A Mother's Duty

by June Francis

‘What was it?’

  ‘A scrap of fabric. Wasn’t she wearing leggings?’

  Teddy nodded, imagining the foot rest going into Jeannie’s calf and his fingernails dug into the palms of his hands. ‘They removed it?’ he said.

  Kitty nodded. ‘She’ll get better now, you’ll see. Everything’s going to be all right.’

  Teddy made no answer, convinced his mother was being over-optimistic.

  A week later Jeannie came out of hospital, leaning heavily on a stick. When Teddy saw her his instinct was to rush over and carry her anywhere she wanted to go but John was there watching over her like a bulldog and would not let him get near. She looked tired and her face was drawn with pain. I’ve done this to her, thought Teddy, and his heart felt as if it was being squeezed in a nutcracker. How can she go on loving me? Perhaps she no longer did because she had not looked his way once. If that was so, he wasn’t going to be able to go on living here anymore, so close to her yet so far away.

  Over the next few days Teddy toyed with the idea of leaving home. He saw little of Jeannie and when he did the big fella always seemed to be hanging around, making it impossible for them to have a conversation.

  It was the advertisement in the enlisting office in Lime Street that finally decided Teddy and, not giving himself time to have second thoughts, he went in and signed on the dotted line.

  When the day came for him to leave he went out at his normal time as if he was going to work, but it took all his willpower not to keep glancing over his shoulder as he wheeled his motorbike out of the yard for the last time.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It was Mick who found the note when he came home from work. It was tucked under the box containing Teddy’s fishing reel on the chest of drawers by their bed. He read it with mixed feelings before going downstairs. Jeannie was sitting behind the reception desk reading a book. She looked up and gave him a faint smile. For a moment he hesitated, considering showing it to her but then he changed his mind.

  He found Kitty in the kitchen where she was making custard. ‘Ma, I think you should read this.’

  ‘Not now, son,’ she murmured, not taking her eyes off the milk that was about to boil.

  He waited, leaning against the table wondering how she was going to take the news. He felt partially to blame. Hadn’t he told his brother to go?

  ‘Lost a shilling and found a farthing?’ said Celia, as she passed him with a tray.

  ‘Not me,’ he said.

  She took a few steps back. ‘It’s not me mam, is it? Only she’s worse and it’s getting that way I’m thinking of going over her head and calling in the doctor.’

  ‘Not your ma, Cessy,’ he said shortly.

  She stared at him. It was such a long time since he had called her by her nickname that it stirred those feelings for him which had never completely died. For a moment her knees went weak. Then she pulled herself together and got on with her work.

  Mick watched her a moment, thinking what a neat waist she had, before giving his attention to his mother who was now stirring custard. He waited until she poured it into jugs. ‘You can take them in for me,’ she said, licking custard from a finger.

  ‘I will. But have a gander at this first.’ He held the note out to her. ‘It’s from our Teddy.’

  Kitty felt the colour drain from her face, went hot and cold and had to grip the table. ‘He’s gone, hasn’t he?’ she said in a low voice.

  ‘How did you know?’ His face showed surprise.

  ‘The way he’s been lately.’ She took a deep breath, straightened and took the note from him, spreading the single sheet on the table. It was much worse than she had thought and for a moment the words went fuzzy on the page. ‘He’s joined the air force,’ she whispered.

  ‘Perhaps it’s for the best, Ma!’ said Mick in an excitable voice, resting his hands on the table next to hers.

  She stared at him, thinking what a terrible thing jealousy was. ‘For who?’ she said tartly. ‘If you think Jeannie’s going to have eyes for you after this, then you’re kidding yourself!’ She hurried out of the kitchen in search of John but the first person she saw was Jeannie in reception and for a moment she could have hit the girl. This was all her fault! If she hadn’t come then Teddy would still be here. ‘He’s gone,’ she said in a stony voice. ‘Teddy’s gone!’

  ‘What!’ The girl’s eyes flew wide and she slammed shut the Agatha Christie she had not been able to get her head into because she could not get Teddy out of it. ‘Where’s he gone? Why’s he gone?’

  ‘Because of you, of course! He left a note saying he couldn’t bear loving you and seeing you suffer anymore.’

