Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

  “I love you, Faith. More than life itself. I’d give my life for you, you know that right?”

  Her eyes bounce between mine. “You’re scaring me, Logan. Is everything okay?”

  “It’s fine.” I force a smile and climb off the bed quickly knowing that the smile did not seem genuine. “I’ll be back soon.”

  Walking out into the hall with my brother, I pull the door closed and I lose it. The tears fall down my face and my chest heaves with silent sobs. My brother hugs me. After a few moments, I stand up straight.

  “Make sure you take good care of them, please. Make sure they all know how much I love them. Please, Levi. Please.”

  My brother was choked with emotion just as I was. “I will, but you better bring yourself back here. She needs you, not me.”

  We walk down the hall and stairs in silence. I’d just made it out to the car when Faith come running out of the house screaming my name. Turning just in time, she throws herself in my arms, crying into my neck. Burying my face in her neck, I breath her in, fighting to keep myself under control.

  “Please don’t leave. I feel like you’re saying goodbye. Please don’t go,” she sobs into my chest.

  Looking up at my brother for help, my heart is breaking into a million pieces right now. The lies keep building. She’s never going to forgive me, if I do by some miracle make it through this.

  “I’ll be back before you know it. I’m going to bring back food. I’ll even get your favorite snacks. Just be good while I’m gone, rest and relax, okay?”

  Her hold around me tightens. My resolve is slowly breaking. We could just stay here forever. Lord knows I have enough money to do just that and never have to worry about anything ever again. But if I don’t handle this now, then Faith will always have fear hanging over her head. I have to do this.

  “Lev, can you take her please?”

  My brother walks over and slow starts pulling her away from me. The tears stream down her face faster and faster.

  “Please don’t go. I love you. Please,” she sobs harder.

  Forcing myself to move, I slide into the backseat of the car. Looking out the window, I watch as she sags into Levi’s hold, her body shaking. That was all it took.

  “Stop the car,” I yell as I open my door and run back to her.

  She meets me and flings her arms around my shoulders again. Pulling back and tipping her face up to meet mine, I crash my lips to hers. The kiss is fierce, far from gentle. Faith’s hold tightens around my neck. My hands move down to her ass and I lift her from the ground. Wrapping her legs around my waist, she fists her hands in my hair.

  “I love you, Fay. I love you so much. I’ll be back soon. Okay? Please don’t make me worry while I’m away. Be good and rest and relax, okay?”

  “I don’t want you to go,” she whispers.

  “I know, baby, but we need food. It’s only fair that I have to help keep it for all of us. It won’t take me long. I’ll be back here before you know it.”

  She nods her head, tears still falling unchecked down her cheeks. Looking up at my brother once more, who looks pretty teary eyed himself, he took a hold of Faith as I walk back to the car. My heart was broken and the worst part is, I think she knows I’m not going grocery shopping. Yet, she still let me go… Fuck. My brothers better keep her safely there or they won’t like what I do to them.

  Pulling out my phone, I text all four of my brothers, Joey, and Lia.

  Me: She knows. Please keep her safe for me. I’m counting on all of you to take care of her and our kids. Please don’t let me down.

  Lia: She knows what?

  Me: That I’m not really going shopping.

  Lia: What are you doing?

  Me: Protecting my life.

  Lia: And how are you doing that? If you hurt Faith, I swear to you Logan, I will rip your balls off and shove them up your ass.

  A smile spreads across my face. Lia means it. Lia is a take no bull shit from anyone. Honestly, Faith was safer with Lia than anyone. The thought made me laugh.

  Me: I’m getting Tony off her back. Lia, please take care of her in case I don’t get back. Please. I love her and can’t let this loom over her head any longer. Not when we’ll be welcoming the twins into our lives soon.

  Lia: Lo, you’re going to kill her if you don’t make it back. You do realize that, don’t you?

  Me: I do. But the alternative of him taking her and or my kids, it’s far too much for me to bare. I’m doing this because doing nothing is far worse.

  Lia: I’ll make sure she knows how much you love her.

  Me: Thank you.

  Before I knew it, I was arriving at the plane. Once I step on that plane, I can’t turn back. I’ll be away from Faith, possibly forever. As doubt starts to creep in, a vision of Faith being kidnapped with our kids flashes in my head and I practically run up the steps and into the plane. Before the plane takes off, I give Ronnie the shopping list that he will be getting and taking back to the house. Lastly, I text Faith.

  Me: I love you, always and forever.

  I get an immediate response.

  Faith: I love you more than all the tomorrows. Get back safely. We need you.

  Yup, she knows. Shit…

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Lia

  Walking out onto the deck where the boys all sit talking amongst each other quietly, I stomp my way over there. Not waiting for them to notice me, I grab Leif and Levi by the ears.

  “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” They wail together as they stand up.

  Punching both of them in the stomach, they huff out their breaths and hunch over. The others laugh.

  “What was that for?” Leif groans.

  “I’m sure Leif deserves it, but what did I get it for.”

  “Oh, no, you both deserve it. How the hell could you not give me a heads up on what Logan was doing?”

  They look at each other with wide eyes. Landon immediately raised his hands. “I didn’t say a thing,” he interjects.

