No Matter What

by Michelle Betham

  “You know I’ll always be there,” he whispered, holding her close, speaking with his mouth almost touching hers. “I’ll always be there. No matter what.”

  She smiled. “I love you, Joe.”

  “Right back at ya, baby.”

  She laughed, which is what he’d wanted her to do. He wanted her to feel comfortable and safe and happy when she walked out into that studio for this interview.

  The car pulled up outside the TV studios, where a group of screaming girls - who’d obviously got wind of JJ’s imminent arrival - had gathered, and India couldn’t help laughing again.

  “Your fan club’s waiting, Joseph.”

  He looked out of the window then sat back again.

  “Are you telling me you’re surprised at this?” she asked, gathering her things together and pulling her jacket on, checking her face in the mirror.

  “Yeah. A bit.”

  “Get out of here!” she laughed. “You know full well you’re a teenage girl’s dream guy. Women of any age’s dream guy, actually.” She leaned over and kissed him slowly. “I mean, I’m forty-one and I find you sexy as hell. You’ve taken ten years off me, handsome, no word of a lie.”

  “I know what I want to take off you,” he grinned, trying to slide his hand back up under her top but she slapped it away.

  “Later, ok?”

  “I’m on a promise then?”

  She smiled again, giving him one last kiss. “Maybe.”

  “Ok. That’s good enough for me.” He took her hand as the car door was opened and even India was taken aback at the wall of screams that hit them.

  JJ stepped outside first, still holding onto her hand as she followed behind him. She’d just married a pin-up guy, a heart-throb to millions and she felt all those little butterflies fly loose around her stomach again as she watched him. He was in his element, smiling at the waiting girls – because the majority of them were just teenagers – taking their hands quickly, giving a couple of them a small kiss on the cheek, but he never let go of her, not once. His hand held tight onto hers all the time as they were finally ushered into the studios, welcomed by dozens of people, and for a second India found it all totally overwhelming. This wasn’t just an interview to promote a new movie or publicity for a TV show. She’d agreed to open up and talk about her life live on national TV, back in the country she’d grown up in, and that was all of a sudden quite a scary thought. Because her life had been complicated, all over the place and messy, and those were the bits they’d no doubt focus on, those were the bits that people were interested in. Those were the bits she was going to find the hardest to talk about.

  “Are you ok?” JJ asked as they were led into a huge and comfortable looking green room filled with large cream sofas, a huge flat-screen TV showing what was going on out on the studio floor dominating almost one entire wall. They’d been asked if they’d wanted a private room of their own but India had said no. She’d never gone in for all that special treatment, she preferred to feel as normal as she possibly could. Whatever normal was anymore.

  She turned and smiled at JJ. “I’m fine. Really. I’m ok.”

  He stuck his hand inside his leather jacket and pulled out a small photograph, handing it to her. “Here. Take this. Keep it on you; look at it if you feel nervous and, just know that I’ll be right here, baby. Right here. All the time.”

  She took the photograph and looked at it, smiling again. It was a photograph of her and JJ on their wedding day, and she knew it had been taken just after they’d said ‘I do’ because she remembered that kiss. She could still feel that kiss, still taste it.

  “You carry this around with you?” she smiled, looking up at him and he nodded.

  “Amongst other ones. I’ve been carrying a photo from your ‘Viper’ shoot around with me since 1996.”

  She stood up on tip-toes and kissed him slowly, slipping the photograph into the back pocket of her jeans as he slid his arm around her waist and suddenly everything seemed alright again. The butterflies were calm and her head was thinking straight. She could do this, of course she could. She could do this. There was nothing to be afraid of.

  The door opened and she turned around, letting out a little squeal of delight as she saw Kenny walk in. She ran over to him, throwing herself into his arms and

  JJ watched as she hugged him. He knew their close friendship had hit a stumbling block since he’d come on the scene and he also knew they needed to get that back on track. Was he jealous? A little bit. Kenny Ross had been in her life for eighteen years and that was one hell of a long time to be close to someone. They’d had a life together. They had history. JJ had been with India for just over two years and in comparison that was nothing. But he knew they had a future, him and India. He knew that, he felt that. They had Ellie, they had something strong and secure and he was going to make sure nothing got in the way of that. But she needed Kenny. He could see that, and if that made her happy then JJ wasn’t going to stand in their way.

  “Hey, you look amazing!” Kenny smiled, picking her up and swinging her round, kissing her quickly. And she did look amazing, even though she was only wearing skinny jeans and a tight fitting AC/DC t-shirt, the biker boots she’d worn all her life still very much there, a black bandana covering her blonde hair. She was never going to let go of that rock chick style she’d always had and it still suited her so well.

  He looked over at JJ. “Are you ready for this to be out in the open then?”

  JJ smiled, sticking his hands in his pockets. “Who wouldn’t want everyone to know I’ve just married one of the most beautiful women in the world?”

  Kenny just smiled back as India slipped her arm around her new husband’s waist, leaning in against him, her head on his shoulder.

  “Joe’s going to join me for the latter part of the interview,” she said, as JJ put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “I want us to be together when we tell everyone.” She looked up at her handsome husband and he kissed her quickly.

