by Lily Harlem
“Shall I pass your tea?” he asked, seemingly satisfied that he’d kissed the neglected square inch of my flesh sufficiently.
The curtains shifted, creating a slash of daylight across the room. His face came into bright sunlight, and he squinted and slanted his head, shifting the shadows angled on his face.
The face I now wanted to start and end my days with. And if I didn’t? Goodness only knew what would be left of me.
Chapter Fourteen
“We’ll be late,” I said, glancing at the clock. “We only have fifteen minutes until it starts.”
“It’ll be fine,” Ruben said, looking in the mirror and doing up his tie. “It’s not like we have to go anywhere, they’re getting married here, in this hotel.”
“I suppose.” I slipped my feet into high silver sandals and then straightened my dress. “Can you do me up?”
I turned, and he reached for the zipper and tugged. As he did so, the pale lilac dress hugged me, the silky lining pressing against my flesh.
“You look very pretty,” he said when I studied myself in the mirror.
“Do you think?”
“Yes, perfect.” He touched his lips to my hair and then he, too, glanced at the clock. “Shame we really, really have to go.”
I smiled and ran my hands over my hips. I’d put on some weight, I was sure of it. I filled the dress out much better than when I’d worn it several months ago to a christening. Not loads of weight, but there wasn’t a gap between the neckline and my breasts now, and my hips had a hint of curve to them that had been lacking for so long. I touched my hair, carefully pinned in a twist on the crown of my head and then, happy with my finished look, I grabbed my clutch. “Let’s go.”
Ruben snapped down the hem of his suit jacket, straightened the cuffs and scooped up the room key. He hesitated.
“What’s up?” I asked.
He frowned, looked down at himself. “Will I do?”
“You look very smart. That new suit fits you lovely.”
He fiddled with his red paisley tie again. It had been perfectly straight but he’d knocked it to the left.
I went up to him, re-aligned it. “You look smart and gorgeous, and I can’t wait to show you off.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” I touched my lips to his.
He pulled in a breath. “We’d best get going then.”
“Yes, we don’t want to be the last in.”
I slotted my hand through Ruben’s forearm as we walked across the hotel foyer toward the orangery where Felicity and Neil’s ceremony was to be held.
“This is a seriously nice place,” Ruben said, letting out a low whistle.
“Mmm, very posh. Must have cost a fortune to hire.”
Grand marble pillars supported an ornate ceiling, gigantic bunches of flowers were set on the long reception desk, and staff in neat navy suits and peaked caps were discreetly going about their business.
A white sign on a stand directed wedding guests to the orangery. As we approached the glass-paned doors, the tinkle of gentle music grew louder.
I steeled myself, not because I was nervous of seeing my friends or that I wasn’t beyond proud to have Ruben at my side, but just because he wasn’t Matt. All social events, up to this point in my life, I’d always been with Matt, or alone these last two years, but now that had changed.
My friends were happy for me, I knew that. This was good change, but still, happiness lined with sadness was a complex maze to navigate. I would do the best I could and hope that I didn’t bang up against too many dead ends.
We went into the beautiful, sunny orangery. Lemon-colored flowers had been arranged on huge pedestals in each corner and at the front of the aisle. The white seats had big yellow bows on the backs of them. Most seats were filled, and people were chatting quietly amongst themselves. Neil and his best man were talking to the registrar. Due to heavy motorway traffic, we’d arrived with only a few minutes to spare before the bride made her entrance.
I spotted Melanie, halfway down. She turned, as if sensing me there, and gestured.
“Melanie has saved us seats,” I said to Ruben. “Look.” I stepped ahead of him, felt his hand on the small of my back.
Melanie stood and kissed my cheek. “You look fabulous,” she said.
“Thanks,” I turned. “This is Ruben Strong.”
Ruben held out his hand, but Melanie ignored it and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Hello, Ruben,” she said. “I’ve heard all about you.”
“All good I hope.”
“Oh, yes, all very good indeed.” She smiled and gestured to her boyfriend of several years. “This is Andy.”
Andy shook Ruben’s hand, too, and I gave him a kiss. He was quiet and easy going. I’d always presumed he just liked Melanie’s efficiency and was happy to go along with whatever she organized.
We took our seats, and I waved hello at several other friends, all of whom were casting sneaky glances at Ruben. And why not, he looked incredibly handsome. If I’d seen him across a room, I, too, would have a second, third and fourth look.
He was winding his thumbs around each other, so I took his hand, squeezed gently. “Felicity has been dreaming of this day for years,” I said. “It took Neil a while to get around to popping the question, but once he did that was it, she was a force to be reckoned with when it came to planning this day.”
“It has a nice feel to it.” He nodded at the huge expanse of glass that domed out into the manicured gardens of the hotel. “It’s light and airy. The outside coming in.”
“Yes, and—”
I stopped talking as the bridal march rang around the room. The congregation stood, and I turned and strained my neck to see Felicity walking down the aisle with her father.
