Forever Your Heart

by Mary Whitney

  Title Page

  Forever Your Heart

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  Mary Whitney

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  Omnific Publishing

  Los Angeles

  Copyright Information

  Forever Your Heart, Copyright © 2014 by Mary Whitney

  All Rights Reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher.

  ...

  Omnific Publishing

  1901 Avenue of the Stars, 2nd Floor

  Los Angeles, California 90067

  www.omnificpublishing.com

  ...

  First Omnific eBook edition, April 2014

  First Omnific trade paperback edition, April 2014

  ...

  The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

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  Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

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  Whitney, Mary.

  Forever Your Heart / Mary Whitney – 1st ed

  ISBN: 978-1-623421-28-1

  1. Contemporary Romance — Fiction. 2. First Love — Fiction. 3. New Adult — Fiction. 4. Washington, DC — Fiction. I. Title

  ...

  Cover Design by Micha Stone and Amy Brokaw

  Interior Book Design by Coreen Montagna

  Dedication

  I’m not sure when my love of all things British began.

  It may have started when I was very young as my mother watched every episode of Upstairs, Downstairs on Masterpiece Theatre.

  Or maybe it was when I was eight and devoured

  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and everything else

  Roald Dahl ever wrote. Regardless, it was in high school and college

  when I met all those Byronic heroes in my English classes

  that I became an Anglophile for life.

  So this book is dedicated to Mr. Darcy and Mr. Rochester

  because there wouldn’t be an Adam without you.

  Prologue

  Adam Kincaid

  BLOKES DON’T CRY, at least they’re not supposed to, but it didn’t stop me that steamy Texas morning in 1993. Bawling like the teenage baby I was, I’d crouched down on Nicki’s driveway as pure anguish knocked the wind out of me. I must’ve been a sight for her to run out of the house for another goodbye. She made me smile, but it didn’t change anything. She loved me, but she didn’t want to have anything more to do with me, and my dad’s job was taking us back to England. Her goodbye was for forever, and I had to leave.

  I ran down the row of suburban homes, simultaneously berating myself for fucking everything up whilst selfishly hoping distance might make it better. After all, she was stronger than me. She’d proven it time and time again. But when she was at her weakest, I’d caused her irreparable harm—more than once. What I didn’t know then was that I’d scarred myself for life as well.

  At the time, I’d tried to justify what I’d done. She’d hurt me also. Terrified of any more pain in her life, she’d pushed me away even before I ruined everything. So hadn’t she played some part in what I’d done?

  With each passing year, however, I realized that even if the answer was yes, it didn’t lessen the guilt I felt or how much I missed her. A decade and a half later, we were now going to see each other again. Could she ever forgive me?

  Do you forgive yourself when you hurt someone you love?

  You don’t have to answer now, because I’ve jumped ahead of the story. Pardon me if I tell it out of order. We do that with our wounds. The memories jumble together, and we revisit them over and over as if the years might change our perspective. I can’t start at the beginning, though. You might not forgive me if I did.

  Chapter One

  London, UK

  July 1998

  FIVE YEARS AFTER RETURNING to England, I could go days, even a week or so without a thought of Texas and Nicki. I lived in the present rather than dwelling on the mistakes of my past. In the words of my father, I had a bright future ahead of me—the start of an impressive career, and a beautiful girlfriend with a pedigree and résumé to match my own. All in all, everything in my life had been going splendidly until I got the email. Nicki’s best friends were planning a visit to London and wanted to get together while they were here.

  The evening we’d agreed to meet, I was late—uncharacteristically so, sign enough that I wasn’t ready for what lay ahead. As soon as I stepped onto the street from the tube, I ran to the pub. I’d catch hell from David for being late, so every second counted. Though when I arrived at the Barnfield Arms, I wondered why I’d hurried.

  Far at the back, David seemed to be enjoying himself and clearly was not worried about me. He leaned back on the bench, occasionally taking a swig from his pint of ale as he checked out the girls standing around the noisy bar. He was my cousin and best friend, and I knew exactly what he thought as he gawked at a blonde with huge knockers.

  “David, put your eyes back in your head,” I said as I took a seat. “They’re on stalks.”

  “Piss off. You were looking, too.”

  “It’s difficult not to notice that one.” I chuckled, taking another glance at her.

  “You’re late. I thought we said half past six. It’s almost seven.”

  “I…er…got caught up at the studio.”

  “Right.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re late on purpose because you’re nervous as fuck.”

  “Maybe…a little bit.”

  “You’re only seeing her friends again—not her.”

  “I know, it’s just weird—know what I mean?”

  “I suppose, but you’ve got a serious girlfriend now, bucko. Shouldn’t you be—”

  “Let’s not talk about Muff.” I rubbed my forehead in frustration. I was tense, and I shouldn’t have been snipping at David. “I’m sorry. I’m being an arse. It’s just that they’re different.”

  “Yeah, they’re different. Muff’s not Nicki. That’s your problem, cuz.”

  “We’ve been through this a million times. What do you want me to do about it?”

  “Can’t say. I’m not you.” David shrugged. “No one gives a flying fuck about what I do or where I live. I don’t have a family bloodline to keep up.” He sipped his beer as if toasting to the fact. “Thank the fuck.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” I said, raising my glass.

