“I don’t want you to touch me when you’re angry. I am not her. My intent was not to make you angry.” I was stunned by her choice of words. I would never compare the two. It was like night and day, down to the color of their hair.
Again, she apologized for her behavior and then asked for my forgiveness, promising me that she would indeed wake me next time. She said it all while holding her chin upright, not cowering, but informing me, letting me know without a doubt I did not intimidate her. She never ran, never flinched, and never raised her voice. She walked around me like she confronted me every day, and she was simply moving on to the next task. I followed her.
“I know you aren’t her; you are nothing like her. I can’t hide my reaction. I was upset. I thought you left without a word.” She turned to face me, so I stopped mid stride and finished, “I have always been one way. I can’t help thinking you’re doing things to get me to react. I know your thoughts are innocent, and I am trying to control my urges to discipline you.” Her eyes grew wide at the word discipline. “I don’t want to be that person anymore.” I heard the pleading in my own voice. I needed her to understand. “She purposely did things to show the control she had over me.”
Katarina took a step back down the stairs she had started to climb as she started talking. “I am not running; well, technically I was running, but not away. I don’t know you, Jason, at all, but you don’t scare me. I think maybe you worry me when you say words like discipline.” It made me smile the way she said ‘discipline’ like it was a curse word. Her nose scrunched up on her face like it was beneath her. What a princess. She kept talking, her hands moving with her lips.
“I don’t want to upset you. You seem so uptight sometimes; maybe you need a fix?” Her face hit the color red again, eyes bright and open. Just when I thought she was about to retract what she was saying, she spat more funny words out. “You know, scratch an itch…I mean, maybe you need to find someone and... I don’t know, make friends.” She did a suggestive wink at the last part that put me over the edge. I was close to rolling on the ground I was laughing so hard. My muscles were all sore from last night’s ass whipping, but it felt great. I stared at her when I finished my laughing fit, for as long as she would let me. Then she turned and took the stairs two at a time, like she had done it a hundred times.
I grabbed some towels for Katarina, and padded down the hall to the bathroom inside her bedroom to lay them out for her. I saw her silhouette behind the glass door, and slid the towels on the floor close to the door. I would love to be in there with her, but I left the bathroom before I let that seed of a thought sprout in my head.
I treaded down the hall to my bathroom. I slipped in and out of the shower, taking care of business. Today was day 99 without sex, and surprisingly, I was very happy. I am not sure if it was just her presence around me, or the way I released all my aggression on a man who called my last girlfriend trash, and raped my princess. It was going to be a great day. I got dressed while talking to Bo, reminding him he was my dog, and not to fall for a pretty lady because she had nice running legs. He seemed to be listening, his black puppy-dog eyes firmly attached to mine. We went downstairs and I fed Bo first, then made a healthy breakfast for Katarina and me. She came downstairs staring at me, and I loved it. I honestly couldn’t remember ever liking anything this much. My smile was so big I thought my face might crack in two.
“Are you going to stare in the doorway, or do you want to sit and stare?” I watched as she tiptoed slowly to the stool at the counter. I placed her fruit and yogurt in front of her, and her eyes lit up. I heard her start humming as I placed scrambled eggs next to her yogurt bowl. I moved quickly around the counter, anxious to sit next to her. I enjoyed watching her eat, and now listening, it was very seductive. She was very appreciative, and all but licked her plate before getting up and taking both plates to the sink. She was quite happy doing the dishes, and again, it looked to me like this was exactly where she belonged. I took a mental picture, and briefly thanked God for sharing this angel with me. She caught me, and I was proud to tell her about my bright side after sharing so much of the darkness with her.
She was very playful with me. I could tell she was relaxed, and I loved this close-up, personal side of my dancing princess. It was very unexpected. I studied her closely, every breath, every laugh, every flirt. With her eyes beaming, her full lips spread into a wide grin; this was how I wanted her to be all the time. She was so curious about why I didn’t talk to her all those months in the coffee shop. It was my opportunity to tell her the truth, that I knew everything about her, that I watched her dance for years, that she was and is my obsession, but I didn’t. I told her that I didn’t want to scare the beautiful, black-haired rabbit. I thought she would like that story better. She wrinkled her nose just like a rabbit would do—the irony escaping her I am sure, but still incredibly adorable.
