Beating Hearts

by Lucretia Stanhope

  Chapter Eight

  K ate sat at her computer typing, she didn't look up when Nick closed his door. She wanted to look at him, wanted to look into his eyes and see if he still looked at her like he wanted nothing more than to touch her. She didn't look at him though, because no matter what she saw in his eyes, it wouldn't change what he said, or what he felt. She would always be nothing more than a prey item to him. That was one question that had been answered, and now it was time to concentrate on getting the answers to other questions.

  He walked to the kitchen without a word, and she was still occupied when he came back and sat down. He knew he hurt her feelings, and he knew he could undo that by simply telling her the truth. The truth was he liked kissing her, liked touching her and hadn't wanted to bite her. He just didn't feel like it would be fair to her until he was certain that he wouldn't ever want to bite her, and he didn't know if there ever could be certainty about that. He decided it was better this way. Better that she should be irritated and even hurt, rather than dead, with him knowing for sure that he was indeed an inhuman monster.

  “Did you want to get started?” he asked.

  “Sure.” She got up, and turned on the camera.

  “What is on tonight's agenda?”

  “I wanted to cover a few more myths.”

  “Okay.” He hated the tone of her voice. More than that, he was surprised he missed the feeling of her eyes inspecting him, the way she had been doing since the first day she arrived.

  “Do you cast a reflection?”

  He chuckled a little. “Of course I do.”

  “I wonder why it is such a wide held misconception,” she said more to herself.

  “It is as old a belief as any, and often people consider anything believed for that long to be true. The truth is, back when that myth started, people were even more superstitious than they are today. They actually believed the reflection in the mirror was a reflection of the soul. Of course, since we vampires are dead, and assumed soulless creatures, we should have no reflection. Even now that people know a reflection is not a supernatural event, but the effect of light bouncing from one place to another, and that vampires are corporeal creatures, they still hold tight to that silly notion.” As he was answering he still watched her, wishing she would look up, look at him. He wanted to see that spark and spunk behind her inquisitive eyes.

  “And garlic?” she asked, still not looking up.

  “It stinks, but that is about it. How about I just dispel a few things?” One of his brows arched.

  “Go on,” she said, and looked at him.

  When he smiled and his eyes sparkled at her, she instantly regretted it, and turned away, looking at the fire .

  “Salt and other spices are just tasty things for you to eat. Running water is only an obstacle to cross if it is deep and a vampire can't swim or doesn't have a boat. I have no compulsion to count things, seeds or otherwise. I leave knot-tying to survivalists. Religious items do not scare me, and holy water doesn't burn.” He paused, watching her as she made a few notes.

  “Is there anything that is true? It would seem not.”

  “Yes. Sunlight is a killer. A wooden stake in the heart is final. Silver can be devastating and deadly to some. I need blood nightly to function in any useful way.”

  She saw sadness in his eyes. She had seen it before when he talked about what he was. “There is talk that people, scientists, are isolating and studying the virus. If they find a cure would you take it?”

  “If it were that simple, yes I would.”

  “You don't think it is that simple?”

  “No. The virus might be why I need blood to feel better, but there is still something supernatural at play, something that I don't imagine can be solved in the lab by any scientist. Aside from that, if whatever were keeping me alive were healed, or destroyed, what would happen to me?”

  She hadn't considered that. She watched as he looked to be thinking more about it.

  He continued. “I might simply live out the remainder of this life, or age to my real age, which would mean turning to dust. But aside from those questions about what would happen to me, there is also the other part of me to consider. What if the cure unleashed it and gave it free reign in this world?”

  “Other part?”

  “I'm not simply a man who is sick. There is something else inside of me.”

  “Something else?”

  “Something not human. Something even I can't fully understand.”

  “And it is that thing, that part you don't understand that makes you so afraid you will hurt me?” she asked, and then looked up again and saw the tension in his face as he clenched his jaw.

  “Yes, Kate. There is a monstrous inhuman side of me that I cannot guarantee you will ever be safe from.”

  “Is it really a separate part of something inside of you, or is it just how you refer to the urges you now have as a predator?”

  “I feel that it is separate and not altogether under the control of my better judgment.”

  “Did it, was that side making you want to bite me when we kissed?”

  He knew she would go there; she was just too spunky to let it drop. “No.”

  “But you think it might?”

  “Yes.”

  “When that side of you comes to the surface, is your more human side pushed down somehow?”

  “Not entirely. It's not like Nick the man vanishes and an evil vampire surfaces. We are both always here, usually the man is in control, but there are rare occasions he is not.”

  “Do you look any different when that other darker side emerges? I have seen some vampires in the city that almost seem to have solid black eyes.”

  “Yes, that would be the case. That is part of the supernatural aspect, it is dark, very dark, evil, and why there can be nothing between us, no matter how much the man in me wants there to be.”

  “The man in you wants there to be?” she said, noting his face soften.

  “Yes, but that is altogether irrelevant.”

