Hillary_Flesh and Blood

by Angel Gelique

  “It’s for you,” she said, handing Hillary the cordless telephone.

  Kathy turned and walked away when Hillary grabbed the phone away from her without thanking her. Hillary had been dozing off on the couch, tired of the stupid shows on television and bored out of her mind. She hadn’t even heard the phone ring. Not that she would have cared. She never called anyone and no one ever called her anymore. She sighed in annoyance as she answered the call.

  “Hello?” she said in a sleepy, uninterested voice.

  “Hillary?”

  “Yeah,” she replied wearily.

  “Don’t you ever answer your cell phone…I’ve been trying to call you. Were you sleeping?”

  “Who is this?” Hillary asked indignantly.

  “It’s Jax...you know, the girl who used to be your best friend?”

  “Whad’ya want, Jax?” Hillary said, rolling her eyes.

  “I just wanted to let you know I’ll be stopping by on Sunday to drop off your backpack. You left it in bio, remember?”

  “Oh, uh, that’s okay...I don’t need it back, just throw it away.”

  “What are you talking about? Of course you need it. We have a test on Tuesday.”

  “You don’t have to drop it off.”

  “I don’t mind, we’ll just be getting back from Boston. We’re leaving in the morning to visit my grandmother for Mother’s Day.”

  “I don’t want it Jax, you keep it.”

  “You know, I’ll just drop it off on Sunday.”

  “No! God, whatever. I’ll just drop by and pick it up.”

  “What, now?”

  “No, I can’t now...maybe Monday after school.”

  “But what about the test?”

  “I could really care less, Jax, I have to go....”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to just bring it to you on Sunday?”

  “We won’t be home either,” Hillary lied.

  “Oh...okay then, I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Yep, bye.”

  “Wait—maybe we can go to the mall after that, maybe do a little—”

  “Sure, I gotta go.”

  Hillary ended the call before Jax could finish her sentence. She had no interest in hanging out at the mall and even less interest in getting her backpack back. She was glad that Jax had the decency to call her ahead of time instead of just dropping by like she used to do. She had big plans for Sunday, for Mother’s Day, and she didn’t need Jax getting in her way.

  Kathy stayed clear of Hillary for the remainder of the evening, but that didn’t stop Joshua from pestering her with questions and requests to play hide and seek. She was thrilled when her mother finally carried him upstairs to get him ready for bed.

  Hillary, un-showered, in the same outfit from the previous day, fought the urge to go down to the basement. Instead, she sprinted to the downstairs bathroom. She had needed to go for over an hour and was glad to finally have the opportunity. Making sure that her mother stayed out of the basement was a daunting task with her mother always hovering nearby. Kathy had spent a good part of the day cleaning the entire kitchen and reorganizing the cabinets and pantry, much to Hillary’s chagrin. This was only her second trip to the bathroom all day long.

  When Hillary returned to the living room, she was surprised to find her mother sitting on the couch. She stood as Hillary approached.

  “We need to talk, Hillary,” she said solemnly.

  Hillary sighed. Why couldn’t her mother just stay out of her way?

  “I don’t want to argue,” she continued, holding up her hand to signal that she didn’t want to be interrupted, “but I think we need to be mature and rational about this.”

  “I thought you were giving Joshy a bath,” Hillary replied.

  “I just put him to bed, I’ll give him a bath tomorrow...do you think it’s possible?”

  “To give him a bath tomorrow?” Hillary asked snidely, just to be annoying.

  “Hillary, please!” her mother begged, raising her voice just a bit.

  “It’s too frustrating to talk to you…you don’t believe anything I say.”

  “Okay, let’s try it a different way. Without mentioning anything about your father being abusive in any way, can you just tell me what happened to him?”

  “I killed him, Mom...I chopped him up into little pieces and disposed of the body. Is that what you want to hear?”

  Though being truthful, Hillary said it so facetiously that it sounded ludicrous.

  Kathy broke down and sobbed.

  “I can’t take it anymore, Hillary...it’s driving me crazy. I just need to know.”

  “They’re gone, Mom, that’s all.”

