A Mother's Duty

by June Francis

  ‘It’s a long journey and you could be wasting your time,’ said John.

  ‘We’ll see.’ She dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin. ‘Now where’s the nearest Presbyterian church? Can’t miss going on Christmas Day.’

  The whole family went to church leaving a goose and a leg of pork flanked by potatoes and shallots sizzling in the ovens.

  Hannah had been ordered to take the rest of the day off but she said she would be back to serve supper as she would have had enough of her family by then.

  To Kitty’s relief the remainder of the day after dinner was restful. They talked about Christmases past over nuts and drinks. Ben rode his tricycle up and down the Mount whilst Teddy tried to get the hang of casting properly. Mick practised different lettering with his pens in a corner of the Smoking Room, which was fragrant with the scent of John’s cigar and the perfume of the women.

  ‘This time last year I never thought I’d spend Christmas Day like this,’ said Nancy as she mounted the stairs for bed. ‘I’ve really enjoyed it and I thank you for your hospitality from the bottom of my heart.’ She beamed round at them all.

  ‘You’re welcome,’ said Kitty, giving her a hug and hoping that Boxing Day would pass off as well as this day had done.

  It was Hannah who opened the door to the O’Neills. Sarah stood on the doorstep alongside her brother David.

  ‘Hello, Hannah,’ said Sarah, removing her coat and untying her new cherry-red bonnet and handing them to the maid. ‘Do you like my new frock?’ She did a twirl and the buttercup-yellow, wool-linen skirts fanned out above her knees. She had slimmed down a little in the last months and her long dark hair had been cut in a more modern style so the ends curled about her neck and on her cheeks.

  ‘Thou’s getting more above thyself than ever,’ said Hannah, giving a sniff. ‘I don’t doubt that sooner or later thee’ll fall flat on thy face.’

  Sarah pulled a face but on hearing Kitty’s and Mick’s voices she brushed past the maid and skipped to meet them.

  ‘You look pretty,’ said Kitty, a hand going to her belly as she thought dreamily of how she would dress her daughter when she was born.

  ‘I do, don’t I?’ Sarah chuckled and did another twirl with her eyes on Mick’s face. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I think we should put you in a box and give you away as a Christmas present.’ He grinned.

  She spluttered, ‘I don’t look like a doll! I’m too big. Siobhan’s like a doll. She has lace on her frock and knickers to match.’

  ‘You shouldn’t mention unmentionables in mixed company,’ said her brother coming up behind her. David O’Neill was dark and good-looking like his father and almost three years older than his sister.

  ‘You’ve mentioned them,’ said Sarah.

  ‘That’s different. I’m only correcting you.’

  ‘You two aren’t squabbling again!’ exclaimed Becky, coming up behind them. ‘How many times have I told you not to in company?’

  ‘It wasn’t really a squabble,’ said Kitty, smiling. She asked if they’d had a nice Christmas before ushering the whole family into the dining room where Kitty, Hannah and Celia had laid out a buffet.

  John introduced Nancy to the O’Neills and it was not long before everyone was eating and drinking. Both maids had been asked to join them earlier and Celia did so, but Hannah departed to the kitchen with an ‘I know my place’.

  Nancy’s gregarious nature made for conversation which was interesting and friendly and all joined in. There were a few difficult moments and they came when she asked Daniel what on earth the Free State of Ireland was thinking of leaving the British Commonwealth? Daniel spoke of real independence and of the Irish having been a race apart long before the Dark Ages. It was different with Canada, which was populated with people of mainly British descent. She saw his point but said it was a pity that they couldn’t all stay linked to each other like a family. John reminded them that the Scots were a race apart too, and that although part of the British Isles, some felt strongly about being independent from England.

  ‘Now come on,’ said Kitty indignantly, who had only listened so far. ‘We all need each other and we’re all a bit of a mixture. I’m half English and Norwegian, Becky’s English and Irish, and you, John, are part English as well as Scots. As for you, Daniel, you live in England and your children have English blood running in their veins. You also have cousins who were born in Liverpool. Let’s have peace between us.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Daniel smiled at her and she remembered how he had tried to get rid of Charley for her. ‘I always get overheated when I talk politics. Shall we drink to all our countries? That they’ll never fire a shot in anger against each other.’

