The Color of Us (College Bound Book 2)

by Laura Ward

  After a few seconds he lifted his head to look at me, and I wondered if my eyes were as glazed with pleasure as his were. “Angel,” he whispered almost reverently.

  I lifted my hand to trace his jaw with my finger before I leaned forward to kiss him. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me,” I told him.

  He chuckled. “I’m nothing but trouble.”

  Maybe so, but he was the best kind of trouble.

  ***

  We didn’t mean to fall asleep, but I didn’t feel bad about it when I finally woke up a few hours later. I did, however, need to find a bathroom. Instead of waking Liam up, I decided to search for it on my own. I slipped out of his embrace and put on my clothes as quickly as possible. I had no idea if his parents were awake or asleep, but I certainly wasn’t going to meet them for the first time while half-naked.

  I let myself out of the bedroom and quietly made my way down the stairs. I found a bathroom in the hallway. I did my business quickly, and before leaving the bathroom, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time.

  Damn. It was past midnight. Mom would be worried if I didn’t come home soon. I sighed and turned off the light as I stepped out of the bathroom. As I walked past the living room, curiosity drew my eyes to the worn plaid couches and nicked-up wooden furniture. I was just about to continue walking by when something caught my eye and I nearly tripped. There was a familiar face in a place it definitely shouldn’t be.

  Slowly I walked into the living room and approached the end table by the patched-up La-Z-Boy recliner. I stared at the face in the picture, and all of a sudden I couldn’t remember how to breathe. I backed away, tripping over the coffee table, sending it and myself crashing to the floor. The sound of the table breaking underneath me was followed by my scream. I pushed myself backward like a crab until my back was pressed against the nearest wall. My body shook from head to toe.

  Heavy footsteps echoed on the stairs right before Liam appeared in the living room doorway.

  “Lex, you okay?” His eyebrows were pulled down in concern as he made his way over to me.

  I lifted a shaky finger and pointed at the framed picture on the end table. I couldn’t find my voice. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t think straight.

  His gaze followed the direction of my finger, and when he focused on the photo, I saw true fear wash over his face.

  “Why is there a picture of Declan in your house, Liam?” I managed to say in a trembling voice.

  “Lex…”

  “Did you know him?”

  Liam looked as if I’d ripped his heart out of his chest and stomped on it. His face was panic and fear and pain all rolled into one. “Let me explain,” he begged.

  “Why is there a picture of Declan?” I screamed. “He killed my sister. Why is his picture in your house?”

  “Because,” a voice said from the doorway. “Declan was his brother.”

  Confusion forced my eyes to find the voice, and I saw a gruff man with a shaggy beard at the doorway holding a bat and standing next to a woman who was wearing a bathrobe and sporting a head full of bottle-blond hair.

  Brother?

  The man and woman must be Declan’s parents. I didn’t recognize them, but then I wouldn’t have. They were never in the news, never mentioned. Only Declan. And my parents hadn’t pressed charges against Declan’s family. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I’d even heard the names of his parents before. I’d always just thought of him as a killer. Not as someone who had a family.

  “Lex…” Liam stepped toward me, and I cringed, flinging my hands in front of me. He jerked back, a look of pain on his face.

  “Declan was your brother? You have different last names. How can that be?” My voice was hysterical, but I was unable to calm myself down. Liam was my safe place. The last thing I expected to find in my safe place was my sister’s killer.

  He was shaking his head, frantic and furious. “He wasn’t my brother. He was my stepbrother.”

  “You knew this whole time? You knew!” My hands went to my mouth. I felt like I was going to be sick. “How could you not tell me?”

  “I wanted to,” he said, his hand reaching out, pleading with me to understand. “I didn’t know how. I was worried you wouldn’t understand.”

  I shook my head, my eyes flicking between Liam and the picture of Declan. “I don’t understand.” My voice broke, and tears burned their way past my lids and down my cheeks. “How could you keep this a secret from me?”

  He took a deep breath, sorrow and guilt clouding his expression. He looked completely tortured. “How could I tell you? How could you ever look at me the same once you knew?”

