Broken Melody (Graffiti On Tour Series)

by Jennifer Miller

“Any insight on what the amendment will dictate?” Rocco asks.

  “Just rehearsal requirements, your touring obligations, the dates new material needs to be ready to go and released…that kind of thing. What I think you’d expect given this change.”

  We all nod because what else can we do?

  “And I’m glad most of you like Sailor as much as I do. There may be reasons to look at others. I’ll weigh that over too. I’ll sleep on it and discuss that with Jace in the morning. I want to make sure that our choice and decision is one we all can support one hundred percent before we proceed. Your cooperation is imperative if we’re to succeed. The smoother this change occurs, the better we will all be. Got it?”

  “Understood,” Rocco says answering for all of us.

  “Good. I’ll be in touch,” he says clearly dismissing us. We’re all silent as we take the elevator down to the first floor and wait to speak until we leave the building.

  “Unbelievable,” Henley says. “She was unbelievable. We lucked out. I can’t believe they found her in a fucking bar,” he says.

  “Yeah, I know we’ve been opposed to this, but my god, when I heard Mad sing with her, I could suddenly picture how great this could be,” Rocco says. “I think this is going to be a really good thing for us.”

  “I hope so,” Nixon says. “Plus, anyone that can give Mad back some of his shit, has my vote.”

  “No kidding,” Rocco says with a laugh and they all agree.

  I merely smirk at their comments, aware that I have my work cut out for me. I revisit my interactions with her. She flat out threw that drink in my face and even came back with a mom joke. Who is that woman? What’s her story? Where did she come from? With that talent, why didn’t she ever do anything with it? Many questions keep filtering through my mind and one thing is clear, I’m not going to be able to keep up this shitty attitude with her, because otherwise those questions won’t get answered.

  Even as the devil on my right shoulder concocts my next steps, the annoying angel on my left shoulder reminds me of what I just heard. Her sound…our sound…how easy, natural, and good it sounded. I know that this is going to be nothing less than an uphill struggle. Immediately, I begin constructing my plan.

  It’s been two days. Two days since I went to the audition. An audition that I thought I nailed. I was totally in my element. When I started singing and all of their eyes were on me, something came over me. Immediately I thought to myself – I’ll never be right here in this moment ever again. I may never get another chance like this. I’m going to make the most of it so when I look back on this later, I’ll know I did my best. I’ll remember that I came, saw and conquered and all that other motivational stuff that people tell themselves at times like that. So I did. I reached in my heart, in my soul, to the place within that music lives, and poured everything I feel for it from my lips. I felt the lyrics and the rhythm in my soul. I let myself go. I let go of the pain that’s crippled me the past few years; I let go of my nerves, let go of my doubts and fears, and simply immersed myself in something I love. And I felt like the result was better than I could have expected.

  When I walked out, I felt great. I had been in my element. I couldn’t find fault with a single thing I had done. Furthermore, I had been brave; I took a chance, found the courage to give it a shot even though I was nervous as hell. I was on top of the world that night, and Britt and I celebrated into the wee hours of the morning with ice cream, chick flicks, and a bitch session about our exes. But, that was two days ago, and now… now that pesky doubt has crept in and taken residence.

  “You’re thinking about it again. Stop thinking about it,” Britt says to me from the other side of the bar. Back in my real world at The Hook it’s karaoke night yet again and the place is hopping. I’ve already been asked to perform a few times and part of me doesn’t want to. Truth is, I’m feeling down.

  “If I was in the mood I’d laugh at that suggestion. I can’t stop thinking about it, Britt. Why haven’t they called?”

  “They will. Relax. You were amazing. Plus, it’s only been two days. Chill.” I kind of want to tell her what she can do with her ‘chill’ comment, but instead I manage a nod knowing she means well. “All the guys were blown away and they would be making a huge mistake if they didn’t ask you to join them. I mean, didn’t you see the look on Rick’s face?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask in confusion and look up from the drink I’m pouring.