  “Not altogether. You could have just explained it to me, rather than try to make me feel bad. I trust you know what is best for you, and I would appreciate that same respect.”

  Dear god he loved her spirit. He selfishly wanted to allow her to make that decision, knowing she would choose to explore further with him. She was brave and had a willfulness about her that told him as much.

  “I did handle things badly; seems I have handled things badly since you arrived.”

  Kate decided knowing that he did not solely view her as food was enough for one night. She could understand why he felt the need to be so cautious, and after he explained it, she was grateful that he hadn't been reckless with her. There was something about him that made her feel safe and she doubted he would hurt her. She was willing to give him the time he needed to realize that as well. “Can you call up the darker part or does it only happen when you feed or something like that?” She watched as his eyes seemed to darken.

  “I haven't ever tried. It happens when I am angry, agitated, in danger. I wouldn't try, it isn't nice.”

  “I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like.”

  “I wouldn't want you to know.” He watched her closely, feeling the urge in him to hold her rising. Most people who possessed the strength and bravery she had shown were cold, but she wasn't, she was compassionate and had a gentle soul. He loved her soul, he wanted her to be his still, even though he had pushed her away.

  They agreed it was time to break for the night, and Nick went outside to walk the yard while Kate soaked in a hot bath. He listened to the sounds of the night, trying to sort out what he was feeling and what he should do about it. He had feelings for Kate that in spite of trying, he hadn't been able to ignore.

  The way she looked at him and spoke to him like he was someone who deserved her kindness was comforting, and made him think there may be something for them. It was also painful because it always reminded him that he did not deserve kindnes
s. He wondered if he told her that he had been the one who snatched people from their lives, if she would still look at him with those beautiful intense eyes that begged him to hold her.

  She knew he was a killer, but killing for survival wasn't quite the same as selling people into slavery. It left a dark spot on his soul and he knew if she ever looked at that dark spot, his dilemma would be over, and she would be gone forever.

  How could she move past that when he hadn't been able to?

  Nick walked back in, feeling no better. He could smell she had taken a bath, the whole house smelled of her sweet scent as it always did when she soaked in the hot water. He could also hear she was laying down getting ready to fall asleep, as her heart was beating slightly slower while she relaxed. He stayed in the main room, thinking and watching the fire while enjoying the way her aroma filled his senses, seeming to wrap around him.

  When morning approached he made his way to his room, still restless.

  Chapter Nine

  K ate was glad she woke early the day before she was due to leave for Warren's club, and used the extra hours to think about what she needed to take. Her good camera took excellent video and had great sound quality, so she didn't see any reason to bring the huge one, or to disturb the set up there. She pulled out a small bag and packed a change of clothes, a notebook, and the camera. She figured if she did decide to sleep over at a hotel, they would have toiletries available, and she couldn't see repacking her stuff.

  After the reaction Nick had to the idea of the club, she felt more edgy than usual, which made her wish it was already time to go, so she could just get it over with. Warren couldn't be all that bad, or why would he have even agreed to be interviewed? He was involved, his club was likely a funnel point for humans, but he wasn’t going to show her the worst, she knew that.

  She decided it was probably just an overreaction, similar to how people viewed their old enemies in a much worse light than everyone else. There were people she knew that she wouldn't recommend spending time with based on her own experiences, who were probably very nice to other people.

  Once she felt she had everything she needed, she took the bag down to her car and tossed it in the back seat. She wasn't sure how late she would sleep in the next day, and wanted everything to be ready to leave as soon as she ate.

  While she was outside, she noticed an old barn off to the right in the distance. She pulled her camera out of the bag and walked across the yard to get a better shot. Nick hadn't mentioned anything he wanted a picture of in particular, so she was on her own there. As luck would have it, a hawk was perched on the barn, making the shots even more interesting.

  After she took what she felt like were enough shots, she spent the rest of the evening on the porch swing, listening to the sounds of everything around her.

  Nick walked through the main room, finding that her floral scent was still in the air. He could hear her outside, slowly rocking in the swing, she was relaxed and that made him smile. Yesterday had been a bit tense, and he didn't want her to leave out on a bad note.

  He could kid himself and try to think that it was only because he wanted her sharp to handle what she might run in to, but deep down he knew that was only a part of it. He didn't like that he had caused her to be tense. That shouldn't even matter, but it did. A lot of things that shouldn't happen, or that he should not be feeling, were happening regardless of his best intentions. It seemed with each passing night, his feelings were growing more intense, demanding he pay attention.

  He wanted to touch her again, feel her soft skin, and her warm lips. He thought back to how she had so willingly pressed her lips against his. From the very first time he touched her she hadn't recoiled, her reaction was quite the opposite. She turned out to be something so different from what he expected. He was glad, and smiled as he opened the door to head outside.

  When she heard the door open, she looked up and met his eyes. “Evening,” she said. “It is really so relaxing out here.”

  “I think so too. I can't imagine why I ever lived in the city.”