  “I don’t know. I… I can’t.” I kept shaking my head and pushed myself to standing, my back still against the wall.

  I’d come to Liam for comfort. He was the person who chased the darkness away. I trusted him. I’d given him my heart in pieces, and he’d patched me back up, only to shatter me again. He knew who I was the whole time.

  “Were any of the things between us real?” I asked, my voice trembling, unsure.

  “Angel…” He reached for me again, but I pulled away. All I could see were the times we talked about Sam. His support had meant so much to me, but now those memories were tainted with his secret.

  “You knew who I was. Was I just some sort of pity project? To make up for what your brother did? To fix the sad, broken girl?” I asked looking around the room, searching for answers. The man was glaring at me, and the woman had her arms wrapped around her chest, her mouth hanging open in horror. “Or was this some kind of payback?”

  A look of hurt flashed across Liam’s face. “How can you say that? After everything that’s happened between us, how could you even think that?”

  “Because you knew and you let me fall in—” I took a deep, ragged breath, determined not to finish that sentence. Not now. “You knew and let me believe you cared.”

  “I do care,” he said firmly. He took a step toward me, and panic rushed through me.

  “I have to go,” I said suddenly. I couldn’t trust myself to stay. I couldn’t trust him.

  “Lex, don’t do this,” he pleaded, his voice wounded.

  My heart wasn’t just breaking, it was splintering. I needed to get out of there before I was totally shattered beyond repair. I darted past Liam and his parents, pounding my way up the stairs to his room. I grabbed my purse and was back down the stairs in seconds. No one had moved, but the woman in the bathrobe was crying.

  Just as I made it to the front door, Liam grabbed my arm, spinning me to face him. His mouth opened to argue with me again, but when I looked down to where his hand held me, he did too. His fingers were wrapped around my wrist, the rainbow charm trapped between his fist and my skin. He pulled his hand away as if he’d been burned. I took one last look at his beautiful, broken expression and then escaped to my car.

  I didn’t understand. None of this made any sense.

  I was out on the main road before the gut-wrenching, soul-twisting sobs took over. How could life be so unfair? How could fate let me fall for the brother of my sister’s killer? How could I ever look at him again without seeing that secret staring back at me?

  Sam, I’m so sorry. I would never have been with him if I’d known. I would never betray you like that.

  Tears streamed down my face, but I didn’t brush them away.

  Exactly how many times could a heart be broken before it just gave up?

  Chapter Fourteen

  LIAM

  When I was a kid, my mom often ran out of money. Our electricity had been shut off more times than I could count. During the day, it wasn’t a big deal. But at night when there was no light, I got scared. I’d press my palms into my eyes forcing bursts of color to form under my eyelids so I didn’t feel so lonely.

  The most pathetic thing? I was still scared of the dark.

  I fell back on the couch and pressed my palms into my eyes like I was six years old again. Only, the d
arkness surrounding me this time wasn’t from unpaid bills, it was from the secret I’d kept. I hurt the one person I cared about the most, and I was afraid. If I lost her for good, I knew nothing in my life would ever be as bright as she had been.

  “You never told her, kid?” I opened my eyes as Jerry stood next to the couch in front of the end table. He picked up the framed photo that had sent Lex running, and stared at his son’s face.

  Jerry and Susan O’Connell Murphy married five years ago. Declan had been fourteen at the time, and I had just turned thirteen. Declan and I were never close, not like real brothers, but he looked out for me. He had my back in any fight. And in our neighborhood, that was often. Problem was, Declan had the same weakness as his father. Once he started drinking, he couldn’t stop. Declan wasn’t a bad guy, he just made stupid, awful mistakes. His worst mistake being the night he got behind the wheel of Sam’s car. He not only ruined his future and hers, but mine and Lex’s too.

  “No.” I ran my hands through my hair, scraping my fingers against my scalp. “When I first met her, and we started hanging out, I didn’t know she was Sam’s sister. By the time I found out, it was too late.” I lifted my head to peer up at Jerry, willing him to say something to fix the mess I was in.

