Breathe You In (A Sexy Romance)

by Lily Harlem

  “Oh, oh, I’m going to…Katie.” His shifted his hips, toward my mouth, then bucked away, as though overwhelmed.

  But I didn’t let him escape, if anything I increased my enthusiasm. Sucked and swirled, intensified my grip on the root of his shaft, holding it tight in the circle of my index finger and thumb and dragging up and down to meet my lips.

  “I’m gonna come in your mouth if you’re not careful,” he said, fisting my hair.

  That was the idea, but I didn’t pause to tell him that. Instead, I found his balls with my fingertips, so I was cupping the base of his shaft and rolling him too. Saliva dripped down my chin, lubricating the way, heating us further.

  “Ah, ah, ah, yes, yes,” he hissed.

  His cock was bone-hard and bloated as I felt the first pulse of release.

  Cum flooded the back of my throat. I swallowed, kept working him with my mouth and touching his balls. Another shot swamped my tongue. I guzzled it, loving his flavor, the salty thickness of his pleasure.

  He clasped a hand over mine, the one that was flat on his chest. “Jesus, that’s so fucking good,” he gasped. “Fucking hell, ah, oh yeah…”

  I slowed and relaxed my grip. He unclamped his legs from around me.

  I caught his cock in my hand and looked up.

  He was staring down at me, red-cheeked and with a sheen of sweat on his brow and upper lip. His heart was pounding. His breaths were coming rapid. His hair had flopped forward.

  “That worked okay for you?” I asked, releasing him and wiping moisture from my chin.

  “More than okay. Bloody hell, Katie…that was…”

  Suddenly I was on his lap again. He’d hoisted me up beneath my arms and sat me sideways. His sudden speed and strength both surprised and thrilled me.

  I looped my hands behind his neck and felt his softening cock against my hip.

  “Thank you,” he said, touching my lips with the tips of his fingers, following their shape, from one corner to the other and dipping into my cupid’s bow.

  I smiled. “I had fun.” I stroked down his neck to his chest, touched his scar. Matt’s heart was still thudding, thudding because of the orgasm I’d just given Ruben.

  “Damn, I’m tingling all over,” Ruben said, touching the layer of dampness on his brow.

  “Is that a bad sign?” Shit, what had I done? Had I finished him off with a blowjob?

  He laughed. “No, good tingling. Long-overdue tingling.”

  “Phew.” I smiled and kissed him through my grin.

  “I feel I should return the favor.” He ran his hand over my shoulder, found my breast and fondled my nipple.

  The offer was very appealing. I, too, was tingling with desire, a lust for more skin on skin and feeling Ruben hit that high again, with me in tow. But I also believed that what we had was delicate and new and we’d said we’d go slow. “Maybe another time,” I said.

  “I feel like I could run a marathon. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine, more than fine.”

  I pulled away. “But what about slow? Us taking it slow?”

  “I’ve always loved speed. Fast cars…” He winked. “Fast women…”

  “I’ve noticed.” I giggled but kept my head drawn back. “But still, we should eat.”

  He stilled his movements, then released my nipple and stroked his hand up to my cheek. “Okay, I hear you. But I should warn you I’m not the type of bloke who likes to be in debt. It just doesn’t sit well with me.”

  I untangled myself and stood. “That’s great to know because I’m not a woman who likes to be owed.”

  “Perfect match then.” He shuffled on the sofa, tugged up his boxers and jeans then reached for my bra and blouse, handed them to me. “Much as I’d like to eat dinner with you like that.” He nodded at my bare chest. “You might get your due quicker than you want.”

  Chapter Nine

  I didn’t see Ruben for several days. After we’d hungrily demolished the pasta dish we’d cuddled and kissed in the hallway and then he’d left.

  I’d lain awake half the night, wondering if I should have let him ‘return the favor’ as he’d put it. It would have led to more, I was sure of it. How could it not? Ultimately it would have also led to him staying the night.

  Was I ready for that? A new man in my bed?