  ‘Oh no!’ Jeannie slumped against the desk and her face crumpled. ‘But I love him! Why did he have to do that? Why?’

  ‘To get right away, of course! He’s joined the air force!’

  ‘Oh Lord!’ Jeannie straightened and limped out from behind the desk. ‘Let me see the note?’

  Kitty handed it to her and her attitude towards Jeannie softened. It was obvious the girl was distressed and did really care for Teddy.

  Jeannie read the note swiftly and then folded it carefully. ‘It’s Pops’ fault! I told him I loved Teddy and wanted to marry him. I told him that I knew we’d have to wait because we were under age! But he wouldn’t listen. He just kept saying it was out of the question, that I’d get over it. That I didn’t know Teddy like he did. I kept saying that I did know him and I loved every bit of him but Pops would get this expression on his face and I just knew he wasn’t listening.’

  ‘He was listening all right,’ said Kitty bitterly. ‘He just wasn’t hearing! He’s just been too possessive of you and wouldn’t see a thing right about Teddy.’

  ‘What are we going to do?’ asked Jeannie, her eyes on Kitty’s face.

  She looked at the girl and suddenly was deeply sorry for her. She remembered what it was like to be young and in love and to be parted from that person you were mad about. She eased the constriction in her throat and said huskily, ‘I don’t know if there’s anything we can do. Teddy’s signed up and that’s that.’

  Jeannie’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Pops put it into my head that Teddy kept his distance from me because of my limp.’

  Kitty could scarcely believe it. ‘Did your father say as much?’

  ‘He said, “Maybe Teddy’s keeping his distance because of your limp?”’ Jeannie took out a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes. ‘I didn’t want to believe it but Teddy was staying away so I didn’t have the chance to tell him it wasn’t permanent. Now I know why he stayed away. He’d been warned off and all the time he loved me.’ A sob escaped her as she struggled to keep back the tears.

  ‘Don’t cry, love.’ Kitty patted her shoulder. ‘Let’s do something instead. Let’s go and have a word with your father.’

  Jeannie stared at her and suddenly her expression changed, became resolute and she wiped away her tears. ‘I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.’

  Kitty forced a smile. ‘So am I. He’ll be sorry he ever tried to keep the pair of you apart.’

  They went in search of John and found him sitting on Jack’s bed reading a book on railway engines to the boy, which threw Kitty for a moment but she guessed Jeannie was leaving the leading to her and so she said, ‘Can we have a word, John, outside?’

  John’s hazel eyes lifted to their faces and there was a sudden stillness there. He handed the book to Jack and said that he would be back in a minute.

  Kitty closed the bedroom door and looked at him, no longer able to keep the hurt and anger under control. ‘How could you?’ she said. ‘I thought you had heart and tolerance but instead you’ve behaved like a bloody Victorian father!’

  His eyes darkened and he said, ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘Teddy’s gone,’ cried Jeannie, ‘and it’s all your fault! You lied to me!’

  ‘Read this!’ said Kitty, thrusting the note at him.

  He read it.

  ‘I hope y
ou’re satisfied,’ said his daughter in a quivering voice.

  ‘Yes, I hope you’re satisfied,’ echoed Kitty.

  John’s face set in uncompromising lines. ‘You mightn’t believe this, the pair of you, but it’ll probably do him good. He’s shown more sense than I would have credited him for.’

  ‘You’ve never credited him with any sense at all, though, have you?’ said Kitty bitterly.

  ‘Can you blame me after what happened?’

  ‘Yes! You’ve always thought the worst of him! You didn’t give him a chance!’ cried Kitty, almost in tears. She put a hand over her mouth. ‘And now,’ she added in a choking voice, ‘you’ve chased him away.’

  ‘You wouldn’t listen to me when I said he wasn’t to blame for the accident,’ yelled Jeannie, banging her stick on the floor. ‘Now I don’t know when he’ll be back and it’s all your fault!’

  ‘Don’t speak to me like that and keep your voice down,’ said John, frowning at her. ‘It’s a father’s right to protect his daughter.’

  ‘From my son?’ retorted Kitty furiously and poked him in the chest. ‘She didn’t need protecting from him.’

