Backward Blessings

by Rachel A Andersen

  His gaze fell on the coffee cup with the Home Again Cafe logo on it. A pang of emotion squeezed at his heart. It would have been nice to enjoy the carnival a little longer before it all blew up in his face. Revisiting the memories of going to the state fair as a kid would have given him a reason to be thankful next Thursday. The new memories would be just a bonus.

  He reached for his phone. Teresa and Logan wouldn’t be back for a while yet. He would have time to sneak out even if he took a minute to bury his feelings in one of those puzzle games his sister had gotten him hooked on. It would make the move a little more bearable.

  He lay back on the bed and propped his legs on the suitcase. Even as he played, he had to admit it would be a shame to leave the bed and breakfast. The bed was comfy, and the decorations made it feel like home.

  Nothing had felt that way since—

  He swallowed. No sense in thinking about that right now. He was depressed enough.

  Something rustled outside his door. He’d lost track of how many levels he’d played, but he’d been stationary long enough to be startled by the sound.

  “Teresa?”

  That was ridiculous. Logan had twenty dollars’ worth of tickets to use at the carnival. Teresa wouldn’t make him come back just so she could apologize to a stranger. He hadn’t tuned out that long.

  It had to be another guest. That was the only other explanation.

  So, why’d his heart leap into his throat?

  He put the phone on the bed and walked to the door. Did he want Teresa to be on the other side of that door? Was he afraid she’d come to make sure he was leaving?

  He opened the door as a creak on the staircase echoed in his ear.

  There was no one here. As he’d suspected, a guest had walked past his door. It hadn’t been—

  He tilted his head to one side as his eyes fell on a brown pastry sack against the baseboard. Was that what he thought it was?

  As he lifted the bag for closer inspection, he caught block letters scrawled in dark permanent ink on one side.

  I’m sorry. Don’t go.

  He peered over the edge of the bag. There was the pumpkin chocolate chip cookie Logan had purchased for him from Miss Katie. In the turmoil, he’d forgotten all about it.

  He studied the message on the bag again. Had Teresa scribbled the words and sent her son back to the house to deliver the cookie? That didn’t seem right. The footsteps had been too heavy for a boy.

  The bag had been dropped off without a knock. Logan would have wanted an explanation for his abrupt departure, and unless Jake was mistaken about the boy’s character, he would have thanked him for the carnival tickets.

  It was Teresa. It had to be.

  He tugged the door closed behind him as he flew down the stairs. “Teresa.”

  A figure just outside the door flinched. She took her time turning back to look at him. “I thought I’d be back at the carnival before you got that.”

  She muttered the phrase under her breath, but the acoustics of the open concept living space worked against her.

  He dropped the bag to his side. “I’m surprised I got it at all.”

  Teresa’s shoulders slumped. “Do you really think Logan would have let you leave without your cookie?”

  Any enthusiasm Jake felt leeched out of him. So, that was it. She’d returned out of obligation to her son. She was no more interested in seeing him again than he was in staying in Blessings for Thanksgiving. “As you pointed out, I don’t know the kid. We only met today. Where is he anyway? He can’t have spent all those tickets already.”

  She nudged the door closed with her hip. Then, she walked past him to the coffee bar which was tucked in the alcove under the stairs. She locked one of the disposable beverage containers into the single-serve coffee maker, placed a white mug under the spout, and started the machine. She didn’t speak until the machine had dispensed the steaming, dark liquid.

  “You weren’t entirely incorrect about Logan.”

  Jake unraveled the meaning of the sentence in his mind. “You mean, I was right?”

  She inclined her head enough to confirm. “About some things.”

  He squelched down the temptation to lord her miscalculation over her. If he read her right, admitting this mistake was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. He wasn’t about to put her on the defensive again. “I’m listening.”

  She removed the spoon from her mug and set it on the marble counter. “I don’t deny that my son’s had some trouble adjusting to living without his dad, but so have I. It’s possible that I keep him close so that I don’t have to face the prospect of moving on.”