  “I don’t understand why...why would they just leave like that?”

  “I’m not a psychologist, I don’t know. Why does anyone just leave? I told you why before, but you said not to bring anything up about, well...that’s why, and that’s all I’m going to say. Unless you want me to just lie…I could say Dad met a younger woman and ran off with her, would that make you feel better?”

  “It’s not just Dad...it’s Lee Lee....” Kathy became choked up as she spoke her youngest daughter’s name. She missed her so much. It was Caleigh that she was truly worried for. She knew that Michael had a history of just taking off only to return unexpectedly months later. But why would he take Caleigh?

  “I don’t know what to say, Mom...I miss Lee Lee too....”

  Hillary cast her eyes down and pouted as if saddened by her sister’s departure. She had another opportunity to demonstrate her innocence. This time she wouldn’t fail.

  “I don’t mean to put pressure on you, honey,” Kathy said sympathetically, “but if you know anything, anything at all, please let me know.”

  Hillary thought about her screwed-up life, her lost youth, her lost innocence. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face.

  “No, Mom,” she said sadly, “I don’t know anything.”

  “Okay,” Kathy said, hugging Hillary tightly, “that’s all I needed to know.”

  “Mom?”

  Kathy stepped back and looked deeply into Hillary’s stormy eyes.

  “Yes sweetheart?”

  Does she have something to confess? Kathy wondered. More than anything, she wanted to believe Hillary, to believe that Michael just left with Caleigh and that Hillary had nothing to do with their disappearance. Yet, she just couldn’t shake the feeling that Hillary was involved somehow—and not just that she had threatened to call the cops.

  “I’m sorry that I hurt your hand,” Hillary said, in a low, quivering voice, “I just got so angry, so frustrated, and...and I miss Lee Lee too.”

  “I know, baby, I’m sure we’ll see her again soon.”

  Even the forced smile on Kathy’s face could not conceal the doubt in her voice. She wanted to believe that she would see Caleigh again, but deep down she had a sickening feeling that she would never see her daughter again. She hated to even think about it. She suppressed her overwhelming urge to start sobbing. She had to be strong, not just for herself, but for Hillary and Joshua too.

  “I’m sure you’re right,” Hillary said, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

  “I’m glad we had this talk,” Kathy said, with a genuine smile.

  “Me too. I feel much better now.”

  “There’s just one thing more.”

  God, can’t she quit while she’s ahead? Hillary thought angrily, but kept a thin smile on her face.

  “What?” she asked softly.

  “I don’t want you quitting school, Hillary, you’re too young and you need your education.”

  “But I have to work, how will we—”

  “Let me worry about how we’ll get by, we’ll find a way.”

  “But I,” Hillary paused. There was no point in arguing. She knew she’d get her way in the end anyway.

  “Okay, Mom,” she said agreeably, “maybe I could work part-time after school.”

  Kathy nodded, pl
eased that she had gotten through to Hillary. Perhaps all hope wasn’t lost after all.

  “That sounds like a perfect compromise.”

  There was a long, awkward silence between them. The air was growing tense. Finally, Hillary blurted out, “why don’t we have a picnic in the woods tomorrow? It would be nice, don’t you think?”

  Kathy thought a moment then nodded.

  “You know, that’s a great idea. We can run over to Charlie’s Deli and pick up a bunch of cold cuts, Italian bread and salads. It’ll be fun.”

  Hillary smiled excitedly. She had no intention of accompanying her mother to Charlie’s Deli. She would come up with an excuse to stay behind. It would give her a chance to finally check up on Caleigh again. She hoped her sister was still alive.

  “I can’t wait,” she said, her bright eyes sparkling in anticipation.

  “I love you, Hillary...you know that, don’t you?” Kathy asked. There was a pronounced sadness in her eyes as she used her hand to gently brush wisps of hair away from Hillary’s forehead.

  Did she know that?

  “I love you too, Mom,” Hillary replied with a smile. She felt pangs of sadness tug at her heart as her mother hugged her close.

  Get over it....

  The voice was loud and menacing within her head. Hillary just needed a moment to herself. She pulled away from Kathy and began walking to the kitchen.