  ‘Don’t do that!’ John seized her hand and crushed her fingers so hard that she gasped. ‘Get some control over yourself,’ he hissed. ‘What’s Jack going to think with you making all this row?’

  ‘Jack’ll know what it’s about soon enough. He’s not daft!’ whispered Kitty, struggling to free herself. ‘He loves his brother, unlike you. You’ve always hated Teddy.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ said John, looking shocked. ‘There’s been times when I’ve liked him well enough. He just doesn’t know when to stop – when to use a bit of sense.’

  Kitty gasped, ‘And what about you? Have you always been sensible? He’s eighteen, John, not a hundred!’

  ‘I was protecting my daughter.’

  ‘I didn’t want protecting,’ said Jeannie, attempting to thrust herself between them. ‘I’ve suffered from people trying to protect me all my life! I thought you’d understand! You lived a free life. I wanted to do what I wanted for a change but you wouldn’t let me.’

  John freed Kitty’s hand and stared at Jeannie with a pained expression. ‘I was trying to protect you, to be a real father to you.’

  ‘Well, you’re idea of a father and mine were different,’ she said in a trembling voice. ‘An-an-and now you’ve ruined my life!’ She sniffed back tears. ‘I’ll never forgive you.’

  Kitty put an arm round her and said quietly, ‘Don’t upset yourself, Jeannie. Teddy’ll be back and when he does you can get married.’

  ‘Over my dead body,’ said John.

  They ignored him. ‘The-ther-there could be a war and I’ll never see him again,’ said Jeannie.

  Her fear was Kitty’s fear but she did not admit to it. ‘There’s not going to be a war,’ she said bracingly.

  ‘Mick said there’s a wine merchants not far from the Custom House which has turned one of their cellars into an air raid shelter and Teddy told me the government were giving the air force more money to build planes.’

  ‘He’s done the right thing then, hasn’t he?’ snapped John, exacerbated. ‘More money – engine parts. That’s where they’ll stick him. He’s not going to be a bloody hero!’

  They stared at him. ‘There’s no need to swear,’ gasped Kitty sounding affronted.

  ‘You swore before,’ he cried. ‘Besides this family would make a bloody saint swear! I’ve had enough. I’m going for a walk.’ He thrust past them and thundered down the stairs.

  The two women looked at each other. ‘Well!’ said Kitty. ‘There was no need for him to go thumping down the stairs like that!’

  ‘It’s childish,’ said Jeannie. ‘It was us that were in the right.’

  ‘Too true,’ said Kitty, hugging the girl’s shoulders. ‘But you can bet he’s not going to admit it.’

  ‘Well, I’m not going to say I’m sorry and be nice to him,’ said Jeannie.

  ‘He’ll have to say it first,’ said Kitty, who was nowhere near ready to forgive her husband for causing Teddy to leave.

  But John did not consider himself in the wrong and, besides, he was deeply hurt, as well as furious with Teddy for leaving and making it appear that he was in the wrong. In his opinion he had behaved exactly as any sensible husband and father would.

  So over the next fortnight the atmosphere in the McLeod household was strained and cool between husband and wife, and father and daughter but the two women in John’s life drew closer together because of their love for Teddy. They all behaved amicably, of course, in front of the guests but behind the scene emotions simmered and threatened to boil over.

  ‘So your Teddy’s joined the air force,’ said Celia, polishing the knob at the bottom of the stairs.

  ‘News gets round,’ said Mick, brushing past her and going upstairs. He did not want to talk about his brother.

  ‘It’s left the field open for you, hasn’t it?’ She peered through the bannister railings at him.

  Mick frowned and leaned against the wall staring down at her and thought how pale the skin was surrounding her freckles and what a pity she didn’t have Jeannie’s looks. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ he drawled.

  ‘You and Jeannie – as if you didn’t know.’ She gave him a barbed smile.

  ‘You must know there isn’t a hope in hell of me getting off with Jeannie now,’ he said impatiently. ‘You can cut the atmosphere in this place with a knife because of Ma and her ganging up on the big fella. I think it stinks that a man isn’t allowed to be boss in his own home and lay down the law.’

