – always the perfect Diana – but you don’t really want me here. You’d be much happier if I was still in LA and out of your life.”

  My thoughts began racing dangerously, and all of a sudden I was back in that ritzy Vegas penthouse, while Nadia looked past me and focused all her attention on my future fiancé.

  “Fine,” I said, “if you want to go there.” I strode forward to where she was rifling through the box of herbal teas. “Yes, I’m still angry about what happened between you and Rick. He was the man I wanted to marry. What do you expect? You’re standing in front of me with his kid in your belly.”

  Her eyes grew wide with shock. “I told you I was sorry about that. And you said yourself that you’re better off without him. I did you a favor.”

  “Hah!” I shouted. “I didn’t realize a knife in the back was considered a favor. And why did you do it anyway? Did you want to hurt
me, or did you just want to have what I had? Did you feel it was owed to you, that you had a right to it, because we were twins and you should have everything I had? Was it jealousy? Resentment?”

  She wagged a finger at me. “Stop talking about it as if it was all my doing, as if I orchestrated everything, and stole your boyfriend from you. Rick was as much to blame as I was, if not more. The way he treated me...” She stopped. “He was so charming, and I wasn’t used to that. I just...” She paused. “I fell.”

  “You fell.” I should my head in disbelief. “What does that even mean?”

  “It means I fell head over heels in love with him,” she said, “and I couldn’t stay away. There. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  “Not really,” I scoffed.

  She glared at me, then left the kitchen without boiling any water for her tea.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “To bed.”

  I followed her up the stairs. “Wait. We’re not done here. I still need to talk to you.”

  “About what?”

  “About the situation with Dr. Peterson.”

  Nadia reached the top of the stairs and disappeared into her room. She was shrugging out of her bathrobe when I arrived in her doorway.

  “I don’t want you to see him anymore,” she said to me.

  I walked all the way in. “I’m seeing him tomorrow. He’s picking me up at dawn and taking me fishing. I’m not going to cancel that.”

  “But he’s my doctor.”

  I worked hard to wrestle my anger to the ground and speak in a calm voice. “That’s what I need to talk to you about. Tonight he told me that he would prefer to hand your file over to another surgeon. His name is Dr. Reynolds, and he’s supposed to be very good.”

  She stared at me in horror. “I don’t want another doctor. I want Dr. Peterson. Was it you who suggested that?”

  I took another deep breath and counted to ten. “Dr. Reynolds is just as good, and they’ll work together as a team.”

  “Didn’t you hear me? I said no.”

  My head drew back at the firm note of command in her voice. She was a guest in my home. I was doing everything humanly possible to help her, despite the fact that she had betrayed me and broken up my last relationship. Now she had the nerve to tell me I wasn’t permitted to see a man I was falling in love with?

  “Are you forgetting that I’m the one who found Dr. Peterson in the first place?” I asked. “I made all the calls and all the arrangements. I paid for your travel to come here to Boston. I could just as easily have chosen Dr. Reynolds for you, and you would have been perfectly fine with that. You’re only digging your heels in now because you don’t want me to have any more advantages. Any more happiness. You think I’ve had more than my share, and that anything good from now on should go to you.”

  “What if I said yes, it should be my turn now,” she replied.

  I honestly didn’t know what to say to that.

  She shook her head at me. “You have everything, Diana, and I’ve had nothing – or whatever I did have was taken away. I lost my dad, my mom, Rick, and I even lost you. The only truly good thing that’s happened to me is this baby, so I’m not going to apologize for getting pregnant. I don’t care if you were hurt by it. I want this child. She’s all I’ve got, and if I’m going to survive long enough to raise her, I need a damn good doctor.”

  For a long moment, I stood there in shock, staring at her. Then I slowly began to back out of her room. “You’ll have one,” I said, gripping the doorknob to gently close the door behind me. “And his name is Dr. Reynolds.”

  Chapter Sixty-six

  MY ALARM WENT off at 4:30, well before sunrise. At least I thought it was my alarm when my eyes fluttered open and I sat up groggily in bed.

  In actuality it was only 3:00 a.m. I must have been dreaming.

  I pushed my hair away from my face and listened through the silence. Then I heard it again – the sound of Nadia’s voice, calling my name.

  Tossing the covers aside, I leaped out of bed and ran barefoot to her room. “What is it?”

  Her lamp was on, and she was sitting up against a pile of pillows. “It’s happening again,” she said. “I woke up because I couldn’t breathe.”

  I was still half asleep, and it took me a second to comprehend what she was saying.

  “Can you call Dr. Peterson? she asked. “I think it’s my heart again. You said he lives in our neighborhood.”

  “Maybe I should call 911,” I replied, thinking we were going to need an ambulance.

  “No, please call Dr. Peterson. He can get here faster, right?”