I drove her to work, unhappy that she had her bags with her. She was already leaving me. I needed more time. Before, I couldn’t get a girl away fast enough, and now I drove slowly, knowing my time was ticking and I was going to have to say goodbye. We talked all the way, and I did my best to keep it light, letting her do most of the talking. I loved to hear her voice. It was refreshing to see things through her eyes. I dropped her off and had to beg her to leave her bags with me. I needed more time, so keeping her things would give me another chance, another date. Desperate I know, but hell, she was…Katarina…and she was so close and I just needed more time. She was reluctant, but did it anyway.
I drove to work examining my intent with Katarina. I didn’t just want to protect her, I wanted to be with her. It wasn’t about her falling in love with me. I felt alive around her. The more I got to know her, the more I didn’t want it to end. Whatever we were, I wanted more. She was my path, the path I knew I should take. She was my home. I just needed her to feel that.
Chapter Ten
I pulled into work and saw two police cars parked out front. My mind immediately flashed to last night’s activities. I got out, hurrying around the front of my Jeep towards the slowly flashing red and white lights. My heart was in my throat as I walked into the veterinary shop, and all eyes turned to me. I walked behind the counter where all four police officers stood, and waved them to the back to my office. Lucky for me, I was early, and my dad wasn’t here yet. Candy, our receptionist, looked at me in a skeptical way. I continued down the hall, gathering my thoughts, and opened my office door. The four policemen walked in. I recognized one as Mike, a bartender at Strikers. I relaxed immediately. He smiled, and I saw him shake his head slightly. He didn’t want the others knowing we knew each other. The club had strict rules about talking about other members to the police. I was positive that Chelsea would remain silent. She called for help, but I am sure she bolted afterwards. She was not going to risk losing her membership.
The large black guy began talking. He focused on his notebook and not at me. “We are here to get your whereabouts for last night.” He glared up at me, and I wondered briefly if he was new. His stiff voice, and the fact that he was reading instead of talking were classic rookie moves. I glanced at Mike, trying to get a feel for how much trouble I was in.
“I had a date. Then I took her home.” I smiled and winked, insinuating I had sex. The men smiled back. “I went to the gym and worked out for a while, and then picked up my date again,” another big smile, “and took her home with me.”
The black guy cleared his throat. “Can she verify that?”
“She could verify all of it, but I am not going to ask her to. What’s this about?” The men looked at each other. I knew I was clean. It was his word against mine. There wasn’t a mark on me, and my hands, although a little roughed-up, were not hands that looked like they had committed assault.
“A man claims you hit him multiple times and left him for dead.” My face transformed into shock. I might have slightly over-acted my surprise.
“Wow, that’s quite an allegation. Can anyone back it
up?” He flipped a couple pages.
“We’re just asking questions right now.” He began scribbling in his notebook.
I stared at the four policemen standing in my office, wanting to laugh. Red must be fucked up if four of them came here to pick me up. I offered free information for whatever it was worth.
“I have not had anything to drink in months. I have a steady girlfriend, who takes up the majority of my free time. The gym is my outlet these days, and I am clean and sober. I am in love, boys. I would do anything for this new woman of mine. Unless this man has assaulted my love, I couldn’t really give a shit about him, and that is the God’s honest truth.” I fixed my stare at all the men equally. They politely left the office, but not before I saw Dad walking in with Bo. Shit. I left Bo in the car, and I bet he was freaking out.
“Thanks, Dad.” My dad looked at the policemen, and then eyeballed me slowly. I was about to explain, but was interrupted by my phone buzzing. I was getting a text from Katarina.
Katarina: Hey, J. I get off earlier than expected today. My friend will drop me off where you work, if that’s ok? I could bring lunch?