  “Like man-repellent?”

  She scowled.

  He raised his hands in defense. “No judgment. Only curiosity. Does it work?”

  A muscle in her cheek twitched before she broke into a laugh. It was the first time he’d seen her eyes light up with something other than pride for her son. That joyful abandon resonated deep enough in his soul that he knew he’d remember this moment for years to come.

  She flicked a tear from the corner of her eye as she released the last few chuckles between them. “Maybe I shouldn’t laugh, but I had this image of an aerosol can with a picture of my son and the words man-repellent on the side. When you asked me if it worked, it felt just a little too much like I was in the grocery store.”

  Jake snickered. “I can just imagine some of the flight attendants I work with. They’d be the women who walk up to you and sound desperate when they ask if it works. My friend, Nadine, says that the next man who asks her how to join the mile-high club is going to get thrown out a window.”

  Teresa went into another fit of giggles.

  Though Jake smiled at her amusement, he noticed how she turned her laughter away from him and hid her smile behind her hands. His sister had coped in a similar way when they were in high school. She’d muted her emotions because of unwelcome commentary from the popular kids. Instinct suggested Teresa had been similarly tortured. Melissa had recovered with the help of her friends and family. Jake hoped that in a year or two, Teresa wouldn’t feel she had to hide the things which brought her a small measure of joy and pleasure.

  When the laughter died, she picked up her coffee cup. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh.”

  He winked at her. “When Nadine told me that story, she pantomimed taking a man by the collar and by the waist and chucking him up into the sky. It’s a great play on words in my opinion.”

  Teresa twirled the spoon around her cup again. If Jake didn’t know any better, she was trying to pretend she was more at ease than she felt. “She sounds like a hoot.”

  “She is. It makes the trip go better when everyone on the flight has a sense of humor. It’s easier to manage any crisis or difficult customer that way.”

  “If your sister’s so worried about your personal life, maybe you should go home and ask Nadine out.”

  Teresa avoided looking him in the eye. Was she hoping he’d admit to having an interest in Nadine or was she hoping he’d deny it?

  He pulled a bottle of water out of the beverage cooler under the coffee counter. “I imagine Nadine’s husband would have something to say about that—and I’m not sure I’m ready to become a grandfather just yet.”

  Confusion wrinkled the space between Teresa’s eyebrows. Dang, she was cute when her face scrunched up like that. “Grandfather?”

  Jake swallowed down a mouthful of water. “Nadine’s about three years away from retiring.”

  Maybe it was his imagination, but Teresa’s shoulders seemed to relax as she bounced once in her seat.

  Sometimes, it paid to have military-grade body language assessment training. It made it easy to spot a good tell. She was glad he wasn’t interested in Nadine. She was starting to like him.

  Jake bit back a smug smile. Even the hint that he suspected she was coming around to him would be enough to end this flirtation. He looked around the room to give him a minute of cover. “Where’d
you say Logan was again?”

  “Oh, he ran into a friend from school. His mom said she’d drop him off at the bed and breakfast when they’d used up the tickets.”

  Jake rocked back, impressed. “Really?”

  She reached into the fridge and pulled out a handful of vegetables, a carton of eggs, and a couple of ham steaks which she placed on the kitchen island. “What was that you said about an overprotective mom?”

  He bent at the waist with an exaggerated flourish. “My apologies, dear madam. It seems I underestimated you.”

  She twirled with her nose in the air as if she was royalty showing off her latest ball gown. “It is the curse of being this stunning. Everyone underestimates the beautiful.”

  He caught her by the waist before her spins could knock either of them off-balance. Her bright floral scent which followed on the breeze of her movement teased him into wishing he could sniff out where it was coming from, whether it was a perfume she’d applied in strategic locations or whether every inch of her skin was soaked in this ambrosia. Her hazel eyes sparkled gold in the glow of the kitchen lights and radiated the golden highlights in the waves which had fallen against her shoulders.

