Destroying Carter

by W. S. Greer

  I almost gasp involuntarily. I couldn’t imagine trying to deal with all of this without Lilliana at home waiting for me. If I came home and she was gone, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I would break down under the pressure of everything that’s going on. I fear being without Lilliana more than I fear anything else.

  “You’re absolute right, Unc,” I say with an appreciative smile. “I’d be destroyed if she left. I couldn’t do any of this without her.”

  “I know, Junior. Call it a hunch, but something tells me that once you work out your drama with Lily, you’re gonna feel a lot better about everything else. Take care of everything at home, and the rest will fall in line. The only reason I feel like I’m doing alright in here is because your Aunt Lauren has been visiting as often as she can. She’s been my rock. I couldn’t make it in here if I didn’t have her out there. So, I understand exactly what you’re going through. I understand it better than anybody else.”

  “I know you do, Unc. That’s why I come to you for advice. You’re not blinded by a thirst for power, or greed. You’ve always been different, and I thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. You’ve been more of a father to me than my dad has.”

  He doesn’t say anything in response. He just grins a little, and then looks like he’s trying to stave off tears. I can’t imagine how shitty it must be for him to be in here, separated from everything he loves most in the world. The pain I feel for him eats me up inside.

  “Thanks for the advice Uncle Mikey,” I say, trying not to get too emotional.

  “You’re welcome, nephew.”

  “I’ve gotta get out of here so I can go fix my broken relationship. Is there anything you need from us on this side?”

  “Nah, you’ve got enough on your plate, Junior. Don’t worry about me. Lauren gives me everything I need. I’m good. The only thing I need from you is for you take care of yourself. I need you to be smart. He has you in his grasp, and you need to outsmart him if you want to get out. Figure out how you can make a clean break from this shit. That’s all you need to be focusing on. So, get your house in order, get your mind right, and figure out how to get out. You understand?”

  “I understand, and I promise you, Uncle Mikey, I’m gonna figure something out. I’ve got a feeling. By the time all this shit is over, I’m gonna be out of this bullshit. I’m gonna own the Red Chip, and you’re gonna be out of here. Just wait and see. We’re both gonna get exactly what we want. I know it.”

  I feel trapped inside of this elevator. I’ve only been in it for about five seconds, but I still feel like it’s moving entirely too slow and I can’t get up to the penthouse fast enough.

  I’m uneasy as I watch the numbers light up when I pass the floors. All I can think about is how things ended a couple of hours ago when I left her here. I know she must have been pissed off once again, but I just felt like I overloaded and I needed to seek the immediate guidance of my uncle. I needed to make a decision on what to do next, and my need for those answers felt shockingly overwhelming. I just needed help. All I can do is hope that my hasty exit wasn’t a symbolic last straw for her. I hope that I didn’t break her heart, and my fear just increases with every passing second.

  What if I did break her heart? What if all this shit just became too much for her, and she’s finally had enough? What if she isn’t even there when I get home? My inability to cope on my own could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. She may have just packed up and left while I was at the prison, and here I am wishing the elevator would hurry up, and she may not even be there. My heart is pounding in my chest and I almost feel panicked by the uncertainty. My breathing is getting heavier by the time the elevator finally stops, and I feel the urge to use my hands to try to pry the doors open faster.

  When the elevator finally releases me and I step into the hallway, there’s nothing but silence at first. An eerie silence that terrifies me more than the loudest screams. I look to my right, into the kitchen and living room—nothing. I look to my left and see that the door to the bedroom is closed. Still, there is nothing but silence.

  I slowly make my way towards the bedroom door and notice that it isn’t closed all the way. There’s a small gap between the door and the frame, and it’s through that gap that I finally hear signs of life. It’s some sort of a shuffling sound—not enough for me to be able to tell what’s going on behind the door, but enough to let me know that she hasn’t left yet. Lilliana is in there, so I know I still have a chance to make up for the sneaky shit I’ve been doing. I can make up for how I’ve made her feel over the past couple of days. It’s not over yet. I feel butterflies in my stomach—from both anxiety and happiness that she hasn’t left—as I reach the door and look into the gap. I can see Lilliana standing in front of the bed, and when I notice what she’s doing, I feel like my heart has just dropped into my feet.