I began walking away, forgetting my father’s stare. I was lost in the text. There was something so familiar about her calling me J, but I just couldn’t place it. I busied myself instead of dwelling. I was trying something new, text flirting, and I was enjoying every second. I went back to my office, trying to get the last text in before she went to work.
Jason: Yes that will work lunch sounds great. Don’t think I don’t notice that you are calling me a letter.
Katarina: It’s my favorite letter in the alphabet. I think it matches you perfectly. I have to work now no more flirting.
Jason: R U flirting? I hardly think telling me your favorite anything is flirting.
Katarina: I just mean you have all of my favorite parts. You might as well have my favorite letter to go with.
Jason: I like to know you like my ‘parts.’ I didn’t think you noticed.
Katarina: Seriously, no more ‘parts’ talk. I have to go…send me your work address and I will bring lunch
I sent her my work address and finished it up telling her to have a great day and giving one of those heart tingling smiley faces. It was the beginning of my gooey moments, but I tried not to focus on it.
Satisfied that I made her blush with my words, I put my phone down and watched my father come in and take a seat in front of me.
“What’s going on, son?” I thought he was talking about me texting.
“I like her, Dad, a lot. I never thought I would feel like this. She is under my skin. I feel frustrated and happy all at once. She’s perfect, and she’s everything I don’t deserve, and I am going to ride it out like a surfer on a wave.” He let out a laugh.
“That was her on the phone. She is going to bring lunch. I am going to convince her to stay another night with me.” My dad suddenly looked worried. “It’s not like that; we didn’t sleep together.” He glanced at his watch, avoiding my eyes. My phone chimed again, and my dad left to start his day. It was Brad, or that’s what my phone displayed.
Brad: You are in so much fucking trouble. Red is going to kick your ass, or pay someone to.
Bring it! Is how I wanted to respond, but I didn’t. I knew it was Bettina attempting to get a rise out of me and I was too wrapped up in Katarina to respond. I threw my phone on my desk and got to work. The entire morning flew by, and before I knew it, I was wondering where my blue-eyed princess was. My sister came in, and I had some free time to visit with her. I was sitting next to her on the couch against the wall in my office. Jasmine was in my arms, and Jack was rolling around on the floor.
“She’s the one, sis, and if I had my way, I would have a half-dozen kids and grow old together with her. I know she is the path I am supposed to take.” Her eyes grew big, and then I saw the crease in her forehead. She was battling with anxiety and worry. Jessie knew me better than anyone and always attempted to save me from pain. When Jacy died, she would follow me everywhere, sleep on the floor in my bedroom, and make sure I didn’t self-destruct. She kept me from killing myself…stupid teenage shit…something happens and you’re better off dead kind of drama. Truth was, I cared for my sister, but I was a loose cannon before Jacy died, and so after, I was more like a wrecking ball. She forced me to stay in school though and she kept me fed. One day, I would repay her for believing in me. She was more than my twin; she was my best friend. Did I tell her that? Hell no. Having a girl and a sister for a best friend was for pussies and for boys who were scared of the dark.
“Jason, I don’t want you to get hurt again. I feel like I just got my brother back.” Her green eyes scanned the room, nervous to say what was on her mind. “Just be careful, okay?” She stood up, and slowly paced to my desk and back.
“Jessie, it’s not like she is going to stay. I know she’s running from something, and if I am completely honest with you, she is way too good for me. That sounds insecure and needy, but it is true.” I rose from the couch with Jasmine still in my arms and walked over to her. “I feel relaxed and…calm when I am with her. So for as long as she’ll let me, I plan on staying as close to her as I can.” That didn’t seem to reduce any of the stress wrinkles from her forehead. She took Jasmine from my arms and didn’t look back.
“When can I meet her?” she asked as she busied herself with getting Jasmine strapped into the stroller.
“I actually thought she would be here by now. Come by the house tomorrow, and I will introduce you then.” I walked with her as she stopped by Dad’s office and gave him a hug, then I escorted her to her car.
