Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  “You just found out,” Levi asks breaking through my thoughts.

  “Yeah, but honestly, I couldn’t pick a better mother for my child.”

  Faith sags against me, tightening her hold around me. A soft smile pulls at my lips.

  “I’m happy for you brother. Really I am.” There’s commotion in the background. “I gotta jet brother. Call me and let me know when to make it there and I’ll be there.”

  “Will do and thank you again.”

  “No problem. Take care of yourself, please.”

  “That’s my line to say to you,” I laugh. “Love ya.”

  “Love ya too. Be sure to at least send a couple messages a day so I know you are okay.”

  “I will. Talk to ya soon.”

  “Later.”

  Hanging up the phone, I look at Lia. She’s staring at Faith.

  “Lia?”

  “Hmmm,” she murmurs still not looking away from Faith.

  Looking down, I see Faith has fallen asleep standing up. My heart broke more. Bending down, I scoop her up in my arms. She wraps her arms around my neck and rests her head in the crook of my neck.

  The feelings this woman pulls from me is unbelievable. I can’t get enough of her. All I want is her. My heart is finally not aching. It’s whole once again.

  “Lia, ca-”

  “I’m so glad you two are back together. She was scaring me. Faith was so detached, so removed from everything. You are her light, her soul, she’s in pieces without you,” Lia whispers.

  Looking down at Faith again, I feel exactly the same way about her. So much has happened in the past six years since we’ve last seen each other. So much pain has been endured. But finally here we are back together, two halves whole once again.

  Looking at her now, sleeping so peacefully in my arms, everything that happened disappeared. It didn’t matter anymore. We were together again and that is all that mattered.

  “I feel the same.” I whisper. “Listen, I have a place for all of us. Can you call them all and get them out there pronto? We can all go on my private plane if you can get them there within the hour.”

  “Yes, I’ll call them now.” She starts to walk past me. “Thank you Logan. I know you haven’t had it easy either. Take care of her please.”

  “I plan to do nothing else.”

  As I’m leaving the kitchen, I spot Hazel sitting on the couch. Approaching slowly, I use a soft cautious voice.

  “Excuse me, Hazel?”

  She jumps. “Yes?”

  “Would you be able to help me get some things together for Faith? I don’t know what she’s going to want or need for that matter.”

  “Oh, um, sure,” she says quietly.

  Following behind her with Faith still in my arms, I place Faith on her bed when we get to her room.

  Hazel hurries around the room collecting things.

  “Hazel?”

  She jumps again. Hazel drops her head as she faces me. What has been done to her? Wringing her hands in front of her she asks what I need.

  “If you just tell me what she might need I can get it. You need to go pack your stuff so that you’re ready to go too. I have a secure place for all of us to go.”

  “Oh, I’ll be okay on my own,” she mumbles.

  “We’d all feel better if you came Haz,” Lia says as she comes into the room.

  “Oh okay. I’ll just go pack,” she mutters as she scurries out of the room.

  Lia and I start packing up Faith’s bag, making sure to grab everything that she needs. As I was going through her drawer, I found the pictures of our baby. My breath left my lungs. That’s my baby.

  “Is your other friend coming? The guy that was with Hazel?”

  “Umm, which one is that?” I laugh.

  She laughs with me and gives me Hazel’s letter.

  “Ahh, you mean Joey. If you want him to, I’ll ask him. Our project is done now for a couple months so no work. Why are you wondering, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  “He told Hazel that he was falling in love with her. I suspect that she really likes him, but is scared to take a step. So I’d like to see if being in close quarters might help her.”

  “Wow,” I say more to myself than to Lia. “I’ll give him a call.”

  After calling Joey, I finish up packing Faith and head out the door. Lia and the girls are supposed to meet us at the airport. Quickly, I zip to my house and leave the car running with Faith sleeping in the passenger’s seat.

  “Hey man? What’s wrong?”

  “Get your shit packed. We’re staying at Levi’s house on the island, but make it fast we’re running short on time.”

  Leif starts to protest but all I have to do is mention Lia’s name and he’s flying around the house collecting all his stuff. Those two are so head over heels for each other and neither would tell the other. It baffled me.

  Back in the car, we take off. As we are zipping to the airport, I have Leif call Lucas and Landon to see when they can make it out. Then have him relay that to Levi so he can sketch some time in for all us brothers to get together.

  As Leif is making all the calls, I call ahead to my pilot to have him have the plane ready to go and let him know the destination.

  The trip to the airport is about two hours. Leif gets off the phone and hits the back of my seat.

  “What the hell?”

  “When were you going to tell me you were going to be a dad?”

  “When things calmed down. Sorry Lee, but it’s a bit crazy trying to get everyone here.”

  “You’ve yet to tell me what’s going on.”

  The remainder of the trip, I explain to Leif everything Beau has relayed to me so far. This wasn’t going to be a permanent fix, but it was something to hopefully get it to die down enough and take the heat off us for a bit.

