He was wearing button fly jeans, and she unfastened the first button, then the second, and said, “Oh, what have we here? I think there’s something down there that desperately wants out.” He loved the sense of fun she was bringing to round two of their lovemaking. It was going to be even better because of it. “Maybe I can help.” He sighed as she opened another button, and she sucked on his lower lip. “I think I need to let him out.” Oh, fuck, yes, please. She kissed him hard then and slid her hand inside his underwear. She wrapped her hand around his cock and oh, fuck. He thought he was going to lose it right then and there.
He couldn’t concentrate anymore. All his focus flew to her hand and what it was doing to him. He’d been in an aroused state for far too long, and nothing—aside from orgasm or a war breaking out around them—would get his mind back on anything else. Val kissed him, but it was even difficult to concentrate enough to kiss her back. Then she said, “Shit.”
“What?”
She was unbuttoning her jeans and got off him. “I’m gonna have to take these all the way off.”
“I’m not complaining.”
She smiled. “I didn’t figure you would.” As she messed around with her jeans, he grabbed the Walmart bag and fished out the box of condoms. It was time, and he opened the box and took one out. He unwrapped the package and started rolling it over his cock.
She straddled him again. “Scooch forward a little.” He was her willing slave at that point and did as she asked. She tilted and slid his cock inside her. He closed his eyes, letting himself become absorbed in the moment. Shit. She felt like heaven. “Ah…” She must have felt the same way. It felt so damn right when she shoved her fingers into his hair and pressed her lips into his. Yes. This was what they should have done years ago back here, but he wondered if it tasted sweeter because he’d had to wait so long.
He could barely focus. It was all he could do to grind—as slowly as possible—and not lose his load. Not yet. He had to maintain…just a little longer.
He grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and asked, “Mind if I pull this off?” He wanted to feel all of her against him—no cotton between them. And it was sweltering in that van. If she was going to sweat, he wanted to feel it on him. Her skin on his, all of her body on him. Without a word, she lifted her arms, and he pulled the shirt over her head. Holy shit. She hadn’t put her bra back on. Her tits were right there in his face and his concentration flew away again. He left the shirt hanging on her wrists, taking a breast in his hand and sucking her nipple into his mouth.
She was so fucking hot, and she was grinding into him. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold out, but he was going to do his best. She took her hand out of his hair and slid it between their bodies. She started fingering herself. Holy fucking shit, that was hot, and she gasped as her eyes closed, and she rotated her hips into him again.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Let me help.” He stuck his thumb in her mouth. She started sucking on it, and he was sure then that he was going to blow. He couldn’t leave it there or he would. He pulled it out and replaced his hand with hers. He searched for her clit with his thumb and her breathing grew erratic. That was the sign he’d been looking for. Now she was close too.
That was the moment he’d been waiting for. He kept up the pressure and the motion with his thumb. She sucked a big gulp of air in her mouth. “Oh…” She was still riding him, but he could tell her concentration was now shit too—she had one goal in mind now and that was hitting the mark. She gasped a couple of times and then he felt her thighs quiver against his hips. “Oh, God, Brad…” His hand rested on the small of her back to steady her, and he refused to let up on her with his thumb until he was sure she was done. But then, hearing her cries again, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He let it all go and it was fucking magic. A burst of pleasure unlike any he had ever known, and it filled him with light and bliss…and more love than he’d ever known before.
It took a minute or two for him to get his bearings, but he was holding her close to him. She could never be close enough for him to feel like she was. His breathing slowed and then he realized that it was fucking insanely hot in that goddamn van. They were both sweaty. It didn’t bother him much, but he was sure she didn’t care much for it. He mourned the fact that he was going to have to let her go. He prepared himself for it, and, moments later, she got up off him and got dressed.
He took that as his cue to put his clothes back on too.
They were quiet on the drive back. He was suddenly exhausted, but his emotions were battling with him now. All the love, all the emotion he’d felt before was now replaced with doubt and insecurity. He knew Val as well as he knew himself, and as much as he’d wanted to believe she now thought he was the guy for her, he wasn’t too sure about it. Val had run back to Ethan more times than he could count, had spurned Brad more than once as well, and he was afraid he had more invested here than she did. He knew he cared about her a hell of a lot more than she did him. And it left him feeling empty when he should have felt like he was on top of the world.
He decided then and there that he would just enjoy the moment. He couldn’t control what she would say or do tomorrow, so he had to appreciate what they had tonight. It killed him to think that way, but he knew it was what he had to do.
Still…inside of him, a war had been waged and he was a fucking hot mess.
When they got to the hotel and got out of the van, he kissed her as soon as he’d helped her out. If his kisses could erase the memories she had of old lovers, he was going to do it. Or if this was the only night they would ever have together, he wasn’t going to let it end already. So when they were in the elevator, he pressed her up against the wall and kissed her until he heard the bell ring and the door opened. He kissed her right outside too, and then he held her around the waist before they started walking down the hall. She asked, “You’re coming to my room, aren’t you?”
