He pushed his hands through his hair and sighed, sitting back in his chair. He had to be in make-up in five minutes and he wondered if he should call India. He was missing her. He hoped Michael was taking care of his little girl because she was growing more precious to Reece by the day. To all intents and purposes he was the only real parent she had, Angie obviously didn’t care about her. She’d got what she’d wanted. India had been nothing but a tool to her, a way to make money and then discard when she was no longer useful. So why couldn’t he just tell her? Why couldn’t he just say what he should have said months ago?
He picked up the ‘phone and dialled the number of Michael’s Manhattan apartment, feeling his heart sink when there was no answer. They were probably out seeing the city. He knew India had been to New York a few times before but that had always been work related. She’d never really had a chance to see it properly and Michael knew the place well, they were bound to be out and about. Or still in bed. He tried not to think about that side of India’s relationship with Michael. He was only a few years older than Michael Walsh, and although he was a good man and Reece liked him, it was still hard for Reece to imagine them together in that way. Seeing it up on the big screen had been uncomfortable enough for him when they’d made that movie together a few years back but knowing it was all real now - well, what father does want to know about that side of their daughter’s life? She was happy, that was all he cared about. She was happy and she was safe and she was loved.
He put the receiver down and stood up, going over to where he’d flung his jacket over the arm of the sofa. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a photograph of India. It was a publicity photograph and she was looking straight at the camera; smiling. She looked so beautiful. No wonder Michael had fallen in love with her. Who could blame him?
He looked closely at the photograph. She had his mouth, it was so obvious to him now, and when she smiled there were hints of him there in her face. Couldn’t anyone else see it?
He put the photograph back in his pocket and looked in the mirror. He was extremely handsome, fifty years old but still very much the Hollywood leading man. His hair was greying slightly and there were a few more lines round the eyes than he would have liked but it was something nobody could avoid – he was getting older. He didn’t have any more time to waste. If he wanted to make things up to India then he was going to have to stop telling himself that he couldn’t do this when he knew he could. It was all very well having her in his life but what he really wanted was his daughter. It was up to him to go out there and get her and that’s exactly what he intended to do. When she was back from New York he’d make it his priority to tell her what she needed to hear. Before something or somebody else got in the way.
***
“So, how far forward are we then?” Terry asked Kenny as they sat in a dimly lit bar on Sunset Boulevard.
“Well, I’ve done a bit of asking around and as far as I can gather, neither Jimmy nor Charley were at his L.A. home over Christmas or New Year. The last time they were seen there was Thanksgiving.”
“So, we know where Jimmy Cash lives then?”
“Yeah, but that’s not much use if she isn’t there, is it? Besides, he’s got houses all over the place – Miami, New York, Dallas, even one in Switzerland.”
“And we don’t know if they’re at any of them?”
Kenny shook his head. “No. They could be anywhere. I’m just drawing blanks.”
Terry sighed, sitting back in his seat and draining the last of his beer. Kenny noticed this and stood up.
“Refill?”
Terry nodded and watched as Kenny made his way over to the bar, wondering if this whole Charley thing had been such a good idea. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Kenny was doing his best with the contacts he had but nobody seemed to know anything. Or they weren’t saying. It was like she’d just disappeared off the face of the earth. How the hell had she got herself into this almighty mess? What was the matter with her?
Part of him wished he’d walked away when he’d had the chance but he knew he could never have done that, not really. Not once he’d heard what was going on. He couldn’t just walk away knowing she was out there. He had no real choice but to find her and bring her home, and he was determined to get the old Charley back. He’d thought of nothing else over Christmas, and what with this and trying to get Reece to just tell India the truth before he had to do it himself, he had a constant headache. He couldn’t wait to get back to work to get some form of distraction away from the mixed-up real-life he was currently stuck in the middle of.
Kenny sat back down, sticking two more bottles of beer down on the table.
“I called home,” Terry said. “Called a few of her friends back in the U.K. but no-one’s seen or heard from her in ages. Years in some cases. It was a shot in the dark but worth a try.”
“Anything’s worth a try.” Kenny could see this was getting to Terry now. “But you’re not just doing this for India, are you?”
Terry looked at him and shook his head. “No. I suppose I’m not. I loved her once, Kenny. Oh, not the Charley that’s out there now, I don’t even know her, but ... maybe if we can just get her away from whatever it is she’s involved with then ... then maybe I can get the old Charley back.”
“It might not be that easy.”
“I know. I know that but ... well, like we said before, anything’s worth a try.”
Kenny smiled. He was really warming to India’s brother. He was a good, down-to-earth guy and he deserved better than Charley. But who was he to take away his hope?
“We’ll find her, Terry. She’s out there somewhere and we’ll find her. Anyway, India won’t let it lie so we’ll have to now.”
It was Terry’s turn to scrutinize Kenny. “Do you miss her?”
Kenny picked up his beer and took a drink. “India? I see her all the time, Terry. How can I miss her?”
“You know what I mean.”
