Evertaster

by Adam Glendon Sidwell

  Guster couldn’t believe this. Just like the camp, his hope of finding the Mighty Apes Diamonds was being dismantled all around him. One of the diamonds in the carving had been on the shores of the lake. He was sure of that. Felicity couldn’t blame Riziki’s lies on Guster. He couldn’t have known Riziki was a thief. “They’re here!” he pleaded. “We just have to look in the right place!”

  Felicity ignored him. It wasn’t long before the equipment was packed and the clearing was empty. Felicity mounted the jeep and turned to the Lieutenant. “We’ve got to start over.”

  “How far back?” the Lieutenant asked.

  “Square one. We have to find a new Evertaster to be the Harbinger of Peace.”

  The mercenaries secured the last of the tents then mounted the jeeps. One of them shook his head at Guster. Guster didn’t care what he thought. It wasn’t his job to impress Felicity or anyone else.

  “You’re making a mistake,” said Mom to Felicity. “We haven’t even seen the lake yet.”

  “The locals know it’s a fruitless search. Why can’t you see that?” Felicity said, waving Mom away with her hand. “Start the jeep Lieutenant.” The Lieutenant did so, and turned slowly back down the dirt road in the direction of the airport.

  Guster felt his temper rising. He had to think. He couldn’t let Felicity do this to them — he couldn’t let her take control like this.

  Mom pulled Guster, Zeke and Mariah close. “Maybe we were wrong about the diamonds being in Africa,” she said. “Either way, we can’t keep going on foot.”

  She climbed into the jeep and Zeke and Mariah followed. Guster rooted himself to the spot. He shook his head.

  “Guster, there’s nothing more we can do right here,” Mariah called back to him as their jeep pulled away after Felicity’s. “You can’t stay here by yourself.”

  The last jeep in the convoy started its engine and drove after them. Wandering on foot alone in the jungle wasn’t going to help, so Guster ran and jumped onto the back bumper before it picked up speed. Mariah wasn’t entirely correct. There had to be something more they could do here. He just didn’t know exactly what yet.

  He climbed into the back seat without even acknowledging the Private or the other mercenaries riding with him. He had to think. Had he really been wrong to come here? His gut told him no, but everyone else was convinced otherwise. Maybe they would have to go to Egypt.

  A gloom fell over him as they drove back onto familiar roads. Something about this place had seemed right. It was like it was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t say what. Felicity confirmed that the One Recipe called for chocolate, which meant it had to be a dessert, and it had to be sweet.

  They drove for another hour, winding back and forth through the jungle. They had lost valuable time. Who knew? The Gastronimatii could be in Egypt; they could have the diamonds already.

  “It’ll be nice to finally get away from all this humidity,” said the Private, wiping his brow. The mercenary next to him groaned in agreement. Guster watched the jungle trees zip by like fence posts.

  The Private slowed the jeep as they rounded a tight turn. There was a banana tree on the right side of the road. Suddenly, it clicked. “Stop the car!” Guster shouted.

  The Private slowed the jeep for just a second. That was all the time Guster needed. He leapt out, the jeep still in motion, and hit the ground running. He didn’t stop until he was at the base of the tree.

  The Private honked the horn, and the three jeeps in front of them all came to a stop. “He just jumped out!” said the Private. The mercenaries looked at Guster like he was crazy, but he didn’t care. He needed one of those bananas.

  The ones they’d eaten the night before at camp in the deep jungle were remarkably sweeter than the ones back on the main road. So maybe, just maybe —

  “Can’t you wait for us to get back to the village?” shouted Zeke from his jeep.

  Guster reached up and plucked a banana from the tree, peeled it, and took a bite. He mashed it up against the roof of his mouth. It was almost imperceptible, but for Guster, there was a difference. It was definitely sweeter than the ones from the village, but not as sweet as the ones from camp the night before.

  Felicity stormed from her jeep back to the banana tree. Mom wasn’t far behind. “We’ve wasted enough time already. I will not let you waste more of it,” Felicity said, pointing a finger at Guster.