  “I’m so thirsty,” she said as she walked to the refrigerator, “do you want anything?”

  “No thanks. I think I’m going to get some reading done before bed.”

  “Goodnight Mom,” Hillary said as she poured herself a glass of juice.

  “Goodnight sweetie. Don’t stay up late...we have a big day tomorrow.”

  Hillary returned her mother’s smile then Kathy walked slowly up the stairs and to her bedroom.

  Hillary’s smile widened. She had done it. Everything was good now. Everything was back on track with her plans. Her mother was none the wiser.

  Yet up in her room, Kathy’s own nagging voice continued to warn her that things were not right...that Hillary was still hiding something. Her stomach knotted and she sat down with her head cradled within her hands. She would keep things peaceful and happy between them. Come Monday morning, she would pretend that she was going to work. She would call in sick. And while Hillary was at school, she would search her room then search the basement. She would get down to the bottom of this nightmare. She would find out what really happened to Michael and Caleigh.

  She had a plan. She should have been relieved. Yet, she knew that discovering the truth wasn’t going to be easy. She would have to be brave, to brace herself for the worst case scenario. In other words, she was doomed.

  ~13~

  Hillary slept on the couch once again but managed to turn off the television and creep upstairs about an hour before dawn. It was supposed to be a beautiful, sunny weekend. She was looking forward to the outing later, even if she would have preferred spending the time tormenting Caleigh instead. Yes, she did miss Lee Lee...missed torturing her.

  As tired as she was, she knew she had to stay away and listen up for when her mother’s bedroom door opened. She felt confident that her mother believed her but as usual, didn’t want to take any chances. She was too close to completing her mission.

  It helped that her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of all the things she planned to do to Caleigh. She had ignored her sister long enough. She would have to make up for her neglect. She had a few ideas as to what she could do to show Caleigh just how much she missed her.

  Caleigh didn’t need to be tortured any further. Her life had been reduced to a pathetically helpless, hopeless waste of space. She had been so excited to learn that her mother was still alive. Now, after more than a full day of waiting and hoping in vain, she felt distraught and angry and despondent all over again. She was thirsty, hungry, achy, hot and sweaty, smelled like piss and shit and body odor and could do nothing about it but wish for someone to either save her or kill her. She felt like she was teetering on the verge of insanity, struggling to stay sane in the midst of the madness. Sometimes she felt so hopeless that it was just easier to let go, to give in to the madness and allow her mind to fester in the lunacy. It hurt too much to think, to pray, to hope for that elusive happy ending. Mostly she just tried to numb her pain through sleep. There was nothing else that she could do. Just sleep and wait. And wait. And wait.

  Growing tired of waiting for her mother, Hillary walked to her dresser to gather some clothing. There was a fairly faint but pungent odor coming from her garbage can. It was the rancid piece of her father’s flesh. Hillary crinkled her nose as she passed it by and walked quietly to the bathroom to take a quick shower. She was out, dried and dressed in record time—just ten minutes. She cracked the door open to listen for her mother as she brushed her silken blonde hair. She smelled like apples. It was a smell she always loved.

  Hillary was back in her room minutes later. The time on her digital alarm clock read 6:27. The sun was just starting to rise. Her mother was usually up by six-thirty, sometimes seven on the weekends. It wouldn’t be much longer now. She decided to go downstairs and surprise her mother with some breakfast. She had always enjoyed cooking. She couldn’t wait to prepare her special Mother’s Day meal.

  Nearly seven-thirty, Kathy walked downstairs carrying Joshua in her arms. She smiled when she smelled coffee brewing and the unmistakable scent of cinnamon. She entered the kitchen and set Joshua down on his usual seat.

  “Mmmmm,” she moaned softly, then inhaled deeply. “That smells amazing.”

  “Thanks, it’s my world-famous cinnamon waffles,” Hillary teased, “and I whipped up some cinnamon butter too.”

  “How’d you learn to cook so well?” she asked, as she sat next to Joshua.

  “You know…that class I took.”

  “Wow, remind me to thank that teacher!”