Kenny stared straight ahead, and because he said nothing for a few seconds Terry knew he’d hit a nerve.
“I miss her every day,” Kenny went on. “Every single fucking day.” He turned to look at Terry. “But I blew it. My fault. I lost her.”
“Because of Charley.” It wasn’t a question.
Kenny nodded slowly. “Yep. Because of Charley.”
“So, why go to all this bother for the woman who caused that?”
“I’m not doing it for her and you know that, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me the question. Like you, I’m doing this for India.”
“Are you still in love with her?” Terry didn’t know why he’d asked that. It had just kind of slipped out.
Kenny turned to look at Terry again, feeling slightly agitated now. “Look, what do you care? You never really liked the idea of me and India anyway, did you? You never really got what we had.” He took another drink and looked straight ahead again. “Nobody did ... nobody understood. Not even me.”
“Hey, Kenny, look ... I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry.”
Kenny sat back and pushed a hand through his hair. “I screwed up and I lost her so yeah, I miss her. Am I still in love with her ...?” He shrugged and took another swig of beer. “I think I probably am, yes.”
Terry clasped his hands together and stared at his feet. “I didn’t realise you had it so bad.”
“Why would you?” Kenny’s voice was calmer now. “Why would anyone? I’m an actor, and the hardest role of my life right now is pretending that I don’t care that she’s in love with another man. And she’s having his baby ... Jesus ...”
“I shouldn’t have brought it up, Kenny. I’m sorry.”
“No. No, it’s fine.”
Terry looked up and Kenny smiled. “Really, it’s fine. It’s good to get it off my chest if I’m honest. I’ve kept it bottled up for so long. I always ... I always thought, y’know, that maybe one day ... one day she’d see that what we had was special, different. I kept hoping she’d forgive m
e for that one stupid mistake and come back to me. I kept hoping but, well, then there was Michael Walsh.” He looked at Terry. “I think he had his eye on her even when we were together?”
“What? You reckon Michael fancied her well before you two broke up?”
“Jesus, yes! Absolutely! I could see the way he looked at her. I could see it all over his face. That’s why I had all sorts of reservations when they made that movie together.”
“Didn’t you say anything to her?”
“How could I? All it would have done was make me sound like some sort of jealous boyfriend. But I got the feeling, somehow, that he was just waiting for me to screw up, to make a mess of things and guess what? That’s exactly what I did. Leaving the way wide open for him to walk right on in there.”
“But he didn’t exactly jump straight in, did he?”
“No. He’s cleverer than that.”
“I’m getting the feeling you don’t like him much.”
Kenny drained his second bottle and slammed it down on the table. “It’s not that I don’t like him ... I don’t like that he’s with India and that I’m just out there on the sidelines but that was my fault. I don’t trust him, Terry.”
“Why? What’s there not to trust?”
Kenny shrugged. “I don’t know. It might just be me, I don’t know. Forget it, I just can’t get used to them being together, that’s all. But that’s my problem.” He smiled at Terry. “Forget I said anything. Maybe I am just jealous after all.”
Terry finished his bottle too and stood up. “Do you want another?”
Kenny shook his head. “No. Look, I fancy going to a club or something. I’m really in the mood to cut loose for a bit. Do you wanna come?”
Terry smiled at him, glad they were getting on better now. Better than they ever had when him and India had been together. “Why not?”
“Come on then,” Kenny said, picking up the keys to his bike. “I know a great place not far from here. I think it’s about time I showed you some of the more interesting places L.A. has to offer, don’t you?”
***
LAX was crowded and noisy and hot and Charley regretted not wearing something more practical for their return to L.A. than the fur coat Jimmy had bought her for Christmas and insisted she wear. They’d just flown in from Aspen, where they’d been spending Christmas and New Year with an old friend of Jimmy’s. Charley had hated every second of it. She’d smiled her way through it, pretended everything was fine, but all she’d wanted to do was close her eyes and pretend she was somewhere else.
She’d read that India was in New York with Michael and she couldn’t help but feel that pang of jealousy again as she’d looked at the paparazzi pictures of them, all wrapped up against the cold, Michael’s arm protectively around her shoulders. They were laughing, they were happy. She wasn’t happy, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed. She only hoped that India had got the letters she’d sent. She really hoped her old friend would come through for her because she was tired of the life she had now. She wanted her old life back. She missed it, she missed normality, she missed being ordinary. She missed Terry.
She knew he lived in L.A. now, knew he worked in Beverly Hills, and she wondered if India had said anything to him about her. She wondered if he still cared. But what she’d done to him hadn’t been fair and she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to know anymore.
Jimmy grabbed her by the waist and roughly pulled her towards the airport exit where a large black limo waited outside to take them back home. Back to hell.
“Jimmy! That hurts!”
“You need to keep up, sugar. We’ve got work to do tonight.”
“Jesus, can you not give me a break? It’s almost nine 0’clock!”
Jimmy stopped dead and swung her round, his face just inches away from hers as he spoke, his hand gripping tightly onto her arm. Too tightly. “Now listen to me, sweetheart. You do as I tell you and if I say you’re going to work tonight then you’re going to work. Have you got that?”