  Kenny turned away and went over to the sofas, sitting down, looking up at the TV screen. JJ was good for her; he could see that, any idiot could. But it was never going to stop hurting whenever he saw her so in love. With somebody else.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake, I knew I should have got here earlier,” Bobby sighed, bursting into the room as JJ and India continued to kiss, not caring who was around. “Come on, break it up you two. Enough of that. There’s a time and a place and I think you’ll find there are no private rooms for hire here.”

  India pulled away from JJ and smiled at him, giggling as he mouthed something extremely rude at her.

  Bobby looked at him. “I caught that, young man.” He turned his attention back to India. “You’re due in make-up now so come on, move that pretty little ass of yours, princess, and let’s get going.” He looked at JJ and smiled, and JJ couldn’t help laughing.

  “They’ll be coming to get you for make-up too in a minute, so play nicely while we’re away, ok?”

  And with a wink at Kenny, he took India’s hand and led her out of the room.

  JJ sat down next to Kenny, leaning forward, clasping his hands between his open knees. “You love her, don’t you?”

  Kenny looked at JJ, slightly taken aback by that question. “What do you want me to say to that, JJ? Yeah, I love her. Of course I love her. But I’m her friend, that’s all. So you’ve no need to worry.”

  “I’m not worried. I just want you to know that she was lost without you, that’s all. These last couple of years, they’ve been hard for her without you around so much. She didn’t say anything, not to me anyway, but I knew she was lost. And I don’t want her to feel like that again, not ever.”

  “Neither do I.”

  JJ looked straight ahead of him. “Good. Then that’s something we both agree on.” He looked at Kenny. Right into his eyes. “Isn’t it?”

  ***

  Michael sat at the table and read through the last of the notes he’d written before
slipping them back inside the folder and putting them into his briefcase. It was all set, everything was now in place, things were ready to start moving and, despite the set backs, he was certain it was all going to go smoothly. Once people got over the shock.

  His ‘phone started ringing and he picked it up, instantly recognising the voice on the other end of the line and wishing he’d just ignored the call. He didn’t need to speak to her. Not now, not tonight. Not when he was so close.

  “Layla, how are you?”

  “Are you alright? You sound a bit distant.”

  “I’m just very busy.”

  “On a Saturday evening?”

  “Yes, on a Saturday evening. I don’t exactly live in a nine-to-five Monday to Friday kind of world, honey.”

  “Ok, ok. I was only asking.”

  He sighed, sitting back in his chair, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just tired. Is everything ok with you?”

  “Fine. Just missing you, that’s all. Are you missing me?”

  He wished he could say that he missed her too but he wasn’t in the mood for lying, so he just side-stepped the question.

  “How’s work going?” he asked her. She had a supporting role in a new movie shooting in Texas, and from what he could gather she was doing alright.

  “It’s fine. Everything’s fine. I just can’t believe you’re going to be away for so long and I can’t even come and join you.”

  Michael was actually relieved about that but he couldn’t tell her that, could he? He couldn’t tell her that he was glad she was so far away because he had so many other things to concentrate on. She would only get in the way, as awful and unfair as that sounded, but it was the truth. He couldn’t afford to have her around right now.

  He looked at his watch. “Look, Layla, I have to go, honey. I really have to go.”

  “Oh. Ok.”

  He sensed the disappointment in her voice and it wasn’t something he enjoyed because none of this was her fault. It was just something he had to do.

  “I love you, Michael. I miss you and I love you.”

  He closed his eyes again and sat forward, wishing he could say the words she wanted to hear but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

  “I know, Layla. I know.”

  As he ended the call he knew he’d been right not to lie to her, not to give her any false hope or expectations. He was doing the right thing, for everybody. He was doing the right thing. Of that he was certain.

  ***

  India hovered around the table containing the coffee, bowls of fruit and an array of sweets and biscuits she hadn’t seen in a long time. She knew that Ethan would have loved it here, looking at all the chocolates and candy bars.

  She turned around and caught JJ’s eye. He was sitting on the sofa talking to Kenny whilst she and Bobby were working out whether or not they were hungry. She had a slight attack of the nerves again so didn’t really think she could keep anything down whilst Bobby, on the other hand, was on a diet. He was trying to slim down for his impending civil partnership ceremony to Miguel. They were planning on getting married as soon as India had finished filming and she was more excited than Bobby was. He just wanted to look fabulous.

  “You look nervous again,” Bobby said, reaching out to take her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Are you ok?”

  She smiled at him. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

  “Liar.”

  She smiled again. “Ok. I’m nervous.” She looked over at JJ again. He was deep in conversation with Kenny now and she just wished they were alone. Back in the hotel, back in Australia, back in L.A., anywhere, as long as they were alone. She really didn’t feel much like doing this anymore.

  “You want to be back in honeymoon heaven, don’t you, angel?”

  She looked at Bobby. “Yeah. I do. I miss being on my own with him, Bobby. I’m a bit selfish like that.”

  “Yeah, well, who can blame you? If I had a man like that I wouldn’t be all that keen on sharing him either.”