  ‘Here, here!’ said Nancy, and clinked her glass against his. She turned her face to the young ones. ‘And what about them? Isn’t it time we played some games? It feels like we’ve been sitting and talking for ages. Perhaps we could have some music? Musical chairs maybe, Kitty? It’s what I played when I was a girl.’

  ‘If you like.’ Kitty glanced at John. ‘Where’s your fiddle?’

  ‘I’ll get it.’

  The elder boys were ordered to set up the chairs in two rows back to back and when John returned, the strains of I Love a Lassie filled the room. Nancy and Becky urged the children up and round the chairs. The younger ones ran or skipped. Celia had Siobhan by the hand and was encouraging her. Mick and Teddy strolled around, which wasn’t on, thought Kitty. For the smaller ones to enjoy it everyone had to appear to be eager to take part.

  She moved away from the fireplace and nudged the boys in the back. ‘Make an effort,’ she murmured.

  ‘Do we have to?’ said Teddy. At that moment the music stopped.

  ‘Come on, Mick,’ called Becky. ‘I’ll race you to that end chair.’

  ‘And I’ll race you to the other,’ said Kitty to Teddy, deciding that she would make sure he got there first, but she had not reckoned on his playing the fool. He dropped on to his hands and knees and crawled along like a snail and she found herself still in the game.

  ‘Come on, Ma,’ said Mick, grinning. ‘You’ve got to give it your best.’ So she did.

  After musical chairs they played Oranges and Lemons, and then Farmer’s in his Den. It was as she was playing Ring-a-Ring-a-Roses with the girls she came over faint. Fortunately Becky saw her going and seized her arm, propping her up with a shoulder so she did not sink to the floor.

  The music stopped and John came over, looking angry.

  ‘I’m all right,’ said Kitty, feeling sick and worried by the expression on his face. ‘It’s all the prancing about. I just went dizzy.’

  ‘I don’t believe it. It’s normal for you to prance about without going faint all the time. I’m going to have something to say to Galloway when he comes back.’

  ‘No, John! It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just that I’m—’ The words stuck in her throat.

  ‘Having a baby?’ said Becky helpfully.

  ‘Yes,’ whispered Kitty, watching John’s face register shock. ‘I didn’t tell her,’ she added. ‘Honestly, love.’

  ‘I guessed,’ said Becky swiftly.

  John took hold of Kitty’s arm and sat her down. ‘Don’t move,’ he said. His expression was hard and uncompromising.

  She did as she was told, sitting bolt upright as he went over to the children. She could not hear what he was saying to them but could only watch as they dispersed. She was still feeling light-headed and peculiar and longed for her bed but she sat on the chair as if glued to it, not wanting to make John angrier. She continued to watch him as he picked up his violin. Daniel went over and spoke to him before going and pouring out a couple of drinks. John left the room and Daniel came over to her with a glass of sherry.

  ‘You all right now?’ he said, giving her a smile which was somehow reassuring.

  She nodded, still unable to make the effort to speak. She just wanted everyone to go. Becky and Mick had got some board g
ames out and the young ones were now playing quietly.

  Becky came over to Kitty. ‘Another half hour and we’d best be getting home. It’s well past Siobhan’s bedtime,’ she said.

  Kitty nodded and reached out a hand to her. ‘Thanks for asking no questions.’

  ‘No need. I’m sure John’ll be pleased once he gets over the shock.’

  Kitty was silent, wondering if he would. She could only hope.

  Three quarters of an hour later and the O’Neills had left. Three hours later and the household was asleep, with the exception of Kitty and John who lay silently side by side in their large bed – but it was not a comfortable silence. As of yet he had asked no questions about her pregnancy and so she had not volunteered any answers. She was waiting for him to go first, but the minutes ticked by and still he was silent. She wondered how to put her deepest feelings about the baby into words but it proved beyond her. She was too tired, too anxious. Eventually she drifted into sleep with the pleasure she felt over the baby still unexpressed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  John put the suitcases up on the luggage rack, stepped back and smiled down at Nancy. ‘Have a good journey.’