  Warning bells went off in my brain. She knew I was supposed to go fishing with Jacob at dawn. Was this an act? Was she just trying to prevent me from going? Or was I crazy to think so?

  She was pasty white and perspiring, so I ran back to my room to grab my phone. With trembling fingers, I found Jacob’s home number and called it. He answered after two rings.

  “Jacob? It’s Diana.”

  “Hey. Is something wrong?”

  “Yes, it’s Nadia. She can’t breathe very well and she thinks she might be in heart failure.”

  “Hang up and call 911 right away,” he said. “Then unlock your front door. I’ll be there in three minutes.”

  True to his word, Jacob made it to our house in three minutes flat and came bounding up the stairs. “Where are you?”

  “In here!” I called out to him. I was sitting on the edge of Nadia’s bed, holding her hand when he appeared in the doorway wearing black pyjama bottoms and a gray sweatshirt. He carried a black canvas backpack.

  I quickly got out of his way so he could take my place at Nadia’s side.

  “How are you doing?” he asked in a friendly, relaxed manner – as if everything was completely under control. I could have hugged him.

  Nadia put her hand over her chest. “Not good. I can’t breathe. It feels just like last time.”

  He looked up at me. “Did you call 911?”

  “Yes, they’re on their way.”

  He reached into his medical bag and withdrew a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff, which he wrapped around Nadia’s upper arm. “Everything’s going to be fine,” he said as he placed the ear buds in his ears. “Just try to relax.”

  He squeezed the rubber ball a number of times in quick succession to inflate the cuff. Nadia and I were very quiet while he listened to the pulse in the crook of her arm and watched the dial.

  The Velcro on the cuff ripped noisily when he removed it.

  “My baby,” Nadia said. “Is she all right? I haven’t felt her move or kick since this started.”

  Jacob placed the stethoscope on top of her belly. Closing his eyes to listen, he moved it from one spot to another. The tension was thick in the room while we waited forever for him to say something.

  At last his eyes opened. “Everything’s fine. She must be sleeping. It’s the middle of the night, you know,” he said to Nadia with a hint of humor, which helped her to relax.

  “Do you mind if I check your legs?” He rose to his feet and pulled the covers aside.

  I was surprised to see how swollen Nadia’s legs were. I didn’t think that was normal, not even for a pregnant woman. Jacob made no comment. He simply covered Nadia back up and sat down beside her. “The ambulance will be here any minute.”

  Just then, I saw the glow of flashing lights through the window. I ran downstairs to open the front door.

  Chapter Sixty-seven

  NATURALLY, I BLAMED myself for Nadia’s heart troubles that night. It was the stress of our argument that caused it, I believed. I wished I could take it back, but all I could do was sit in the hospital waiting area, whispering quiet prayers that everything would be okay.

  It had been almost two hours since the paramedics wheeled Nadia out of my house on a stretcher. I followed the ambulance in my car, while Jacob rode in the back with her. When we arrived at the hospital, he promised to keep me
updated about her condition, but he hadn’t come out to see me yet, and I was growing anxious.

  Slouching down in the chair, I tipped my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.

  Maybe I dozed off. I’m not sure.

  “Diana...”

  I jumped, startled by a hand on my shoulder, shaking me. I opened my eyes to discover Jacob, dressed in a pair of OR greens, standing over me.

  Instantly alert, I sat up. “How is she?”

  “Not well, I’m afraid.” He took a seat. “She’s in intensive care right now because she went into cardiac failure again. There’s a lot of extra fluid in her lungs and we’re trying to get rid of that. We’re doing everything we can to stabilize her.”

  “What about the baby?”

  “I’ve been talking to the obstetrician,” he explained, “and the baby’s heart has deep decelerations, which means it’s slowing down for long periods of time, and we’re worried about that. Bottom line is the baby has to come out. Nadia needs a section as soon as possible, but she also needs to be stable. It’s a balancing act.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “Oh, God. This my all fault. We had an argument tonight.”

  “It’s not your fault,” he assured me, squeezing my shoulder. “Her heart’s in bad shape. Anything could have brought this on. The good news is, the baby’s at thirty-two weeks now, so she has a good chance.”

  “But what about Nadia?” I asked. “How can she survive the surgery if her heart is that weak?”

  A nurse came through a set of double doors and hurried toward us. She looked panicked.

  “Dr. Peterson, we need you.”

  He stood up to go, but stopped and turned back briefly to say, “If there are any friends or family you feel should be here, you should call them now.”

  I stared at him in shock. Then he started running, and disappeared through the double doors to the ICU.

  Chapter Sixty-eight

  FIRST I SAID a prayer. I ran to the hospital chapel, got down on my knees, and pleaded with God to help Nadia through this. I made promises and bargains.