Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  “You were hurt because of me,” I whisper.

  He sighs into the phone. “Listen to me and listen to me good. I let you get hurt for far too long. So many times I turned a blind eye to the abuse you were suffering. You needed out. I’m glad I did what I did. I don’t regret it. You shouldn’t either.”

  “But…” my lip trembles as I try to speak.

  Logan rocks me gently, kissing my shoulder, neck and head. His presence gives me strength. Strength I don’t think I’d have if it weren’t for him.

  “If you had just let me die, let the fire take me away…”

  I feel Logan tense behind me. He’ll have questions. I’m sure he will and I’ll answer them.

  “You wouldn’t have Logan now, or your baby on the way,” he says softly.

  My hand moves over my stomach. My baby. Our baby. My eyes meet Logan’s when his hand rests over mine. Resting my forehead against Logan’s, I take a deep breath.

  “Are… Are you okay?”

  “I’ll be good in a few more weeks. He hit a tendon, but no artery. Really a quick surgery and all was good. He was investigated, but your father bailed him out. Now that he’s out he’s after you…”

  “I was waiting for it honestly. I’m shocked my father hadn’t done something sooner. But you’re… you’re sure you’re okay?”

  He laughs softly. “I’m fine. Some of the nurses here are extra attentive.”

  “Eww, gross. I don’t want to hear that stuff about my brother.”

  “Hey you walked in on me and Lia, so…” he trailed off with laughter.

  “Yeah, well, the whole restaurant saw you and Lia. Still can’t believe you chose having sex over protecting me. I was with two guys…”

  Again I feel Logan tense behind me and suddenly feel like a shit for talking like that in front of him.

  “Lia set it up. She knew the guys and knew they wouldn’t hurt you. It was her way of making sure you really wanted to do it. Oh sweetie, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you again soon. I promise.”

  Before I got out the words ‘I love you’, he was hanging up. Setting the phone down next to me, a long uncomfortable silence settles over Logan and myself. So I decide to break it, so we can put it all behind us.

  “I tried to kill myself before I moved in with Lia. I set our pool house on fire and then went into the house, hoping it’d burn me with it. You need to understand,” I turn and look at him again. “I signed on with Lia to get away, but I had no idea the person that I’d become or the person I’d lose in the process. After losing the baby,” I shrug, “it wasn’t me anymore.”

  “I can’t imagine what it was like to go through that, to lose something you were… I wish I could have been there for you, with you, to save you. We have a lot of time to make up for. Aside from the nightmare portion, I quite enjoyed making love to you and being able to have you fall asleep in my arms.”

  Smiling shyly, I drop my head. “I liked that. It was the best sleep I’ve ever gotten.”

  “Same here,” he says, tipping my head to meet his eyes. “So, you’ve got to be starving. Do you want to go get something to eat?”

  “Yes, please. Seems that being pregnant makes me hungry all the time.”

  “I know that we didn’t plan on this, but I couldn’t be happier,” he says smiling as he slips on his swim trunks.

  “I am too. I want what’s best for our baby. This time, I will not let anything happen to this one.”

  “Me either. Or anything happen to you. I won’t lose either of you, so please… please just do as you’re told.”

  “Yes, Sir!” I mock salute.

  “Hardy, har, har.” He kisses me. “Food,” he says huskily. “Then more fun, if you’re up to it.”

  “I’m ready now,” I say unashamed as I put on the last of my clothes.

  He laughs softly. “Let’s eat first at least.”

  “Fine,” I fake pout just as my stomach growls.

  Taking my hand, he leads me out of our room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Pulling out a stool at the island in the counter, I sit down.

  The kitchen was gorgeous. Beige marble tiles, with counter tops to match. The cupboards and table, chairs and stools were all white. Stainless steel fridge, stove, ovens and other items accented the room nicely.

  “You’re brother owns this place?”

  “Yeah, lucky isn’t he?”

  I smile watching him pull ingredients from the fridge. He looks at home in here. Well, I suppose he’d need to be to care for his siblings. The thought makes me frown.

  “Have you been to the doctors yet?”

  “Huh? Oh yeah, I have pictures in my purse. Honestly, I, um, didn’t know that you were you and I…”

  “You thought you’d be doing it alone?”

  He turns to face me, feeding me some bits of tomato. Playfully, I lick his fingers. His eyes darken and a sexy as hell smirk forms on his face.

  “Yeah, I did.” Sitting back in my seat as if I’m unaffected by my own teasing. “Imagine my surprise when I find out it’s you. I should have known though. My body only reacts to yours like that,” I mumble the last part.

  “I was thinking the same thing,” he laughs, turning back to the counter.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Logan turns around and smiles. “Hey Levi.” He hugs the guy. “I want you to meet my girlfriend, Faith. Faith, this is my brother Levi. He’s the owner of this house that you said was complete shit.”

  Levi smirks at me and tips his head. “I…” I flush crimson dropping my head.

  Two males’ laughter fills the room and I look up from my humiliation. My breath catches in my throat at how gorgeous he looks… how happy he looks.