  “I mean, he clearly thinks you’re fantastic. There’s no way that he’s going to let you simply walk away if the band doesn’t choose you. You’re a guaranteed moneymaker.”

  “I seriously doubt that.”

  “I don’t. In fact, I would place money on it.”

  “I wouldn’t. Do you know how many fantastic wanna-make-it-big-time-singers there are in the world? A lot. Do you know how many people audition just to get on those reality tv shows and then how good those are that actually get chosen. And those that win…well, I’m just not sure I could begin to complete. And I have no idea how many other people they had sing for them. No doubt they simply found someone better than me. I just wish they would call and break it to me already.”

  “Enough, Sailor. You know I hate that kind of negative self-talking bullshit. You were amazing and even you know it. Your face when we walked out, how we sat in the car and laughed and screamed together because we knew, we knew, you nailed it. So stop. Just relax. And trust that you will hear something soon. They told you they would get back to you either way. I’m confident they will.”

  “Don’t talk sense to me right now,” I tell her a smile curling my lips.

  She shrugs, “Hey don’t worry. If by some chance I’m wrong, and I’m not, but if I am, I’ll be happy to give Rick and Jace a call myself,” she says with an evil little smile.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “You know better than that,” she smiles and winks making me sigh but laugh softly.

  “Hey Sailor, how’s it going tonight?” A customer asks me and I turn to him and take his order. I try to immerse myself in the monotony of taking orders, mixing and pouring drinks, laughing with customers, asking how people are doing, and reminding myself that no matter what happens, I’m doing okay. I was just fine before Rick and Jace walked in here and handed me their business cards, and I’ll be just fine afterward too.

  “Will you please grace us with a song tonight, Sailor?” Dusty asks coming up behind me.

  Turning around to smile at him, I nod, “How can I say no to such a nice way of asking? Sure. Any special requests?”

  “No. Whatever you want. You knock everything you sing out of the park. I’m never disappointed.”

  “Well that is a nice compliment, thank you.”

  As I walk by Britt, she suddenly turns around to face me, “You should sing a kick ass woman empowerment song,” Britt suggests.

  I laugh a little, the suggestion seeming to come from no where, “Why?”

  She shrugs, but she has a twinkle in her eye and a look on her face that tells me she’s up to something, “Why not?” she says.

  I stare at her for a minute, but whatever it is, she’s not giving in, so I shrug, “Alright.” Making my way around the bar, I head to the stage, greeting and talking to people along the way.

  I stand in line waiting for my turn, but the regulars push me forward, and when Erik sees me he grabs my hand and pulls me forward, “Hey, Sailor,” Erik says with a smile, “You don’t have to wait in line.”

  “I don’t mind – everyone does.”

  “No way, not you. Dusty wouldn’t have it.”

  I smile, “Great job spinning tonight. I’ve enjoyed it in between people singing.”

  His face lights up, “Thanks. Cool you noticed. What song will it be tonight?”

  “Hmm. How about ‘Fight Song’, I tell him and point out the song I’m referring to.”

  “Good choice,” Erik says with a smile.

  “I think so,” I laugh. He hands me
the microphone and when he finishes up his set, I move to the stage. I put the microphone in the stand and look up toward Britt just as the music starts and almost curse into the microphone. Standing next to her at the bar and looking up at me is none other than Maddox Colt. I can see their mouths moving, and I can only imagine what Britt might be saying and part of me wants to throw the microphone down and run off the stage. What the absolute hell, is he doing here? Is it to talk to me about the audition? Rick said he would call me, so I can’t imagine it would be regarding that, but I could be wrong.

  Doing my best to ignore him, I start singing the song and at first, it feels forced. The turmoil in my mind and the churning in my stomach at wondering why he’s here overtake me. But, as soon as I hit the chorus, the words I’m singing finally resonate within me. Change begins to fall over me; my stance relaxes, as does my grip on the microphone. I can feel my shoulders relax and a smile at the edges of my mouth. Eventually, I’m able to turn everything else off in my mind and simply be in the moment. This song is all about fighting for myself, not caring about what anyone else thinks, about knowing who I am. That’s exactly what I need right now. I not only sing the words, I feel them, I own them. I take them into my heart, make them mine, and then use my voice to let them fly. I want other people to feel the words too, through me.