  ‘Thanks!’ She sighed at she looked up at him. ‘I am gonna miss you all.’

  ‘You’ll be seeing us again.’ He wanted her to go, go.

  ‘That’s true!’ Her face brightened and she reached up and kissed his cheek. ‘You take care of yourself and Kitty and I’ll see you in a month’s time. Now that I’ve found you I don’t want to lose touch.’

  ‘I think I speak for both of us when I say we don’t want to lose touch with you either.’ At least that was the truth.

  ‘Will I give your regards to Aunt Emily?’

  ‘If you like.’ He could not have cared less. Being reminded of his sister reminded him of Margaret and he did not want to think about Margaret.

  She shook her head. ‘It’s sad you don’t keep in touch.’

  ‘It was her choice. She’s never approved of me.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘Anyway I’d best go now. Enjoy your time down in Brighton.’

  He left her and stood on the platform watching the train steam out and wondering whether he should have told her about the baby. She would have been pleased. He was the last male McLeod in direct descent from his great-grandfather. Suddenly he realised that he might have a son one day to carry on his line. Some of his anxiety and anger dispersed to be replaced by a joyous expectancy and he hurried home, needing to see Kitty and talk about the baby. It was something they had not done yet.

  As John walked up Mount Pleasant he marvelled afresh at how different his life was to what it had been a year ago. Then, he had lived for the moment with no thought to changing his ways, although he had become something of a philosopher. Being alone and travelling the country gave a man not only time to think about the big issues of life and death but also to see how people dealt with them, and he knew that there were things he had been avoiding.

  He could have settled in Liverpool years ago when he had met up with Daniel again and been offered a job with Green’s, but he had not wanted anyone depending on him to be in the same place, at the same time, day in day out. There had still been that something inside him which caused such commitment to horrify him. Sooner or later he might let them down.

  Then he had met Kitty and there had been something about her that had interested him. Perhaps it was the unusualness of that first meeting? Then had come the second and the realisation of a physical attraction. She had looked less serious, less the mother. After that it had seemed fated that they should meet a third time. He grinned as he remembered her throwing the fish at Mr Potter. It had soon become obvious to him that she was a woman who could not only stick up for herself but seemed prepared to fight his corner. Here was a woman who was capable of reaching out and providing him with the necessary inner-strength that he lacked. She had made him feel that he could be a new man, but he had not been quite ready to be made over then. There had been those older sons of hers at that awkward age between boy and man. They were straining at their mother’s apron strings but they had not yet broken loose and their emotions were a mixture of dependancy and protectiveness towards her. Of course that was down to them having no father. Then he had left for Scotland – to please her if he was honest, but also because he was still unsure whether he could live up to what he believed she would expect of him. Then Uncle Donald had died leaving him five hundred pounds, his grandfather had rejected him, and Becky’s letter had arrived with the news of Charley. It was enough for him. Kitty was vulnerable and needed a man’s strength. She needed him. He had forgotten his fears and taken the chance of his life, but then hadn’t Shakespeare said, ‘There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on to fortune’? And his Kitty was worth her weight in gold. But he had lain himself open to fear all over again when he married her because once he began to live with her he could not bear to live without her.

  He came to the Arcadia and ran up the steps. He exchanged the time of day with one of the guests on her way out to the sales before going in search of Kitty. He found her upstairs stripping Nancy’s bed. ‘You OK?’ he asked.

  ‘Why shouldn’t I be?’ Kitty bristled slightly. ‘I’m past being sick and all that.’

  ‘Fine.’ He hesitated, wanting to say so much but scared of saying the wrong thing. He had made his feelings clear about having a child and it was obvious that was why she had kept quiet about her condition. He still could not understand how it happened but it had, so he had to look after her as best he could. ‘I didn’t mean for Nancy to stay so long,’ he said awkwardly, wanting to take her into his arms but aware she was cross with him.