  “He’s just messing with me and maybe you too. He doesn’t understand why I bought this place. Tell me what person you know that has an island all to themselves?”

  I shake my head still unable to speak. Logan stood there next to his brother, who looked like he just stepped out of bed, his face was bright. There wasn’t any worry written at all on his face. There was only a bit of concern in the back of his eyes. Logan was free.

  That niggling of concern in his eyes was for me. I’m the only thing stopping him from being free. Oh God, my stomach turned.

  “Excuse me please,” I mumble as I practically fall from my chair.

  “Baby? Are you okay?”

  I hear Logan calling from behind me, but I keep moving. Fresh air. I need fresh air. No, I need to know what I should do.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Logan

  “Baby? Are you okay?”

  Her face was pale and I thought I saw tears in her eyes. Panic was hitting me hard. Was something wrong with the baby?

  “I’ll be back. Would you mind finishing up lunch for me please? She needs to eat something.”

  “Sure, I’ve got you covered. Go check on your girl and my future sister,” he half laughs.

  Too concerned about Faith, I didn’t even bother to come up with a comeback. Instead, I hurry out the door to find the patio empty aside from Bleu.

  “Bleu right?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Logan right?” She says with a smirk.

  “Yeah, have you seen my girlfriend?”

  Pointing behind me toward the beach, “She ran that way.”

  “Thanks,” I say as I run in the direction she pointed.

  My heart hammers in my chest as I run looking for her. Finally, I round a curve in the shoreline and there she sits staring at the water. Something was wrong. My gut was practically screaming it at me.

  Rushing over to her, I fall to my knees in front of her. Cupping her face in my hands, I look into her blank eyes.

  “Baby, you’re scaring me here. Are you okay?”

  “You’ll never be happy with me,” she mumbles.

  “What?” I stare at her shocked. “Baby, I’m happy because I’m with you.”

  She meets my eyes and I see the pain in her eyes. My heart is breaking and I wish
that things were easier for us, that we could just be happy and raise our family.

  “I saw it, in your eyes, the little niggling of concern for me.”

  “Baby, your life is endanger. If you think that I’m not going to have that sitting in my head, then you obviously underestimate the love I have for you. I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”

  “He’s telling you the truth.”

  I turn to find Levi standing a few feet away. His face one of heartache.

  “May I have a moment to talk with her Lo? You can go finish the last of your lunch and I’ll bring her back to the kitchen. I promise.”

  Looking back and Faith, the pain in her eyes was killing me. Kissing her hard and quick, I told her I love her and walked back toward the house. My heart was sitting in my brother’s hands.

  # # #

  Levi

  “Can I sit next to you?” I ask gently, as if I’m talking to a scared child.

  She nods her head. Her eyes are on me and I know she’s wondering why I want to talk to her.

  “I’m going to tell you something about Logan. He doesn’t know that I know. It’d probably kill him if he did. But I feel like it’s necessary that you know. Okay?”

  She nods her head again, her eyes wide with fear. I turn my head and look back out over the water.

  “My brother is my hero. Not just my hero, but my inspiration. If it weren’t for him our lives would have been totally different. But, he chose to give up his life and live for us. He’s the most selfless man you’ll ever meet. In my eyes, he can do no wrong, no matter how much he thinks he has.”

  “He never thinks of himself.”

  “But he did one time and it nearly took him from us completely. For a long time, Leif and I had been pushing him to get out and start dating. We were old enough to help with Lucas and Landon. He didn’t need to work himself to the bone when Leif and I were of age to help too. We convinced him to go on a walk, to take a break. We wanted him to get away from responsibility and be carefree for once in his life.”

  I hear the hitch in her breath. “This is about me, isn’t it?”

  Smiling softly, I continue. “He came home that night with the biggest smile on his face. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I saw him smile like that. Before we lost our parents, I think. The smile stayed and every night he let Leif and I pick up the slack at home so he could leave the house. One day he sits me and Leif down and tells us he’s in love. The love that our parents had kind of love. We were so happy for him.”

  “I loved him too, so much,” her voice cracking.

  “I know, but when he came home that day you left him… I don’t remember seeing him that… broken. He was empty, a shell. Logan quit eating, but worked triple time to fill the void that you had once filled. One night, he went out to a bar. Somehow he managed to get some alcohol. Landon was sick and only wanted Logan so I had gone in search of him. To my horror, I watched as my brother comes stumbling out of the bar.” I pause and look down at her. “This may not be easy to hear.”

  “Just tell me, please.”

  “There was a girl with him. They stumbled behind the building. At the time, I was too shocked to understand what was happening. So, I followed. When I walked around the building, my brother had his pants around his thighs and the woman was on her knees. He kept screaming about needing to feel something. He was begging the woman to help him feel something. Um, in the end, he wouldn’t, um, work… God, this shit is hard to say about my brother.”

  She stares at me and I see the tears dripping from her eyes. She nods. “He couldn’t get hard.”

  “Yeah. The woman stumbles away and I watch my brother struggling to get his pants up. The whole time he’s saying how much he hates himself, his life, having to be the constant in a place he shouldn’t need to be. How we fucked up his life. I mean he was really letting that alley know how much he loathed his life.