  I smile even more when women in the audience cheer, nod and sing along to the song. Being up here, even a stage in a small bar that does a karaoke night is everything. Up here, I don’t feel silly, invisible, delusional, trashy…lost…or any of the other things I’ve been called. Instead, I feel like I’m exactly who I should be - I can let myself soar.

  When the song comes to an end, I open my eyes not even realizing I had closed them at some point. The room stands and cheers and I can feel my face warm from the attention. “Thank you,” I say into the microphone and the room starts asking for attention. They start asking for another song and when I shake my head, they protest. The regulars know I always do two and aren’t going to give up.

  I turn to Erik and he lifts his hands up in a gesture where I know he’s asking me what I want to sing. I’m not sure why, but I look back at Britt and see that Maddox is still watching me. Britt looks from him to me and she nods her head encouraging me, with a mischievous smile on her face, like she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “How about ‘Keep Dreamin’ by Graffiti?” I say into the microphone and Erik nods while the patrons clap and cheer excited I’m singing again.

  Glancing at Maddox, I see that he now has his arms crossed as he stands and leans back against the bar. I roam my eyes over his form taking in his ripped jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket and hate myself a little bit when I salivate at how good looking he is. Stupid lady hormones. As I prepare to sing, I glance at him again, and he has a cocky look on his face that makes me think he knows exactly what I was looking at and thinking about. He’s smirking, likely at my song selection, and I can almost hear him thinking, ‘This ought to be good’. I barely keep myself from rolling my eyes and instead, look away as I wait for the intro to finish.

  Keep Dreamin’ is a man drama song, which is what Britt and I call songs with lyrics about guys boo-hooing over girls. This one is about a girl that likes a guy, but he’s not interested and no matter what he says, she’s just not getting the hint. He tells her to keep dreaming because it’s not going to happen. It’s a pretty egocentric song, and I can’t help but wonder about the story behind it. I’m not sure if one of the guys wrote it, or if someone else did for them. And if one of the guys wrote it, is it from personal experience? Who knows, but it has a fun beat, and the notes can easily be raised an octave to work for me, and have the key be fine.

  I start out singing the song and when it calls for “he” and “she” references I reverse them – as I’ve done plenty of times when I’ve sung to the song on the radio. Oh yeah, I’ve always been a Grafitti fan, crazy really when I think about it. I still remember downloading their first album, not that I will ever tell them that if given the chance. Anyway, as I change the lyrics, the people familiar with the song laugh. Britt catcalls and I wink at her as she cheers and claps as I move around the stage unable to keep myself from moving to the music. When I chance a look at Maddox, I swear I see a whisper of a smile upon his lips, even if he is probably trying hard not to show it.

  When the song is over, everyone cheers and asks for more, but I shake my head and tell them it’s time for someone else to take a turn. Smiling, I thank Erik like usual before going back to the bar. “Great job,” Dusty says and gives me a smile and hug.

  “Thanks for letting me sing a couple songs. I always enjoy it,”

  Dusty shakes his head at me. “I’m the one that should be thanking you. You bring in the crowd that buys the drinks. You’re good for business.”

  “Loved it,” Britt says enthusiastically, then jerks her thumb at Maddox. “Look what the devil dragged in.”

  “So I see.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I glare at him, “What are you doing here?” I ask bluntly.

  “Wow, such kindness, such stellar customer service. Do you treat all your patrons this kindly?” Maddox asks.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me try again.” I roll my shoulders and roll my head around my neck as if I’m shaking off my previous words. Then I shove my hand in his face, snap my fingers and say, “Tell me what you’re doing here.” He jerks his head back avoiding my hand in his face and his eyes blink rapidly at my snapping. “Is that better?” I ask sweetly.