  Hillary giggled as she reached into one of the cabinets. She grabbed three plates and loaded them with waffles. She placed a butter knife into a small bowl of cinnamon butter and walked to the refrigerator to grab the maple syrup and container of orange juice. She carried two of the plates to the table and gave the one with only two waffles to Joshua. Her mother’s plate had twice as many.

  “Shall I pour you a cup of coffee, Madam?” she joked in a bad European accent.

  “Yes, please,” Kathy said.

  Though it had taken her nearly two hours to fall asleep, once sleep had her in its comforting embrace, she slept soundly. When Joshua called out to her, waking her from her dream, it was already after seven. She had slept a full seven hours and it had done her a world of good. She felt refreshed. She didn’t think about her problems, only the day that awaited her. She just knew it was going to be a great day. She was looking forward to the picnic and spending some quality time with Hillary. She would revive her suspicions come Monday morning. For now, she would enjoy the weekend.

  Hillary prepared a cup of coffee for Kathy and placed it on the table in front of her.

  “Thanks, Hillary...this is such a great surprise, like an early Mother’s Day gift.”

  “Don’t forget, I’m making dinner for you tomorrow.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “Me neither!” Hillary said, giggling, as she walked back to get the cinnamon butter, maple syrup and juice.

  Hillary set everything down on the table them walked back to the counter to grab her plate. Her stomach rumbled loudly on the way and she laughed out loud.

  “I didn’t realize how hungry I was,” she said as she placed her dish full of waffles on the table and sat across from her mother.

  “Well you know that I always say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

  Hillary smiled back at her mother as she smeared cinnamon butter on her waffles then poured the syrup over them.

  “Don’t play with your food, Joshy,” she chided her brother, who was using his finger to paint syrup on his waffle
, “there are people who are starving and would kill for a bite of that waffle.”

  She thought about Caleigh again and smiled as she stuffed a dripping piece of waffle into her mouth.

  The morning hours seemed to drag on but soon it was time to go to Charlie’s Deli.

  “All set?” her mother asked, Joshua standing by her side all dressed and ready to go.

  “Actually, I think I overdid it with the waffles,” Hillary said softly, “my stomach really hurts.”

  “Oh no,” her mother exclaimed. “Maybe we’d better skip the picnic idea.”

  “No, I’ll feel better by then...I’ve really been looking forward to it.”

  Joshua started chanting “picnic, picnic, picnic,” repeatedly as he moved his arms up and down in sync with his melody.

  “Me too,” Kathy agreed, “but I don’t want you to be miserable.”

  “I’ll try using the bathroom and taking a quick nap. I bet that’ll do the trick.”

  “Are you sure? I was planning to run into Sperry’s for a few things.”

  “Take your time, I’ll be okay.”

  “Well, okay. I guess if you’re not feeling better this afternoon we’ll just have to postpone it.”

  “I’ll be fine, I just over-ate.”

  “All right, then, I guess we’ll see you later.”

  “Can you pick up some of those bottled cream sodas?”

  “I guess...it might be too heavy for your stomach.”

  “Mom, I’ll be fine by then, you’ll see.”

  “Okay, call my cell phone if you need me. I hope you feel better soon.”

  “I’m starting to feel better already,” Hillary said with a smile as she hugged her mother then patted Joshua on his head.

  “Hide and seek?”

  “Soon, Joshy, I promise,” she replied and waved goodbye to them.

  She was giddy with anticipation and could hardly contain her excitement. She ran to the window and waited to watch the car back out of the driveway and head down the long, winding road. She felt as if she were vibrating, buzzing with exhilaration. She couldn’t wait another second.

  Hillary raced down to the basement, flicked on the light and bounded straight to Caleigh. The rank, musty stench hit her instantly. It smelled horrible. Hillary squeezed herself into the cramped opening and pulled back the quilt to reveal Caleigh’s damp, sweaty, limp body. She could see the shallow movement of her chest with each shallow breath. She could hear a snorting sound from Caleigh’s stuffy nose whenever she inhaled and a high-pitched whistling sound whenever she exhaled. It was disgusting and annoying, but still, she was alive. She appeared to be sleeping.