Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8

by Jade C. Jamison

  “No worries if you don’t wanna. It’s not like I have school tomorrow or something.”

  Yeah, Kara was getting ready to start her senior year in a couple of months, and Jennifer wondered what the hell she was going to do once the girl left for college or just moved out of her folks’ house because she was an adult. Zoe wouldn’t even be three years old by then.

  Jennifer shook her head. She wasn’t ready to be worrying about the future right now. She had a date to stress over—one that could go badly in several different directions. She walked to the living room, kissing Zoe on the cheek once more and then setting her down on the floor, standing her on her feet. “You know the drill,” she said to Kara, but Zoe continued tugging on Jennifer’s skirt and fussing. Jennifer squatted in front of her toddler. “Maybe she’s hungry?”

  “No problem. I’m on it.” Kara looked at Zoe. “Come here, sweetie.” Zoe pouted and gave her a look that said Not happening, lady.

  Jennifer smoothed her child’s fuzzy hair and kissed her forehead. “Love you, baby. Mama’ll see you later.”

  Gotta go see your daddy first.

  Daddy…what a scary concept.

  Chapter Five

  “I HAVE A guilty pleasure.”

  “What’s that, you naughty boy?”

  “Heh. If I tell you, you have to swear on your life you won’t tell Ethan…or even Valerie. It’ll be our little secret.”

  “Tease. So stop pussyfooting around and tell me what it is already.”

  “Okay…you know I love metal music, but sometimes I like other stuff too.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like shit that would get me kicked out of our band.”

  “Like…?”

  “Like…have you ever heard of The Power Station?”

  “Um…no. Should I have?”

  “Maybe not. They were an eighties super group.”

  “Eighties? What the hell are you doing listening to eighties music?”

  “Hey. There are a lot of awesome hair metal bands from the eighties. In fact, I’d argue that metal really took hold during that decade. Don’t knock it. Some of Mötley Crüe and Judas Priest’s best albums are from that decade. Hell, lots others. I could go on—”

  “No, that’s okay. You were telling me about your guilty pleasure, remember?”

  “Yeah, so…The Power Station. There’s this one song of theirs…”

  “What’s it called?”

  “‘Some Like It Hot.’ I swear to Christ, it’s not the kind of thing I should like. It’s a mix of pop and dance and some funky shit. I don’t know if it’s the catchy tune or the heavy percussion or even the brass…or what the fuck but damn. Sometimes I just love that fucking song.”

  “So play it for me then.”

  “Okay, let me pull it up on YouTube. Just a sec… Your phone’s in your pocket, right?”

  “You’re such a freak, Zane.”

  “I’m serious, Jen. No one—I mean no one—can ever know.”

  “I’m gonna record you. Oh, yeah. I’m gonna record you.”

  “You little shit.”

  What the fuck? Why was Zane so goddamned nervous? He and Jen had been friends for years—years—and she probably knew him better than anyone else. Yeah, he still kept secrets…from her, from Ethan, from lots of other people, but—for all that—she knew as much about him as anyone. He’d let her in further than just about anyone else.

  She knew him…and maybe that was why he was so stressed. There were things about Zane Jennifer wished she’d never known.

  He would have liked to tell her he’d changed, that he was a new man, but that would be a lie and she would know it. Yeah, he’d cleaned up, been sober for a few weeks, but the demons were still dark and deep, lurking and waiting until Zane would unleash them once more. He’d gotten away with so much shit in his band, and he knew he could thank Ethan for that. Ethan had taken so much heat, so much flak for all his “shenanigans” that by the time Zane had more than topped Ethan’s misdeeds, no one even saw them. Ethan had been the one to shock, to go over the top, and it had been especially tragic for two reasons—the first was that the guy had OD’ed more than once. Almost losing one’s life in pursuit of a high was poignant. The second, though, was how he’d broken Valerie’s willing heart over and over and over—and, in effect, her tears pointed out his wrongs, highlighted them for all the world to see.

