Broken Melody (Graffiti On Tour Series)

by Jennifer Miller

  “Maddox?” she whispers.

  “Yes?” I ask, still staring at her lips.

  “I need to tell you something. And…and it isn’t the whole story, but I promise that I will tell you everything some time. Just…just not today.”

  I move back and look her in the eyes once more, “You don’t have to tell me anything,” I tell her.

  “I know I don’t. But,” she hesitates, sighs and stammers again. “Do… I mean…are you…” she gestures between the two of us and I almost smile, but instead I raise my brows encouraging her to continue. “At the risk of making a fool of myself and screwing everything up…do you also feel…whatever this is between us?” she asks and looks into my eyes, then away, then back again nervously.

  I smile widely, “Songbird, do you think I would be here, in your bed, ready to kiss you, and telling you the deepest secrets of my heart if I didn’t?”

  She smiles and nods, but then her smile fades and pain flashes in her eyes. It’s intense and sharp enough that I swear I feel it cut through me too. “I’ve been so caught up in everything going on, signing with the band, recording, tour practice, still working at the bar-“

  “You’re still working at the bar?” I ask her in surprise.

  “It was my last day yesterday. I couldn’t keep doing it all.”

  “Good,” I tell her. “I can’t believe you were doing that. It had to make for long days.”

  She nods. “I’ve been so caught up in everything that I didn’t know what day it is. I was writing a check for my rent to give to Britt, and looked at my phone for the date and when I saw it, realization slammed into me.”

  “Is it the day your parents died?” I ask guessing at what could be causing her so much pain.

  “No,” she whispers. “Today is my son’s birthday.”

  “You’re son?” I ask feeling confused.

  She nods. “Yes. Five years ago, today, my son was born. And I gave him up for adoption.” She chokes the words out and tears fall down her face once more in streams. “Please don’t think I’m horrible. There were…reasons, and I wasn’t able to take care of him. And even though it’s been five years, it doesn’t get any easier.”

  I roll over and capture her body in between my arms. I use my thumbs to wipe the tears away and kiss her cheeks. “I would never think bad of you for such a thing. Never.”

  “I’m not a bad person,” she says and it’s as if she needs me to reassure her that it’s true. So I do.

  “Of course you’re not.”

  “I loved him. How could I not?” She smiles, “He was beautiful, and it’s because I loved him that I let him go. I had to make sure he had a better life than I could provide on my own. But even knowing that, I still struggle with guilt.”

  “It takes an incredible amount of bravery and love to be able to realize that you can’t provide for your child the way you want to. To want a better life for him than you feel you’re capable of providing. To love him enough to let go. Don’t doubt for a second that you’re brave, that you’re kind, that you’re worthy of everything good in this life that happens to you because you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t doubt that for a second.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers. “That’s why, I just couldn’t bear rehearsal today. When I realized, I couldn’t even move. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. And someday, if and when you want to, I’m here to talk about it, okay?”

  “Okay,” she replies staring into my eyes. I lean forward and give her a soft kiss on her mouth. Then I roll over on to my back, and pull her onto my chest right over my heart. I run my fingers through her hair softly.

  “Sailor?”

  “Yes?” she asks with sleepiness filling her tone.

  “Will you go on a date with me? Tomorrow?”

  I’m sure I feel her smile against my chest. “Yes,” she replies and I smile too. I continue to hold her long after her breathing deepens and she falls asleep.

  “Where are we going?” I ask Maddox as he drives the two of us to an unknown destination. He only smiles at me, and reaches over to take my hand. “Come on, tell me.”

  “We are going somewhere private. Where we don’t have to worry about being disturbed,” he says.

  “Sounds good to me,” I tell him.

