“Maybe I still don’t know how I fit in Lulu,” he said. “But I do know that it’s where I belong.” The words felt heavier, more meaningful in light of their last conversation about the future. “It’s my home.”
He turned his gaze up to the night sky, so peaceful, so brilliant. Between the silence and her nearness, there was something almost sacred about this place in time. This moment in time.
“Did your parents bring you here when you were growing up?” Her voice cut into his thoughts but the change of topic made him smile.
“Yeah, they did. This place was always special to them.” He opened his mouth to add more but stopped himself. He’d already admitted that he’d never brought another woman here, telling her that this was the place where his father proposed?
He didn’t want to scare the poor woman off on their first date.
“I think that’s wonderful,” she sighed. Twisting slightly, she cast him a little smile over her shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong, Ruby was a wonderful mother. But she worked full time and we didn’t often leave town except for the occasional trip to the big city to head to Costco and Walmart.”
He laughed at the way she said “big city,” a perfect impersonation of her mother’s drawl.
She tilted her head back again and he took advantage of her exposed neck by leaning down and pressing his lips to her warm, soft skin.
He heard her inhale, felt her stiffen in his arms. Moving his head again slightly he pressed his lips to her hair and felt her relax, easing back into his embrace with a sigh.
They didn’t speak for ages, both content to look up at the magnificence above while reveling in the warmth and cozy comfort of this embrace.
Cole’s arms tightened around her, marveling at the way she fit so perfectly in his arms. He could stay like this all night.
He could stay like this forever.
Chapter Fifteen
Cole could feel Marty’s eyes on him as he tinkered with Claire’s car. The part they’d been waiting for had come in and Marty had given him a call.
Marty could do it himself, he knew, but he was glad to be the one fixing the car. Call him old-fashioned but it felt good to be doing something to help Claire, even if she never knew it was him who fixed it.
“So,” Marty said from his perch by the checkout counter. “How long do you think you’ll stick around this time?”
Cole stiffened. Not just because the question had caught him off guard but because of Marty’s tone of feigned indifference.
He struggled for the same attitude. Like they were just discussing the weather and not whether Cole would desert him again. “I’m here for good this time, Marty.”
The old man didn’t respond and he risked a glance over his shoulder to find a pair of wise blue eyes peering at him from beneath bushy white eyebrows. He looked more wrinkled and weathered than before he’d taken off. Somehow time always seemed to stand still in Lulu, but now, looking at Marty, Cole was reminded that was just an illusion. Time was passing them all by. They were all getting older, and hopefully wiser.
He sure hoped he was getting wiser.
“That’s good, that’s good,” Marty muttered after some time, as if just now concluding that Cole meant what he’d said. Marty’s gaze fixed on the ugly green car, with its rust and grime. “A car like this…it’s a classic.”
He nodded, wondering where on earth this was going.
“It requires a lot of maintenance, but if you stay with it, it’ll make it worth your while.”
He murmured in agreement as he reached for another tool. There was no doubt in his mind, Marty was trying to make a point, but what that point was…he had no idea.
“Claire Geddy is a good woman,” Marty said.
Cole shot him a surprised look and saw that Marty was scowling something fierce.
“I know that, Marty.”
Marty didn’t seem to hear him. “I don’t know her well, but I know her mother, and I know how Claire has been looking after her all these years.” Marty was nodding as if agreeing with his own assessment. “That’s right, Claire is good people. She deserves the best.”
The old man’s words were a kick in the gut. Not because they weren’t true—of course they were. Everyone knew Claire deserved the best. It was what Marty hadn’t said that had knocked the wind straight out of him.
She deserves better than you.
He gripped the edge of the car to steady himself. It wasn’t like this was news. He knew it to be true, as did everyone in this town. But to hear it from Marty…. He shook his head. Marty wasn’t being cruel, he was just looking out for Claire. And for that, he was grateful.
He pulled himself together, refusing to give it much more thought. Not now, at least, and certainly not while Marty was watching him with those hawk eyes.
“Boy, what’s got into you?” Marty demanded.
Cole kept his head down. “Nothing, it’s just…. You’re right. I know you’re right.”
Though they typically worked together in silence, the quiet that stretched out between them felt heavy, filled with unspoken words. For Cole’s part, he was trying his best to focus on his work. He didn’t want to think about whether or not he deserved Claire or whether she would stay or go.
He didn’t want to think, period. Because thinking about what ifs where Claire was involved ultimately ended in fear and heartbreak. He supposed deep down he already knew what was to come, which was why he was so afraid to face it or give it any thought.
If he let himself be honest about their situation, it was all too clear.
Claire would leave. She had to. She had a life to get back to, even if it was a new one with fresh starts and new beginnings.
Even if she stayed—and really, what were the odds—would she really want to be with him in the long run? Even Marty, who’d known him since he was boy, knew that he didn’t deserve her. Despite his best efforts to change, he’d always be the son who ran, the brother who bailed, the employee who left an old man high and dry.