  Zane, though…he was operating in the shadows, away from watchful eyes. He and Jen were off more than they were on, and she wasn’t close to anyone in the band except for Valerie—and even they weren’t close once the Fully Automatic crew first moved to Denver, quitting the college scene. His heartbreaking opportunities were cut short by the fact that they never stayed together long.

  But that wasn’t to say he hadn’t hurt Jen. Not by a long shot. He’d hurt her and hurt her good more than once, and he was surprised sometimes that she still gave him a chance. Because he knew the truth, the horrible truth that most people didn’t even suspect.

  He made Ethan look like an angel.

  Yeah, most people would have no clue and probably wouldn’t even believe it, but Zane knew…and it ripped him to shreds most times, which fueled a never ending cycle of hate that was already there. The self-loathing just made it worse.

  So when he looked in the rearview mirror one last time, he tried not to think of himself as phony. Jen, of all people, knew him inside better than anyone else. For some stupid reason, she loved him too and he somehow knew he was safe with her.

  He pulled his long fingers through his hair and sighed before opening the door and easing his way out of the car. They’d agreed to avoid downtown Denver at all costs, because finding parking was always a nightmare. Instead, they’d agreed to meet at a small restaurant in Lakewood, a Szechuan place with a parking lot and a decent reputation. One thing Zane and Jennifer had always agreed upon was Asian food, so much so that one of the last times they’d been together—about two years ago—they’d decided to make their own Kung Pao Chicken. It had turned out pretty good. They’d had to go back out once because they hadn’t had all the ingredients, but once they were done, the flavor had been spot on, the veggies and chicken perfect.

  Their lovemaking that night had been particularly spicy as well, if Zane’s memory served.

  It was the last good night they’d spent together. The next day, the bickering had started and it wasn’t long before it was full blown once more. Zane would have liked to shrug his shoulders and try to convince himself that he didn’t understand why they couldn’t get along, but deep down, he knew the root cause.

  It was all him.

  And the only reason why Jennifer even gave him half a chance was because she truly loved him. Yeah, Zane would throw his hands up in the air and complain about the arguing, yelling that he couldn’t stand that kind of bullshit and he wanted to “make love, not war,” but he knew the nagging that led to the arguing would stop if he could straighten up his act.

  Three days, he’d been good. Exceptionally good. Maybe this time he could make them work. He knew it took a good three weeks—twenty-one days, right?—to make a habit stick. He had to mend his ways for Jennifer’s sake.

  He had to.

  * * *

  Jennifer had been sitting in her car waiting for Zane to arrive—or waiting for two minutes until it was seven o’clock, the time they’d agreed upon—before she headed inside. Her brain was in turmoil, and she needed to get her head on straight before looking Zane in the eye.

  It had been a good half a year before anyone other than herself discovered who Zoe’s dad was, and it wasn’t because she’d wanted to tell. Yeah, she knew in theory—when Zane was being Dr. Jekyll—that he would be a wonderful daddy, and she also knew her daughter would want for nothing if Zane was in her life.

  But she also knew how easily—and how rapidly—Zane could and would change into Mr. Hyde, and that man didn’t deserve to know his daughter. Unfortunately, because his Hyde always seemed to
overpower and outlast his Jekyll, Jennifer just couldn’t take a chance.

  She remembered when Valerie figured it out. Zoe was around six months old, and they had been visiting Val and the kids for a lunch date. Fully Automatic was out on their last tour, so there was no chance of running into Zane…otherwise, Jennifer might have suggested Val and the kids come to her apartment or that they meet in a neutral place. She hadn’t been ready to see Zane then. But Zoe was sitting on the floor, playing with toys, and Chris had been entertaining her—pretending to be a guitar player like his dad and stepdad and singing one of their newest songs. It was really cute and it had both women laughing. Hayley had started imitating Chris then, and that was when Zoe started giggling, her little dimples denting her cheeks as the little girl gasped for air to let out another hearty laugh. That was all the encouragement Chris had needed to keep going.