  I don’t know when it happened exactly. Maybe it was when he took off his shirt and shoes and got into bed with me yesterday. Maybe it was when he told me about his fear of spiders, or confessed the deep pain and regret he feels in his soul. It could have been when he held onto me and cried, or maybe when he told me that I’m brave, that I’m deserving, and that I’m not a horrible woman for giving up my son. If it wasn’t any of those things, then it was certainly when he held me until I fell asleep, and was reinforced with the kiss he gave me as he left this morning and told me he’d be back later to pick me up. I don’t know when and how exactly, but what I do know is that I’m in love with Maddox Colt.

  I’ve never been in love before. Other than the deep love I felt in the brief moments I held my son close to me and said goodbye and whispered that I would always love him. It doesn’t feel the same as that felt. It feels…wonderful, scary, exciting, vomit inducing, fluttery, nervous, lustful, happy… and safe. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this level of safety and peace. In fact, my heart feels lighter than it’s felt in years. I’ve been with men before, but they’ve never given me this feeling. It was nothing but lust, and excitement over my upcoming orgasms, nothing more, I wouldn’t let it be. I’ve never, not once, told anyone about my son. Not even Britt. She knows a big part of my story, but not that. If she suspects, she’s never said. Telling Maddox was not easy, but it felt right. And it felt like he took my secret and wrapped it up tight in his chest holding it there safe and sound.

  Maybe some would think this has happened fast, but I think it started developing the second he snapped his fingers in my face as crazy as that may seem. And honestly, to hell what anyone else thinks. I can’t control my heart, and right now, I don’t want to. I hope this feeling never goes away. I don’t want to think about the repercussions of us actually having a relationship with each other, not a fake one like the guys think. I don’t want to think about what happens if I leave the band, if they decide they don’t want me after my contract is over, or worse, if this doesn’t work out. Maybe I should think about it, but for now, I just want to revel in the feeling of being in love. I’m not telling him how I feel, hell no. I don’t want to scare him away, but I am going to enjoy it – reverently.

  “We’re here,” he says as we pull up to a large gate.

  “Where is here?”

  “My house,” he tells me with a sexy smile that makes my pulse race.

  He pushes a button inside his vehicle and the gate begins to swing open and we proceed up a long driveway, “Holy hell,” I say and he chuckles. His house is huge, not that I’m surprised given his short but significant success – and we are in Beverly Hills - but I still feel completely overwhelmed. “Wow,” I say again. “I’ve never been in a house this ginormous.”

  He parks, “Well come on, let me show you mine.”

  From the moment we walk in the door it’s all vaulted ceilings, sweeping staircases, marble floors and huge windows. It’s opulent and luxuriant, yet at the same time, and I don’t know how, feels inviting and welcoming. “I’ll give you a tour later, but for now, let’s go into the kitchen, I have dinner waiting.”

  “It’s ready?” I ask surprised.

  “Yes. I had a chef come in and prepare a meal for us. He told me he’d leave it warming in the oven.”

  “A chef? You did not have to do that.”

  “Quiet,” he admonishes. “I’m showing off for my girl,” he says and my breath hitches at those words.

  He pulls me into the kitchen and grabs oven mitts to take the dishes out of the double oven, though the one from which he extracts the food appears to have some warming oven contraption. The kitchen is done in dark wood
with deep gray and white finishes. It boasts custom built in appliances, some concealed by matching cabinetry. It’s beautiful and any chef’s dream, that’s for sure. “I’d love to cook in here some time,” I say absently while turning in a full circle while looking at the pots and pans hanging above the large granite and marble island as he takes drinks out of the massive refrigerator.

  “You can cook?” his surprised tone making me laugh.

  “Yes, I can. Why do you seem so surprised by that?” I ask laughing.

  “Wait, so you’re hot as fuck, sing the way you do, can mix a mean drink and you can cook too? I can probably come in my pants from that sentence alone,” he says and I explode with a loud laugh.

  “Such a dirty mouth,” I tease.

  “Hey, I have my sensitive songwriter creative side as you well know, but I’m still a man who can’t help but respond to my hot as hell woman.”

  “Oh you can’t, huh? Your woman?” I tease.

