Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  “Can you stop walking in circles? You’ll make us both sick,” I slur.

  The woman laughs and pulls me up by my arm. Before I know it we are stumbling for the door and my mouth is blubbering unstoppable.

  “I just lost my girlfriend to a man that she doesn’t even want to be with. All my life has been taking care of someone. There’s never been any time for me. No one cares about me.”

  “Well, I care, Lenny.”

  “It’s Logan,” I trip and almost fall flat on my face then start laughing uncontrollably.

  “Yeah, whatever. Look, let’s go back here. I’ll make you feel all better,” her voice sounding almost as funny as mine.

  We stumble along the side of the bar to a back alley. She continues to pull me past a dumpster before pushing me against a fence. Before I realize it she has my pants down around my thighs and her mouth is on my dick.

  “Yes, this is what I need. Please make me feel something. Anything. I just need to feel for a single moment. A moment to forget the pain.”

  Here was a woman willing to suck me off and I couldn’t get hard. All I kept picturing was Faith walking around the corner finding me with her and running from me for good. My heart was breaking.

  “If you can’t get it up, honey, then I can’t help you.”

  “I can’t do this,” I mumble.

  “Yeah I kind of figured. Oh well, night’s still young. See ya kid.”

  The woman stumbled away and I’m left there alone trying to get pants, that seem to be glued to my thighs. My belt had to have some kind of slime on it because it kept slipping from my hands.

  “You’re a real fucking loser, Logan James. Sixteen year old drop out with no life. You take care of your brothers. That’s all you are is a caregiver, a person to give life to those that were too young to do it themselves. I fucking hate my life. Fucking hate it! If I didn’t have to take care of my fucking brother…” I gasp. “This is all their fault. If they’d never been there I wouldn’t have lost my whole fucking life to begin with. If Mom and Dad hadn’t died, I’d be free to have a life of my own. My life fucking sucks!” I roar as I finally manage to get my pants up and fastened.

  My life was falling apart. For so long I’ve never had anything outside of my family and then Faith happens and I’m destroyed. There was nothing left for me.

  “Why couldn’t I have died that day and not Mom?” I mumble as I stagger to my truck to hopefully sleep this off. “I’m sorry Mom and Dad, all I seem to do is bring people down. I’m doing that with your kids and my brothers. I’m failing you and them.”

  Just as I stepped off the curb to go to my truck, I hear a loud screeching noise just as the world lights up next to me. Turning my head, I see a car speeding in my direction. A small smile plays on my lips a moment after my eyes widen. Could this be my answered prayers? Could this torturous life finally be ending?

  But just as I thought that, the car swerved and ran into my truck. “Go fucking figure.”

  My knees gave out from beneath me and I fell to the ground crying. The drunk haze lifts and I realize all the things I’ve thought and said tonight. Guilt was eating me alive. My unhappiness had nothing to do with my brothers or my parents and yet here I am blaming them for everything that has gone wrong in my life.

  This fucked up life that I’m living is my own fault, not theirs. It’s all mine. Pulling myself to my feet, I head home leaving my torn up truck behind. But the closer I got to my house, the harder it got to continue to walk.

  If any of them had heard me tonight, they’d hate me. And maybe they should. They don’t have the life they deserve, but hopefully they understand that I’m doing everything I can to make it a life that they can grow from and in.

  Opening the door, Levi immediately greets me. “Where have you been?”

  “Drinking,” I mumble, no sense in lying to him.

  Levi was quiet for a bit before finally speaking. “Lanny is sick and you know that you’re the only one that can calm him down. But I’d suggest brushing your teeth. You don’t want Lanny smelling that on you.”

  Nodding, I fell back to the man I was before Faith and it helps ease some of the pain.

  “Oh, baby. You were hurting. We all say things we regret when we’re hurting,” Faith says curling into me.

  “Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. My brothers are everything to me and I don’t regret what I’ve done for them… for us.”

  She wraps her arms tightly around me. “They know and so do I. You are an amazing person. I’m one hell of a lucky girl to have you.”

  # # #

  Two days later…

  Faith went down to the ocean for a swim with Lia while I clean up our bedroom. It was just as I was finishing up that I hear Faith’s phone ringing. Walking over to the night side table, I grab her phone and answer it.

  “Hello?”

  A maniacal laugh fills the void on the phone, right before a chilling voice filled my ears. “Oh, this is even better.”

  “Who is this?”

  Even though his voice sent a chill up and down my back, I still couldn’t help myself. It was like my instincts just needed the proof that this cold calculating voice was indeed the very man that has been abusing my woman.

  “I’m pretty sure you already know who this is. After all you’re answering my fiancée’s phone.”

  “She’s not your fiancée,” I ground out.

  “Oh, but she is. Now, enough of the idle chit chat of who’s who. Seems you have something I want.”

  “Well, you’re not getting her so we can end this now.”

  “Oh, but I’ve already had her so many times,” he laughs.

  A growl escapes before I can stop it and part of me didn’t want to stop it. “You will never touch her again. Over my dead fucking body.”