  “So does Muff even know about Nicki?”

  “No, and she never will.”

  “You’re a bloody nutter. What does it say if you won’t even tell your girlfriend about her?”

  I flashed him a look, and I felt badly as soon as I did. Why was I mad at him when I was really mad at myself?

  Then his tune changed entirely. “Well, look at what’s walked in—our little American birds. They’re even prettier than I remember.”

  I craned my head to locate Lisa and Rachel. “That’s because at the time you were looking at Nicki.”

  “Well, someone needed to.” He nudged me with his elbow. “Anyhow, it got you off your cowardly arse.”

  “That it did.”

  If David hadn’t made me jealous as hell, I might never have asked Nicki out. I’d already hurt her once, and she’d run away from me like I was the devil himself. Well, when David had made his move on her, I couldn’t have that. She was mine, not his, and even he’d known it. That’s what had got my arse in gear.

  As Lisa and Rachel walked toward our table, we both stood and donned smiles. David’s eyes glittered as if he’d struck gold and would now h
ave his choice between Halle Barry and Heidi Klum. If he only knew.

  “Which one do I pick?” he said breathlessly. “You don’t suppose I could have them both.”

  “Fat chance. If you’re lucky, maybe Rachel.” I doubted Lisa had changed since secondary school, and back then, she’d been formidable. There was no way she was going to give my cad of a cousin the time of day.

  On the other hand, the way Rachel sashayed through the pub indicated a romp in the hay with a Brit was just what she’d had in mind for her European holiday. During my year in Texas, Rachel had been a devoted girlfriend to my best mate, Tom, but they’d long since broken up and were now only friends. Tom had warned me Rachel had mentioned David more than once before her trip.

  “Hello, Lisa. Hello, Rachel,” I said, stepping aside from the table to greet them.

  “Hi, Adam. Thanks for meeting with us,” said Lisa. Five years later, her tone hadn’t changed with me; it was still friendly with a hint of skepticism. She gave me the kind of perfunctory hug I’d seen my sister, Sylvia, give to our creepy Uncle Willard. To David, Lisa simply extended her hand for a quick handshake.

  Rachel’s vivaciousness made up for Lisa’s coldness. She gave me a warm but platonic hug, along with additional greetings from Tom. Turning to David, she said coyly, “I remember you.”

  “And I remember you,” he said with his arms open.

  Accepting his invitation, Rachel hugged him, which caused her blouse to rise. Since his hand was at her waist, it wandered onto the bare skin of her back, where it resided long enough to signal a very promising night was ahead of him.

  After we saw to it that our guests had drinks and were comfortable, we began to exchange information about our lives in the last five years. With her eye on her prize, Rachel asked the first question. “So, David, the last time I met you, you were traveling the world. What are you doing now?”

  “I’m an investment banker at Barclays, based in the City.”

  “You’re an investment banker—like a stockbroker?” Lisa asked a little incredulously.

  David shrugged. “I’ve always been a good gambler. Now I get paid to gamble with other people’s money. It’s the best of both worlds.”

  Lisa turned to me, and the friendly interrogation I’d braced myself for began. “What about you, Adam? Where did you go to school?”

  “I graduated from Oxford, and I’ve just started working for the BBC…you know, training to be a journalist.”

  “I’ve thought about going into journalism also,” Rachel said. “I majored in mass communications, but I really have no idea what I’m going to do next. Tom even suggested I meet up with him in LA and start going to auditions. I told him I can’t act, but he said that doesn’t matter.”

  David’s eyes scanned Rachel’s generous breasts and said, “I have to agree with him on that.”

  I snorted but quickly covered it up by asking Lisa, “What about you? You always did well in school.”

  “I’m pretty boring. I went to Columbia and majored in chemistry. Now I’m at Johns Hopkins for med school.”

  “It’s kind of sad,” Rachel said. “I don’t think Lisa, Nicki, and I will ever live in the same city again.”

  My eyes flashed to hers upon hearing Nicki’s name. I thought it would take longer for her name to come up, but here it was so soon. Taking a deep breath, I asked the question everyone was waiting for me to: “So, how is Nicki?”

  Lisa answered immediately, “She’s good. She says hi.”

  I nodded, trying to maintain some inner calm as my heart thumped at the idea of Nicki telling me hello. “What has she been up to?”

  “Well, she graduated from University of Chicago, but she first went to school at UT. She wanted to be close to her grandma, who was sick for a while. When her grandma died, she left Austin and moved north to be near her dad. Her mom had already moved out of Texas when she remarried.”

  Another death for Nicki? She had just lost her sister in a car crash when I’d known her. Nicki and her mom lived. Her sister hadn’t. Riddled with grief and survivor’s guilt, Nicki’s own scars from the accident were a constant reminder of it. Now the grandmother she’d always spoken of so fondly was gone. A pang hit my heart as I remembered holding her in my arms as she’d cried for her sister. Really, it was the pain in her life that had brought us together.

  This time, had she grieved alone? Did she have another guy there to hold her? It gutted me to think that someone else had taken my place, even though, realistically, I knew it must have happened.