  I can barely breathe as I watch her folding up clothes from the closet and stuffing them into a suitcase. The shuffling sound was the sound of her packing her bags. The lump in my throat is the size of a basketball, and when Lilliana turns around to get more of her clothes, I see that she’s got tears streaming down her face. She’s reached her limit, and it’s me that’s pushed her over the edge. After all the shit we’ve been through, it was me who finally pushed her away. All this time, I thought it would be my father who’d scare Lilliana away. But, somehow it was me. She was right. I ruined us. I destroyed everything.

  Just as my first tear slides down my cheek, I slowly push the door open and step in. Lilliana snaps around and looks surprised to see me. Her face has a look of shock, and her eyes are red with heavy bags underneath them. She looks broken, and it crushes me.

  “Please,” I begin quietly with tears stinging my eyes. “Please, give me a chance to explain. I’m so sorry, Lilliana.”

  She stares at me for second, and I think that she might just listen, but then she shakes her head and her face morphs from sadness to anger. She wipes away her tears and takes a step backwards like my presence offends her and she doesn’t want me in her personal space.

  “I’m surprised to see you back so soon. I figured you’d be out all night doing something that I’m not allowed to know about.”

  I want to respond with an excuse, but I realize it wouldn’t help anything. I deserve that.

  “I gave you a chance to explain,” she continues. “I gave you more than one chance, and you chose not to take it. Why should I listen to you now?”

  “Because I know that I fucked up. I know that I was wrong, and you deserve to be angry with me. I owe you an apology for the way I’ve been acting. You deserve to know everything, and I’m sorry that I’ve been keeping things from you. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  The tension in her face relents a little, but she holds on to her glower. “You’re sorry?” Why weren’t you sorry before? Why are you sorry now that you come back and see me packing?”

  “I was sorry before I saw you packing. I’ve been sorry from the beginning. I just didn’t know what to do, and I felt lost. If you left me, I’d be beyond lost. I’d lose myself and I wouldn’t know how to deal with anything. I need you, Lilliana. Please don’t leave.”

  “I told you, Kelvin, I can’t stay here if you’re gonna lie and hide from me. I accepted you and your lifestyle when we got together, and for you to start lying and hiding from me now just really hurts. It really breaks my heart that you’d lie to me after all we’ve been through. I can’t stay here if that’s how you’re gonna be.”

  “I understand, and that’s not how I’m gonna be.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m saying that I’m sorry, and I’m done trying to keep secrets from you. You’re my partner, and you should know everything that I know. I’m not gonna keep anything from you ever again. I promise you, baby.”

  “So, you’re gonna tell me what the hell has been going on?”

  “I’ll tell you everything.”

  She takes a se
cond to think about it, her face softening a bit. Then, she hardens again and stands up straight. She’s so strong and confident.

  “Where did you go just now, when you left?” she asks, testing to see if I’ll tell the truth.

  “I went to the prison to visit Uncle Mikey. I needed his advice.”

  “Advice about what?”

  “I just needed his advice on how to deal with all the shit that’s going on right now. I needed his advice on how to deal with my shit with my dad, and how to stop letting it affect you and me.”

  “I see. And last night?”

  “Uncle Clarence called and told me that I needed to meet him at an airstrip out in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t know why, but I found out after I got there.”

  “Okay, so what was it about?”

  “The top Russians were there, as well as my father. They were all there waiting for a plane to land. A private jet, loaded with heroin. Two-hundred kilos worth. It’s all worth over seventy million dollars, and they want me to help them sell it. My dad is threatening to kick me out of here if I don’t help them.”

  I see her ease up a little bit more, but she’s still holding on to her anger. I can’t blame her.

