A Daughter's Choice

by June Francis

  ‘I only had one room, and had to do everything in that! These rooms are bigger and we could have one each. We’ll be cooking and washing on the landing. I don’t mind doing that for the old lady if she’ll let us have these rooms rent free for waiting on her and doing her washing and the like.’

  Katherine admired her determination. ‘You mean, you’re really thinking of staying? We’d have to spend money and there’s only that toilet down the yard. I bet it’s filthy!’

  ‘I told you, I’ve got money,’ said Celia, mouth setting stubbornly as she folded her arms across her chest. ‘If you don’t want to stay, go! I didn’t think you’d last the course.’

  ‘And what course would that be?’ said Katherine, annoyed by the slur on her character. She marched over to the window and looked out over the road to the post office and Walsby’s the optician’s on the other side. There was a Walsby’s and post office on the Mount. Instantly that longing to return to all that was familiar overwhelmed her and she wanted nothing more than to run out of the building and catch a bus to Mount Pleasant, which she still secretly thought of as home.

  ‘You know exactly what I’m talking about. Living in my world, not hers!’ cried Celia.

  Katherine spun round. ‘Why do you call Ma she and her, and say hers in that nasty way? She helped you when you needed it.’

  ‘Go on, defend her!’ Celia’s expression was unfriendly but Katherine could see she was trembling.

  ‘Don’t get upset. I’m not about to run out on you.’ Katherine went over and put a hand on her shoulder.

  ‘I know it’s not Buckingham Palace,’ said Celia.

  Katherine snorted. ‘More like the Queen’s pigsty!’

  ‘But I’m sure,’ continued Celia, tilting her chin, ‘that with a bucket of hot water and a whole lot of elbow grease and disinfectant, some nice curtains and covers and a few sticks of secondhand furniture, like you said, we can make the place better than it is.’

  ‘Well, that’s easy to believe,’ said Katherine with a grin. ‘It’s just a pity we haven’t got a wishing wand.’

  Celia smiled. ‘You like your joke, don’t you?’

  ‘If you can’t have a laugh now and then, life’s not much fun, is it?’ she said, going towards the stairs.

  ‘So who’s going to say what to the old lady?’

  ‘You!’ said Katherine, glancing over her shoulder. ‘I’m only the girl to her. I’ll deal with Mrs Walsh. Who knows? She just might have something in her attic we may find useful.’

  The trouble was, if Mrs Walsh did, how would they get it to Liverpool? How were they to carry any furniture they might get upstairs? Katherine had never had to handle anything like this before and for the hundredth time since she had left the Arcadia found herself missing the menfolk. She wondered what they thought about her leaving. At least she had probably made three people cheer. Which was a pity! Because the last thing Katie had intended was to make Jack, Eileen and Sarah happy.

  Chapter Ten

  Sarah was far from happy. Everything in her life seemed to be going wrong. Not only had she lost the attention and love of two men she really cared about but now her brother had informed her he was moving his shipping business to Southampton. Unless she went with him she was going to be out of a job and a home. Her emotions were in turmoil so she did what she normally did when in a state of indecision: she caught the Irish ferry and headed for the sanctuary of her parents’ farm in the Wicklow hills.

  She did not blame Davy for wanting to go South. Strikes at the Liverpool docks had not helped his business. Old markets were shrinking and there was growing competition from Europe and the Far East since the end of the war. Even the government was using Southampton more and more. The Devonshire, which had brought troops home to Liverpool a few months ago, would be the last ship to do so. In future trooping would be done elsewhere, so sadly another nail had been knocked into Liverpool’s coffin and its future as a premier port was deeper in question.

  But if Sarah went South, there was no guarantee Ben would chase after her. Men had their pride, even normally easy-going blokes like him. It had been a real shock when he had failed to succumb to her tears and had left her standing on the steps, bereft and unable to think straight for quite some time. Since then she had spent many a sleepless night, wondering how to get him back. She had just never imagined Ben in the arms of another woman and blamed Katherine for encouraging him. For the first time since she and Ben had renewed their old friendship, she had an idea of how he must have felt about Max.