  I’d surmised from the addresses on her letters to Sylvia that Nicki had moved around, and now I had an explanation. My smile had long since faded when I said, “That’s awful. Please tell Nicki I’m sorry to hear about her grandmother. I know how much she loved her.”

  “Um. Sure.” She gave me a perplexed look, and after a moment of awkward silence she added, “Anyway, Nicki did really well in school. She majored in history and English and graduated Phi Beta Kappa. Her dad was all set on her going to law school, but I don’t think that’s going to happen now.”

  “Why not?”

  “She caught the political bug. She interned with a few elected officials during college, including her state senator, James Logan; she also worked on a few elections, so she held off filling out her grad applications. Now Logan is running for governor, and she’s helping run his campaign’s field operation. If he wins, I bet she’ll go work for him—not like a big job, but something. Logan thinks she’s super smart. I don’t see her going to law school when she can work for the governor of Illinois.”

  “Really?” That I was not expecting. The budding journalist in me took over as I began to configure Nicki’s story. She’d always known what was going on in the world and was thoughtful about it. She had a lot of opinions and was shrewd. I could imagine her involved in politics. And as a future member of the press, I loved politics, so I started peppering Lisa with questions. “So this James Logan. Is he a Democrat or a Republican?”

  “Democrat.”

  “Conservative or liberal?”

  “Moderate…I think.”

  “Really? How so? On what issues?”

  “I don’t know.” Lisa shrugged. “That’s just what Nicki said.”

  “So does Nicki consider herself a moderate?”

  “I have no idea. I don’t even really know what that means. Frankly, I don’t care about politics.”

  “What does she think of this mess about President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky?”

  Rachel chimed in. “Oh, I can answer that one. Nicki’s worried about what it means for Democrats in the next election, but she still laughs about it. I mean…how could you not? The president got a blowjob from an intern right there in the Oval Office. That’s pretty funny.”

  David looked to Rachel with raised eyebrows and seductively said, “Indeed.”

  Ignoring the eye-fucking that commenced between the two of them, I went back to my questioning. “So does Nicki have any interest in foreign policy or just domestic issues?”

  David interrupted his stare at Rachel to look at me. I could easily guess his thought: Ask her yourself, you tosser.

  Lisa and Rachel caught each other’s eye and exchanged knowing looks. At once, I knew I’d gone too far and quickly changed the subject.

  For the next hour, we chatted, having a good time. Lisa and I both watched with amusement as Rachel and David inched closer to one another, never missing the “accidental” opportunity to touch. I also kept my eye on the time. I’d scheduled a date with Muff just so I could have a quick exit, but regretted it now because I wanted to stay and see if they disclosed another tidbit about Nicki.

  Seeing me check my watch a third time, David asked, “Time to leave?”

  “Pardon me.” I smiled apologetically to Lisa and Rachel. “But I must run. I have an appoint—”

  “A date,” said David.

  The words jolted me at first, but I realized I needed to man up to the situation.<
br />
  “With who?” Rachel asked innocently. “Can she come here?”

  “I’m seeing my girlfriend. Muff.” It sounded altogether wrong. Rachel and Lisa’s presence reminded me that my girlfriend’s name had been Nicki. Then I saw Lisa’s incredulous face. Was she angry with me?

  “Excuse me? What’s her name?”

  “Uh, Muff. It’s a nickname. Her given name is Mary.”

  “Oh.” Lisa kept a straight face, but she didn’t appear upset. Then her lips skewed as if a smile was trying to force its way through.

  “I’m sure she’s a very nice person.” Rachel giggled. “But in America, ‘muff’ means…”

  “It means the same thing here.” David smiled at her in admiration. “The posh types are so inbred that they don’t know better. They give their children ridiculous nicknames.”

  Rachel snickered. “So does she have a sister named Theresa who they call Twat?”

  The table erupted in laughter, except for me. I only mustered an anxious chuckle. As the giggles died down, I became even more uncomfortable. I needed to leave, but I didn’t want to, and I was unsure what to say to the girls about Nicki. Eventually, I reminded myself that I’d set the date up with Muff just to avoid the situation I now found myself in.

  I looked over at David to make sure he was all right being left with the girls. He grinned, indicating he was chuffed to have the job of entertaining the ladies for the evening. Seeing that was covered, I glanced at my watch yet again, which confirmed my dithering had made me very late. Now I felt like a coward with Nicki and a heel with Muff. Without another word about Nicki, I swiftly bade them goodbye and fled the pub.

  As I walked away, I heard David say, “What? What are you two thinking?”

  Rachel’s distinct Texas drawl answered, “Awkward…”

  Over a long dinner with Muff, I managed to remove Nicki from the forefront of my thoughts. Hopefully by the next day, she’d be back to her proper place, buried in memories I did my best to avoid.

  In the meantime, I spent the evening focused on Muff, who couldn’t have been more different from Nicki. Muff was a tall, willowy blonde with perfectly coiffed straight hair falling below her shoulders. Nothing about Muff’s appearance or her life was ever out of place. If I couldn’t have Nicki, Muff’s consistency was at least reassuring.