  ‘So you’re on his side,’ said Celia promptly. ‘You think he’s right to keep two lovers apart.’

  ‘Lovers!’ Mick snorted. ‘Teddy’s too young for her. And they probably only imagined themselves in love.’

  ‘If you say so,’ she murmured. ‘So what are you gonna do about making up to Jeannie?’

  ‘It’s none of your business,’ he said. ‘So keep your nose out!’

  That’s very nice,’ she said, giving a railing a desultory flick with the duster. ‘Not very gentlemanly.’

  He flushed. ‘I’ve never claimed to be a gentleman.’

  ‘No, but you used to have nice manners. Always saw a girl home after taking her out and enquiring after her family.’

  ‘How’s your Ma?’ he said.

  She smiled. ‘I wasn’t fishing for you to ask, but she’s not much better really.’ Her smile faded. ‘I think—’ She stopped.

  ‘Think what?’

  ‘Nothing. You get on with your courting.’ She turned her back on him and continued polishing the newel post with extra vigour.

  Mick carried on upstairs, annoyed with Celia because she had made him feel uncomfortable. He paused to pass the time of day with Mr Spencer, who was still peddling his patent medicines. Then he had to stop and say hello to the little Czech Jew, whose name he couldn’t pronounce and whose English was that thick, one had to listen hard to make sense of what he was saying. He was only staying a couple of days and then was off to America.

  Mick came to Jeannie’s room, which was the one she had been given when she first arrived. She had told Kitty she liked being up there in the roof with the family so had not been moved. He knocked on the door.

  ‘Come in.’ Jeannie glanced up from her sewing and showed him a woebegone face, which looked pale against the thick red cardigan she wore. ‘Oh, it’s you, Mick. What d’you want?’

  ‘Only to see how you’re doing and whether you feel fit enough to go for a walk.’

  ‘No thanks. I’ve got to get this done.’

  There was a silence and she kept her head down over her work. He was unsure what to do. He was not used to being completely ignored by the opposite sex. He wandered over to the window and looked out. There was frost on the roofs and several pigeons huddled against a chimney stack. A seagull perched on another. Bad weather at sea, he thought vaguely, trying to pick up his courag
e to speak. He turned and said abruptly, ‘I know this must be hard for you to believe but you’ll get over it.’

  ‘You’d like me to, wouldn’t you?’ There was a sharp edge to her voice and she did not look up but worked another stitch.

  ‘Of course I would!’ He thrust his hands into his pockets. ‘I know how it hurts. I was only young at the time but I haven’t forgotten.’

  ‘Spare me the details,’ she muttered. ‘I imagine my case is a bit different.’

  That irritated him but he reminded himself that she had been through a bad time. ‘I know. You could have died from the accident.’

  ‘Yes.’ She sighed and put down the stocking she was darning. ‘But it wouldn’t have been Teddy’s fault. Pops says Teddy’s irresponsible, but he’s no saint. You know what he said to me not long after the accident?’ Her tone was indignant. ‘That Teddy upped and left me in that hospital in Wales and only cared about his motorbike. Do you believe that?’

  Mick did not in all honesty but could not bring himself to say so. Even now when Jeannie was thinner and paler she was still lovely. ‘The big fella probably believed it when he said it,’ he murmured.

  She nodded. ‘What was your father like?’

  He wondered at the change of subject but answered her. ‘He was ill all the time. Ma and Gran were in charge of running things as far back as I can remember. There was my uncle but he didn’t really prepare us for what it would be like to have a stepfather.’

  ‘You make Pops sound a monster.’

  He said bluntly, ‘He had me by the throat once and I was terrified. Although Cessy was never scared of him.’

  ‘Do you think Teddy’s scared of him?’

  Mick’s eyes met hers. ‘Now or when we were younger?’

  ‘Now. Do you think that’s why he left home?’

  Mick did not want to talk about his brother. ‘No. Now can we change the subject? Would you like to go to the pictures tonight?’

  Jeannie ignored the question. ‘Perhaps Pops is a monster? Perhaps he wears a mask and all the time he isn’t nice at all.’

  Mick stared at her incredulously. ‘Come off it! The big fella’s OK. He’s been good to us. Our Teddy is no plaster saint.’