  In the middle of it all, though, Valerie gasped and said, “Oh, my God.”

  The kids didn’t notice, but Jennifer did. “What?”

  Val turned from eyeing Zoe to looking her friend straight in the eyes. “Zane’s her dad, isn’t he?” Fortunately, her friend had still been tactful and hadn’t said it loud enough that Chris would register it and report it later. But Jennifer hadn’t expected the question. No one had questioned who the baby’s father was (except for her God-fearing mother, and they were finally on speaking terms again), knowing it was rude to ask, and after all this time, Jennifer had adjusted and no longer had a plan for how to answer.

  So it was quite simple for Val to get confirmation from the way Jennifer didn’t answer. “He is.” Jennifer screwed up her mouth, not sure what to say even though the cat was out of the bag. Val said, “He doesn’t know, though, does he?”

  Jennifer shook her head slightly, a small wry grin creeping up on her face. “I can’t tell him, Val. Not now.”

  “He deserves to know.”

  For some reason, Val’s words pissed Jennifer off. “Yeah, you’d think so…but you don’t know him like I do.”

  “I know he’s a good guy.”

  “He wants to be a good guy, Val. I really don’t want to sour your relationship with him, but maybe I need to tell you a few stories.”

  And, after a few select reflections upon Jennifer’s harried relationship with Zane, Valerie understood the reason why her friend wanted to keep the identity of Zoe’s father under wraps. She still had objections, but she promised to keep Jennifer’s confidence.

  Jennifer was still torn by that decision even now, though, and she knew it would be hard to keep it quiet. She didn’t know that she could even keep the fact that she was now a mother secret either. Zoe was now the most important thing in her life, and Jennifer suspected it would be difficult to keep her mouth shut.

  Well, she reminded herself, it was ultimately up to Zane. If, this time, they could make it past a bickering phase and somehow manage to be mature about their relationship, then maybe it would be time to let Zane know what had happened the last time they’d been together. If he could straighten up his act.

  It had been dumb. God…so dumb. They’d been drinking (mistake number one) and then they started fighting, practically tooth and nail (mistake number two, but there was no avoiding the bickering at that point), and they’d wound up fucking before the argument was even over. Both had been so angry, so passionate, so emotional that no condoms were used—and it had been more important than ever to do it, because Jennifer hadn’t been on the pill. She’d gone off it a year earlier, wanting to give her body a rest.

  She’d lay in bed after, angry with herself just as much as she’d been angry with Zane, and she worried too but chose not to say anything. Zane had been so wasted, he hadn’t paid much attention, and she knew it was a one-in-a-hundred chance—but, of course, that was just her luck.

  When she discovered several weeks later that she was pregnant—long after she’d kicked Zane back out of her life—she was angry and upset once again…but once she simmered down, she realized that she couldn’t give the baby up. She should have taken the morning after pill as soon as she’d left Zane’s place on that first night…but now something that simple was too late.

  But she knew she was dreaming anyway. Her old parochial school background had all those unrepented sins rolling through her brain, and she couldn’t hear past the religious instructors’ admonitions. Not only had Jennifer engaged in lots and lots of premarital sex, now she was pregnant. Did she want to add murder to her list of crimes against heaven?

  All that shit was gone the first time she held Zoe in her arms, just moments after pushing the child out of her womb. Nothing else mattered then—not Zane, not anyone’s judgment, not what had come before or what would follow. That child was the beginning and end for Jennifer, and every decision she made after that point would be tempered by thoughts surrounding the welfare and needs of her child.

  She now understood what unconditional love truly was.

  So, much as she loved Zane, was drawn to him like a magnetic force, he was now secondary, and if he was still the same old guy—the party animal, the horn dog, the selfish bastard prick—she wasn’t even going to let on that she had a daughter, let alone tell him he was the father.

