At the time Reece had called him they didn’t know if she was going to make it. The news had been bad. They’d told them to get over to the U.K. as quickly as they could and JJ had done everything on auto pilot from the second he’d heard the news. He’d had to because he knew that if he’d thought about it too much he would’ve gone crazy, he would have caved in, and that hadn’t been an option. India had needed him and he had to be there for her.
When he’d arrived at the hospital with Reece she’d been in Intensive Care, hooked up to various machines that were breathing for her. They’d wanted to keep her in an induced coma in order to let the swelling on her brain go down and seeing her like that had scared him. Had it been his fault? If he’d just stayed and listened to her she wouldn’t have been lying there all broken and damaged and clinging onto life.
He’d blamed himself, no matter how many times people had told him not to. It was nobody’s fault, they’d kept telling him. But he knew that it was. All she’d done was love him and he’d rejected her because of something that had happened all those years ago. He hadn’t been able to get his head round the fact his brother had been with her first and it had been stupid and childish because there’d been much more to it than just sex. She’d gone through more than he really wanted to think about, and maybe that’s what had actually made him run away. Because that’s what he’d done. He’d run away, when he should have faced up to things.
Knowing that he could have lost her without telling her he was sorry, without telling her that he loved her, that had been the hardest thing to take. He’d sat by her bedside every day, sleeping beside her every night, refusing to leave her. Other people had come and gone; Kenny, Reece, Martha, Ray, Bobby - they’d all come to see her and talk to him, they’d tried to keep him occupied. Vince and Charley were ‘phoning constantly from Las Vegas for news, but he hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone. All he’d wanted to do was hold her hand and wait for her to wake up, and he’d had no doubt that she would. If she couldn’t fight herself then he’d been determined to fight for her. He’d talked to her all the time, told her about the kids, what they’d been up to. He’d told her he loved her. He’d told her he loved her more than he’d ever thought possible because she had to know that.
He’d never left her side, and the days when the hope had been bleak had been the toughest days of his life but he’d never lost that hope. Never. If he’d lost hope then what was she supposed to fight for? He’d had to stay strong because he’d known that, when she woke up, she was going to need him. She was really going to need him.
So when she’d finally started to breathe for herself it had felt like a miracle, and that’s exactly what the doctors were calling her. A miracle.
India was struggling to take in what he’d just told her. Over a week? She’d been here for over a week?
“I don’t understand ...” she whispered. It hurt to speak. Her throat felt like sandpaper.
“Sssh, don’t try to talk too much. Your throat’s going to hurt a bit because of the tube you’ve had down there ... breathing for you.”
“Breathing for me?” She looked at him with wide eyes, trying to sit up as panic started to take over.
“Hey, come on, be careful. Just take it easy.” He looked up at the doctors. “Is she going to be ok?”
“We need to take a look at her now, Mr Foster.”
JJ didn’t want to go. He’d been at her side for so long now, it felt wrong leaving her.
“She’s going to be fine. I’m sure she is.” They smiled at him, sensing his reluctance to leave her alone.
JJ looked at her, her eyes slowly closing again and he squeezed her hand, gently kissing her cheek as the doctor’s continued to speak to him.
“We just need to check her over, do a few tests, make sure everything’s as it should be. But she’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter. Your wife is a real fighter, Mr Foster.”
“A beautiful miracle,” JJ said quietly, looking at India as she lay in that huge, white bed, her eyes closed again. “She’s my beautiful miracle.”
***
“She’s awake,” JJ said, walking into the private room that had been handed over to them all during India’s hospital stay. The press and media were camped outside the hospital so any privacy they could get at this time was more than welcome. “She’s awake and she’s talking and they think she’s going to be fine.”
“Oh, Jesus,” Reece sighed, putting his head in his hands as JJ told him the news that his daughter was going to ok.
“She’s going to be fine,” JJ repeated, suddenly breaking down as all the weeks of worry finally caught up with him, and it was his brother who ran over to him, catching him in his arms, holding him as he cried everything out.
Kenny just looked on. He felt almost numb because he really he’d thought he’d lost her. He’d tried to be as positive and as upbeat as JJ had been but he hadn’t been as good an actor. He hadn’t been able to cope with the pressure of knowing she might die quite as well as everyone else. But then, as he looked at JJ, a man almost crushed by the agonising worry he’d gone through, he began to wonder whether he’d really coped as well as he’d wanted everyone else to think he had. He’d been the one there day after day, night after night, talking to her, holding her hand. Kenny knew he would never have been able to do that, not for that long, not without falling apart. He’d been there with her until JJ had arrived from The States, but once her husband had got there Kenny had been almost glad to get out of the stark, sterile environment that India had lain in. It had scared him. He hadn’t liked it; he hadn’t wanted to stay there any longer than he’d had to. He hadn’t wanted to listen to the machines and that awful, almost disturbing sound of them breathing for the woman he’d loved for so long. His best friend. His life. If he’d lost her he would have lost a part of himself and that would have been more than he could have coped with. But he was always going to carry with him the image of what had happened that day, an image that had played out in his head in terrifying slow motion every day since the accident.