  As the airport comes into view, I pray that the doctor makes it here in time. We may not have time to see one otherwise.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Faith

  Opening my eyes, I look around at my surroundings through blurry eyes. My head was spinning, but I didn’t feel so bad. Shifting slightly, my vision starts to focus. The room was a pale blue wall where paintings broke up the constant flow of blue. None of which was familiar to me.

  Sitting up, I see soft white carpet below. The bed was a four post cherry wood bed. The linens were light in color with white accents.

  Where the hell am I?

  My mind immediately conjured up the idea that Tony or my father found me. Fear grips my throat like a solid physical force. My body starts to shake and I try to frantically remember what happened.

  My whole body freezes. My lungs will not function as well as my heart being unable to beat. The sound of the door knob turning echoes in my head and bounces around in my body instilling fear as it travels through.

  I was unmoving, stiff as a board as I wait for the nightmare to begin.

  “Faith? You’re awake?”

  Every ounce of tension left my body and I sag to the floor.

  “Fay, baby, are you okay?”

  Logan tilts my head up to meet his eyes. Tears burn the backs of my eyes as I look up into his eyes.

  “I thought… I didn’t know…” I just shake my head.

  “We’re at my brother’s place on a secluded island. Beau said I needed to hide you and the girls so I did.”

  My heart hammers in my chest uncontrollably. It vibrates around in my chest at the concern and love I see shining in his eyes.

  “Logan, I’m so sorry for…”

  He puts his finger over my lips. “Shhh, not yet, but soon. First, I want to know how you’re feeling?”

  “I feel good. Must have just been a twenty-four hour bug,” I smile at him.

  “No, baby. We’ve been here for a week. You’ve given me quite a scare.”

  “A week,” I breathe stunned.

  My hand immediately goes to my belly. All matter of breath in my lungs evaporates when Logan’s hand r
ests over mine.

  “Our baby is fine.”

  His smile could have lit the dark. God, I love this man. Is he back with me or just around for the baby?

  “We need to talk Logan.”

  Standing up, Logan extends his hand down to me. Placing my hand in his, he pulls me up next to him.

  “I know we do, but I don’t want you to overexert yourself.”

  “Logan, we can’t stand in limbo forever. Let’s talk, please. I’m fine, really I am.”

  He moves over and sits on the edge of the bed. “Okay, fine. Let’s talk.” He pats the bed next to him.

  Sitting down, I raise one leg up on the bed and face him. I begin to worry my hands as I think of where to start it.

  “When I left you, my dad basically told me that he’d kill you if I didn’t walk away. I know that it sounds like an open ended threat, but Lo he meant it. I could see it in his eyes. It scared me to the bone. Though the thought of being without you killed me, the thought of losing you because I was selfish, I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t Logan.”

  My hands start to shake in my lap, but I had to push forward.

  “As you know, things haven’t been smooth sailing for me. It wasn’t like I walked away from you and had the picture perfect life while you suffered. I suffered and maybe more so. When I walked away from you, my only thought was keeping you safe. It was all that mattered to me.”

  Logan put his hands over mine and squeezed them. “Fay, I know…”

  “Please let me get this out, then you can talk… please,” I plead with him.

  “Okay. Go ahead.”

  “Tony was vulgar, nasty, and I strongly believe there’s a deeper reason for me being forced to marry him. Two months after I left you, I found out I was pregnant,” I swallow hard.

  Logan tensed and his hands inadvertently squeezed mine. My heart was breaking all over again, but it was another moment that determined the path I ended up walking down. No one knows this but Beau. He’s the one that got me the test.

  # # #

  I’ve been hit with the flu. Though, it was a blessing in disguise. Tony kept trying to touch me or kiss me. I shudder under my blankets pulling them tighter around me. The thought of Tony’s hands, or anything else, anywhere near me made my stomach heave.

  Groaning, I pull the blankets even tighter around me. Shiver after shiver wreaked havoc on my body. Hearing my door open, I hold my breath on who it is. Honestly today, I’m not sure I could fight off Tony if he came in here demanding to taste his innocent future wife.

  I won’t marry him. Never. No matter if it means my death, I won’t marry him. The man I want to marry probably hates me to death.

  Sighing, it’s been two months since I last saw him, heard his voice, felt his touch. I miss him so much. So much so, that I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever not miss him.

  “Fay?”

  It was Beau. Rolling over slowly, if I move too fast I get sick. When I met his eyes, so full of concern and worry, my whole body shook with silent tears. My heart gapes open and I fear it will never heal.

  “Why can’t I just be happy, Beau? Why couldn’t I just be with Logan? I love him and he loved me,” I sob.

  “We all face our own obstacles. Everything happens for a reason. We don’t always know what that reason is in the beginning, but it’ll all be clear soon. I promise you, baby girl.” He pauses for a moment. “How are you feeling today?”

  “The same,” I say weakly.

  “Baby girl, I’m going to ask you a question and it’s going to be personal, but please answer it honestly.”

  I nod my head in lieu of an answer.

  “Did you and Logan have sex?”

  My eyes widen in shock, but still I nod my head. If there was anyone in this house that I could be completely honest with it was Beau. He has never judged or condemned me for my mistakes or short comings. He’s always guided me the best he can. He was the dad, big brother, uncle that I never had.