  What had he been thinking earlier when he thought she was pretty but hiding it? Weren’t the best treasures sometimes hidden in plain sight?

  She bit her pink lip, revealing the tip of a white tooth which held the skin of her lip taut over the natural pout.

  Exhilaration raced along his nervous system as he imagined running his tongue and teeth over those perfect lips, tugging at his gut the way a roller coaster barreling earthward did.

  In the back of his mind, he wondered if this was her version of hiding her desire like when she covered her laughs with her hand. One day, he’d have to ask, must tell her that it wasn’t working. It only made her more kissable.

  “Can I?” They were the only words that came to mind, the only way he could make sure he wasn’t misunderstanding what was happening here.

  Her fingers snaked up into the hair at the base of his neck and tugged at him to meet her halfway.

  His grip tightened on the small of her back, and he pulled her closer to him. Her waist felt smaller than it appeared in her tunic, but what did that matter now? All he knew was that he was holding perfection in his hands.

  He was close enough now to feel Teresa’s breath on his skin. It was hard to imagine that thirty minutes ago, he’d been about to leave the bed and breakfast for good.

  The front door slammed open. “Mom, look what I won!”

  No, no, no, no, no...

  Every muscle in Teresa’s back stiffened under his fingers. “Logan.”

  If they were any closer, the word would have been whispered against his lips, tickling the sensitive nerves under his skin.

  He released a breath as he dropped his hands to his sides. “Logan.”

  Like a highway patrolman, she intercepted Logan in the dining room with praise for his stuffed giraffe.

  He turned toward the sink and sucked in a breath. His thoughts ran at lightning speeds to try and process what had just happened. Less than two hours ago, she’d yelled at him that he was like her ex-husband, that he was going to leave and never think twice about them. Now, he was coping with the loss he felt when he had to let her go, had to renege on the promise of a kiss.

  A tug of war initiated in his brain. Part of him savored the heat of the kiss he’d almost shared with Teresa a moment ago. Another part of him reminded him that this was the reason for his holiday tradition of bikinis and beaches. No strings. No commitment. No disappointment.

  He turned around in time to catch Teresa shoo her son up the stairs. Their eyes met, and she shrugged as if to apologize for the interruption. He brushed a hand in the air to try and communicate that he understood. She had no reason to apologize.

  Relief erased the lines on her face as she turned her attention back to her chattering son.

  Jake leaned against the counter, his limbs heavy with disappointment. He should have just left the bed and breakfast while he still stood a chance of leaving Blessings with his heart intact.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Teresa

  “Mom, did you convince Mr. Jake to stay another night?”

  Teresa’s skin tingled at the memory of how Jake had held her in the kitchen. If Logan had stayed out just a minute longer, Jake would have kissed her—and she would have let him.

  “Mommy?”

  She snapped her attention back to her son. “Yes, baby?”

  “Is Mr. Jake going to stay another night?”

  Heat crept up her neck and radiated to her face. “I—I think he might give it another go, yes.”

  “Because you apologized?”

  She shoved the thoughts of how she could better apologize to the man out of her thoughts. The last thing she could afford to think about right now was how to get Jake to take a second chance at that kiss.

  She pushed the hair back from Logan’s face as she leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I think it’s the cookie that sealed the deal, kiddo.”

  He grinned and stuck his tongue through the hole left by the tooth he’d lost two days ago. His first baby tooth. What she wouldn’t give to make time stand still a little longer. “Do you like Mr. Jake?”

  Teresa’s heart stopped. What had he seen? She’d been so sure she’d caught up with him before he could catch sight of Jake’s hands on her waist and his tantalizing her with their nearness.

  Just the thought of that interrupted moment made her knees weaken. It had been a long time since someone had stirred such strong magnetism in her. The attraction which had brought her together with Colin had been strong but different. Nothing like this.

  She tucked the Meadowlark quilt in around her son. “What makes you ask that?”