  Even then I knew that he didn’t mean those things. He was drunk and dying inside slowly. Anyway, he stumbles past me not even seeing me standing there. I was stunned. I couldn’t move. The regret dripping from his words, even though I knew were untrue, hurt me. It took me a few minutes to pull myself from the side of the dumpster. I hurried after him to stop him. I got close to him and heard him say that he wishes that they’d taken his life the day they took our mom’s. That he only manages to bring people down. Then it all seemed to happen in slow motion. A car peeled out of the bar parking lot and was headed straight for him. I was close enough that I saw his eyes go wide and I swear to you there was a small smile on his face.

  The drunk driver swerved to avoid him just in time, smashed into my brother’s truck. My brother dropped to the ground and cried. That moment sobered him up immediately. Instead of getting to him, I ran home. Given all the things he’d said about us, I didn’t want him to feel guilty too.”

  Faith swallows hard. Her mouth opens and closes several times no words or sounds coming out. Finally, she finds her voice. “What happened after that?”

  By the look in her eyes, that’s not the question she wanted to ask, but the one she went with.

  “When he got home, I immediately asked where he’d been. He said drinking. I told him that Lanny was sick and wanted him. That’s where the whole thing ended. He went back to working himself to the bone and taking care of all of us. A few months later, something changed and after that he was paying for sex. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a span of time that his heart didn’t realize how empty it was. So, I never said anything to him again on the matter. Of course, I made sure that he was being safe and he was.”

  Looking at Faith, I muster up the courage to say this to an already fragile woman, but someone needs to say it and I think that someone is me.

  “You hurt him that day. You destroyed the brother I knew. If you aren’t wholly committed to him this time, then walk away now, please. I’m not sure he’ll survive you walking away again.”

  Her mouth falls open and she gasps. You’d think I’d actually hit her by the wince that scrunched her features.

  “I love your brother more than anything in this world, Levi. But if he’s not happy…”

  Turning, I face her head on.

  “He is happy… now because of you. If you weren’t here… the man that was laughing in the kitchen, joking with me… he wouldn’t be there. You brought my brother back. Don’t take him away again because this time you know you’re hurting more than him.”

  I stand and brush the sand from my shorts, reaching out a hand to help her up.

  “I promised my brother to bring his girl back to the kitchen. Will you be making me break that promise?”

  “No,” she squeaks out.

  “Good,” I smile and lead her back to the main house.

  # # #

  Logan

  Walking away and leaving Faith with my brother was harder than I thought it would be. For whatever reason, she’s convinced herself that I’m not happy. I’m hoping my brother is telling her that I am, but honestly I don’t know what he could have to say to her.

  Lunch was finished. Now, I pace the kitchen and wait for her to come back to the house. Things are in such new territory right now, for the both of us, I think being timid and unsure is a natural thing to expect… I think.

  Just then the deck doors slide open and I whirl around and watch my world walk into the kitchen. It was as if everything stopped. The world no longer spinning on its axis. My lungs no longer able to do what they were meant to do. My heart stops beating all together.

  How my world will turn out all rests on these next few moments and my whole body readied itself for the worst. She had every right to change her mind. Alone and afraid, Faith had faced hell and back again. All because I was too stupid to fight for her, to fight for us.

  As if in slow motion, she runs for me, throwing herself in my arms. Everything started working again. The world starts spinning, my lungs drawing breath, my heart beating. She was in my
arms, right where I plan to keep her for the rest of my life.

  “I love you, Logan,” her voice a bare whisper against my chest.

  “I love you too. Can I feed you now? You really need to eat.” I say in hopes of changing the subject.

  “You’re not mad at me? How can you not be mad at me?”

  Honestly, I should have known that she wouldn’t let me get away with things that easy. Kissing her softly on the lips, I look into her eyes.

  “Because six years is a lot of time to think. In those six years, I realized something.”

  “What?” She breathes.

  “I realized that in those short stolen months with you, was when I actually had a life. Before, I lived for my brothers. After, I lived to forget the pain of letting you go. The only time I’ve ever lived for me was when I was with you.”

  “Oh,” she breathes.

  “Fay, I know that things are crazy and new and scary, but I promise you with everything that I am that I’ll be by your side through it all. To love you more than any man could ever love a woman. To care for you and our child with every fiber of my being.”

  Tears fall ceremoniously down her cheeks as her shaking hands reach up and touch my face. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure that you know how lucky I am to have you and how much I love you.”

  Pressing a soft kiss to her lips, I hug her tightly to me. Looking up, I smile at my brother standing on the other side of the doors looking in. Mouthing the words ‘thank you’ to him, he smiles and nods his head before walking away.

  Slowly, I lead Faith to a stool and go back and collect lunch. She smiles warmly, lovingly, at me as she picks up her sandwich, taking her first bite of food and I heaved a sigh of relief.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Levi

  Watching my brother wrap the woman he’s never stopped loving in his arms, pulled at something deep inside my chest. From what I remember of them, we had amazing parents who were completely devoted to each other. They loved their sons like no other parent could, I think.