He realized that he’d expected her to tell him good night and send him on his merry way until she’d asked. Her question was a bit of a reassurance, but the doubt still nagged at him. “Sure.” They walked past the suites occupied by all the other band members and noise was drifting out of the doors of the one in the middle. Brad hoped they wouldn’t get in trouble, because it was late, but he wasn’t going to worry about it. He had his own concerns right now, and the partying wasn’t one of them. He knew Val was thinking the same thing he was, hoping that no one would come out of the room as they walked past. It would have made their time together awkward and uncomfortable.
They got to her room and she opened the door. As soon as they got inside, Val started giggling. She was looking at the Walmart bag that contained the box of condoms. He smiled in spite of the storm of emotions brewing in his chest. “What? I couldn’t leave that in the van for the guys to see.”
She placed the card key on the dresser. “It’s not like they’ve never seen a condom before.”
“Yeah, but you know they’d ask where it came from. Would you be able to keep a straight face?”
She shrugged and changed the subject. “I want to shower. I feel all sticky and gross.” Yeah, he did too.
“Can I join you? No hanky panky if you don’t wanna. I just feel pretty sweaty myself.”
She nodded and walked toward the bathroom. He took a deep breath and clenched his jaw. Jesus fucking Christ. He’d never felt as insecure in his life as he did right at that moment. He knew—just fucking knew—this was a dream. It couldn’t be real. He swallowed hard. Get a grip, Payne. Enough. He had to stop trying to jinx the night. He took a deep breath and pulled his shoes off, then started walking toward the bathroom. She already had the water running by the time he got there. She was pulling her clothes off and so he pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it on the floor.
She grinned, fully naked again, and said, “Meet ya in there!” She hopped in the tub and pulled the curtain closed.
He pulled his jeans off and took another deep breat
h. Fuck. Why the hell was he letting this whole thing get him down? He should be happy right now. He’d dreamed of this for how long? Why couldn’t he just let it go and enjoy the moment?
He pulled the curtain back and stepped in. Val was rinsing soap off her breasts. Things didn’t feel right and he didn’t know why. He thought she could sense his mood, because she grabbed his hand and slapped the tiny motel bar of soap into his palm. She said, “Turn around.”
“What for?”
“I’ll wash your back.” He turned around, giving the soap back to her. He closed his eyes as a few trickles of warm water splashed onto him, but he felt her sliding her hand over his back, gliding because of the soap on it. He loved the feel of her hand on him, and he wanted to imagine years of that, but something in the back of his mind tickled at him, told him he shouldn’t get his hopes up.
She announced, “All done,” and he turned around, trying to force a smile on his face. She could sense that all was not right with him, though. “You okay?”
He was a fucking idiot if he thought he could hide from Valerie. Still, he wasn’t going to tell her what he was thinking, so he nodded. “Yeah.”
“You’re probably as tired as I am.” She held the soap out for him and said, “Trade places? I’m gonna get out.”
She stepped out of the shower and closed the curtain. He braced himself against the wall of the shower and let the water rain down on his head. He wanted to wash it all away—all the doubt, the fears, the lack of faith he felt. He wanted to believe in Val, believe in them, but he couldn’t shake that feeling.
More than that, he was aching. He knew he should be filled with love, and he was, but it should have been a feeling of wonder and happiness. Instead, it was a feeling of dread and worry, complete disbelief. He took a deep breath and found his resolve. No matter what tomorrow brought, he was going to be for Valerie what she needed tonight. He could do that. He just had to let go. And so he did his best—he let it all wash down the drain and let the overwhelming love he felt for her take over.
It was the best he could do.
Chapter Forty-six
BRAD WALKED OUT of the bathroom and found Val already in bed, a pillow tucked under her head, her eyes closed. He walked over to her and got under the covers beside her. He felt a little better after the shower, but he could feel the lingering doubts hovering in the dark corners of his mind. Still, as he’d promised himself, he was going to try to get out of the funk he was in and enjoy their time together.
He looked at her. God, she was beautiful. Her long brown hair, damp from the shower, lay on the pillow behind her. Her skin was flawless, a peach color, and it was even more beautiful without the makeup she usually wore. The sexy tribal armband on her upper arm accentuated the definition she’d worked into her arms. His eyes raked over her again, loving the eyebrow piercing that drew more attention to her already striking eyes. He was rubbing her arm absentmindedly, and she opened her eyes. She smiled up at him. “You okay?”
He lied. “Yeah.”
Goddammit. But she knew. Of course, she knew. This was Valerie, a woman that he did think was his soul mate, even when she seemed bound and determined to deny it. She knew and she wasn’t going to let it go. “Is something wrong?”
He forced a smile. “No.” He could be honest and tell her at least part of the emotions running through him. He looked in her eyes and made himself say some of what he’d been gnawing on. “You…are so…special, Val.” She blinked and said nothing, sensing he was working through the emotion. “I just…never expected this, I guess.” There was more to it, but he didn’t want her feeling guilty about something she hadn’t even done.
She stroked his cheek. “Do you regret it?”
God, he didn’t want her to think that. He could never regret anything he’d ever done with her. “Oh. No. Fuck, no. I just…didn’t expect it.” She tilted her head, and he knew then that she understood. She knew how deep this all went for him and so she didn’t have another word to say.