  Frustratingly, he smiles broadly, and if I were a lesser woman I would swoon at that damn smile. But instead, I scowl. “I’ll take a jack and coke,” he tells me avoiding my question.

  With a sigh I grab a glass and snap it onto the counter a little too hard, pour the drink, then slide it in front of him not caring when some of the liquor sloshes over the side. I raise an eyebrow giving him a look that dares him to make a comment. He chuckles. “That’ll be seven bucks.”

  He raises his eyebrows at me as he fishes some money out of his pocket and gives me a twenty dollar bill, “Keep the change, songbird.”

  I snap the money out of his hand all the while thinking about telling him where he can take his twenty and shove it. Instead, I smile, turn to the register, make change, and after I turn back around, I watch him as I slip the money into my bra. I swear his pupils flare and Britt laughs at my antics. A slow smile curves Maddox’s lips that I find annoying. He opens his mouth to say something, but I rudely walk away from him and tend to the needs of some other customers at the other end of the bar. Susie is also working behind the bar tonight, and Dusty too, so I know we are covered, but I feel bad having them do all the work.

  I throw myself into helping other people, keeping myself turned away from him as much as possible. I can feel his gaze burning into me, but I refuse to look his way. Instead I flirt shamelessly, laugh loudly and most importantly, keep pouring drinks. I’m not sure what is going on with me right now, but I don’t have time to stop and evaluate it either.

  The customers are chatty thankfully and I hear everything from how they liked my singing, to their favorite songs, to music artists they like right now to just simply how people’s days were. It’s a hectic wave and we’re all practically yelling the whole time so we can be heard over the singing and loud music.

  In the mirror behind the bar, I notice that it isn’t long before people start to notice Maddox’s presence. He is a famous rock star after all. People are kind, but he still gets surrounded and eventually he’s signing napkins and taking photos with people.

  While he’s occupied I have the chance to move to Britt to find out what the hell he wants, “What is he doing here? Has he said anything?”

  “Well, he won’t say exactly, but it’s obvious that he’s here to see you.”

  “For what?”

  “Hell if I know. All we’ve been doing is talking about the band, their upcoming tour and the music they’ve been working on. I mean he asked me a few questions
about you – but nothing much.”

  “Has he said anything about if they’ve made a decision?”

  “No, the bastard. And believe me, I’ve tried.”

  “I don’t doubt it,” I tell her. Then make a sound of frustration. I probably would have stomped my foot too, but Dusty comes up to us and there’s a look of awe on his face.

  “I can’t believe that Maddox Colt is here in my bar.”

  “Why, Dusty? This is Hollywood. You get celebrities in here all the time,” Britt says laughing.

  “I know, but he’s…he’s… well he’s awesome.”

  “Aw, Dusty, do you have a man crush?” Britt teases him.

  “Shut up,” Dusty says to Britt and his tone makes us both laugh.

  “Well it’s your lucky day. Sailor can introduce you to him. He’s here to see her.”

  I swing my gaze to her and give her a look that could kill. She knows that I don’t want anyone to know about the audition the other day. If I don’t get chosen, I’d prefer people not know about it at all. I don’t want to have to navigate through their pity later – no thank you.

  “You know him?” he asks me with surprise in his tone.

  “We are just acquaintances,” I tell him just as Maddox breaks away from the crowd and sits in a vacant bar seat right in front of me.

  “I need to talk to you,” he says looking at me intently. He moves his gaze to Dusty, sees his hand on my shoulder and frowns.

  “Maddox, please meet my boss, Dusty Hook. He’s the owner of the bar… if hearing his last name didn’t make that obvious.”

  “Oh please, Sailor, we both know I’m more than just your boss,” Dusty says and Maddox’s jaw clenches. Britt looks on in glee and I just feel perplexed. “I’m your friend.”

  “That you are,” I tell him with a smile. “Dusty is a fan, Maddox. He’s excited that you’re here in his bar.”

  “Ah, well, it’s nice to meet you Dusty, and I promise I’m not here to get drunk and get in a fight or trash the place,” he says referring to the tabloid stories of him doing just that.