  His face becomes serious and after he places the drinks down on the counter he walks to me. “Sailor, I’m sorry; I guess I haven’t made myself clear, and that’s my fault, so hear me now.” He rests his hip against the counter and crosses his arms over his chest. “I didn’t expect you. From the moment we met, you’ve surprised me. After what happened with Miranda and my guilt, I feel wrong on some level for even wanting to be with you. Anyone I’ve been with since her I haven’t given a shit about, it’s only been to ease a need or loneliness or because I knew it was causing a stir and I was angry as hell and used it to capture the response I was after. I didn’t care. But, that’s not what I’m doing here. I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but I’d like to find out - if you’re willing. I’m assuming that since you’re here, you feel the same way?”

  “I do,” I say quietly, awed by his ability to easily bear what’s on his mind. I love how he can be crass and an ass one minute and deeply emotional the next.

  “And for the record, I don’t share what’s mine. In case that’s not clear, this is exclusive while we see where it goes.”

  “That works for me as well, don’t worry.” I tell him and almost ache for him because I know he likely has some trust issues after finding Miranda with another man. She owed him a conversation first, if nothing else.

  “One other thing,” he says and hesitates.

  “What?” I ask brow lowering at the look on his face.

  “I think we should keep this a secret from the guys…for now. I mean, they know obviously we are faking a relationship, so they expect that, but I think they will all kick my ass if they find out we’re actually together. Can we wait and see where this goes? Is that wrong of me to ask?”

  “No. No, I understand. They’ve all been through enough,” I say and guilt creeps into his eyes. “I just mean that I’m sure they have all been very worried about you. Let’s not add to their worries for now.”

  “How the hell did I get so lucky to find you?” he asks.

  “Well technically Rick and Jace found me.”

  He sighs deeply and dramatically and I laugh. “And hell yes you can cook in here, but only if it’s for me.”

  “Deal,” I tell him.

  We sit and eat a wonderful dinner of baked chicken breast, asparagus, and wild rice. It’s fantastic, especially the white wine that couples with our meal. We keep the conversation simple, talking about the upcoming tour since we leave in one week. When we’re finished I stand and take our plates to the sink to wash them, but he stops me. “My housekeeper will be here in the morning and she’ll handle that.”

  “You are so spoiled,” I tell him.

  “Hey, I pay her well. She comes every day.”

  “You’re that messy?”

  “No, just that needy,” he says and I roll my eyes. “I was thinking we could take a dip in the swimming pool since it’s almost dark,” he says walking to the back door of his house and pulling open the heavy navy blue curtains that cover the door. The view of the backyard at dusk is breathtaking. A large patio, the width of the house, leads out to a huge swimming pool. Chaise loungers and chairs adorned with thick cushions surround it. There’s a tall fence around the perimeter of the property offering privacy and beautiful flowers and plants run along the entire back wall. It’s beautiful.

  “I didn’t bring a suit,” I tell him absently.

  He turns to me and his smile grows even wider, “I know.”

  “Skinny dipping?” I ask while excitement curls my belly.

  “Hey, I remember our game at the bar. You said it’s on your bucket list. I thought that I’d help you cross it off your list. If you want to - no pressure,” he says softly.

  Smiling, I open the sliding glass door and walk out to the swimming pool. Once there, I slip off my shoe and dip my foot into the water. “Nice and warm.”

  “Perfect swimming temperature,” he says and I know without looking he’s smiling.

  After kicking the water a little, I turn and look at him and find him reclining on a lounge chair. Moving to him, I sit in between his spread legs and lean back against his chest. “Sounds good to me.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes,” I reply, feeling nervous yet excited. The feeling of his hard body behind mine is the perfect foreplay to what’s coming tonight. I want to be with him. Completely. And I can’t wait.

  “While we wait for it to get darker, I have a question for you,” he says into my ear and I nod. “What else is on your bucket list?”

  “Hmm, let’s see. I want to swim with dolphins.”

  He kisses the top of my head, “What else?”