All he could do then was kiss her.
He loved this woman, loved her more than life itself, and he now felt whole for the first time in his life. She knew; she felt it too, and as he continued kissing her, she got closer to him, winding her fingers through his hair.
She was full of desire—he could feel it. Was he ready to make love to her again? Yes, he was, but he didn’t want to rush this time. He wanted to savor her, taste her as though she were his last meal. She was demanding, though, moving at a hurried pace, and he was bound and determined to take his time.
He could feel her swallow as he kissed her neck. He could feel what she was feeling. It was deep and soulful, and there were no words for it. It wasn’t just love. It was more than that. It was deeper than anything he’d ever known, and he knew then that it wasn’t just him. She felt it too. By the time they joined again, he felt as though they were on a cloud, ethereal, and being inside her was where he belonged. It felt so right, so pure, so perfect.
Her orgasm wasn’t as intense as it had been earlier, but she cried his name, consumed him, buried him inside her.
And as she fell asleep in his arms, he was finally able to say what he’d needed to say all night. “I love you, Val.” He kissed her forehead and whispered, “And I always will.”
* * *
He awoke to a loud banging, and it felt like he’d just drifted off to sleep. Then he heard through the door, “Val? Val! Are you in there?”
Yeah…it really had happened.
He took a deep breath, trying to get his bearings. He heard Val say, “Yeah. What do you want?”
“Can I come in?” It was Nick.
Val sighed and looked at Brad. She raised her voice. “Can’t it wait till morning?”
“No. Please hurry up.”
Something was going on. Still…he wanted to respect Val’s wishes, so he whispered, “You want me to lay low?”
“Think he’d freak out with you in here?”
Brad smiled. “We’re talking about Nick. Yeah. He’ll freak. Or not.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I dunno.” He didn’t believe so after giving it more thought. Nick was pretty laid back—usually—but whatever was going on had the guy rattled, and it made Brad tense and he projected those feelings onto their drummer.
“Then just be quiet.” She wanted him silent. He could do that. “Just a sec.” She kissed him and then started dressing. He rested his head on the pillow.
But as she started walking to the door, he decided he should prepare as well. Something was seriously wrong. He could sense it. He went into the bathroom and found his jeans, pulling them on. He was able to hear Val open the door and say, “Yeah. What’s so frigging important it can’t wait till morning?”
“It’s Ethan.”
Oh, fuck. Yeah. Brad headed toward the door as Val said, “What? What, Nick? What the fuck?”
“I’m sorry to bug you, Val. I tried to find Brad. But—”
Their worst fear. Brad said, “Spit it out, man. What the fuck happened?”
“He won’t wake up, man. He’s like—”
“Where is he, Nick?”
“He’s in the suite. He’s passed out.”
Brad pushed past the two of them, heading down the hall, Nick right behind him. He entered the suite. There were people surrounding one of the couches, and that’s where Brad’s gaze focused. Zane was beside Ethan. Fucking A. He knew before he even got all the way to his brother. It was just a matter of time, right? It was bound to happen, the overdose that had been lingering on the horizon. Leave it to Ethan to do it on the most important night of Brad’s life, though.
The back of his mind told him maybe Ethan knew what was going on and had done it on purpose.
As soon as he thought it, he grew angry with himself. Of course, Ethan didn’t do it on purpose—not the overdosing part anyway. This was what Ethan did, and it wasn’t the first time. And it would keep happening until he gave the shit up for good.
Or died
. But he couldn’t think that way.
Brad had to make his way through the people standing around gawking to get to the couch where Zane and Ethan were, and he sensed that Nick and Val were right behind him. Ethan’s head was reclined on the back of the couch. Brad asked Zane, “How do you know he’s not just sleeping?”
“He’s not. You try waking him up.”
Val cut in front of him and sat next to Ethan. “Ethan. Ethan? Wake up.” Ethan didn’t say a word. He didn’t blink or stir, and Brad saw panic wash over Val’s face. She grabbed Ethan’s shoulders and started moving him, but his head just swayed with the motion. He wasn’t there. “Ethan. Wake up.” Brad could tell from her voice that Val was starting to lose it. “Damn it, Ethan. Wake up. Wake up…” Zane grabbed her hands. Brad was grateful for that, because he had some decisions to make and didn’t need her being hysterical.
“How long has he been like this?”
Nick said, “I don’t know. We just tried to get him up a while ago.”
“What’d he take?”
“Hell if I know, man. With Ethan, it could be anything.”
Zane looked up. “Or everything.” Yeah, Brad knew that.
Someone in the circle of people standing around added, “I’m pretty sure he did some smack.” Again, with Ethan, that was pretty much a given.
Brad took a deep breath and muttered, “Fuckin’ heroin.” He wanted to add, the evilest shit on the planet, but that wouldn’t have been productive. Instead, he nodded and asked, “What else?”
Zane let go of Val’s wrists and looked up at Brad. “He was drinking. We all were. But there might have been more. I don’t know. He was with a couple of guys and a girl a while ago, and they’re gone.”
“Do you know their names?”
“You’re kidding, right?”
Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8 Page 125