  A few weeks ago my answer would have been a definite no. But with Ruben, well, it was different. He was connected to Matt. He made me feel closer to Matt. Ruben was Ruben, a man who’d become important to me in a short space of time, yet someone who I felt had been waiting for me as much as I’d been searching for him.

  I stared in the mirror and applied a sweep of scarlet lipstick that matched the flowers on my top. As I dragged the color around I thought of my lips on Ruben. Matt’s heart had pumped blood around his body at a furious rate as I’d made him come. Matt’s lungs had heaved air in and out of Ruben’s chest, making him pant and gasp and stretch out a delicious moan that I could still hear whenever I summoned the memory.

  I put the lipstick away and felt a now familiar bubble of pleasure pop inside me. That had been one hell of a sexy moment. I’d replayed it over more times than I could count.

  And it hadn’t been Matt I’d been thinking of as I’d sucked Ruben off. Not at all. I was there, with Ruben, this new man, with a new body for me to discover; what he liked, how he felt, his taste, what he could do with his mouth. I was definitely with Ruben. I just didn’t feel as if I was being unfaithful to Matt, it was like he was there, approving of us.

  Would he, though?

  I shut the living room window then grabbed my keys off the side. Let myself out of the flat. I was meeting Janine in half an hour and a group of her friends she assured me I’d just adore. They were ‘a scream’ apparently.

  Matt would have wanted me to be happy, that I knew in a very real, central part of my soul. We’d been a strong, united couple, completely unselfish in every decision we’d made. If it had been the other way round and I’d died, I would have wanted him to find someone to share the rest of his life with. Living without love was a map of gray nothingness. Being lonely like flailing through space without a destination.

  But would I have wanted him to end up with a woman who had my actual, physical heart?

  I tightened the strap of my small red bag over my shoulder, quickened my pace. How could I possibly know the answer to that question? What were the chances of it ever happening?

  But my chances had been high, the odds with me because I’d manipulated it so Ruben and I had met.

  But it wasn’t out of maliciousness, just curiosity, macabre curiosity maybe, but that was all, a need to know. And I hadn’t ever wanted to talk to him, certainly not date him and absolutely, definitely not suck his cock. Not back then. All I’d wanted to do was see him, from a distance. Make sure he was okay and that Matt’s heart was serving him well. I’d just needed to be able to picture where that bit of Matt was when I lay in bed at night, missing him more than I’d miss all four of my limbs if they were torn from me.

  I turned off the avenue onto the main street into town, dodging an old man walking two Dalmatians.

  No, Matt would understand, I was sure of it. He’d got my whacky, impetuous ways. Had laughed at the same kooky things that made me giggle. Thought out of the box when he’d needed to in order to follow my sometimes back-to-front reasoning. My own heart felt content with my deal with Matt, at peace. He’d understand why I was doing this, I was sure he would.

  The bar where I was meeting Janine and her friends came into view. The Slippery Slope it was called, and it had bright orange window frames and ornate black lamps hanging either side of the door. It was sandwiched between a dry cleaners and a hairdresser; above looked like offices.

  Could I ever tell anyone what I’d done? Hey, meet my boyfriend, he has my dead husband’s heart and lungs, that’s cool, isn’t it?

  A rush of nausea gripped me, and I paused, took a deep breath. It wasn’t cool, and it was hardly dinner table conv
ersation.

  They’d all think I was mad. Maybe I was. Since meeting Ruben my mind had been a swirl of emotions, a heady soup of longing, craving, satisfaction and a bright new feeling of optimism. Now I wasn’t having to pretend to laugh or smile. It was just happening. Each step through the day wasn’t like wading through a tide of treacle. Some of the time I was even walking normally, without being weighed down by that damn anvil.

  It was something I could get used to, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to give it up.

  There was nothing for it. What Ruben had, and what had been my decision to give him, would have to remain a secret. Something kept hidden in that locked box along with the guilt.

  No one knew I’d found him except for the private detective, who was sworn to confidentiality. Only one person, Melanie, my old boss, had ever known of my desperate hankering to meet the recipient who had Matt’s heart. That was because of a drunken night out when I’d ended up crying, her holding me, and my blurting out how much it would mean to me to meet that person. But she wouldn’t even remember that muddled conversation, she’d been as sloshed on wine as me. That was in the past. History. Another time and place. Besides, I was in Northampton now. Forty miles away. I had new friends to make, a new life to live.