  “If they would’ve let us apologize face-to-face, none of this would have happened,” Jerry grumbled.

  I remembered my mom calling Sam’s family and asking for the chance to apologize on Declan’s behalf, for the opportunity to attend Sam’s funeral and pay our condolences. The Sinclairs had rejected her offer and asked her to never contact them again. They were grieving and not ready to forgive.

  But I couldn’t regret the rejection. If they had accepted, I would never have gotten the opportunity with Lex that I’d had. I don’t know if we’d ever had a true chance at a happy ending, but I know that if we had met at the funeral, there would never have been a beginning to Lex and Liam.

  When I didn’t answer, Jerry sighed and headed toward the kitchen. When he came back out with two beers, he offered one to me, but I shook my head. I wasn’t sure if I should go after Lex tonight and beg for forgiveness, or wait until morning after she had a chance to calm down. Either way, I sure as fuck wasn’t going to drink right now.

  Jerry settled on the couch next to me and took a deep pull of his beer. I wondered if he was thinking about Declan. When he thought about his son and the accident, was it with sorrow like my mom? Or did he remember it with anger like me? Maybe he felt guilty for not being a better role model? I had no idea. Feelings weren’t discussed in this family; they were drowned in addictions and bad judgment.

  Declan had been the epitome of lousy judgment. He’d pushed every limit he could in life. From what I’d heard about Sam, she pushed the limits too but in a different way. She was brave, outgoing, adventurous, and obsessed with having fun. Declan was an addict. The worst kind. If there was a party, he’d be the drunkest asshole there. If there were drugs, he’d try them all. He wanted to be the highest, the fastest, and the wildest, and he didn’t care who went down in flames with him.

  What made him the biggest bonehead of all, though, was that he was smart. He was a motherfucking genius and had a full ride to West Virginia University. I was jealous of the fact that Declan never needed to attend classes. He could party all night and still ace every exam. We were told he was headed for Mensa and shit, and yet he risked everything to party like a goddamn rock star.

  When Declan came home with perfect grades his freshman year, all he could talk about was the girl he met. Sam was from the next town over. She was wealthy, and he wanted to impress her. He told me he was going to prove to her that even white trash kids like us could hang with the country club set. So he went with her to one of her friend’s parties and drank himself stupid. And then my stepbrother, with all his brains, forgot his common sense. He got behind the wheel of Sam’s car.

  He killed himself. He killed Sam. And he murdered our family’s reputation. Not that we had a lot going for us to begin with, but still. He crushed what little we had.

  We were part of the problem, they said. It was in our blood, they said. He was trash, they said. I was lucky that most of the gossip was just in our hometown. The one saving grace was that my name had never been mentioned in the news along with Declan’s. I was positive that if Melissa had ever discovered the connection, she would have made sure Lex knew too.

  I was sorry Declan died, but mostly I was ashamed of him. Sam had been innocent. She shouldn’t have gotten in the car with him, but Declan was the one who put her keys in the ignition that night. It was his idiocy that wrapped her car around a tree and took her life.

  “She’s not the only one who’s sufferin’, kid,” Jerry said, ripping me from my thoughts. He set the photo back on the end table. “If she can’t forgive you lyin’ to her, that’s her loss.” Jerry tipped back his beer and finished it in a gulp. He belched and cracked the cap on the next one.

  No. He was wrong. If Lex couldn’t forgive me, it was my loss. She could always find something better. She should find something better. But selfish as I was, I didn’t want her to. I wanted to be her something better.

  “I’m goin’ back to bed,” Jerry said, pushing himself to standing and shuffling down the hallway. He patted my mom’s shoulder as he passed her. She hadn’t moved since Lex bolted out our front door.

  Mom released a breath, watching Jerry make his way back to bed as he drained the second bottle of beer on the way. Without a word she walked out onto the porch leaving the front door wide open. Seconds later I smelled the smoke from her cigarette drift inside as she lit up.