  She sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I could really do with him right now, Bobby. Sex always calms my nerves.”

  Bobby looked at her. “I don’t know why you can’t just take a valium like everyone else.”

  She laughed. “Not half as much fun.”

  “I don’t want to know, angel. I’m getting too old for this. I’m off to see what’s happening.”

  She couldn’t help laughing as she watched him flounce off to talk to someone in the corner of the room. He was such an important part of her life was Bobby Castle and without him she’d fall apart. She knew that now. He held her together, he kept her sane, and she loved him.

  He came back over to her with his “let’s get professional” look on his face.

  “Get those thoughts out of your head now, princess, and start concentrating. It’s almost time to get out there so you need to get your head straight, come on. Go and say whatever kind of goodbye it is you want to say to Mr Handsome over there because him and Kenny are going now. You’ve got to wait in here until somebody comes to get you. Go on, go. Go and give him something else to think about then hand him over.”

  She kissed him on the cheek and ran over to JJ, sitting beside him on the sofa, kissing him slowly. “You’ve got to go now, baby.”

  He kissed her back, his hand sliding a tiny way up under her t-shirt and she shivered as his fingers stroked her skin.

  “It’s gonna be ok,” he smiled. “You’re gonna be amazing, I know you are. And remember, I’ll be with you when we tell them. I’ll be there.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then her mouth, pulling her against him as she returned the kiss. “I love you, Mrs Foster,” he whispered.

  She smiled, stroking his cheek with her fingertips. “I love you too, handsome.”

  She stood up and straightened her t-shirt, turning to look at Kenny.

  “You know they’re going to ask all sorts about us, don’t you?”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  “And you don’t mind?”

  He shook his head. “What’s there to mind? We’re friends, and I love you. There’s no secret about that.”

  She smiled at him. “No. I don’t suppose there is.”

  He gave her a hug and she held onto him tightly, the feel of him so familiar and warm and comfortable. Eighteen years of friendship wrapped up in an embrace.

  But she had to let him go, and she watched as Bobby ushered him and JJ out of the room, leaving her on her own. Well, not on her own exactly. The green room was still full of people but nobody she knew, not personally anyway. They were faces she’d seen on the TV or whose music she’d listened to and they all wanted to talk to her, of course they did, but she wasn’t really in the mood for small talk. She needed to get her head together for what was about to happen. She needed to make sure she was ready.

  She sat back down on the cream sofa where JJ had been sitting, smiling as she accepted a cup of tea from one of the young runners. She put it down on the table beside her and sat back, closing her eyes for just a second. She could do this. She could do it. She was ready. After everything that had happened she was ready, and all she could do now was sit back and wait.

  ***

  Michael stood up and grabbed his jacket, slipping it on as he looked in the mirror. He’d grown a bit of a beard, just a small one, but instead of it ageing him it actually made him look younger. He was fifty-six years old now but he didn’t look it. Oh, he was no spring chicken, he was under no illusion about that, but he didn’t look his age, not by a long shot. He was still handsome in a quirky, different kind of way, no JJ Foster but India had loved him, once. She’d loved him so much and he’d thrown that back in her face and that never ceased to make him hurt with an acute, physical pain that he wanted to feel because it made him remember what he’d done. And what he had to do to make it better. What he was about to do very soon. It was just a matter of waiting now.

  He picked up his case and slipped his reading
glasses into the pocket of his jacket as the door opened.

  “Mr Walsh? Would you like to come this way?”

  “Yes. Of course.”

  “Just follow me and we’ll take you outside.”

  He closed the door behind him and followed the young runner. There was a crowd of people gathered in the corridor, and he had no idea why but when they caught a glimpse of him they started crowding around him, throwing questions at him – most of which he couldn’t make out – but he was distracted by something else going on by another door leading off the corridor. Something which had quite obviously warranted this sudden attention because a crowd was gathered around there, too, and he moved to try and get a better look, people moving aside to let him through. Someone else was coming out of that room, and his heart felt as though it had suddenly stopped beating as he realised just who it was. It was someone he recognised. Someone he knew. Someone he had to talk to. He hadn’t thought it would happen so soon and he wasn’t prepared, he really wasn’t ready, but this was his chance. It was happening and he couldn’t avoid it. Further more, he knew he didn’t want to.

  ***

  “Are you ready?” The young, dark haired runner smiled at India and she smiled back at the girl dressed in skinny jeans and a Rolling Stones t-shirt and thought how she’d been about her age when it had all started to happen – “it” being the journey that was to take her on that rollercoaster of an adventure and bring her right to this point. A journey she could never forget. Even the bits she’d tried so hard to. A journey she had a feeling wasn’t quite over yet.

  She pushed herself up off the sofa, and, as she walked to the door she felt around in the back pocket of her jeans, pulling out the photograph he’d told her to keep with her. She looked at it for a second, smiling as she quickly returned it to her pocket. Maybe everything had been worth it after all, and as she followed the runner along the white corridor leading to the studio floor, she felt uplifted, confident that this was all going to be ok because he was going to be by her side, wasn’t he?