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She struggled to fold the heavy blanket.

  He took it from her. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this.’

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ she said shortly. ‘I’m not an invalid, but we’re going to have to replace Celia. She’ll be going back to the doctor’s in a couple of days.’

  ‘Anything you want,’ he said. ‘Get two new maids if you like. I think we can afford it.’

  ‘You’re forgetting Teddy,’ said Kitty. ‘We’re going to have to pay him.’ She glanced across the bed at John. ‘Have you seen anything of him today?’

  ‘He did the shoes.’ John was not interested in Teddy at that moment. He was keyed up to talk about the baby.

  ‘It’s just that I thought I’d teach him how to cook. Make a chef out of him. He’s always been interested in food,’ said Kitty.

  ‘Sod Teddy!’ exploded John. ‘When is the baby due?’

  Kitty had been waiting for this moment since Boxing Day. It seemed incredible that he had waited so long. She lowered her eyes. ‘Sometime in May.’

  He could scarcely believe it. ‘So soon! Good God!’

  She turned on him. ‘Yes, so soon! I’ve felt it moving inside me. I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you planned and now we’ve got another mouth to feed and will need even more help when it comes, but there it is! You can’t have your fun and not pay for it.’

  He stared at her. ‘You can’t believe I’m not willing! It’s you I didn’t want to have to pay! It’s you I don’t want to suffer!’ He reached out and covered her hand with his. ‘You must know that.’

  Her anger died. ‘That’s what I tried to tell myself but the last few weeks I haven’t been so sure. Dr Galloway wants me to go into hospital. Will you still be here when I come out?’

  John stared at her in disbelief. How could she think …? He felt angry and pulled on her arm so that she fell on the bed. He scrambled across it and lifting her, pressed her against him. ‘I’ll never leave you,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I love you, Kit, honestly I do. I’ll never let you down if I live to be a hundred.’

  She rested her cheek against his shoulder and for a moment could not have spoken to save her life. Then she cleared her throat. ‘I must have been crazy to think you would. Put it down to my condition.’

&nbs
p; He hugged her tightly. ‘We’ll have to tell the boys so they’ll understand the changes that’ll have to take place. You’ll have to rest more, Kit. I was going to mention it to Mick the day after Boxing Day but I couldn’t bring myself to. Now they all need to know. They can’t go on expecting you to do so much. I wish Celia would stay. I thought she might because of Mick but—’

  ‘I think her and Mick’s feelings have changed. They seem to get on OK but they’re definitely not May and June. Teddy’ll be a help.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he said.

  She lifted her head and looked at him. ‘What d’you mean perhaps?’

  He frowned. ‘His heart’s not in it. You know that, and there’s jobs that you can’t really expect him to do. Can you see him sweeping the carpets, changing beds or polishing?’

  ‘I told you – I’m going to teach him to cook,’ she said earnestly. ‘I can’t be doing it all when the baby comes.’

  John was still doubtful. ‘Cooking’s a skill, Kit. I can’t see Teddy in the role.’

  She tilted her chin, not prepared to surrender her plan. ‘Are you sure you’re not just saying that because you don’t want him around all day?’

  ‘I don’t because he’ll have a face like a wet week and will get on my nerves,’ he said frankly. ‘But it’s not just that.’

  ‘That’s all right then,’ she said brightly. ‘I think he’ll make a good cook. He likes food and that’ll help him to learn. After all, why have I worked so hard to keep this place going if it wasn’t to provide jobs for him and Mick? Their place is here,’ she insisted.

  John let it go, not wanting to upset her in her condition. ‘When will we tell the boys about the baby?’

  ‘It might as well be today,’ she said. ‘We could tell Mick, and leave him to tell the others.’

  ‘You’re having a baby?’ Mick’s eyes went from Kitty to John. He was not sure with which one of them he felt most annoyed. He had thought them too old for that kind of thing and was embarrassed.

  ‘I know it’s come as a bit of a shock,’ said Kitty, wondering why she had given no thought to how the boys would feel.