Wearing a figure-hugging gown and a veil—thankfully minus the condoms—that trailed on the floor behind her, she looked stunning. She held a bouquet of citrus blooms, and a diamond necklace sat in the dip of her neck and sparkled in the streaming sunshine.
A tingle ran over my spine and diffused across my shoulders. My own memory of walking down the aisle and seeing Matt turn and smile hovered in my mind’s eye.
I’d been so happy, flying high. It had been a wonderful moment in my life, one I would cherish forever.
Ruben’s shoulder rubbed mine as he picked up the order of service and passed me a copy. I looked up at him and saw that he was studying me with concern on his face.
He knew me so well. He was wondering if I was okay with this whole wedding thing.
I smiled, nodded, and the crease between his eyebrows softened. Because I was all right, I had my balance, and this particular part of the maze had shown me the way.
And the way was the present, enjoying this as Felicity and Neil’s special moment, here now, and me with Ruben at my side in this beautiful place surrounded by friends.
The past was allowed to ripple up my back, touch my shoulder or stroke my cheek, that was fine, but what I wanted most was to hold hands with the future. It was the only way forward.
The ceremony went without a hitch. After a ton of photographs on the lawn and the release of two white doves that promptly flew up into the nearest tree and started mating, we were all herded into a lavishly decorated reception room.
Ruben and I were seated with Melanie and Andy, along with a couple of other girls I knew through Felicity.
The conversation flowed, only pausing for the formal speeches and the cutting of the cake. Ruben held his own when teased by Melanie for his sideburns, that suited him very well, and I caught up with Lauren about her baby girl whose christening I’d attended.
It seemed hardly no time had passed when the plates were cleared away and the disco music started.
“Please all circle the floor for the first dance,” the DJ called through his microphone.
Ruben took my hand, and we wandered to the outer rim of the large rectangular dance floor. Red, yellow, and blue spotlights spun around us as the first bars of
an old, haunting U2 song, With or Without You, strummed out.
The crowd around us increased as Felicity and Neil embraced and began to sway to the music, eyes only for each other. Ruben slipped behind me to make room for someone smaller than him to see.
The bass guitar rumbled through my chest, its rhythm as familiar as a heartbeat. This had been Matt’s favorite song out of all the U2 ones he’d adored. I remembered sitting on his shoulders when it had played at the first concert he’d taken me to.
“Who sings this?” Ruben asked, winding his arms around my waist and pulling my back into his chest.
I tilted my chin and twisted to reply. “U2. It’s really old, though.”
“It’s good. I don’t know much of their stuff, I’m more of a Coldplay and Oasis kind of guy, but this…”
“You should get into them, I’ve got all of their music.”
“Can I borrow it?”
“Sure.”
He touched his lips to my temple, and as I listened to the song I melted into him, his support welcome. I was glad of the darkness, though. The words, living with or without someone, had created a ripple effect on my tightrope. It was like someone had given it a twang and it took all my efforts to stay steady.
I watched Felicity turn her head and smile at something Neil was whispering in her ear. A new memory for them, a perfect moment. I made it one of mine, too, and solidified my emotional stability.
The song came to an end, and I found myself tugged farther onto the dance floor. “Time for our first dance,” Ruben said, gathering me close.
I slipped my hands over his shoulders and linked my fingers at his nape. “And a perfect song for us,” I said, smiling as The Police started up with Every Breath You Take.
“Mmm.” He touched his lips to mine and planted several delicate kisses that made me fall into him all the more. Ruben’s taste, the way he made me feel, his arms around me, was like an addiction. Luckily it seemed he felt the same way about me and we were happy to feed each other what we needed.
He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear, spun me one-eighty, and I smiled up at him.
“You’re doing so well, today,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“A wedding, it must be hard not to think of your own.”
“Yes, it is. But I have you here, and the difference that’s made is incredible. I feel like Katie around my friends again. I’m not sad and lonely and trying to cover it up with fake smiles. They can see that I’m happy and they don’t need to feel guilty for their own happiness. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it’s like a domino effect when people feel sorry for you. The brighter you try and be, the more sympathy they project which in turn makes you feel worse inside.”
I loved it that he understood me so well. It made everything so much simpler. “That’s right.” I slid my hands down from his shoulders, settled them on his chest. He took my left one in his.
“Do you think you ever would again?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Get married.”
“I’ve never thought about it.” I’d thought about a future with Ruben, but marriage? “Why? Are you asking?” I smiled.
“Let’s just say I’m dipping my toe into the marriage pond to see what the temperature is.”
I laughed. “That’s a really silly analogy.”
He grinned. “But it made you laugh and that’s what thrills me the most.” He pressed our joined hands into his chest, over his heart. “But seriously, Katie. A minute without you is a wasted minute, and I for one know time should never be wasted.”
“I feel the same,” I said, looking into his eyes that were reflecting the fragments of bright lights bouncing around us.
“So we should do something about that.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“Move in with me. My flat is big enough for the two of us. And I want to wake up with you every morning, go to sleep with you in my arms every night. It just makes so much sense to be together.”