  Guster didn’t care if she was angry. He was too busy considering the possibilities. If the banana back at the village was sweet, and this one was sweeter, and the one deepest in the jungle was sweetest of all — it marked a nearly obvious trail of progression. The further they went, the sweeter they got. As if they were pointing to something —

  “We’ve got to go back,” he said.

  Felicity put her hands stubbornly on her slender hips. “We’ve already been down that road Mr. Johnsonville. Get back in the jeep. It’s useless.”

  “No it is not,” he said. It was only a hunch, but it was one worth risking. “The diamonds are that way,” he said, pointing back to the camp.

  Felicity folded her arms. “What makes you so sure?” she asked, her eyes boring into him like two drills.

  Guster held steady. He couldn’t let her intimidate him like that. He knew what he knew. “I can taste it,” he said, holding the half-eaten banana up at her face.

  For a fraction of a second, Guster thought he saw a real smile flash across Felicity’s face before the hardened lines returned.

  “Do you want the advice of an Evertaster or not?” Mom chimed in.

  Felicity did not answer. “Men, turn the jeeps around,” she said. “We’re going back into the jungle.”

  She leapt into her jeep. Mom followed her, and Guster got in with the Private again. He knew better than to question Felicity’s sudden change of heart out loud. She was the one who’d called Guster an Evertaster in the first place. Maybe she was willing to bet on it now.

  “Which way Ms. Casa?” asked the Lieutenant as he started the ignition.

  “North,” she said. The Lieutenant hit the gas and to Guster’s satisfaction, the convoy turned up the dirt path. They were actually listening to him.

  It didn’t seem to take nearly as long to get to the camp the second time. They drove right past it, the undergrowth squeezing at the jeeps the further they went. They passed a few empty huts.

  As the miles passed, the trees got taller and taller until he could barely see the sky. They hadn’t passed any huts for a very long time when they came to a fork in the road at the base of a small hill. The Lieutenant brought the jeep to a stop and idled the engine. “Right or left?” he asked. The path to the left was even more overgrown than the one they were on. The one to the right went up the hill.

  Guster answered before Felicity could, “Both,” he said. “We need bananas from both ways.” Zeke looked at him like he was crazy. The Lieutenant waited for an answer.

  “Private, take your jeep up the hill and bring me back the first banana you see. Sergeant,” Felicity said, addressing the driver of the third jeep in the convoy, “head down the other path and do the same. Be back here in fifteen minutes.” The Sergeant and the Private drove off in opposite directions until they were swallowed by the foliage. “You’d better be right about this,” she said to Guster.

  There was no way to tell until he had more of those bananas. “Why not just go back to the main road if you want more bananas?” asked Zeke.

  “Because I’m guessing we can find some that taste even better,” said Guster.

  A half hour later, both jeeps returned. The Private handed a few bananas to Felicity, and the Sergeant did the same. “Had to chase off a snake to get these,” he said.

  Felicity broke off a banana from the bunch and handed it to Guster. “From the right,” she said. He peeled it and took a bite. It was good, but not as sweet as the one back in camp. “And from the left,” said Felicity and handed him one from the Sergeant’s bunch. Guster bit into it
too.

  The difference was obvious. He was sure of it now. The one from the left was so much sweeter than the rest. They were getting sweeter by the mile.

  “That way,” he said, pointing down the narrow path.

  Mariah let out a small gasp. “You’re tasting your way there,” she said. Guster smiled. He knew he could count on her to understand.

  “That’s my boy,” Mom said, absolutely beaming at him.

  Felicity motioned to the convoy, and ordered the four jeeps down the path and into the brush. This was it; they were finding the sweetest way.

  The road got rougher and the jungle more tangled until it became more and more difficult for the jeeps to make any progress. The Lieutenant stopped the jeep in front of a banana tree that had grown in the middle of what was left of the path. He turned off the engine. “It looks like we may need to go on foot from here,” he said. He got out and pulled a machete from his backpack. He picked a banana and handed it to Guster, who took a bite.

  “Even better than before,” he said with his mouth full.