  She sighed. Her marriage had been a mistake but it would never have happened if Davy had not walked in on them the evening she’d lost her virginity. Max had been from the Blue Grass country of Kentucky, mad on racehorses and quite charming. It was just after the war and she was nineteen. Even now she would squirm with the shame which had caused her to blurt out that they were going to be married. Max had behaved like a gentleman and gone along with what she’d said. If he had not, she felt certain Davy would have got rough.

  As it turned out, Sarah had been pregnant on her wedding day but had lost the baby. Thinking about it now, she realised she was no better than Celia. They had both jumped the gun but Mick had not been around to marry Celia. How would she herself have felt if she had been pregnant with no man on the scene to give her a wedding ring, and no parents to turn to? It didn’t bear thinking about. Even so, she could still wish Celia had taken her daughter with her when she was born instead of leaving her in Kitty’s care. Sarah felt certain Ben wouldn’t have behaved the way he had, and she wouldn’t be on her way to Ireland right now, if Katie had not been around. But if she was honest with herself, she could not blame everything on Ben and Katie. There was her own relationship with Mick to be taken into consideration.

  Sarah sighed. It was during a low period in her life that the first postcard from him had arrived and she had been thrilled, but the real Mick was different from her dream, although he had still held an attraction for her. He was not compliant like Ben and would walk away if she got into one of her moods. That had brought her up short because she so wanted his approval. She had eaten humble pie and it had seemed to be worth it; he could be so charming and complimentary. Now she had gone completely off him because not once had he hinted at what had gone on between him and Celia, whilst she herself had told him all about Max.

  She shifted uneasily and thought of Ben again. How serious was he about this woman Rita? Could Sarah win him back? Her confidence had received a severe blow and she felt the need to talk to someone who knew Ben well. As soon as she got off the ship at North Wall in Dublin she would telephone her mother who had always had a soft spot for him. At great expense her father had had a line put into the farm, and it was at times like this she was really glad of that because it was a long walk there from the nearest village and she needed someone to pick her up at the bus stop.

  A truck drew up alongside Sarah where she stood waiting not far from the church. The passenger door was pushed open and she stared in astonishment at the tall lanky figure, dressed in khaki corduroys and a plaid shirt, sitting in the driving seat.

  ‘Jack!’ she exclaimed.

  ‘Aye! It’s me.’ There was a tension about his mouth that reminded her of Ben when last she had seen him.

  ‘Wha-what are you doing here?’ She stumbled over the words because in all her musing she had not given him a thought.

  ‘I could ask you the same?’ He flung the words at her.

  ‘I – I’ve things to discuss with Mammy and Daddy. Davy’s leaving Liverpool.’ She added in a rush, ‘Has Aunt Kitty been in touch?’ Sarah had no idea what had gone on at the Arcadia since Ben had left her standing on the doorstep.

  ‘Nope! But Pops came up to see me.’ He did not look at her as he stowed her suitcase behind the seat. ‘I take it you know about Katie?’

  ‘Yes.’ She bit her lip, unsure what to add.

  ‘Nice surprise, wasn’t it?’ he said sardonically.

  ‘It wa
s a shock. But why are you here? I thought you’d have gone home? Mick and Ben have been looking for her.’

  ‘Don’t I know it!’ said Jack, getting behind the wheel and grinding the gears. ‘Pops and I had a helluva row about it all. It made me see red, them keeping it a secret from me.’ The truck roared up the hill out of the village. ‘You know how much Ma’s given to Katie and her plans for the Arcadia?’

  Sarah nodded. ‘She’s been spoilt.’

  ‘Aye! It just made me mad, knowing that all the time Ma knew she wasn’t hers, and there was me coming home from Ireland and feeling an unwanted stranger. But then, I wasn’t wanted in the first place!’

  Sarah experienced a rush of sympathy. ‘Who said you weren’t wanted? That’s an awful thing to say!’

  ‘Eileen. When I went to Kinsale a couple of years ago to see Annie, whom I was always fond of. I don’t think Eileen meant any harm but she’d heard Annie talking about when I was born and how Ma wanted a girl. Would you believe she dressed me in pink and put a bonnet on me?’ He almost choked on the words.

  ‘Poor Jack,’ said Sarah softly. ‘But they do care about you, you know.’

  ‘Pops only cares about me being the doctor he always wanted to be. That’s why I said what I did.’ He paused and she could see the strain in his face.