  But she’d forgotten just how captivating the man was, and she remembered it, even seeing him from her vantage point in the parking lot to where he stood just outside the restaurant. Yes, Zane was charismatic—sweet, friendly, and funny—and, unlike most people, the fact that he was a little damaged inside kept him grounded, made him real. It was those qualities that had made Jennifer care for him, but he was also quite a sight for sore eyes, in spite of the fact that it was obvious he’d been worn down lately. He was still a vision to behold with his long dark hair and clear blue eyes. What gave away that he might not be at the top of his game was how pale his skin looked. It wasn’t that he looked ill but like…something was a little off. Jennifer pushed those thoughts out of her head as she got closer. He walked a few steps away closer to the edge of the sidewalk, scanning the parking lot and waiting patiently for her to join him. As soon as he spotted her walking toward him, his face split with a grin and he started moving in her direction to meet her. He held out his hands to take hers into his and he kissed her on the cheek, the epitome of a gentleman.

  It was a good start…but it always started out with rainbows and sunshine.

  Chapter Six

  HOLY SHIT. AS always, Jen was a vision. She was beautiful on the outside, yes, but Zane felt like he could see inside her soul. Her smile lit up her entire face, even though underneath it all she seemed almost tired…as if the world had taken its toll on her.

  Or maybe that was his own worldview smearing the lens through which he gazed upon her?

  Yeah, probably, because inside he was tired, in spite of the happy face he put on for this woman he loved. She really did make things better, though, so he didn’t feel like an asshole for acting like everything was okay.

  She didn’t need to know all the shit he’d been going through anyway.

  When she got close, he pulled her into an embrace, and even though she hugged him back, he could feel the stiffness of her body. It was as though she were trying to distance herself from him. He kissed her on the cheek before she could object and said, “So good to see you, Jen. You look great as always.”

  She looked him in the eyes. “You do, too.”

  “Liar.” He could tell she didn’t mean it. Yeah, he knew he looked like shit, but his appearance was a hell of a lot better than it had been two months ago. A waiter approached them as they walked in the front door and ushered them to a booth, taking their drink orders (no liquor) and handing them large menus covered in clear vinyl before zipping off. Zane opened the menu but his thoughts weren’t on food. Not in the slightest.

  No, his internal focus was on Jennifer, and he felt at peace for the first time in months just having her near. He would be glad to simply float in her orbit once more, and he had to hope that this time, out of all the
times they’d been together before, it worked. He was tired of the merry-go-round. He might have spent half (or more) of his adult life blitzed out of his mind, but he hadn’t lost so many brain cells as to not know his behaviors were cyclical.

  And destructive.

  While his every focus was on that woman, he didn’t want to freak her out, so he let his eyes scan the menu while he talked. “How’s the job going? You still at the same place?”

  Jennifer drew in a slight breath. “Yeah. Probably till the day I die.”

  Zane looked up. He hadn’t expected something so real in their conversation so soon. He knew Jennifer well enough to know she’d meant it to come across as half joking, but he could see right through her. “You’re way too young to talk like that, Jen. If you don’t like it there, get out. Find something else.”

  “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

  He was relieved she’d put the menu down and was looking him in the eyes now. “So…do you?” After a pause, he prompted. “Like it?”

  She lifted her eyebrows and shrugged before giving him an almost convincing “Yeah.”

  “Do you love it?”

  Jennifer let out a slight chuckle then. “I’m a glorified clerk, a secretary in a sea of secretaries…and that’s all my four-year liberal arts education has gotten me. Do you think I love it?”

  Ah…there was the Jen he was used to—a woman comfortable enough with him to tell him how she really felt. No social conventions, no polite nonsense just because it was expected. Real. “So what do you want to do, Jen? What did you go to school for?”

  She raised her eyebrows, and it was as if he saw a curtain being drawn across a window. Too much, too soon, as if they didn’t have a long and varied history behind them and could go there anyway. Goddammit. “Very easy for you to sit in judgment, Zane Carson. You’re the bassist of one of the most popular bands nowadays, and I’m pretty sure you want for nothing. So it’s pretty simple for you to point from your throne and tell me what I’m doing wrong.”