  His shoulders nearly touched his earlobes as he shrugged. “Dunno. I think he’s nice. If it wasn’t for the tickets he got me, I wouldn’t have my giraffe.”

  A smile graced her lips as he snuggled the stuffed animal. Someday, he’ll think that sleeping in the same bed as his mother is as embarrassing as burying his face in a stuffed animal’s fur.

  She thanked her lucky stars that today was not that day.

  “Mom?”

  “Hm?”

  “Can we go to the parade tomorrow?”

  She nodded. “Of course.”

  “And can we get cotton candy? We forgot the cotton candy, Mommy.”

  She chuckled as she turned on a lamp. “We did, didn’t we? Yes, we can get some cotton candy and some kettle corn too.”

  “Can we invite Mr. Jake?”

  She stiffened. No matter how nice he was, Jake was leaving in a week. Neither she nor Logan would benefit if she let the boy spend every waking minute with his new friend. “You can always invite him, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up that he’s going to come. He might have other plans.”

  The boy bobbed his head as if he understood the serious responsibilities which came with adulthood. “I won’t pester, Mommy. You’ll see.”

  She planted a second kiss on his forehead, this time taking time to squeeze in a hug. “I love you, sweetheart. Sleep well.”

  The boy yawned as wide as an African lion, then he rolled onto his side. “Good night, Mommy.”

  She walked to the door, pausing only to turn out the light before she pulled the door shut.

  “Mommy?”

  She ducked her head back into the room. “Yes, sweetheart?”

  “I’m glad we went to the carnival with Jake. It wouldn’t have been as much fun with Daddy.”

  The truth of that made Teresa’s heart bleed with sympathy. Her son’s voice was devoid of emotion, matter of fact in the way he spoke of his father. Even with Jake leaving the carnival and not saying goodbye to the boy, Logan had more fun with a stranger than he’d have had in the same circumstances with his own father.

  Hidden underneath the clinical statement was a current of sadness as if the boy recognized for the firs
t time that there was more to a father-son relationship than fifty-dollar toy store gift cards, broken promises, and harsh criticism.

  She blew him a kiss. “I’m glad you had fun tonight. We’ll have some more fun tomorrow at the parade. Sweet dreams.”

  “Mommy, do you think maybe this is a backward blessing?”

  She hesitated at the door. “A backward blessing?”

  He peered at her from atop one of the down pillows. “Yeah, Mommy. Like when bad things happen but they lead to good things. If Grandma Lilian hadn’t gotten sick when Daddy left, we wouldn’t have met Mr. Jake. I like him, Mommy. He’s the nicest guest we have here.”

  Only a child...

  “That’s a beautiful thought, baby. I suppose you’re right. We’ve had a lot of beautiful blessings lately.”

  Her eyes stung as she walked down the stairs, the odor of onions permeating the living space. Her ear twitched as it caught the first sounds of angry, rhythmic thumps followed from time to time by a scrape and a pause.

  What on earth—?

  She turned the corner toward the kitchen only to find Jake at the kitchen island. In front of him rested piles of diced vegetables, each segregated from the others by color. It was a sight she’d never seen in all the years she’d been married to Colin. “You chop vegetables. I’m impressed.”

  Jake didn’t look up, just kept at his work as if his life depended on it.

  She grimaced. Had it been her imagination when he’d shrugged off her nonverbal apology? She had to get Logan in bed if she wanted to pick up where she’d left off with Jake. She thought he’d understood that. “Sorry about the interruption. It was rotten timing.”

  “It’s fine.”

  He clipped his words as if he was the furthest thing from fine. She wondered if that was what she sounded like when she lied and said she was fine. Nothing about that sentence sounded like it was true.

  She stopped about a foot short of where he stood, her heart thumping against her sternum. It would have been great if he could just sweep her up in his arms and lower his lips to hers without saying a word, but that was a fairy tale. The chopping sounds against the wooden cutting board told her this was reality.