by Laura Ward
“I love you. I don’t even know when I first realized I loved you. I think I always have. And I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for one second.” Liam held both of my hands in his and smiled.
I could finally say the words back to him. I was ready. We both were. “I love you too. More than I can ever truly express in one lifetime.” I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.
He broke the kiss and smiled, pointing silently to the second floor where my mother was. Taking my hand, he led me through the front door to the porch. We sat on the old swing, the same place where I broke his heart two summers ago.
“I have to tell you something,” he said. I waited for him to continue, listening to the squeak from the swing and the sound of crickets in the summer night. “I leave for deployment in two weeks. I can only tell my immediate family where I’m going, but to me, that includes you. I’ll be in Afghanistan for a long time. Maybe even a year.”
My heart sank. A year? I’d just gotten him back, and he was leaving for a year?
“I don’t want to ask you to wait—” he started.
“I’ll wait,” I cut him off. “I’ll wait for you to come home. I’ll wait however long.”
He closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them they blazed. “I don’t want you to make promises right now. You need sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be a difficult day, and I need to go now so you can rest. But you should know that after tomorrow, I plan to spend every day of the next two weeks loving you. Yeah?”
I wanted him to love me for the rest of my life, not just for two weeks. I didn’t say that though. Instead, I kissed him deeply, feeling my heart flutter back to life as his arms held me tight against him.
He gave me one more chaste kiss on the lips. “See you tomorrow, Lex.”
As I watched him leave with sure steps and his head held high, I realized that he’d found that future he was looking for.
He found his redemption in the Army.
I found mine in his arms.
***
The pallbearers shuffled forward as they moved the casket to the front of the church. From my position in the back, I saw hundreds of faces watch its progression. The organ music was haunting, the same melody that played at Sam’s mass.
The morning had been a blur of family members telling me to eat, me ignoring them and drinking my coffee, dressing again in black, taking the limo to the church, and a constant aching need to see Liam again.
Mom and I stood in the back and watched people file into the crowded pews before we entered last, in silence, following the casket.
As we walked hand in hand down the aisle, the same panic that I felt yesterday started to rear its ugly head. Every eye was on me, watching me, studying me, feeling sorry for me, silently happy they weren’t me, and hoping they would never be me. My hands were clammy again, and I forced breath after breath through my nose. Mom squeezed my hand, no doubt because she noticed me trembling.
I looked to the side and saw Liam. His eyebrows were drawn together, and his mouth was twisted. My knees buckled, and my step faltered. Mom grabbed on to my arm, but Liam was faster. He jumped out of the pew and had an arm around my waist, steadying me. He placed another under my mom’s arm, and he escorted us to the front.
“Sit with us,” Mom ordered Liam. He hesitated, and she added, “Please.”
His smile was small, but he moved in next to me. Leaning over, he whispered in my ear, “You got this. But just remember, I’m with you. Always.”
My heart calmed down, and I leaned against him, sharing my pain and grief with him, just like I always had with my dad.
The mass was a beautiful celebration of my father’s life. Having Liam sitting next to me, holding my hand in his, was an affirmation of my own.
Everything just might be okay again after all.
Chapter Thirty
When I woke up the next morning, Liam was already in my kitchen having coffee with my mother. Even though she’d given her blessing to us, I was still worried about seeing them together. Alone.
Apparently, I didn’t need to be.
“Oh, look who finally decided to join us.” My mother smiled over the rim of her coffee cup.
“It’s only eight thirty,” I said. I filled my cup halfway with coffee before dumping a ton of vanilla creamer on top.
“That’s nearly midday to me.” Liam grinned and then stood to pull out my chair when I came over to the table.
“Thanks.” I dropped into the chair, wondering if his manners were something he learned in the military or something that was meant to impress my mother. I liked the manners fine enough… but at the same time, I liked my dangerous bad boy. I hoped the military hadn’t changed him too much.
“What do you two have planned for today?” Mom’s hands wrapped around her mug, and my heart twisted at the fine lines of grief that I could see around her eyes. It was obvious she’d been crying a lot last night. I wondered if she could tell I had been too.
“I don’t know.” I took a sip and arched my eyebrows in question at Liam. Everything with my father was still so raw, but Liam was only home for two weeks. And my mom. I needed to be here for her. I cut my eyes back over to her as she set down her coffee cup.
“I’m planning to spend the day with my sister. You need to get out too. We’ve both been in this house alone for too long. You need to get out and do something happy. Your father would want you to.”
Her voice was strong, and I was impressed that she was able to talk about Dad without her words breaking apart. I guess we’d both had time to prepare to say good-bye to him. In the end, it was sort of a relief. Not that he was gone, but that he wasn’t in pain anymore. That he wasn’t hovering in that state of nothingness where he couldn’t even talk to us anymore. He would have hated that.
“You could go to the pool at Eagle Crest,” Mom suggested, breaking my train of thought. “I ordered you a lovely new swimsuit, Alexis.”
Good to know some things never changed.
Liam cocked an eyebrow and grinned at me. “Pool?” he asked.