  The Lieutenant hacked his way into the jungle. Guster, Felicity and the Johnsonvilles followed him in, the rest of the mercenaries bringing up the rear. They hiked for hours, stopping whenever they found a banana tree so Guster could have a taste. Occasionally, the fruit was blander, so Guster made them backtrack to the tree before and try a new direction.

  “I think my legs are going to fall off,” grumbled Zeke around noontime. They came to the top of a sheer cliff overlooking a deep chasm.

  “Look there,” said Mariah pointing to a banana tree on the other side. A thick log had fallen across, forming a flimsy bridge.

  The Lieutenant motioned for everyone to stay back. He tested the log with his foot, then carefully balanced out onto it. When he got to the middle, it wobbled beneath him for a second. It looked like he might fall until he quick-stepped to the other side and leapt onto firm ground. He picked the banana and tossed it back across to the Sergeant, who caught it and gave it to Guster. He took a bite.

  It was the best one yet. It was so full of sugar it was almost like candy. He hated to make them do it, but they were all going to have to cross the chasm. “That’s the way,” he said.

  The Sergeant took a step out onto the log when the Lieutenant stopped him. “Wait, use this,” he said, tossing a rope from his backpack to the other side. “Tie it off over there.” The Sergeant did as he was told, and the Lieutenant tied his end off to a tree on his side, forming a taut line in between. The Sergeant then balanced his way across, using the rope as a handrail.

  “Your turn,” said Felicity. Guster grabbed hold of the line and stepped out onto the log. Without even seeing it, he could imagine the terrified look on Mom’s face behind him.

  When he reached the middle, the log sagged under his weight, throwing him off balance. Panicking, he grabbed the rope with both hands. He put his weight on the line, and was able to steady himself enough to get to the other side. His hands were shaking when he finally let go.

  Felicity went next, crossing with the grace of a dancer. Mom and Henry Junior, then Mariah, Zeke, and the rest of the mercenaries all balanced over to the other side before the Lieutenant started hacking into the brush again.

  The forest was brighter here. Yellow, red, and orange flowers grew from vines that wrapped around the trees, giving off the sweet scent of honeysuckle. The further they went, the more flowers there were, each one more vibrant than the last until even the green leaves of the undergrowth were crowded out by their splendor.

  “It smells like fresh, honey-flavored rain,” said Mariah though, from what they could see under the heavy foliage, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

  “It’s the flowers,” said Felicity. “The soil must be extra rich.”

  “Almost like everything that grows here is sweeter,” Mariah said. Then she whispered to Guster, “Maybe Archedentus knew something that Riziki didn’t.”

  “Maybe,” said Guster. He was sure about the bananas, but ever since finding out that Archedentus had never made the Gastronomy of Peace he had to wonder — perhaps the chef never found any diamonds at all. Who knows, maybe he’d sent one of his apprentices along this very path and they were torn apart by lions, never to return.

  The Lieutenant led them into a narrow, foliage-covered gorge, both sides of which were overgrown with flowers. The rustling of jungle creatures and chirping of birds in the trees overhead echoed through the gap from the cliffs above. The walls narrowed so much as they hiked, Guster had to fall in line single-file behind the Lieutenant in order to squeeze between them.

  Sunlight barely leaked through the tangled treetops, making it difficult to see clearly through the shifting jungle. What looked like a shadow leapt overhead. Guster dismissed it as his imagination — there were too many weeds and vines to be sure of anything.

  The gorge widened a little ahead, where a giant boulder blocked the way. “Dead end,” said the Lieutenant. “Looks like we’ll have to turn back.” Just then, the birds stopped chirping and the jungle went deadly silent. The muscles on the back of Guster’s neck tensed. They were being watched.

  Another shadow leapt across the top of the gorge, then two more. He was sure of it this time. There was something up there.

  “What’s going on?” stammered Zeke. He looked nervous too.

  Then, almost as quickly as the chirping had ceased, a whooping and hollering sound exploded from the trees above. Four gigantic gorillas with dark, matted fur dropped from the cliff above onto the boulder like falling pianos.