  I looked at The Slippery Slope again. Several people wandered in, laughter and music filtered out. It was a young person’s pub, so how come I felt old?

  Maybe I was, maybe I’d aged. Pain could do that.

  “You all right, love?” A deep voice came from my right.

  I turned. A group of several men, all in jeans and short-sleeved shirts wandered past. One with blond hair was grinning at me as he walked, hands shoved into his jeans pockets.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Maybe catch you for a drink in The Slippery?” He nodded ahead and smiled wider. He had dazzling blue eyes and a small diamond earring.

  I pushed my hair over my shoulders. “I’m meeting friends.”

  “Ah,” he said. “A man can still hope.”

  “Come on, Romeo.” His mate banged him on the shoulder. “She’s well out of your league.”

  “I know.” Blond Guy shrugged and winked at me. “Hope is always worth hanging on to though.”

  They wandered off. Again, I paused. The blond man was cute; a hot bum neatly encased in denim and broad shoulders accentuated by a fitted shirt. But whilst I could appreciate a fine specimen, I suddenly wished Ruben was with me. That he was at my side to give me a quick smile and squeeze my hand before I met these new people.

  I adored the way his eyes narrowed when he grinned and the way tiny lines creased at the corners. His lips were familiar now, too, their shape, their taste, how they moved when he spoke and laughed.

  I was missing him this week. I hoped he was having a nice night out with his old teammates, chatting about wild days gone by, but still, I was looking forward to the next time I saw him smile, heard his voice, felt his arms around me.

  I summoned my courage and, shoving aside a trespassing thought about turning around and going home, I walked up to The Slippery Slope.

  I’d just put my hand on the door when I heard my mobile phone beep. Quickly I stepped sideways, not entering the pub but standing beneath one of the large black lamps out of the way of other drinkers moving in and out. I plucked my phone from my bag. It was a message from Ruben. A lovely little shiver, almost a caress, tickled the base of my neck and settled in my chest. I hit OPEN.

  Hope you’re having a great time with new friends. Looking forward to seeing you Friday. Shall we snuggle up on the back row of the cinema and eat popcorn? The new Bond movie looks amazing X

  I read it twice. Had he been missing me at the same time I was hankering for him? I tapped a quick reply.

  Just about to meet Janine and her friends. Cinema sounds great, I’ll check out the times X

  After hitting SEND, I slipped the phone away. As soon as I did another text message came through.

  They’ll love you. See you Friday. X PS I’m still on a high from the other night!

  I smiled and let warmth that had nothing to do with the balmy evening wrap around me. Suddenly, instead of feeling nervous I felt positive again. I’d always been fine meeting new people in the past. Got on with everyone, no problems, but tonight, I couldn’t deny that I did feel nervous. They’ll love you, was the right thing to say and also how Matt would have reassured me.

  And as for still being on a high, well, I could understand that, I certainly was.

  Quickly, I messaged back a simple…

  X X

  Then pushed into the bar.

  Noisy chatter and the tangy mix of cologne, perfume and beer hit me as did the swarm of bodies and the thud of music.

  “Katie, Katie, over here.”

  I spun at the sound of my name, peered past several sets of shoulders and spotted Janine waving from a curved bench by the window. Three other females sat with her, all with wine in front of them and wide smiles on their faces.

  This would be fine. I knew it would be.

  Hope, after all, was worth hanging on to.

  * * * * *

  It seemed to take forever for Friday to come around. Despite having had a lovely time on Wednesday with Janine, April, Mia and Sarah, and then an upbeat two-hour conversation with my parents on Thursday about my move and a plan to visit them soon, time, in my mind, had distorted and it felt like the hours were days.

  The girls, as Janine referred to them, had been a hoot, and there’d been a laugh a minute when the conversation got raunchy late into the evening—wine loosening tongues and wiping out inhibitions. I listened, enjoying their frankness about sex and the fact that I didn’t feel so out of the game; I had a tall, dark and handsome boyfriend now, so Janine was quick to tell them, who collected me from Skin Deep and whisked me away.