  Time to douse some feelings with nicotine.

  When I pushed through the broken screen door, I found her on the wooden steps of our porch, a cloud of smoke circling her head. I sat next to her, and she passed me the pack. I liberated a cigarette, lit it, and took a drag so long and hard my lungs burned. I welcomed the pain. Filling my lungs with toxic breaths somehow felt right.

  I glanced over to my mom to see that her gaze was focused on me. Her eyes were red and slanted. Whether it was from crying, smoking, or lack of sleep, I couldn’t tell. Declan may not have been her son by blood, but she still grieved for him. For all of us.

  “You like this girl?” she asked.

  Were we going to talk? This wasn’t something I was used to. I blew out my breath in a long exhale. “I’m falling in love with her. She’s like a fucking angel.”

  Mom nodded and took another drag of her cigarette. “That’s good, baby.” She reached over and rubbed my back. “I’m glad you found love. Hate that it had to be her though. You deserve to be happy.”

  I ground out my cigarette and stood up. The moon was full and round in the dark sky. “I was happy. I just wish I was good enough for her.”

  Mom stabbed her cigarette out on the cracked and broken walkway under her feet. “Did you ever think that maybe she’s not good enough for you?”

  I snorted and shook my head in disbelief.

  “True worth isn’t measured in dollar signs and shiny things,” Mom said. She lifted her eyes and stared out into the darkness. “It’s measured by the strength of your heart.” She turned her face up to look at me, and I tried not to roll my eyes. Since when did Mom get poetic? She stood up and ruffled my hair before turning to go back into the house. “Night, baby.”

  The strength of my heart? If anything, I’d been weak. I’d kept my secret for months. Watching Lex grieve over her sister, knowing my stepbrother had been the cause and not saying a word… I felt like an imposter. So many times I wanted to tell her the truth, but I was scared of losing her. Being with Lex was like walking on the surface of the sun. When I was with her, I felt all the dark, corrupt parts of me fade away. I was a better man with her.

  But the truth was, every time she gave me another piece of her trust, the guilt felt like a ticking time bomb. I knew I couldn’t keep Declan a secret forever. I tried to tell her at Scoops, over the phone, in the Jeep… c
ountless times I opened my mouth to confess, but I always chickened out.

  I regretted that I lied to her. I regretted that I hurt her. But I’d never regret the time I’d spent with her. Maybe if I’d told her from the beginning, she would have understood. But then again maybe she wouldn’t have given me the time of day.

  My life, even before Declan died, had been ashen. I lived in a seedy neighborhood, in a run-down house with a damaged family and a shady past. Lex was like a breath of fresh air. Until she came along I hadn’t realized I’d been drowning or that I needed to change. Until she came along I didn’t know how much I needed her.

  She had saved me. And I was going to earn her trust back. I didn’t care how long it took.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I turned off the ignition and wiped away my tears. No matter how destroyed I felt on the inside, I refused to fall apart on the outside. The last thing my family needed was another problem to deal with. My parents needed me to be strong for them, and I was determined to do just that.

  Closing the door to the SUV as quietly as possible, I slipped into the house and bolted the door behind me. I tiptoed up the stairs, leaving the hallway lights off, and climbed into bed without even bothering to change.

  I smelled like sex. Like Liam. Tears filled my eyes, and I choked back a sob, angry with myself for letting it break free. God, why that boy? How was it with all the millions of people in the world I had to go and fall for the one person I shouldn’t? Pressing my face into my pillow, I let myself scream, pouring all my frustration out in a muffled release.

  “Alexis?” My mom cracked open my door and whispered into the dark. “Did you just get home?”

  Crap. My nerves were frayed, and my mom’s relentless questions were the last things I could handle tonight.

  “Yeah.” My voice cracked, and I cleared my throat. “I’m fine. You can go back to bed.”

  The light on my dresser switched on, bathing my bedroom in a soft yellow light. “Alexis? What happened? You look terrible!” Mom sat on the edge of my bed, tucking the sides of her robe in close to her body.