I shook my head almost violently as I choked on my coffee. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing Liam half-naked so soon. I definitely couldn’t handle being around so many people. “Absolutely not.”
“Maybe a movie? A visit to Scoops? A hike in the woods?” Liam suggested. “Whatever you want.”
The corner of my mom’s mouth lifted, but she didn’t allow the smile to fall across her lips. “Whatever you do, just get the girl some fresh air and sunshine. She needs to get out of this house and have some fun. She needs some color.”
I rolled my eyes at my mother’s suggestion, but secretly I was happy to hear her nagging like normal. She didn’t need to worry about me getting sunshine though. I had Liam back in my life. I had all the light I needed.
***
I did wear my swimsuit after all, but not because we were going to Eagle Crest. No matter how apologetic Melissa had been to me at the viewing, I had no intention of going anywhere near the club for a very long time. I wasn’t ready to be the center of attention or to field all the sympathy that I knew people would feel obligated to show. I still vividly remembered the pity party that followed me everywhere I went after Sam’s accident.
No, I needed a swimsuit because Liam was taking me to the beach for the day. Yes, we would be surrounded by people but by people who didn’t know who I was. Who didn’t know my sad story. But honestly, I didn’t care where we went as long as I had Liam all to myself.
I spent the entire ride down asking him about his training and what he had seen and done in the past two years. With every story he told me, I was more and more surprised that my bad boy had been tamed enough to follow orders.
“Don’t worry,” he said, catching my concerned look. “I’m the same guy I was before. Only better.”
“Some of the things they did to you…” I shook my head. “I feel awful that you were tortured like that.”
He chuckled. �
�Not tortured. Tested. They have to know we can be trusted to do what we promised to do when we need to do it. When people’s lives are on the line, we can’t make mistakes or back out. The training is tough but necessary. Especially when it comes to Special Forces.”
My chest expanded with pride for him. I’ve always known Liam was incredible, but knowing how much he’d accomplished since we’d been apart, I was impressed.
He pulled the car into a parking spot and turned to face me, his hand threading into my hair to pull me in for a kiss, just like he had at every stoplight on the drive down. His lips were gentle, but I could feel the way he held himself back. I could feel how much he wanted me, but he also seemed to savor the moments and make them last. To imprint them on his memory.
I didn’t want him gentle. I wanted him wild and out of control. I needed to know he was as desperate for me as I was for him. I fisted his shirt in my hands, kissing him harder. He grinned and then pulled away. I made a frustrated sound in protest.
“Easy now. We’ve got all day.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “We’ll get there. I want to hear about you first. I’ve told you all about the Army. I want to hear all about school. Your classes, your friends, your sorority.” His eyes scanned my face. “I can’t believe you’re right in front of me. I missed you so much.”
I swallowed, dreading telling him about my life and just how boring I’d become again. How Alexis had basically kicked Lex to the curb. “I missed you too.”
His face softened in relief. “Come on.” He let go of me so that he could open his door. After grabbing the towels and cooler out of the back, he gave me a wicked smile. “I can’t wait to see that suit your mama got you. If it’s anything like that white one…” He whistled, and when his eyes scanned me, I felt my skin blush.
I ducked out of the Jeep and hurried around to meet him on the other side. His fingers slid between mine, and I could feel his strength seeping into me. His presence was like a balm on my pain. I didn’t feel lonely when I was with him. My mom was spending the day with family from out of town, and for the first time in the past few weeks, I didn’t have to worry about her. It was a luxury that I was free to spend the day with Liam, just being happy.
He led me out of the parking lot and down to the beach. Without needing to ask me, he rented an umbrella, and I was secretly happy he remembered that I wasn’t a sun goddess. After finding a spot on the beach and getting us set up, he finally turned his heated gaze back on me. Liam reached behind his neck, and in one swift move his shirt was off, and I finally got a good look at all the military had done to his body.
The Army does a body good. Damn.
If Michelangelo had carved him out of stone, he couldn’t have looked more perfect. Muscles… for days. The University could use him for a model in the anatomy and physiology classes he was so perfect. I’d definitely pay attention.
“Wow,” I managed to say.
He grinned and dropped down to his towel, leaning back on his elbows while he gazed up at me. “You’re overdressed.”
I was pretty sure my body was in full blush mode as he stared intently at me. I don’t know why I felt shy as I undid my shorts and shimmied out of them before pulling my tank top over my head. Maybe it was because it had been so long since we were together intimately. Liam had changed so much and I was still… well, to be honest, I was back to being Alexis. The brave, daring Lex that Liam had known and fallen in love with hadn’t been seen in almost two years.
When I finally ventured a look at Liam, though, my uncertainty fell away. He was fixated on me like he wanted to rip my bikini off with his teeth and then lick every inch of my body like an ice cream cone on a hot day.
I sat down on my towel, leaning back like he was.
“Angel,” he breathed. His eyes traced every line of my body slowly before returning to my face. “You’re like a dream come true. Every fucking one of them, all at once.”