  Just talking about Ruben made me smile—one of the lovely easy smiles that I didn’t have to concentrate on and didn’t hurt a bit. I’d nodded and said we were heading to the cinema to see the new Bond film for our next date. This had then started a conversation about which Bond they’d ‘do’ given the choice—Daniel Craig being the most popular.

  But now it was Friday, and I was hovering in my hallway waiting for Ruben.

  I flicked off an electric fan I’d had running since I’d got in from work, blowing air through the flat. The heat was as intense as it had been for the last few weeks, but today the humidity had cranked up several notches. The atmosphere felt damp, the weight of it oppressive. Perhaps we’d have a storm to re-align the equilibrium.

  The doorbell rang, and I took a last glance in the mirror and touched the silver necklace I was wearing. It had a small butterfly hanging from it.

  I pulled open the door.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Ruben said.

  A sweep of shyness tickled my insides. He was so damn good-looking. But before I could do anything about my bashfulness I was in his arms and he was kissing me.

  I parted my lips, let him touch his tongue to mine. Closed my eyes and soaked up his fruity, sexy scent as I breathed him in. His shoulders were high and hard, and I gripped them, loving the feel of his long body against mine after missing him all week.

  Eventually he paused for breath. “We should go, I have tickets.” He kissed my cheek then touched the damp patch with his thumb.

  I straightened his collar and let go of him, stepped back with a smile. “Yes, we should.” I reached for my keys. It was tempting to suggest we skip the Bond film. Stay home and let him settle his debt. I was sure he’d be up for it. But maybe later—right now I just wanted to be with him. Enjoy the lightness Ruben’s presence injected into me. He was like a balm to my soul, a very wounded, hurt part of my soul that needed nurturing back to health.

  We walked out onto the street, and Ruben linked our fingers.

  I was about to make a comment about the heat and the ominous-looking black clouds peeking above the rooftops, when he held my left hand aloft and studied it.

>   “You’ve taken your wedding ring off,” he said.

  “Yes. At the beginning of the week.”

  We carried on walking.

  He kept our fingers weaved but dropped our hands back down.

  “Are you okay with that?” he asked.

  “It suddenly felt right.”

  “You didn’t…” He hesitated. “Take it off because of me, did you? Shit, sorry, that makes me sound like I’m full of my own self-importance.” He shook his head and frowned, bit on his bottom lip. “It’s just I had no problem with you wearing it, that’s all.”

  “No. It was for me. My new start here. I didn’t want to be seen as a sad person anymore. I wanted to just be Katie again. Be able to smile and have fun without people looking at me and thinking that it was good, that I was getting over Matt’s death.”

  Ruben was silent. We continued on our way.

  “Because I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him, you know.”

  He turned to me, frown still in place. “It must have been so hard.”

  I steadied my balance, kept putting one foot in front of the other on that thin rope my emotions walked on. “Losing my husband was the singular most awful thing that has ever happened to me. Nothing could compare. Living with that is hard enough, living with people feeling sorry for me became unbearable. It made it impossible to move on.”

  “I know what you mean. Sort of.”

  “Yes, you probably do. People, your teammates and friends, must have seen you differently once you became ill?”

  “Yes, they did. I wasn’t Ruben the fastest, strongest member of the team anymore. The bloke who could party all night, sink pints quicker than anyone else then still think on my feet when the engine developed problems midrace.” He sighed. “It was hard, that change in the perception people had of me. Made me feel less of a man, like my body had let me down.”

  “It had.”

  “Yep, big time. Facing my mortality was like a boulder crashing towards me, one that I couldn’t get out the way of, you know, like in Indiana Jones when he’s running out of the cave with that huge rock rolling after him.” He huffed. “I was knocking on death’s door, there was no doubt about it, and all in the space of a year or so. Bad luck had never been so bad as far as I was concerned.” He lifted my hand again, looked at my naked finger with its thin dent. “So do you feel like you’re not married to him anymore?”