  ‘Oh, lor’!’ she said, slumping down in her seat. ‘What have you said?’

  ‘I told him I’d fluffed my exams and wasn’t going to be a doctor. That I wanted to be a farmer or a musician.’

  Sarah gripped the edge of her seat as the truck took a corner too fast. ‘You’re mad! After all the money he’s spent on you!’

  A muscle moved in Jack’s neck but he said nothing.

  ‘Did you fluff them deliberately?’

  A wry smile twisted his face. ‘I didn’t fluff them at all. I did very well, actually.’

  ‘Then why are you here and not doing your final hospital year?’ she demanded. ‘You’re an idjit!’

  ‘I needed to get away from it all so I asked for some time off. I told them my sister was missing and I was needed at home.’

  ‘But she’s not your sister!’

  ‘I know that!’ he said with a scowl. ‘But you tell that to my brain. Besides, I couldn’t tell them the truth.’

  There was silence then she murmured, ‘Do your ma and Pops know you’re here?’

  Jack’s dark brows drew together. ‘No. But I’m thinking of getting in touch with them soon. I’d like to know why Katie’s gone off with Celia when she had so much going for her at home.’

  ‘You should ask Ben. He’s closer to Katie than anyone,’ she said gloomily.

  ‘And you’ve never liked that, have you?’ said Jack, carefully not looking at her. ‘How’s he taking it?’

  ‘Hard! Not that I’ve seen him much recently. He’s seeing someone else.’ Her voice was bright. ‘He blew up just because I said I wouldn’t marry him and went out with your Mick a few times.’

  Jack glanced at her. ‘You’re joking! Unless – did you go out with Mick to get our Ben going? I bet you did! But what a thing to do.’

  Her eyes hardened. ‘Shut up, Jack! I’m upset enough.’

  ‘Our Ben and Mick?’ he mused. ‘I see why you’ve come home.’

  ‘Shut up! You’ve no cause to think I’ve behaved any worse than you have – lying and upsetting your ma and Pops. Now I’m tired, I want a bit of peace.’

  She closed her eyes and both were silent even when the truck drew up in front of a whitewashed farmhouse with rambling roses round its front door. The perfect refuge for anyone wishing to escape reality, thought Jack, though no one could escape for ever.

  Sarah’s parents had heard the truck and were waiting for them. She flew towards them and flung herself into her father’s arms to receive a bear hug. ‘It’s good to have you home,’ he said.

  ‘It’s nice to be home.’ She turned to her mother, who gave her a brief hug. ‘You must be tired out with all that travelling,’ said Becky O’Neill. ‘As soon as you’ve had something to eat, you can have a bath and rest on your bed.’

  Sarah felt herself starting to relax already. ‘I can take the travelling. It’s not knowing where I’m going in life that’s driving me mad,’ she said ruefully.

  ‘You’ll feel better after a cup of tea.’ Becky’s voice was soothing. She led the way into the large farm kitchen.

  ‘Can I have whiskey in it like you used to give me when I had toothache as a child?’ said Sarah, her expression warm as she seated herself on a large squashy sofa.

  ‘Things that bad?’ said her father, removing a copy of the Irish Press from the sofa and seating himself beside her. He took her hand and patted it.

  ‘My heart’s broken! Twice! I’m never going to get married again, the way things are going. Ben’s carrying on with another woman and Mick’ll probably marry Celia!’

  ‘Poor you,’ said her mother without emotion. ‘But how’s Kitty coping without Katie? She’ll be short-handed.’

  Sarah glanced at Jack who was sliding her suitcase beneath the open stairway. ‘You didn’t have to tell us. Jack did,’ said Becky, putting an arm round him as he straightened. ‘We’re like a second family to him, aren’t we, lovey?’

  Sarah felt a momentary jealousy and thought: he fits in here better than I do. She remembered how miserable he had been when he had first arrived as a little boy, and how by the time he had to return to Liverpool he had been her father’s shadow, following him everywhere on the farm.

  ‘You haven’t answered my question,’ said Becky, going over to the huge fireplace where a cooking pot hung from a hook over the peat fire.

  ‘She’s coping as far as I know,’ said Sarah, who had not given any thought to just how Kitty was managing without Katie’s help.

  ‘You hadn’t thought of giving her a hand yourself now that Davy’s going South?’ said Becky with gentle irony.