He’d thought she was dead before he’d got to her. She’d lain in the road like a broken rag doll, lifeless and cold and he’d honestly thought she was dead. He’d been the one who’d had to deal with the commotion that had gone on at the time until the police had arrived to deal with it all. He’d been the one who’d sat with her in the ambulance. He’d been the one that had had to make the ‘phone calls to people, the one that had had to deal with the press and the publicity and the memories of that day were so painful to remember. But he’d never forget.
“She’s going to be ok,” JJ said, pulling away from his brother slightly as Ray passed him a handkerchief.
Ray had never seen his baby brother so broken and tired. He’d been extremely brave, that’s the only word he could think of to describe him. He’d been brave. Because nobody else could have done what he’d done, nobody else had had the strength to believe India would come through this, least of all him. He’d prepared himself for the worst so how JJ had got through it like he had was still a mystery to them all.
Reece watched as JJ and Ray stood together. In the days since this nightmare had begun this was the first time he’d seen them so close, united even. But then, this was the first time since it had happened that JJ had wanted to be close to anyone other than India.
“Joe ...” Ray began. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
JJ looked at his brother, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Ray. What happened ... I handled it like an idiot. I never gave either of you a chance to explain and, that was wrong.” He sat down, twisting the handkerchief in his hands as he spoke. “You both must have gone through a lot back then. I didn’t think ... I never stopped to think of the memories that must have brought up for you and her.”
Ray sat down next to JJ, clasping his hands between his open knees. “It’s over, Joe. It’s all in the past and it’s over. All of it.”
“He’s right,” Kenny said,
and JJ looked up at him. “It’s time to move forward now. Time to forget the past and move on into the future. India needs that now more than any of us.”
JJ pushed a hand through his hair, sitting back against the cushions of the sofa, closing his eyes. He just wanted to be with her. He’d almost lost her, literally lost her, and now he just wanted to be with her. He just wanted to tell her he loved her because India Walsh was his life. She was his whole life. And he was just grateful that they were both still here to live it.
***
“Michael, honey, Reece has called from the hospital.”
Michael had just arrived home after picking up Ethan from soccer practise, but as he looked at Layla he felt a cold shiver run up his spine. He tried to read her face, tried to gauge what the news was because, for almost two weeks now, he’d expected the worst. Every time the ‘phone had rang he’d expected to hear that she’d gone, that they’d lost her.
“Where’s Ethan?” Layla asked, noticing that he wasn’t with Michael.
Over the past couple of weeks, as his mother had fought for her life thousands of miles away, Layla had grown quite close to Michael and India’s son. He’d come to stay with them when Reece and Martha had flown over to the U.K. to be with India and he’d arrived at their home a very frightened and very scared little boy, terrified that his mom was going to die. And it had been Layla that had had to take charge and be the strong one because Michael had just fallen apart in the beginning.
So Layla had been the one that had cuddled him when he’d cried, sat with him when he couldn’t sleep and played with him when he’d needed his mind taken off things. They hadn’t kept anything from him; they’d never pretended everything was going to be okay. The news they’d kept getting hadn’t always been encouraging so they hadn’t wanted to give him any false hope. But watching someone so young crying for his mom every day had broken Layla’s heart. Especially as his dad had been in no fit state to comfort him at first.
She’d seen the pain Michael had gone through at the prospect of his ex-wife dying and that had torn her apart too. Not only had it been painful to watch him so confused and distraught, but it had also made it quite clear to her just how much he still loved India. It had been obvious that all he’d really wanted to do was get on a ‘plane and be with her but for Ethan’s sake he’d stayed in L.A. and tried to pull himself together. He’d tried to be as strong as he could for his little boy, and Layla had loved him all the more for doing that. Even though she knew he would never, ever love her the way he loved India. But she was learning to accept that. She was learning fast.
“Ethan’s out in the back yard,” Michael said. “He’s just having a bit of a kick-about. He didn’t want to come indoors just yet.”
He didn’t really want to ask what Reece had said. He was scared to ask because he was scared of the answer.
“Don’t you want to know what he said, Michael?” She watched him as he threw Ethan’s kit-bag onto the floor before walking over to the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the garden.
He dug his hands in his pockets and watched as Ethan ran about the garden with Layla’s little Jack Russell, Snoopy, both of them chasing the football. Ethan was laughing. For the first time in days he was laughing and that was making Michael cry because he hadn’t seen his son so much as smile lately.
“He misses her so much,” Michael said quietly, as Layla came up behind him, circling her arms around his waist, leaning against him.
“She’s awake, Michael. She’s woken up, and she’s gonna be ok. She’s gonna be ok.”
Michael closed his eyes as the relief crashed over him, tears streaming down his face. “Thank God,” he whispered. “I thought she’d gone, Layla. I really thought I was going to lose her.”
The way he talked about her, like they were still together, didn’t escape Layla’s notice, but she let it go.