He might do his best to make up for the pain he’d caused in the past but that didn’t make him worthy now. Repentance wasn’t the same as doing good from the start. Making up for past sins didn’t erase them, and it didn’t change who he was by nature.
No, even if she decided to stay, she wouldn’t stay with a man like him. It was just a matter of time before she realized it too.
When the silence grew so taut he thought he might choke, Marty spoke again, his tone still gruff but with less of an edge. “So, you think you’ll be here for good this time, eh?”
Cole let out some of the air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in his lungs. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s the plan.”
He heard Marty move around the shop, the sound of tools clattering. Typically that was a comforting sound, but at the moment it rattled his nerves. There was so much he had to say, so many apologies he had to make. Sometimes it felt like it would never be enough. He cleared his throat and straightened, facing the older man who’d been a mentor and later a father figure after his own had passed. “I’m sorry, Marty. I shouldn’t have taken off like that….” He shrugged, not sure how to finish. “I shouldn’t have run away any of the times I did, but this last time was unforgivable. I shouldn’t have left, and I shouldn’t have stayed away as long as I did. If I’d—”
“Aw, go on,” Marty interrupted loudly, his tone gruff and his expression irritated. “Don’t go giving me that girly dribble. I’m not mad at you for taking off.”
Cole started in surprise. “You’re not?”
“No,” the old man barked. Then almost immediately, he relented. “Well, I don’t love it when you take off like that, but I get it. Probably better than most.”
Cole stared at his mentor, unsure of how he was supposed to react to that.
Marty took one look at his expression and chuckled. Really, it was more like a cackle. “Look at you. What, did you think I was born an old man?”
Cole started to pr
otest but Marty wasn’t listening. “No, sir, I was young like you. I’ve always understood that urge you had. You needed to explore a bit, test your boundaries and see what made you happy.”
Cole was struck speechless. He couldn’t have said it better himself. And he’d tried to explain it countless times, to himself and to others, so he knew just how inept he was at putting that feeling into words.
Marty waved a dismissive hand in his stunned direction. “You can stop giving me that open-mouthed look right about now. You look plum stupid.”
Cole snapped his mouth shut and shook his head, trying to think of something to say. “Sorry, it’s just….”
“You thought I’d be angry with you for taking off on me and leaving me all on my lonesome, I know.” Marty sounded amused, and at his expense. Which was fine by Cole. He’d take an amused Marty over a hurt Marty any day of the week.
He gave the older man a small smile. “Yeah, something like that.”
Marty stopped his tinkering and turned to face him straight on. “Are you done now?”
Cole knew exactly what he meant and he didn’t insult either of their intelligences by pretending otherwise. He meant, are you done taking off? Have you found what you were searching for? The answer to that was a little more complicated than yes or no, but he tried to answer the best he could. “Yes,” he said slowly. “I won’t be taking off like that.” He paused, looking down at the inside of Claire’s car. “I may not have sorted it all out, but I’ve figured out that what I’m looking for isn’t out there.”
He glanced up and saw Marty giving him a small smile, his eyes bright with… something. If not pride, then something close enough, and Cole found himself ducking his head to hide his own emotions.
Heck, the car shop wasn’t the kind of place where they got sentimental. That was part of the beauty of being there.
Marty seemed to be thinking the same thing because Cole heard him turn back and head toward the counter where he’d been working on paperwork.
“You best not leave again, son. Claire Geddy would be lucky to have a man like you by her side, but if you leave her like her daddy left her mama, I’ll come after you like nobody’s business.”
Cole stared at the old man’s back, not sure whether to laugh or defend himself. But Marty wasn’t done, he continued muttering to himself long after Cole was able to hear him. “I’ll come back from the grave if I have to, but I don’t think it’ll come to that. You’re a good kid, deep down, I’ve always said…..”
It didn’t seem to matter to Marty that no one could hear him anymore as he muttered to himself and puttered around the counter.
If he was aware that Cole was left staring after him in amazement, he didn’t comment. And Cole was too busy trying to digest all the man had just said to do much more than stare.
Claire would be lucky to have a man like you by her side. Did he really think so? Heck, the question didn’t bear asking. He’d always known that the old bugger never said anything he didn’t mean. Marty had no qualms about hurting a man’s feelings in the name of honesty.
So maybe Marty thought he was good enough for Claire, after all.
That thought settled oddly. The whole topic of whether he deserved Claire felt like a sensitive tooth that he wanted to pick at but hurt like the dickens when he did.
Maybe Marty saw the best in him and thought that he could make Claire happy, but did he believe that was true?
Cole stared into the hood and held himself up on the edge of the car as the question lingered and echoed in his brain. He wanted to shut it out. He wanted to go back to reminiscing about the perfect night they’d had and the perfect kiss when he’d dropped her off afterward.
He’d be perfectly content to that but then he’d be ignoring the reality that was right in front of his face. He’d be running again, in a certain sense.
The reality of the situation was that maybe it didn’t matter what Claire decided to do with her future. Whether she stayed or left, there was no room for him in her life. Not if he wanted to give her what she deserved… the best.