  “That can be arranged. Look you want to keep your precious slut safe and I want what’s owed to me, one way or another. Meet me in two days, you’ll find all the information in your mailbox at your house.”

  A chill morphed into ice. My words lodge in my throat, but it didn’t matter because he had hung up the phone. Instead, I stood there frozen holding the cellphone to my ear. My heart hammered in my chest and I knew what I needed to do.

  Tonight would be the last night I’d be with Faith, if only for a few minutes. First, I need to talk to my brothers. If this was going to happen, I needed their help to pull it off.

  Dear Lord, please don’t let her hate me for what I’m about to do. Amen.

  # # #

  Hazel

  Looking around, I make my way down to the beach to see what everyone is up to. It’s hard to stay so quiet, to not want to laugh and joke around with everyone. How can I possibly have fun? It’ll only lead to losing those close to me again.

  Joey sits at the water edge. My heart clenches in my chest at the sad forlorn look on his handsome face. He honestly looks lost. The first night we were together was one of the best nights of my life. The second night even better until he ruined it by saying he was falling in love with me.

  I’m a lot of things, but not the loving kind. Not that I couldn’t love, but people couldn’t love me. Joey was just confusing the sex with love that’s all. There’s no way I’d deny the chemistry between us, the sexual chemistry. But at the same time, there’s no way I can put him through my shit.

  Tearing my eyes away from him, I look out over the water seeing Faith smiling and laughing. She’s finally happy. For the first time in a long time, her smile is genuine. A small smile pulls at the corners of my mouth and inadvertently my eyes are drawn back to Joey.

  Could he really love me?

  Standing, I decide that there’s only one way I’ll ever find out. The walk toward him was the scariest fifty steps I’ve ever taken. Yes, I counted each step, but not because I was dreading being near Joey. I counted because I am dreading being turned away. As it stands right now, Joey’s the only person that could truly hurt or save me. That thought scare
s the living daylights out of me.

  “Joey?”

  Joey jumps and spins around to face me. “Hazel,” he breathes.

  “Can, um,” I look down at my hands unable to meet his eyes. “Can we talk?” My voice is just above a whisper.

  He stands up and brushes the sand from his shorts and legs. “Of course. Would you like to take a walk while we talk?”

  “Sure, that’d probably be better,” I mumble.

  We start walking down the beach. The voices of the others soon fall into a muffle silence behind us. Joey is struggling with what to do, I can feel it. His hand keeps moving close to mine, but he quickly pulls it back before he touches me. Really, I can’t blame his behavior. In the time since we’ve known who each other, I’ve done everything but be friendly.

  “Why?” I finally bring myself to asking.

  His head turns toward me, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Why what, Hazel?”

  Stopping our walk, he turns to face me and for the first time, I meet his eyes. “Why do you like me?”

  “Why do I like you?” He sounds almost shocked. “I don’t like you, Hazel. I’m head over heels in love with you.”

  “But how do you know that it’s love? Maybe it’s just lust. Pure intense attraction. The only time we were together was when we were having sex. When you were paying me to have sex with you,” I emphasize. “How can that be love? How can you be sure that is love?”

  He drops his head down and kicks his foot around before meeting my eyes again. There is pain and fear in his eyes. The look makes my heart race.

  “It was the feeling I got when I touched you, kissed you, and just held you. You took away all my stresses and I relaxed with you.”

  I laugh. “A good orgasm will do that for you.”

  “It’s not about the sex,” he practically yells.

  “I’m sorry,” I drop my eyes to my hands and wring them in front of me.

  “Please don’t apologize. I’m sorry for screaming, but you’re the first person I’ve felt anything for since my former fiancée left me at the alter for her boyfriend. Yes, I said boyfriend. So I’m getting a little frustrated with myself, not with you.”

  My hands attempt to hold my heart together as it breaks for him. “I’m so sorry. You, of all people, didn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve you or your love. Your girl…”

  “Is standing right in front of me,” he breathes.

  “You don’t know me though. Or what I’ve been through. How can you know for sure that this is love you’re feeling?”

  “Because in all the times that there has been naked women around here, and let’s face it, it’s almost all the time, I’ve only ever been able to look at you. Fully clothed and you still knocked all those other girls out of the water.”

  Before I could stop them, tears start to fall down my cheeks. “I don’t know if what I feel is love yet, but if we can take this slow and really get to know each other,” I swallow hard. “I want to try.”

  It’s barely a whisper, but Joey hears me loud and clear. His hands push into my hair and his lips are ravenging mine as his tongue dips into my mouth. This is a kiss unlike any other kiss I’ve ever felt before. It was more, he was more and now we risk this moment with details of my past that he may not be able to handle.

  Pulling back he smiles down at me tenderly, “There are things you need to know about me too, but we’ll take it slow and get to know each other. Then once we’ve told all there is then decide if it’s love or lust. Sound good?”

  “Yes, on one condition.”

  “What’s that?” He looks nervous.

  “We can share more kisses like that,” I smile.

  His answering smile is blinding. “Oh, most definitely. That and so much more.”