She’d started to answer him back maybe more than she should have done lately, and if she did it at home she paid for it with a slap or a punch, but he was careful not to damage her face too much, although make-up had got used to covering the odd bruise or two. But if she did it in public, like now, then all she got was a snarled reply, although she’d doubtless get some form of physical punishment once they were back home. He didn’t forget. He never did anything in public to attract attention but she was starting to wonder if maybe that’s what she should start doing. Attracting attention. If people knew what a pig he was, if they knew what he did to her behind closed doors, knew what he made her do for his sick and twisted films, if she could just try and get someone to notice. But in reality she knew she could never be that brave. He’d kill her. He’d threatened it and she didn’t really want to see just how much he meant it.
She just stared at him, wishing he would go away and leave her alone, find someone else to destroy. But then, nobody deserved to be treat the way he was treating her. Nobody.
“Now get in the car. We’re going straight to the studio. I’ve had this night shoot planned for months now and you’re gonna do it whether you’re in the mood or not because you, my angel, have no choice in the matter anymore.”
He spat the words out and Charley felt tears prick the back of her eyes but she wouldn’t cry. She’d never let him see how much he hurt her, that would give him too much satisfaction.
All she could do was hope and pray that somewhere, an old friend was doing their best to get her out of this life she’d created for herself, this life that she hated beyond anything she could ever imagine. And all she could do was hope that it happened soon because she was getting tired. So tired. And the other route out of this wasn’t one she really wanted to take, but if she had to she would. Because if it was the only way she could see of getting away from Jimmy then that was the only option she had left.
***
The restaurant was busy but it didn’t feel crowded, despite the fact it was a very small and intimate place. The lighting was low and the majority of tables were set around a small dance floor with a pianist at the far end. It was different to anywhere India had been to before, but then Michael was introducing her to so many things that were different. A new world almost.
Nobody bothered them, which was lovely, for a change. Michael was obviously known to the staff in the restaurant because they knew he liked the table they’d reserved for him, they knew the wine he liked and they were very informal with him whilst he in turn greeted them like old friends. She felt instantly comfortable in a world where before she would have felt out of her depth.
“It’s a real find, this place,” Michael smiled. “I got to know it when I lived here and the family who owned it then is still here now, which is what makes it what it is really.”
India smiled too. “Do you bring all your girlfriends here then?”
He gave her that movie star grin he was so famous for, and she couldn’t help laughing. “Is that an admission there, Mikey?”
He took her hand and squeezed it gently. “You’re the first one that’s ever meant anything.”
“You know just how to say the right things, Mr Walsh.”
He looked down at the table, still holding onto her hand. He seemed almost nervous tonight. He’d been in such a good mood when they’d been out that afternoon, making her laugh constantly as she’d watched him signing autographs and having his photograph taken with fans, making them laugh too. He had an amazing personality, making anyone he spoke to instantly comfortable and she loved to watch him in action. But now he seemed quieter, distracted almost.
She gently stroked his fingers with her thumb. “Hey, you ok?” He looked up at her and she leaned over to kiss him. “You’ve gone all quiet on me.”
“I’m fine, baby. I guess I’m still getting used to the idea that you’re here, with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise?”
Had he always been this insecure? “I promise.”
And it was a promise she really wanted to keep. She wanted to be with him more than she’d ever thought possible. She’d fallen in love with this man so hard it took her breath away sometimes. When she thought back to that first day she’d seen him, outside the screen-test room at the studios, when he’d smiled at her and she’d thought of him as nothing more than a kind, friendly man, this famous actor she’d seen so many times before on screen but had never thought of in that way before, she could hardly believe that she now spent nights sleeping in his arms and hated being away from him for any length of time. It had crept up on her, this overwhelming love she had for him, it had crept up on her as she’d tried so hard to get over Kenny. She hadn’t seen it coming, she’d had no way of preparing for it. He’d been a friend when she’d needed one and somewhere along the way he’d made her fall in love with him. She couldn’t say when it had happened, couldn’t think when her feelings had started to change all she knew was that she was so happy they had. If she could only get her head around the idea of a baby, and get used to the fact that she’d no longer be number one in his world once this baby was born, because, if she was totally honest with herself, she was finding it very hard. She hated herself for being so selfish, hated herself for not having fallen in love with the idea of this child but that’s how she felt.
“Now who’s gone quiet?” he smiled.
She looked up, into those incredible blue eyes of his. Every time he looked at her it was as though he could see deep inside her soul. Could he see how unsure she was? Did he have any idea how confused her feelings were? She was preparing for the biggest role of her life and it was harder than she’d ever imagined. Within weeks all this was going to be public knowledge, the world would know she was having Michael Walsh’s baby. She was going to have to get used to dealing with this pregnancy in the glare of the media spotlight, and it wasn’t something she was particularly looking forward to doing. She really needed more time to think. More time away from everything.
No Matter What Page 22