  “I want to travel. There are all kinds of places I’d like to go like Ireland and Tahiti, but Paris has always been at the top of the list too. I want to sip coffee and eat a croissant at one of those little corner cafés. I want to see the Eiffel tour and shop of course. I want to revel in the architecture, visit the Louvre, and other less known museums too. I know it’s probably cliché but I really would love to see the City of Lights. Have you ever been?”

  “I haven’t. Not yet. What else is on your list?”

  “I want to shower in a waterfall, go horse back riding, be an extra in a film, try to make a guard laugh at Buckingham Palace,” he laughs when I say that one. “I want to see the Northern Lights, get a standing ovation, look out the window from the top of a lighthouse, own my own home, and sleep in a hammock by the ocean to name a few.”

  “That’s a really good list.”

  “What’s on yours?”

  “I’ve never really thought about it.”

  “What?” I turn to face him wide-eyed. “Seriously?”

  He shrugs, “Not really.”

  “Well, sounds like it’s time to create one. Together. Let’s start with one item at least for now. What’s something you’d love to do? A place you want to visit? Something you want to try?”

  “Hmm,” he hums while he thinks, “The first thing that comes to mind is skinny dipping with you.”

  Laughing, I stand. “Well come on, let’s scratch that off the list right now.”

  “Yeah?” he asks, stands, and immediately takes his shirt off which makes me laugh. I try not to salivate at the view, all tight chest and abs, the man is ridiculously good looking.

  “Okay, I’ll close my eyes and you can get in the pool. Then you have to close yours while I get in.”

  “What? I have to close my eyes?” he whines like a child and I grin and wait. “Fine,” he says and I immediately turn around. I try not to think too much about the fact that he’s getting naked when I hear the zipper of his jeans and the fabric sliding down his legs. I hear the water ripple as he steps in the pool and move with him as he walks. “Okay,” he says and I hesitate a moment before turning around.

  It’s dark enough that I can’t see anything, especially since the lights inside the pool are off. All we have is the light of the moon that’s rising higher and higher in the sky.

  “Okay,” I smile. “Turn around and close your
eyes.” He smiles and does so and I can’t help but admire the tattoos on his back. I quickly remove my cute skirt and top, slide off my shoes, bra and undies and self consciously walk to the water and wade in, making my way to Maddox.

  I place my hands on his back, then move them up to his shoulders. He slowly turns around to face me, and even though I know he can’t really see anything, I feel fully exposed. He looks down and I know he sees the tops of my breasts, maybe a little more, and I can’t help but reach out and touch the firmness of his chest. I trace his tattoos, loving the feel of my fingertip sliding on his skin. Such a small touch to feel so impactful.

  He reaches up and pushes my hair from my shoulders like he always does, which I’ve come to love. “The water is warm,” he says and I nod. The moon has risen higher in the sky already and with it at his back, it makes him look like he’s glowing.

  “Well, I suppose just standing here isn’t really skinny dipping now is it?” I ask.

  “Nope,” he says and then grins. He dives into the water from his standing position and my eyes widen when his firm ass is visible for a moment before it disappears under the water. With a laugh, I start to swim too. I feel him grab for my leg under the water, and I laugh and swim away. He stands and grins. “Hey, what does this remind you of?” I ask right before I splash water in his face.

  He wipes his hand from the top of his forehead down and blinks at me rapidly, “I don’t know, what?”

  “The day we met,” I tell him and laugh before swimming off.

  He catches me in no time and when he does, he pulls my body to his. When our flesh meets I gasp, as does he. I can feel…everything, and suddenly being with him and the way he makes me feel is all I can think about. One moment we’re practically frozen skin to skin, the next, we’re kissing for all we’re worth. His hands dive behind my head and into my hair; mine wrap around his neck and I press myself even firmer against him. The wetness from the water makes his lips slip and slide against my own. His tongue delves deep and I pull away keeping his bottom lip between my teeth for a moment.