  “Run!” cried the Lieutenant, drawing his gun. He fired a tranquilizer at the closest gorilla. It lodged in its chest. Before Guster could move, seven more gorillas climbed down vines from the top of the cliff and charged them from behind. A gray-faced gorilla rushed at Guster from the front, the ground thundering as he pounded across it on all fours.

  Guster shoved Mariah out of the way, just as the beast lunged past her and snatched up Zeke with one arm. “No!” yelled Guster, but before he’d finished crying out, two more gorillas plucked up Mom and Henry Junior and the Lieutenant and began scrambling up the side of the cliff. Henry Junior screamed. Guster looked for a way to escape when two palms the size of catcher’s mitts snatched him up from behind, wrenched his feet out from under him and, before he could tell Mariah to run, covered his face. With another lurching motion the gorilla wrapped his furry arms around Guster’s middle and shot up the face of the cliff, Guster’s limbs flailing like a rag doll as the ground fell away beneath him.

  Chapter 19 — The Mighty Sugarback’s Treasure

  Guster did not know which to be more afraid of: the gorilla squeezing him to death, or the gorilla letting go. It was a long way to the rocks below — long enough to shatter Guster’s bones if the beast decided to drop him.

  In two more upward lunges the gorilla reached flat ground. This is where he rips my arms off, thought Guster.

  But the beast did not stop. Instead, it charged into the jungle undergrowth, branches lashing Guster’s bare arms like whips.

  He craned his neck to see if he could catch a glimpse of Mom or Mariah when a huge leaf whacked him in the face. It stung, so he pressed his face against the ape’s smelly black fur to shield his eyes and almost gagged from the stench. It was like riding a bulldozer, the way the big smelly ape snapped vines and twigs into little pieces as he smashed through the jungle.

  On and on the gorilla pounded, shaking Guster’s bones as it charged. Guster’s neck hurt. His head was on the verge of falling off from all the lurching when the big smelly gorilla broke into a clearing and stopped.

  Big Smelly tossed Guster on the ground. Guster got up on his knees, gasping for air now that his ribs were free. He had to find the others. Before he could get his bearings another pair of dirty hands grabbed his wrists and pulled him out flat. A second pair grabbed his ankles, lifting him off the ground. He caught a glimpse of the large gray-faced gorilla entering the clearing, the Lieutenan
t slung across its shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Where was Mom? And Mariah?

  More apes grabbed hold of him; they were pulling him somewhere. He saw hundreds of thousands of bright red, blue, and yellow flowers surrounding the clearing; he was too dizzy from all the jolting and turning to get a clear picture of where he was.

  Do gorillas eat people? he wondered, when he saw five more apes burst into the clearing carrying their human cargo — it looked like Mom and Mariah. A dose of adrenaline squirted out of his pounding heart and shot to his toes.

  Then there were more of them. Gorillas swung down from the trees, hooting and hollering as they herded Mom and the mercenaries toward Guster, pressing him in from all sides. Guster tried to struggle free. There was a crack and a thud. The Private was there — he had freed his gun from its holster and shot a dart into one of the beasts. It fell. Two more took its place, wrenching the weapon from the Private’s hand.

  It all made sense now. This is why Archedentus never made the recipe — he was killed by the Mighty Apes. A smooth hand grabbed Guster’s arm. It was Zeke. At least they would die together.

  Suddenly, the beasts dropped Guster in a heap onto the ground. He landed on something soft: Mariah. Zeke rolled over next to him as he was tossed into the pile. Henry Junior wailed.

  Then, from the far end of the clearing came a ferocious, deafening roar. The gorillas backed away. Everything went silent, and the jungle trembled as the apes shrunk away, bowing their heads and huddling behind each other in fear.

  “What was that?” stammered Zeke. In front of an enormously wide tree at the edge of the clearing, stood the most humongous gorilla of all. He was the size of a bulldozer. His fur stood on end like porcupines quills; his head was as big as a baby bear, his arms as thick as telephone poles. His eyes burned like coals; his nostrils flared, spewing steam like two exhaust pipes over a set of long, brownish fangs that protruded from his open mouth.