  ‘Me! She wouldn’t want me! Besides, I came home for some breathing space.’ She glanced at Jack. ‘Isn’t that true for both of us?’

  ‘It was,’ he said, hazel eyes pensive. ‘But I’ve breathed, and now that I’ve seen you I’ve made up my mind that I need to see my parents.’

  ‘You feel ready?’ said Becky, looking concerned. ‘You don’t want to be upsetting Kitty by quarrelling over what she did for Katie. Your mother was only doing her best by the girl.’

  ‘It’s Ma I’m thinking of … because of what you said about her coping. Anyway, I’m going. I have to face up to things sooner or later.’

  Sarah stared and immediately said impulsively, ‘If you’re going, maybe I’ll go back with you. Offer my help to Aunt Kitty as Mammy suggested.’

  Her father groaned. ‘I thought I was going to get to see something of you?’

  ‘Another time, Daddy. Aunt Kitty’s need is greater.’

  Her parents exchanged glances but neither said a word about Sarah’s lifelong habit of avoiding anything that in the least resembled housework. Perhaps Kitty would be glad of her help if she was desperately short-handed.

  Eileen shrieked and her hands clutched at a tablecloth, dragging it several inches before she collapsed on to the floor. Everything on it would have gone with her if the man sitting at the table had not rammed his hands down hard. As it was, his dinner ended up in his lap and his wife’s wine glass went over, turning a patch of tablecloth purplish-red. ‘Someone, help!’ he yelled, as Eileen went rigid.

  John was there in seconds and bent over her.

  ‘Not her!’ snarled the man. ‘My legs are bloody burning. This plate and these potatoes are damn hot!’

  ‘Here!’ Ben appeared at his side with a large cotton napkin and scooped the food up. ‘We’ll pay to have your trousers cleaned, of course.’

  ‘I should damn well think so! And something off the bill as well.’ He snatched his own napkin off the floor, dabbing at his trousers as he stalked out.

  ‘The girl! How’s the girl?’ asked his wife, eyes darting from
her departing husband to the figure on the floor. ‘She looks like she’s having some kind of fit.’

  Eileen had begun to thrash about. ‘She certainly does,’ said John, who did not need to pretend to be surprised at the sight. It was only the fourth time it had happened but this was the worst. Suddenly the girl went limp and he scooped her up in his arms and carried her swiftly out of the dining room, followed by a buzz of excited chatter.

  Ben reappeared and set about bringing order out of chaos. It was years since he had waited at table, but as adolescents all the Ryan boys had been expected to help where needed. Earlier in the day one of the part-timers had phoned in saying her daughter was sick so she wouldn’t be able to put in extra hours today, and tired as he was Ben had volunteered to help out. He apologised to the woman, flirting with her a little, fetched a fresh wineglass and filled it, leaving the bottle with the compliments of the house. The woman responded with thanks and a smile but he guessed they would probably still have trouble with her husband. Ben intended leaving him to Kitty, who had just entered the dining room in a hurry.

  ‘Eileen’s not going to be able to wait on any more, Ma,’ he murmured as he passed her. ‘You can’t chance this happening again.’

  ‘I’ll think about it in the morning,’ she said, weary eyes darting round the room. ‘Let’s get this evening over with. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Now where’s that man Pops mentioned?’ Ben told her he had gone up to his room and left her to it. He headed for the kitchen where he found Mick, still in uniform, making coffee.

  ‘You’ve been roped in, too, I see?’

  ‘Looks like it. Exciting life we lead,’ drawled Mick. ‘As soon as I can, I’m getting out. This isn’t how I envisaged my evenings when I left the navy.’

  ‘Come home, Katie, all is forgiven,’ said Ben sotto voce.

  Mick nodded. ‘Maybe I’ll go out looking for her at the weekend. Right now, it’s supper and bed for me. I’ve got to be up extra early in the morning.’

  Only John was up when Mick let himself out to catch a bus in Ranelagh Street for the Pierhead the next day. The sky was pale grey and it was raining. Passengers were spilling off the Irish boat as he made his way to the Customs shed with a message for one of the other officers. He had just dealt with the matter when he was brought up short by the sight of Jack and Sarah, looking dishevelled and droopy-eyed.