He turned round and Layla held him in her arms as he let the tears fall, all those pent-up emotions flooding out of him. It was almost too much to take, the utter relief was completely overwhelming him because he really had thought she was going to die. Reece had never sugar-coated anything whenever he’d called with news on her progress. The despair and worry in his voice couldn’t have been more obvious and that had frightened Michael. He’d spent almost two weeks wondering how he was going to tell a six year old little boy that his mommy was never coming back and the strain had been incredible.
But it seemed like it was over now. It seemed as if someone had come into this horrific situation with a magic wand and now every dark and sinister cloud that had been hanging over them had just disappeared.
“Daddy?”
Michael pulled away from Layla, wiping his eyes as he looked at Ethan, standing in the doorway in his soccer kit, Snoopy by his side.
“Is it mommy?”
Big tears started to fall down his little face and Michael crouched down, smiling at him.
“Hey, come on little guy. No crying, ok? Mommy’s gonna be ok. She’s gonna be alright.”
Ethan looked at him. “Why are you crying then?”
“Your daddy’s crying because he’s happy, sweetheart,” Layla said. “He’s happy because your mommy’s gonna be fine.”
Ethan kept looking at Michael, wiping his eyes with his little hands. “Mommy’s not going to die?”
Michael shook his head. “No, baby. Mommy’s not gonna die.”
Ethan ran into his arms and Layla looked on as Michael hugged his son, holding onto him so tight. She crouched down beside them, taking one of Ethan’s hands in hers.
“Granddad Reece has just called us from England.” She smiled as he looked at her. “And he told us that your mommy’s awake now. The doctor’s have said she’s gonna be just fine. She’s gonna get better, sweetheart.”
As he looked at her she couldn’t help but feel sad that a six year old had had so much stress on such little and innocent shoulders.
“Has granddad talked to mommy?” he asked, still holding onto Michael.
Layla shook her head. “No, baby. Not yet. But JJ has. He was there when she woke up. She still needs a lot of rest at the minute, she’s very, very tired, but she’s gonna be ok.”
Ethan looked at Michael. “Can I talk to her daddy?”
Michael squeezed his little waist, kissing his damp cheek. “Soon. You can talk to her soon, but you heard Layla. Your mommy needs to rest for a little while.”
“I want to see her, daddy. I want to see mommy. I want to see her.”
Michael looked at Layla, and they both knew what they had to do. Because Ethan wasn’t the only one who wanted to see India, and Layla knew that.
She smiled at Michael, gently stroking Ethan’s dark hair. “I’ll go and start packing. You sort out the flights.”
***
“She’s going to be ok you know,” Ray said to JJ as he stood in the doorway of India’s hospital room, watching her as she slept.
“I know,” JJ sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. “I know she is. It’s just that, every time she closes her eyes I’m scared she won’t wake up.”
Ray gently touched his brother’s shoulder. He knew that he was still carrying so much guilt and Ray wished he would just forget all that and stop unnecessarily torturing himself. They’d been through a nightmare but India had come through it. She’d survived. She’d fought and she’d won, and she needed JJ to be strong now.
“She needs to rest, Joe. You heard the doctors. She’s going to be fine but she needs to rest. She needs to sleep.”
“She’s been asleep for nearly two weeks, Ray. I want her to be awake now. She needs to be awake. I want her to keep her eyes open. I want her to look at me and talk to me. I want her to keep her eyes open.”
“Look, why don’t you take a break? You need a rest too. You haven’t left this place in days.”
JJ shook his head. “I won’t leave until she’s leaving with me, Ray. I’m staying right here beside her. I’m not leaving her agai
n. I’m never leaving her again.”
“Ten minutes, Joe. That’s all. Come on. Ellie’s in the relative’s room with Reece and Martha. Go and see your daughter, go and give her a cuddle. Tell her how her mummy’s doing.”
“She knows her mommy’s fine. Ellie’ll be ok. I need to stay here, Ray.”
“And India needs you to be in some kind of fit state, Joe. Which you won’t be if you don’t take it easy. Come on, take a break.”
JJ shook his head. “I’m fine. I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right here. I want to be here when she wakes up.”
Ray squeezed JJ’s shoulder and smiled. “Ok. But take it easy. You’re not invincible, Joe, and she needs you to be strong now. Remember that.”
JJ continued to watch sleeping wife. At least she was breathing on her own now, her chest rising and falling slowly, and he didn’t want to take his eyes off her incase she stopped doing that, incase she slipped away from him again because the fear that that could still happen felt as though it was never going to leave him.
“Ray?”
Ray turned round and looked at his younger brother, who had his back to him as he continued to look at India.
“I’m over it, ok? The fact that you two … I’m over what happened. It doesn’t need to be talked about anymore.”
Ray looked at the floor, his hands in his pockets.
“No recriminations, Ray. No fighting, no more questions. It’s over.”
“Joe ... I’m so sorry ...”
“But you don’t touch her again, you got that?” JJ turned round for the briefest of seconds, looking Ray right in the eyes. “You never touch her again.”
***
No Matter What Page 92