  Laughter flows all around. It was a moment of tension release. Everyone’s mind is filled with concern for Faith, but more for Logan. He’s risking his life right now. As much as Logan may not see it, but none of our lives would be the same without him. We’d all lose a piece of ourselves.

  “He texted me asking me to take care of Faith,” I say after we all stop laughing. “This is going to kill her. If I know my girl, she’s convincing herself that he’s really just grocery shopping. So we need to prepare for when he doesn’t return with Ronnie.” Flopping down next to Leif, I shake my head sadly. “What are we going to do?”

  Leif reaches over, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his side. My breath catches in my throat. This man drives me insane.

  “It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to,” Leif says quietly.

  My head snaps up to look at him. Quickly, I realize my mistake. I was far too close to him. Staring at his mouth only serves to heat my blood hotter. It looks as though Leif leans in slightly.

  You’re wishful thinking you nitwit. There’s no way a guy like him would be interested in a woman like me. Well, nothing more than friends, anyway.

  Shaking my head slightly, I break eye contact. “How can you say something like that when your brother pretty much just sealed his death? You don’t understand what that man can do. I saw what he did to Faith. There’s no way he’s letting go this easy. There’s a reason he divorced his wife to marry her. I think Logan is in serious danger.”

  I stand and walk away. I couldn’t sit next to Leif a second longer and I needed to find Faith.

  # # #

  Faith

  Watching Logan drive away from me was killing me. When I’m with Logan, I feel safe. He doesn’t even have to be next to me for me to feel safe. Just in the same area with me and I feel untouchable.

  From the time I met him, he changed me. Logan made sure that I knew how much I mattered to him. There was never a moment, I didn’t know that. But now I sit on the
front porch steps with my heart in pieces.

  The thing that killed me the most was that even though I know the truth, I’m still sitting here trying to convince myself that he will actually be back. It hurt too much to think otherwise. It was a matter of self-preservation to believe the lie and ignore the truth.

  Placing my hand on my belly, I sent up a silent prayer.

  Lord, I know I’ve asked a lot of you over the years and I really haven’t done much with the chances you have given me over the years, but if you could please keep Logan safe I’ll do better. He has his brothers that depend on him and we are about to welcome twins.

  “Hey gorgeous,” Lia says sitting down next to me on the steps. “How you holding up?”

  Lie number one. “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Lia looks shocked when I look at her. “Because Logan just left…”

  “We all gotta eat right? And it’s only fair that we have to make the trip just as much as everyone else, right?”

  “Right,” she says in slow manner, confusion plain as day in her voice. “You know you can be honest with me Fay. I’m here for you.”

  “I know.” Placing my hand on hers, “Just let me have this right now, okay,” I whisper.

  “Okay,” she agrees as she wraps me in her arms. “So what do you want to talk about?”

  “Hmm, how about you and Leif?”

  “What?” She pulls away from me. “No, let’s talk about, uh, the twins. Yes, let’s talk about the twins.”

  “Nope, my pick. We talk about you and Leif,” I grin.

  She groans. “Why do you want to talk about him?”

  “Because you two are so stuck on each other yet you don’t act on it. Why?”

  “One, he’s not stuck on me. Two, he’s my best friend. And three, I’m done talking about this.”

  Standing up, I look at her with my hands on my hips. “Why are you fighting your happiness Lia? He loves you. I’m sure of it. And he’s a good guy. He’s different Lia. He’s not your dad and he’s not Hester.”

  There was a lot I expected from this conversation, but what I didn’t expect was the sob that almost echoed outside. Lia has never openly cried or let herself be vulnerable with anyone. This scared me.

  “Oh, Lia. I’m so sorry. We can change the subject.”

  “My past is my past, Fay. If I talk about it, it becomes part of my present and I don’t want that shit here. I lived it once. I don’t want to relive it again. Please.”

  “We won’t talk about it now, but honey, your past always has a way of rearing its ugly head. Believe me, I know.”

  “We’ll talk about it sometime just not right now, please,” she pleads.

  Nodding my head, I decide to let it go, for now. Right now we both need cheering up. Pulling away from the hug, I smile at her.

  “Let’s go to the beach. Have girls time. What do you say?”

  “Yes, that’s what we need.”

  Linking our arms around each other, we walk through the house and out to the deck. The minute we walk out there, Leif looks up and smiles. But then I see his face and I know he sees that Lia’s been crying. Shaking my head at him, we have a silent conversation.

  Me: Not right now, Leif.

  Leif: But she’s upset.

  Me: I know and I’m helping her. Don’t worry.

  Leif: I’ll give you a little bit, but then I’m stepping in.

  Me: Fine.

  We continue off the dock and down to the beach. We head straight into the water. Laughter soon took place over her distraught face. It’s funny because she started out trying to cheer me up and here I am cheering her up. Then it occurred to me.

  “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

  She smiles at me. “Not all of it, but it panned out pretty well,” she says as she sits down next to me on the beach.

  The sun was starting to set. I’m not sure how long we’d played around in the water, or how long we just floated around, but the time flew by. However, now that I sit on this beach and watch as the sun set, my heart begins to break again.