  “He said he’d kick you out of here? He’d put us on the streets?” she asks.

  “He would, babe. He’d do it. So, I have to figure something out really quick. Shit is about to get serious.”

  She doesn’t say anything, but I can see that she’s thinking about it. I’m sure it’s just as shocking to her as it was to me when I heard my dad tell me.

  “There’s more,” I say, almost regretting it immediately.

  “Okay.”

  “When I went out with Uncle Clarence a few days ago. Something happened. Something really bad.” Memories of my uncle slamming the refrigerator door on Derrick’s head flash in my memory and it makes me shiver.

  “What happened?” Lilliana asks, and I can hear the change in her voice. She’s starting to show concern instead of anger. Unfortunately, it doesn’t make me feel better because of what I’m about to say.

  “Remember the story I told you about the delivery? The guy who tried to steal the dope?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Uncle Clarence took me to his house on the south side.” I hear Lilliana gasp like she knows what I’m about to say. “His name was Derrick. He was a heroin addict. Ironically, it looked like he was about to get high when he let us in. Uncle Clarence starts off by asking him some questions, and it’s obvious the guy is nervous as hell. He sees me, plus you know how big Uncle Clarence is. Then, my uncle starts to ask him about the drugs he tried to steal, and the guy admits that he fucked up. He says that he plans to get cleaned up and go to rehab. But, he doesn’t get the chance, because Uncle Clarence starts to beat the shit out of him. He punches this little skinny kid in the face with everything he’s got, and throws him across the room like he’s as light as a stuffed teddy bear. He just brutally beats this kid right there in front of me, and I try to just go with it so that he’ll think that I’m becoming a more willing member of the family. I let it go because I want to convince them that I’m loyal, so that my dad will give me the Red Chip.

  “Then, Uncle Clarence drags the guy into the kitchen, where the refrigerator door is wide open. The guy is barely conscious at this point, but Uncle Clarence slides him in there and puts his head in the door. All of a sudden, he starts slamming the door on this guy’s head. He did it six or seven times and I swear I can hear bones breaking, and there’s blood all over the floor. I can’t take it anymore, so I finally tell him that that’s enough. I tell him the guy has had enough. I tried to stop it. I swear I did. But, then Uncle Clarence goes over to his jacket and pulls out his gun. He walks over to the guy and shoots him in the back of the head right there in the kitchen. He did it right in front of me. He killed him, Lilliana. I watched him kill a man right there in his own house.”

  I sit down on the bed and I’m surprised to feel tears running down my face. My heart rate has picked up and I feel like I’m right back in Derrick’s apartment. Lilliana stands there in front of me, silent.

  “I’ve thought about that every minute of every day since it happened. It stays with me all the time, and I feel like it might have changed me. I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to keep you safe. I thought that maybe the cops would question us about it, and the less you knew about it, the better. That way, they couldn’t try to get you for obstruction or accessory. It’s been so hard, though. I feel unstable, and worried all the time. I feel so lost and confused, and the truth is, I need you now more than ever. I’d be lying to myself if I said that I could do this without you. I can’t. I can’t be without you, baby, and I’m so sorry for everything that I’ve done. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry for everything.”

  Lilliana finally sits down next to me and wraps her arms around me. The touch of her skin on mine is like the sun shining through on a cold and cloudy day. It feels so good just to be close to her again. She rubs my arms gently and I feel the stress melting off of me.

  “I’m so sorry, Kelvin,” she says, her voice trembling. “That’s terrible. I know that must’ve been so hard to see and deal with. I never meant to add stress to your life. I just wanted to be there for you. I just wanted to be a part of your life so that we could deal with it, and that’s exactly what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna deal with it together. I’m here for you. Okay? I’m here for you.”

  Lilliana kisses me, and I feel warmth travel all through my body. It’s like her touch has awoken my body from an eternal slumber. I feel more alive than I have in a long time, and I instinctively grab her and pull her body closer to me.