  “Did you want to sit out here a bit before we start?” she asked, and scooted over some in the swing.

  He sat down in the space she made, instantly noticing how much warmer it was there, than just a few feet away from her. “Was there anything in particular I should be thinking about to prepare for tonight's questions?”

  She smiled. “I would like to get your first, unrehearsed responses.”

  “There probably isn't a question you could shock me with, that I haven't already asked myself more than a few times.”

  “No, I guess not.”

  They sat on the swing a little while longer in silence. Kate was still thinking about her trip the next day, and Nick was thinking about why he should suddenly find a human so interesting. It wasn't like she was the first pretty woman he had encountered. She was the first pretty woman he had not killed.

  “How did you lose your family, Kate?” he asked, pushing away his previous ponderings, because he didn’t want to think about her and killing in the same thought.

  “They gave me up. I guess neither of them were ready to be parents. I spent a lot of time in a lot of foster homes and learned I didn't need a family.”

  He was almost sorry he asked. Although, it did explain why she was so fiercely independent. “I'm sorry,” was all he could think to say.

  “No problem, I am sure I have and will ask you more uncomfortable questions than that.”

  “No doubt, shall we then?” he asked, and stood, walking inside.

  She followed behind him, and took a seat at the desk, while he worked on the fire. “Thank you, by the way, I do appreciate that you have kept it so warm for me. Is that uncomfortable for you?”

  “No, I like it actually. There is something soothing about the heat. I typically wouldn't bother for myself, but it has been a nice change.”

  “Good.” She watched as he sat down. He wore a flannel shirt, loosely buttoned over a tee shirt, and she noticed a scar on his neck peeking out slightly from the collar. She didn't realize she had been staring until he pulled the shirt closed. “Is that from when it attacked you?”

  “Yes, it is the only scar that hasn't healed since I changed.” He looked away and into the fire.

  “Does it hurt? I mean some scars are tender, is it tender?”

  “Not all of the time, no. It can be painful at times.”

  “Can I see it; closer I mean? I can turn off the camera if you like.”

  He thought about it for a minute, and figured it was part of his story. “I don't see any harm in filming it.”

  He leaned forward in the chair and took his outer shirt off. Then he pulled off the tee as well.

  She was momentarily distracted by his bare chest. She didn't chastise herself for thinking he was even more sexy out of her dreams.

  He was a gorgeous man and anyone would have paused to take note of that.

  She was admiring his muscles, enjoying the way the fire played with the shadows across his chest, and then her eyes stopped at the scar.

  She stood up from her seat and walked over to him, to get a closer look. The scar covered most of his shoulder. It must have been a huge, deep bite to make such a massive scar. It had thick pink tissue that still looked like it might be sensitive. She started to reach for it, but stopped herself. What are you thinking?

  He reached for her hand, and she drew in a breath when she felt his cold touch. He placed her hand on his shoulder, and she traced her finger along the deep lines.

  She felt so sad for him, that he had his humanity ripped away in such a violent, forceful way. She felt herself starting to be overwhelmed by the sadness of it all. She had always imagined that most vampires went to be turned into immortals, she didn't stop to think there might be some who hadn't wanted it.

  He slowly stood until they were looking eye to eye. He could see her empathy, her sadness, feel the tenderness of her touch. His initial thought was to pull away, but he
didn't. He stood there looking at her, watching as he worked out how she felt about what she was seeing and feeling.

  When she took a little step closer he closed his eyes, not wanting to be tempted by seeing her full lips and knowing they were so close to his own. Her warmth was soothing. He was surprised it still didn't make him hunger, not like it should have, not for blood. What he hungered for was to take her in every other way.

  He felt her hand trail across his scar and up his neck.

  She was again mesmerized by how cool he was to the touch. His skin felt rough under her fingertips, but not any more so than hers did when it got too dry in the winter.

  “Kate,” he said, and opened his eyes, wanting to tell her how much he enjoyed her touch, how much he had enjoyed her kiss. He wanted to tell her that she was everything he needed. But more than just telling her, he desperately wanted to touch her, touch her gently like she had him. He wondered if his touch would reach her emotionally the way hers did with him. But then he thought back to his initial worry about her safety, it wasn't something he was ready to risk, not now. There was something special happening, something that needed to be taken slowly and carefully. He didn't say anything else.

  “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” She pulled her hand back. “I've never seen anything like it, it's heartbreaking.”

  He backed away, put both of his shirts on, and then sat back down. All the while she watched his every move.

  She sat down at her desk and went straight back into working. “How long did it take before you became comfortable with the idea of feeding?”

  He was finding it hard to concentrate now that he could feel her fingers on his skin, feel again what it was like to stand so close and just enjoy her nearness. “It was a very long time actually. I let myself get weak many times. Occasionally, I thought if I could just not feed, I would die. That sadly is not how it works. The poor person who found me in that state suffered for my foolishness with a not-so gentle death.”