  “Okay, now you can say it,” I whisper.

  “Fay…”

  “Why? What’s his plan?”

  “He wants to make it to where you won’t have to look over your shoulder and he knows that you and the babies are safe. All he wants is to protect you guys.”

  “But he’s broke my heart in the process,” my voice cracks.

  “He broke it to save it, Fay.”

  Choking out a laugh, I look out over the water. The colors grew more intense the further the sun set behind the water. My heart grew heavy. Slowly, a plan starts forming in my head. It may take me a bit to get it all together without rising any alarms, but it would work.

  “Lia?”

  We turn to see Leif standing a few feet away from us. That’s my cue to leave the clueless lovebirds alone.

  “I’m going to bed. Love you sweetie.”

  “Love you too. Breakfast on the beach?”

  Smiling, I stand up. “Sounds good to me.”

  As I turn to walk up to the house, I stop and kiss Leif on the cheek and say good night. Heading up the hill and onto the deck, Levi stops me just as I reach the stairs.

  “You haven’t eaten today. You really need to. I can make you something.”

  “I’m good right now, thank you though Levi.”

  “But…” he starts to protest.

  “I’m really tired. I just want to go to bed. I’ll eat extra in the morning. Promise.”

  Kissing him on the cheek, I head up the stairs and to my room. The emptiness I feel the minute I walk into the room hits me hard. Then I see it, on my night stand, a letter. Sitting down on the bed, with a shaky hand, I open the letter.

  My love,

  I know there’s no way to ask for your forgiveness for this, but I hope that you will. While I was cleaning the room today, your phone rang. Tony was calling. I made an exchange to go meet him and in return he leaves you alone. There is no way I’m going to let you or my kids come to any more harm. We need this safety net. We need this peace.

  I love you more than you will ever know. If for any reason I don’t come back, please take good care of yourself and our children. My brothers are there for you no matter what, please don’t leave them out.

  You are my world and now hopefully you can live and not have to worry when the other shoe will drop.

  Always and Forever yours,

  Logan

  Throwing the letter down, I ran from the room and down the hall running right into Joey. Tears were coursing down my cheeks as I try to get intelligible words out of my mouth. He starts calling for someone. I can’t fully make out what he’s saying. Panic is filling me. It’s closing off my throat and consuming my body.

  “Fay? Faith? What’s wrong?” I hear Levi.

  “Shit! She’s having a panic attack. Fay, look at me,” Lia urges.

  My vision was dimming and my heart was hammering in my chest. It’s all wrong. This isn’t right. Oh God, he’s going to be hurt. And it’s all my fault.

  “Fay! Look at me now,” Lia demands.

  Turning my head slowly, I meet her eyes. She’s trying to calm me down, but I can see the panic in her own eyes. Levi, Joey, and Leif were all surrounding us.

  “Take slow deep breaths. Focus on my voice and your breathing. Nothing else. Just slow deep breaths.”

  Then Lia does the one thing that she always did to calm me down from my nightmares, but has never done in front of anyone. She starts to sing. Cry Out To Jesus by Third Day was one of my favorite songs that my grandfather used to sing to me. Lia learned it when I started to stay with her.

  The faces around were of stunned surprise. Leif was beaming from ear to ear, while Levi looks a little more impressed. Slowly, my breathing slowed and I began to calm down.

  “There you go,” Lia smiles.

  “I love you big time,” I say with a watery smile.

  “I love you too sweetie. Now w
hat caused this?”

  I recanted the letter to them and tried to keep from panicking as I told them what it says.

  “You don’t understand. Logan is going to be used as leverage. Tony needs me for whatever reason. Logan just gave him the leverage he needed to get to me.”

  “Fuck!” Levi roared.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Logan

  Standing in my house, I was in a state of shock. It was trashed. Anything that could be pulled out or thrown was. At this moment, any doubt about keeping Faith in the dark about what was happening evaporated into thin air. If she’d been with me right now, I shudder at the thought.

  The house was beyond trashed, it was almost a tear down and rebuild. Holes knocked into the walls, everywhere. Spray paint covers the wall with nasty words sprayed over almost every inch of every wall in the entry way, living room, kitchen and up the stairs. I was honestly scared to see what has happened up stairs.

  The destruction here broke my heart further. I raised my brothers here. Hell, I grew up here for all intense and purposes. My whole life changed here. I found life, lost it, and found it again. Now it’s all been tarnished by all this shit.

  Taking a deep breath, I walk up the stairs to see what damage was left up there. All my brothers’ rooms were in disarray, but not nearly as bad as downstairs. As I open the door to my room, I saw quickly that whoever wrecked this house knew what room was mine.

  She was mine!

  Whore!

  Bitch!

  Asshole!

  Nailed to the wall in the midst of all this shit was a picture of Faith that I took one of the times we were together. She was smiling, laying in the grass looking up at me with love in her eyes. The picture still brings me peace. Under that was an envelope. Carefully, I removed the nail and put the picture in my pocket then grabbed the envelope. Because of how they trashed my room there was no safe place to sit. So I walk back downstairs and out onto the porch to sit on the porch swing. One more deep breath, I open the envelope.