“Don’t be upset, sis. When she starts to pull away, I will have no regrets. She has fixed broken things inside me already.” I leaned in, giving her a quick hug. “I can’t explain the pull she has on me, but now that’s she’s talking to me and she’s in my home, it just feels right. I am not sure I will ever love again, but this girl is the closest I will ever get.” She sighed loudly when she pulled back from buckling in the kids and looked at me, carefully. I saw tears in her eyes.
“I love you, Jason, but I don’t get it. Why would you put yourself through the torture?” She stormed around to the driver’s side and got in. Her frustration with me and my choices were causing her movements to be rigid.
“Maybe this is how I redeem myself for all the wrong I have done. I am working on my patience and self-control more than ever. It’s not a bad thing; you’ll see. I will walk away from this a better man.” I smiled, even though I knew deep down I could never walk away from Katarina.
She forced a smile at me one more time before she turned away.
I stared at her minivan as she drove away, and reached into my pocket as a text came through from Katarina, letting me know she was on her way, and asking me if I wanted her to get anymore sandwiches.
Time passed slowly as I waited for her. I was anxious, already anticipating her leaving me for the night. The thought of Red, or anyone else getting to her, made me lose my mind. I received two texts from Brad’s phone threatening me to watch my back, but I ignored it and called my phone company to block that number. I was in my dad’s office going over staff reviews and raises when Candy, our receptionist, called to let us know that someone was here. I felt the huge smile spread across my face, and my stomach flipped over.
“Is she why the police were here this morning?” my dad asked as he watched my face come alive. I almost knocked over my chair getting up; it felt like a package I had been waiting for had finally arrived. I moved quickly taking large strides towards the closed door before turning around and answering his question.
“She sure is, Dad. No one is going to hurt her and get away with it. Ever.” I left after that, with nothing else to say, and I knew my dad well enough to know he wouldn’t bring it up again. He was a lot like me in the way he protected his women. I had seen it firsthand when I would argue with my mom, or fight with my sisters.
I walked to the lobby and fo
und her right away. She was smiling, looking at her friend, a very pregnant tall lady with dark reddish hair. The lady was returning her smile, and I could see Katarina’s ease around her. I heard her say my name as the redhead looked up at me and froze. I introduced myself, retrieving the cold drinks from her hands in the process. She just batted her eyes and giggled, and I watched as Katarina called her out on it. The two were very playful with each other, and the banter back-and-forth was something I could watch for hours. Her friend turned and left, and I led her to my office.
I opened the door, and Bo nearly knocked me over to get to Katarina. He must’ve had a thing for her too. I smiled at that thought. I heard her greet Bo. The sound of her voice in such a small area had my blood circulating faster, even to areas I was trying extra hard to control and keep less hard. I watched her walk to my desk, bend over slightly, and pull sandwich after sandwich out of the bag, taking one for herself. She wore navy blue scrubs that fit her perfectly. Her appearance was clean, neat, and very clinical, with the look going all the way up to her tidy ponytail. My fingers itched to touch it, take it out, and let her hair fall, and then bury my face in it. I was lost in thought when she started talking.
“I wanted to say something about my earlier text; I want to clarify something.” She was all business, very serious, and I wanted to touch her to remind her that what was between us was anything but business. She continued to talk, fidgeting, “I like your parts, meaning your eyes, arms, hair, your legs, and your chest.” Her eyes lingered on each part as she studied those parts while she talked. It felt like her hands were on me, and I was barely restraining myself from jumping over to her and asking her to prove it, prove I had those favorite parts. She continued to speak, glancing away for a second.
“But, I do not mean anything sexual. I am far from sexual with my thoughts when it comes to you.” Well, that makes one of us. I watched further, and as she turned to face me, her face was a beautiful, dark pink color. I almost moaned out loud. “Not just you, everyone. I am not interested in anything sexual.” She said the word again, and the strain on my pants became very painful. The word sexual was rolling off her lips like she was begging me to take her, daring me. She definitely needed to stop saying that word.
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