I’d been moving gently to the music but stopped. “Really? Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. I’m in love with you, Katie, and I can’t bear to be apart from you. You’ve completely stolen my heart.”
“And you mine,” I said, curling my hand around the back of his head and pulling him closer. “I’m so in love with you,” I breathed onto his mouth. “And yes, I want you to be the first person I see each morning and the one I kiss goodnight.”
“So that’s a yes?” He gave a tentative smile.
“Oh, yes, a big fat yes with icing and cherries on the top.”
We kissed, in front of all of my friends, people who’d seen me with another man on my wedding day, seen me become a shell of myself after his death and now rise from the flames like a phoenix. I was so happy I wanted to burst with joy.
But I’d settle for getting naked and sweaty.
Chapter Fifteen
We fell into our hotel room. Ruben kicked the door shut and dropped the key to the floor. Next thing I knew I was up against the wall, my wrists held above me in just one of his hands. He was staring down at me, his nostrils flaring as he breathed fast.
“Tell me this is it,” he said, palming my left breast through my dress with his free hand.
“Yes, this is it,” I panted.
“You and me?”
“Yes, you and me.”
He smiled, not in his usual sweet way but in a downright predatory way. “And what do you want?”
Excitement and anticipation swirled in my belly. Between my legs I was buzzing for attention. “You, Ruben, fuck me. I want you to fuck me.”
He gritted his teeth, but only briefly because then he caught my mouth in a wild kiss.
I pushed against him as he drove me harder into the wall with his body. There was nothing weak about him. He had me held tight with his chest, belly and legs all taut with muscle and his lust as powerful as any force I’d ever known.
I matched him kiss for kiss, looped my right leg around one of his. Tried to move my arms but couldn’t.
“Like this,” he said, suddenly releasing me and spinning me to face the long mirror next to us. “Bend over. Put your arms out.”
I stooped and pressed my palms onto the cool surface. He yanked my short dress up to my waist and tugged my knickers off. Cool air washed over my bum and legs.
His movements were swift, precise, and within seconds his cock was nudging at my pussy from behind.
Spreading my legs to make his entry easier, I watched in the mirror as he concentrated on his task, his hair flopping forward and his tie hanging loose, tapping against the small of my back.
But he didn’t penetrate me with his cock. Instead, he plunged two fingers into my pussy.
I shunted forward and gasped, the filling as sweet as it was intense.
“So wet for me,” he said, withdrawing and pushing back in, just teasing my G-spot the way he was so damn expert at. “You’re perfect for me.”
I forced myself to continue watching his reflection. He was tall and wide looming behind me, and still wearing his suit it seemed extra sexy, extra forbidden that we’d sneaked away from the celebrations to satisfy our sudden carnal urges.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” he said, fingering me, “or your sexy pussy.”
“Mmm…oh yes…but…” I needed more stimulation so let go of the mirror and searched out my clit.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he said, pushing me away, “that’s my job.” He took over with his free hand, working and rubbing, building me up.
I locked my knees and whimpered a complaint when he removed his fingers but then braced as he pushed his cock into me that first inch.
He gripped my left hip, kept working my clit. “I’m in Heaven when I’m in you,” he said, sinking balls deep and a long low grunt of pleasure erupting from him.
“Me too,” I gasped. “When you’re in me.”
Palms still on t
he mirror, I took him all, so deep he nudged right up to my cervix. I adored this position, I’d forgotten how much, and being able to see the bliss on his face as he withdrew and plunged back in was sublime.
He held me tight. I was a little unstable, my concentration wavering from my legs to my pussy. An orgasm was blooming. His fingers were wicked, unrelenting, feeding a pressure in my clit that was demanding more, more, more.
“Ruben,” I gasped. “Oh, God.”
I don’t know how I managed to stay on my feet as the coiling wave of bliss unraveled through me. Ruben had me pretty well held at my hips and the mirror supported me a little, but still, I felt like I was crumbling, floating. I bucked for more, jerked away. It was so much and the intensity stole my breath.
My climax crested and rolled, and I opened my eyes again, concentrated on Ruben’s reflection.
“Ah, yeah, squeeze me like that,” he said, releasing my clit and clutching both my hips. “It’s gonna make me come…ah…ah…” He tipped his face to the ceiling, closed his eyes and buried himself to the root. “Fuck, yeah…” He sucked in a deep breath. His tie settled for a second, and his chest expanded beneath his clothes.
His orgasm looked and sounded beautiful, and I knew I’d never get enough of seeing and hearing it. We were meant to be, Ruben and I. We were in perfect synchrony to weave love and time together.
He withdrew, slowly, then pushed back into me, a tremor traveling over his body and into mine.
There’d probably be bruises on my hips tomorrow, but like the scratch marks I’d left on his back, I’d wear them with pride.
“I just want to stay like this all night,” he said, releasing my hip and pushing his hair from his eyes.
“Nice thought… Mmm…” I moaned as he pulled out and pushed in again, my tender, swollen flesh hugging his cock.
He smoothed his hands over my bare buttocks. “You have such a sexy arse. Why haven’t we done it like this before?”