  “That’s what I thought. Here,” he hands me a package. “Go on in the bathroom and follow the directions. I’ll wait with you if you want me to.”

  Looking down at the package, my heart stops. A pregnancy test. Numbly, I climb from the bed. I think I’m in shock at this point. The thought of being pregnant never even crossed my mind.

  Could I be pregnant?

  What would it mean for me if I was?

  Question after question flicks through my head as I took the test as the directions say. I set the test on the counter and open the door.

  Beau looks at his watch. “Okay. I’m timing.”

  “Five minutes,” I whisper as I make my way back to bed.

  He nods. Beau was ten years older than me. He protects me not like a job, but like a member of his family. Beau was headed down a bad path when he ran across my grandfather. He had run away from home. My grandfather took him under his wing and as I got older he became my bodyguard of sorts… he was more than that though. He was my brother.

  Looking at his watch again. “Do you want me to go look?”

  “No, I’ll do it.”

  Standing, I make my way slowly to the bathroom. My heart was hammering in my chest and my head spinning out of control with conflicting emotions. With a shaky hand, I picked up the test.

  Pregnant

  Setting the test back on the counter in a daze, I turn to face Beau who hasn’t moved from the bed. A sob escapes as I nod my head. He moves over to me catching me just as I fall in a heap of shaking, crying puddle of heartbreak.

  # # #

  “Faith?”

  Looking up, I meet his beautiful eyes. Tears burn my eyes after reliving that moment.

  “I was so happy. To have your baby, I thought it was my ticket away from here and back to you. Of course, I was scared on what you would have thought then. We were so young, but I held on to faith that you’d be thrilled and we’d live happily ever after. Just you, me, and our child.”

  Dropping my gaze to our hands for a moment, I look back up and meet his eyes. Swallowing hard, I ask him what he would have done if I’d shown up on his doorstep back then.

  “Honestly, I don’t know, Fay. I think I would have been shocked, but having you back… That’s all I ever wanted.”

  The sadness in his voice hit me hard.

  “It was about a month after finding out that I was pregnant when my parents found out. I’d gone to my room to pack up some clothes because I thought for sure they were going to kick me out. Imagine my surprise when Tony comes into my room. I’ll save you all the details. I lost the baby because of the beating he gave me. My parents called him and asked him to ‘take care of it’. They sent him in there for that reason.”

  Logan’s hands tightened around me and he stands quickly. I know he’s agitated and angry. But he has to know everything in order for him to fully understand what I’d gone through.

  “Logan?”

  “I can’t listen to any more of this shit!” Logan roars.

  I blanch. “I know it’s hard to hear, but you need to understand. Please.”

  “Fine,” he growls. “Finish.”

  I stumble with my words for a moment there. It was hard living through it all, but it was even harder reliving it and telling Logan everything. It was killing me to see what it was doing with him.

  “I fell into a deep depression after that. I died inside. The woman I was before that moment no longer existed, but in my dreams. After a month, things escalated with Tony. He beat me constantly and raped me just as much. Then I found out that he actually had a wife and kids, but for whatever reason wanted to marry me…”

  Shaking my head, I haven’t figured out why he wanted to marry me. Why was I so important? I keep asking myself that constantly.

  “Anyway, after catching him with his wife down by the river… I’ve even recorded it… I called Lia up and joined the Hawthorne Angels. You have to understand, Logan. I was no longer in one piece. When I had to leave you, I was cracked and fragile
but then he took away our baby and I shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces. I got on the shot and made all guys wear condoms, but I think either the shot didn’t take or I was late, no matter. I found out I was pregnant and told Lia I was done. I wasn’t taking another chance of losing a baby. Of course, I had no idea at the time that it was you that I was pregnant by. I asked Lia for the name of the guy that I had sex with. She couldn’t tell me, but then you all requested another party. Now you’re up to speed.”

  I look up at Logan and he’s still pacing from one side of the room to the others. My heart was breaking. I’ve caused so much pain and sadness. Everything was my fault.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Logan

  Rage.

  Undiluted rage roared through my body on a collision course that was going to make me explode. It wasn’t at Faith, well not all of it. I needed to get away from here.

  Clear my head.

  “I need a minute,” I say before walking out of the room.

  As I close the door to her room, to our room, I hear her start to cry. I know she needs my reassurance right now, but I want to collect myself first. Christ! She just told me that her family was involved in killing my child.

  Running down the hall and down the steps until I reached the main level, and out past a questioning Lia and Leif. I need to get away and think about what was happening. No what had happened.

  I kick off my shoes and take off my shirt, tossing it to the ground. I ran out into the water and just swam. My head was swamped with images that I want to erase.

  Here over the course of our time apart, I wanted to hate her. Hate her for what she did to me. Hate her for walking away.

  Now, I feel guilty for wanting to hate her. I feel guilty for even thinking that she was going on to something better while I rotted.

  Pushing myself harder, I swim like I am being chased by a shark. The power strokes help force the tension out of my body. After what seems like hours, I turn around and swim back to shore.

  Leif stands at the shore waiting for me. Just what I need, my younger brother finding his older brother falling apart.