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” I say between kisses. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you, Kelvin.”

  We kiss once again, and I can’t help how I feel anymore. Her affection has set me free and I can no longer control myself. I reach behind her and pull her hair so that her head tilts backwards. I hear her moan as I lean in and kiss her on the neck. The connection between us is so intense that I find myself sucking on her neck passionately. When I hear her moan, it just makes me want her even more. I feel like I have to make up for the time we’ve lost over the last couple of days.

  “I fucking love you so much, Lilliana,” I whisper in her ear, still pulling her hair. “I can never be without you.”

  “You don’t ever have to be,” she responds, seductively. “I need you, Kelvin. I need you right now.”

  “I’m here, baby. Just tell me what you want me to do.”

  “I want you to stand up.”

  I can’t help but smile at how sexy she sounds. I can hear the passion in her voice and I can’t control how hard it makes me.

  I slowly stand up, slightly upset that I have to stop kissing her so that I can get up. Once I’m standing, Lilliana reaches up and grabs my belt buckle. She tugs and pulls at it like she’s mad that it won’t just fall off, and snatches open the latch on my pants once she’s passed the belt. Then, she quickly forces my pants and underwear down to my ankles, immediately taking my hard cock in her hands.

  She doesn’t waste a second, promptly wrapping her luscious lips around my shaft and taking as much of me in her mouth as she can possibly fit. The sensation hits me and rushes up to my lungs, forcing me to gasp at how good it feels. I can’t help but say “Oh shit,” as she slides her lips back and forth on my dick. As she sucks, she wraps her hands around my shaft and twist them simultaneously. The sensation is so strong that I actually have to steady myself. I place my hands on her shoulders to hold myself up, and feel my dick getting harder as she moans.

  “Goddamn, baby. You suck my dick so good. It’s so fucking good,” I exclaim. Lilliana acknowledges me with another lustful moan, but doesn’t even break stride, continuing to suck me and stroke my cock with her hands.

  I let her continue for another few minutes, occasionally reaching down between her legs to rub her pussy. Her juices feel s
o good on my fingers that I can barely stand it. I want her. I need to be inside of her right now. I fucking need her.

  I slowly drop down to my knees and force Lilliana’s legs apart. I can feel the warm sensation emanating off her body as I pull at her pants and she lifts her waist so that I can snatch them off of her. I throw the pants down, and before they can land on the floor in a clump, I dive my tongue into Lilliana’s pussy. I hear her moaning above me and it spurs me on, so I ferociously lick her clit and suck it at the same time. I feel her legs tensing around my neck, and I know what’s about to happen. It’s exactly what I’m craving, so there isn’t a chance in hell that I’ll stop.

  “Oh fuck, Kelvin. That’s so good. Shit. Keep going,” I hear her exclaiming above me. I feel her breathing becoming heavier and faster, and I know she’s almost there. I can feel how close she is. “Oh my god!” she screams. “Fuck. That’s it, baby. I’m coming!”

  Lilliana’s legs tighten around my head as the orgasm hits her, and I do my best to intensify her satisfaction by slowly licking her clit from the back of my tongue all the way to the front. She clutches my head and spasms, and as I begin to try to stand up, I feel deeply satisfied because I know she’s satisfied. But I’m far from finished.

  “Now I want you to stand up,” I say seductively, looking down at her as she tries to compose herself and steady her breathing.

  I reach down and grab her by the shoulders, forcing her to stand up. Then, I wrap my hands around her ass and lift her up off of the floor until she wraps her legs around my waist. I hear her let out a blissful chirp as I carry her over to the wall next to the window. I press my body up against hers, and she keeps her legs wrapped around me as I reach down and push my dick inside of her. Her warm wetness feels so fucking good on my cock.

  I start off slow, sliding the entire length of my dick in and out of her. I want to feel her covering every inch of me, and I want her to feel all of me. My cock throbs as I stroke in and out of her, lightly breathing on her neck as she moans in my ear.