I pressed my lips together to try to hold back my pleased smile, but it was no use. “You’re pretty cute too.”
He growled and then pulled me in for a kiss before setting his mouth next to my ear. “It’s a good thing we’re out here in public so I can’t do all the things I want to you. I might not be able to stop once I start.”
I could barely breathe. “What kind of things?”
“Naughty things.” He nipped my earlobe. “Things I’ve been thinking about for almost two years.”
I swallowed. “Oh.”
He chuckled and then leaned back, threading his fingers between mine. “So, tell me about school.”
And so I told him about classes, and my sisters, and Stacy. I couldn’t wait for him to meet Stacy.
“She sounds cool. Can I meet her before I leave?” Liam leaned over and traced his fingers along the seam of my lips.
I opened, letting the tip of my tongue graze his fingertips. Liam groaned and closed his eyes, falling back onto his towel.
I giggled and lay back on my towel. “Actually, I was hoping we could all go bowling. Taren, Julie, Alec, and Stacy. Would that be okay with you?”
“I want to meet all the people who you trust and who make you happy. I want to know everyone who will be there for you when I’m gone.”
My stomach sank. I hated to think of him leaving me again, but I was proud of him at the same time. I wanted to take advantage of every minute with him so that I would know for sure I was with him, even if just in his heart, when he was gone.
Liam stood and walked over to the cooler. My heart felt like it tripped in my chest.
His back. Oh, my God. His back.
“Liam?” I nearly choked on his name.
He straightened abruptly and then froze, allowing me to take in the sight before me.
I stood up and walked over to him, staring at the intricate design on his back. Clear as day, I saw an angel bathed in light. She held on to a dark angel who was shrouded in gray and black with enormous black wings fanning out behind him. In the parts where the light angel touched the dark angel, his darkness cracked, falling away to allow his own light to emerge.
“What is this?” My fingertips traced every inch of the tattoo. The artwork looked expensive and painful, but more than that it was beautifully heartbreaking.
Liam turned around and grasped my hands with his. “I did this for you. It was my way of carrying you with me, to remind me I could be something better. I never lost hope. I never stopped loving you.”
“Liam.” I closed my eyes.
“You’ve always been my light, Lex. My good angel. I was meant for sin. Until I met you. Until you saved me. And with every touch and every kiss, you healed my soul. You filled me with hope for something better.”
I wanted to argue with him. He was the one who filled me with light. He was my hope. But I allowed myself to accept his love, to know I would never be alone again.
I might be etched onto his skin, but he had carved out a permanent place in my life.
***
After staying out on the beach all day, we ate dinner at Seacrets, a restaurant with outdoor seating along the bay side of Ocean City. There was live reggae music, and as we watched the sun set over the water, I felt like we were on a tropical beach somewhere.
We lost track of time, and when Liam pointed out that we should probably head home so that my mom wouldn’t worry, I checked my phone to see that it was nearly ten o’clock at night.
Holy crap. She was going to freak out.
“I should probably call her,” I suggested.
Liam nodded, and I headed for the bathroom to find a quiet spot to place a call.
“Hey, Mom,” I said when she answered. “Just wanted to let you know we’re getting ready to head home now. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“What? You can’t drive home now!” she argued.
“If we leave now, we’ll be home a little after midnight.”
“Alexis Marie Sinclair.” The alarm in her voice worried me more than the use of my full nam
e did. “You will get a hotel room and come back tomorrow. I’m not going to let you risk your life by driving two and a half hours in the middle of the night.”
“Mom. I didn’t bring enough cash with me for a hotel, and I’m not going to ask Liam to—”
“No.” She cut me off. “You’ll use the emergency credit card I gave you for school. You have that with you, right?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Perfect,” she interrupted. “It’s not worth the risk to come home tonight. Just find a safe hotel and stay the night. Come back tomorrow when you’re rested.”
“Okay,” I finally agreed. I couldn’t believe that she was offering for me to spend the night with Liam. But then again, after losing my sister in a late-night car accident, I could sort of understand her worry. I wouldn’t want her driving long distances late at night either.
“Be safe, Alexis. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
***
I opened the door to the hotel room and then walked inside, my breath catching in my throat when I saw the bed in the middle of the room. The door closed behind me with a loud click, and I flinched.
“Lex,” Liam said, coming up behind me and brushing my hair off my shoulder. “You don’t need to be nervous. Just because we’re in this room, doesn’t mean you have to do anything. Despite what I said on the beach earlier, I can control myself.”
I turned to look at him, and our faces were so close together it felt as if there was a magnet pulling me to him.
He reached up to tuck my windblown hair behind my ear, his fingers tracing along my jaw and down my throat until he rested the palm of his hand against the side of my neck. “I just feel lucky to be with you. Next to you.”
“What if I want to do something?” My eyes dropped from his gaze down to his lips. I licked my own to find that they were salty from being out in the ocean air all day.
He swallowed, and I could feel the tremor in his fingers as they grazed along my shoulder and down to my waist. “Whatever you want.”