  He dips his head and kisses me again. Within seconds, I was lost in the feelings that took over me when he kissed me like this. Getting to know him was going to be fun. The thought makes me laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” There’s a smirk on his face so he’s not upset or hurt by my laughing while he’s kissing me.

  “I was just thinking that getting to know you was going to be a lot of fun,” I laugh again.

  “Mmm, indeed,” he growls as he claims my mouth once more.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Faith

  It was nice to finally relax for a change. Lia begged me to go to the beach with her. Logan told me to go while he cleaned our room. They both feel it’d do me some good to relax. Of course I agree.

  Lia is like a little kid in the water, splashing and squealing. She’s cracking me up. You’d think this was the first time she’d ever been in the water. Then a sobering thought occurs to me then. It very well could be her first time in the water. She didn’t have the luxuries that I did. Of course, my luxuries came at a very high cost.

  For one reason or another that thought brought my attention to Hazel. She sat there, off by herself like she didn’t want to be noticed. Her eyes were on Joey. Why won’t she just give him a damn chance?

  Just then I’m splashed in the face. Turning, I find a grinning Lia. She’s biting her lip to keep from laughing. Oh, it’s on!

  “That’s funny to you, Lia?”

  She nods her head, still trying not to laugh. Moving closer to her, my smile turns mischievous.

  “Well, turnabout is fair play, right?”

  Her face drops as she starts to back away. “No, Faith, it was fun and games.”

  “Fun and games,” I pretend to think. “Yes, that’s exactly what this is.”

  Just then she bumps into Leif, letting out a little scream in the process. “Leif, you scared me.”

  “Now, why would I do that?” He asks as he wraps his arms around her waist.

  “Leif, I’ll give you whatever you want if you throw her into the water,” I grin devilishly.

  “What? No!” Lia shrieks.

  “Anything I want,” he asks tightening his arms around her as she tries to escape.

  “Yup.”

  “Deal. I’ll collect later.”

  “What? No! You’ve got to be kidding me,” she tries pathetically to get away.

  Leif grins right before he launches Lia in the air. She flails in the air with a scream before hitting the water with a huge splash. My laughter is uncontrollable. It’s hurting my sides. Lia surfaces spitting out water as she wipes her eyes.

  “You bastard! You…” her tirade cuts off as she grins big.

  Just then strong arms came around me. “Oh, no, no, no, no. Logan will have your balls on a platter,” I hiss.

  “He’d have to catch me first,” Levi whispers in my ear right before he launches me in the air.

  I barely get the word ‘bastard’ out before I hit the water. Unfortunately, the way I hit the water was more a belly flop than anything. It wasn’t full on belly, but enough that it hurt. When I come out of the water, I hold my stomach trying to catch my breath. The pain shooting through me was stealing whatever breath I can manage to get away.

  “Lia,” I choke out.

  Tears fill my eyes and pour down my cheeks. Every noise around me stops. The only sound I hear is water sloshing.

  “What’s wrong?” Someone speaks, but I can’t really hear over the water and the blood pounding in my ears.

  “Help me,” I breathe through my tears and the pain.

  Someone picks me up and I’m being moved through the water. All I really want right now is Logan. I want my love.

  “Logan,” I force out.

  The more I’m moved the more it hurts. The bouncing and vibration only intensified the pain.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Levi keeps saying over and over again.

  After a few more moments the pain passes and I regain my breath again. Pushing myself to a sitting position, I take another deep cleansing breath.

  “I’m fine. I think it was just the way I landed,” I groan as I move to stand.

  Just then his warmth enveloped me. Sighing as I melt
into his embrace.

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. It was just the way I hit the water. Really I’m fine.”

  Breathless, Leif pants his sentence out. “I called the doctor.”

  “When will she be here?” Levi asks concerned.

  “Three or Four hours. She was actually heading this way anyway.”

  Logan helps me to the house. Before long the doctor is there and Logan insists on staying in the room with me. He’s fretting, but really I don’t think anything was wrong with the baby, but more the way I hit the water. Slapping the water like that hurts like a bitch.

  “How have you been, Ms. Harper?”

  Smiling at Logan, “Good, really good. There’s really no need to be here today,” I end on a murmur.

  Pulling out some kind of device from a large plastic like container, she’s not really looking at me while she sets up the machine after clearing off the end table next to the bed. She speaks as she does.

  “Actually, I was coming anyway. There’re some things I need to confirm.”

  My whole body tenses and I feel Logan tense next to me. He grabs my hand and squeezes reassuringly. His body is vibrating with concern and maybe even a bit of fear. Whatever it was, he wasn’t calming down any. When he speaks, his voice falters and it racks up my fear a bit more.

  “Things to confirm?”

  She nods her head, but her focus is not on us right now, but whatever she’s setting up. I turn into Logan and bury my face in his chest. My heart hurts. All the pain from the past come crashing into me breaking the little hold on my nerves I had. Terror like I’ve only felt once before in my life grips me and it won’t let up. It holds no mercy and squeezes me cutting off all reason and breath.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he voice is unconvincing.

  “I can’t live through it again.” I sob. “I’m not strong enough.”

  He pulls back and cups my head in his big hands. “Hey, we’re not thinking like that. Do you hear me?”