Chapter Sixteen
While Claire was facing her students in the formerly drafty, but now, quite cozy barn, Ellen was determinedly facing her. With her arms crossed.
Oh no, her friend meant business.
“Are you seriously not going to tell me about your big date with Cole?” she insisted.
Claire cringed. Then she called out, “Nice work, June. You too, Avery, that was a big improvement.” The two girls scuttled back to their corner as the next pair came forward to show off what they’d learned at rehearsal that day.
But Ellen wasn’t paying attention to them, and she was making it difficult for Claire to concentrate as well.
“I’ve been patiently waiting for you to spill the beans for days.”
She looked over to see her petite friend’s green eyes widen with exaggerated amazement at her own patience.
Claire pursed her lips. Yeah… no. That was not what she would call it. “Waiting patiently?” she repeated. “So, you calling me the very next morning and pestering me with questions about my ‘big date,’” she used air quotes and mimicked Ellen’s breathless excitement, making the other woman laugh. She was laughing too as she finished, “That was you waiting patiently?”
Ellen nodded, her red curls bouncing against her shoulders. “Heck yeah!” She playfully slapped Claire’s shoulders. “Hey, I don’t have a love life of my own anymore, remember? I need to live vicariously through you.”
Claire stopped laughing, her heart aching with guilt and empathy at the reminder.
But Ellen was still smiling, though the laughter in her eyes was tinged with sadness. “Sorry, sometimes I forget that it makes people uncomfortable when I joke about being a widow.”
Claire bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. At her silence, Ellen continued, turning to look at the girls who’d finished their short routine and who were amusing themselves by pretending to tap dance for their peers.
“Don’t apologize,” she said. “If making jokes helps you cope, then everyone else can just deal with it.”
Her voice had come out firmer than she’d intended and Ellen laughed softly. “Thanks.” After a pause, she added, “And yeah, it does help me cope.”
They were quiet for a moment but Claire waited patiently—she honestly waited patiently, unlike Ellen.
Her silence was rewarded when Ellen opened up in a way she hadn’t since they’d reconnected. “I didn’t expect to be a widow at twenty-eight, you know?” She looked over and met Claire’s gaze. “I guess no one does, really. It took a long time just to adjust to this new reality, and now….” She shrugged and once again Claire waited. “Now, I just have to find a way to live with it.”
Claire nodded, not because she truly understood—she had a feeling no one could unless they’d lived it—but she was trying to put herself in Ellen’s place and found herself seeing it from her point of view.
“I’m guessing,” Claire said slowly, hesitantly. “I’m guessing it doesn’t help when everyone walks on eggshells around you all the time.”
Ellen’s eyes widened comically. “That’s exactly it. I’m trying to make this new life the new normal for me and June. I want her to be able to talk about her dad without making everyone around her uncomfortable. I want us to be able to talk about our current situation—the fact that we’re suddenly missing a major part of our family—and I want it to be okay to talk about it.”
She let out a long breath and Claire got the feeling this was the first time she’d let herself put all that into words.
The girls were starting to get restless and Ellen was blinking quickly and briskly swiping at her eyes.
Claire knew without a doubt that her friend didn’t want to lose it here, now. Especially not while June was ten feet away playing and laughing with her friends. So she turned to Ellen and pretended to sigh. “Well, gosh, Ellen. If you’re willing to go this far to guilt trip me into gossipin
g about my date, then I guess I have to spill, don’t I?”
Ellen turned to her with a surprised expression that quickly morphed into laughter as she nudged Claire’s arm with her shoulder. “That’s right. You have to spill or I’ll make us both cry instead.”
They were both laughing when Cole came in. Somehow that made both women giggle even harder until Ellen was clutching Claire’s arm to hold herself upright.
Claire met Cole’s questioning look and shook her head, rolling her eyes to signal that they were just being silly. Nothing to worry about here. It’s not like we were talking about your or anything.
Cole grinned and headed to a corner to watch the rehearsal
She bit her lip to hold back another round of giggles. Goodness, what was happening to her? She was acting like a giddy schoolgirl.
And she liked it.
Savoring the heady feeling, she cast another glance in Cole’s direction but he wasn’t looking at her. His gaze was fixed on the girls and he wore a grin that made her heart melt.
What would Cole be like as a father?
The question made her breath catch because her mind was instantly flooded with images. Cole holding a little newborn in his arms. Cole reading to a little girl at bedtime. Cole playing ball out in a backyard somewhere.
She could see it so clearly it was getting a glimpse into the future… or an alternate life.
Shaking her head, she turned her own attention back to the girls and called for them to line up once more for their cool down. As she did she gave herself a mental head shake.
Talk about jumping the gun. One date and she was already imagining a full-blown life together, complete with kids and a backyard.
They were taking things slowly, she reminded herself as she studiously kept her eyes on her students and not the stud in the corner.
He was certainly taking things slowly, judging by the fact that she hadn’t heard from him since their date two and a half days ago. But that was because he was taking things slow. Like they’d agreed.
Dancing Queens & Biker Kings: Sweet & Rugged in Montana Page 15
