Unmending the Veil

by Lisa Heaton

  My move to the main house – no big news. I was staying in a cabin, but once colder weather arrived, I knew I could not survive by hauling in tons of wood. I’m not exactly the lumberjack type. I still lean toward the girly side.

  Hmm, some new guy? We will pray for her anyway. No, don’t press her. You know that would push her away even more. Give it time, as I would have to believe that seeing the change in you has to make her think twice about God and such things. I saw the difference. I am sure she does, too. How could she not? Keep being who you are, and someday, through God’s grace and mercy, she will come around. Just love her. Lost people act lost. While I know how frustrated you get about the choices she makes, the simple truth is, she is just looking for Jesus. She doesn’t know it, but that’s the “thing” she keeps searching for. Men will never fill that void, but Jesus will. Let’s just pray and pray. That’s not the only thing we can do; it’s the most powerful thing we can do. “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” You are a righteous man. Pray!

  I am still cold natured, but have become a bit more hardy. I don’t know if I will ever get used to January and February weather here. It is beyond cold, it is frigid.

  The vet is on schedule for T’giving. I can hardly wait to see Emma that day. Already, she is flittering around like a school girl. He is a widower with four grown children and ten grandchildren. I know I am putting the cart before the horse when I say this, but I would sure like to see her fall for him. She has never had a family of her own, and she is so amazing with children. It doesn’t have to be too late for that. She would have a ready-made family, grandchildren and all.

  The fall festival sounded really fun. I miss those. I was at every one from the time I was a little girl until we moved to California. Face painting next year, really?

  What you said about if the time comes that we should stop writing – I would let you know. I would never just leave you hanging. I ask that you do the same. I realize there will come a time when someone special may enter your life, and when that happens, I would think she would feel uncomfortable with this. So we will keep that in mind.

  So now, my hand is fully cramping. I will close. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don’t eat so much; you’ll be sick. Ha ha.

  With His love,

  Robin

  Mike sighed heavily. Reading the letter the first time, his heart soared with every line, with every word even, until he got to the end. A time will come… Though she did not say as much on her side, when she assumed he would find someone special, she was likely preparing him for when she did. He could read between the lines and see she was setting the stage for when they had to stop writing. As much as it tore at his heart, had that not been his prayer for her? He never entered the church without going to the altar and pleading for her happiness. She was a tremendous wife to him, and someday, she should have that opportunity to be a wife again, and hopefully a mother. For as long as he could have her in his life this way, he would count it pure joy.

  Taking her letter, he went into the kitchen and pulled some paper from the drawer. Paragraph by paragraph, he responded to all she said.

  Dear Counselor,

  I did come up with a long letter before, how rare for me. So did you. I asked you to share details of your life, and you did that. Thank you. And thank you for being my friend still.

  Yes, I am being fed, just not as well. I eat out too much, and I know that is not good for me. I am working out a lot and stay hungry 24/7. The new pastor at church, his name is Tim, has been working out with me. We meet after work every night and even hit the gym some Saturdays. I am pushing him, and in doing that, end up pushing myself, too. It relieves stress and clears my head after a long day. All that to say: that is the reason I am the size I am. I have grown out of most of my clothes and had to…gulp, go shopping. It was dreadful, so traumatic; in fact, I can hardly talk about it.

  I have tried to cook a few times, and it turned out okay. Honestly though, I just don’t like it much, plus I end up with too much food for just me, which means I eat too much. I try to use it for leftovers, but when I know it is in the fridge, I will eat on it all night. It calls my name. So, I gave up.

  A designer? Where did I get the basket weaving part? I don’t know. It was the second least interesting is what I remember most.

  This counselor thing, wow, I am amazed at you. And why haven’t you told me about school before now? Are you actually going, or are you doing it online? And what does it matter how old you are when you finish, as long as you finish? Rob – I am really so proud of you. After reading your letter, I realize how much I held you back. I am incredibly sorry about that. Now, you seem to be able to fly.

  In truth, I have always wondered about the guy I saw there. He must have been Chris. I am sorry you lost such a good friend, and I am thankful for how much he helped you. His words are wise.

  I installed the zipper. I have been thinking about this unmending the veil thing since reading your letter. In prison (and I am sorry if this is too uncomfortable a subject for you) I really sought hard after God. Maybe it was my military background, but I had no trouble calling Him Lord. I got that, and a heart of obedience came easily. But there was this one area where I simply could never connect, or maybe a better word is relate to Him. I could hardly see Him as my Father. I brought too much baggage, I guess.

  Did it ever cross your mind that I was in the same prison as my dad? I never saw him, but I thought about him often. I slowly began to pray for him, and eventually, I learned to forgive him for how he treated my mom and us. Now I can say with hindsight and the use of your terminology, the veil was unmended. You can’t imagine the freedom I feel. It began to reshape me. Now, I joyfully call Him Father. I needed one my whole life, and after all these years, He is mine.

  Pursue this dream of counseling. Don’t let it go. I will pray for you.

  I can hardly imagine you as a major coffee drinker. You never used to drink it at all. Hot chocolate – that I can see. Do you still have a sweet tooth? I do. What are the warm places you dream about?

  Tell me more about your women’s study. What are you studying? And do you lead it? I ask for a reason. Tim has asked me to lead a men’s group on Wednesday nights. So far, I have not said yes. I feel way too inadequate. I can’t imagine he would even ask me. I can’t imagine anyone would come. They all know…

  I just got this mental image of you in a red flannel shirt chopping wood. Ha! Funny. You are very girly indeed. But that is not a bad thing.

  Your insight about my mom is right on track. I can see how broken she is now. When I remember how my dad knocked her around, and then just up and left her, I feel a deeper level of compassion for her than I ever did. Occasionally, I remember a little more about her from when I was younger, like really young. There was a time she was tender. It has been a really long time though. You know, like she was with Mikey. There was a time she was like that with Trevor and me. It’s in there somewhere.

  How are things going with the vet? Any love connection as of yet? This is T’giving Day, so by the time you receive this, you can tell me how dinner went. Tell me the menu, too. I will live vicariously through your stomach. I decided not to do the big dinner thing this year.

  No way, I won’t try face painting. You have seen me draw and can agree, I have no art skills. Miss Allen is old. She will forget all about it by next year, even if not, I will still try for something food related, just not apples. I just gagged a bit at the thought of it.

  You said something about there coming a time… If that happens with you, please let me know. It is my greatest prayer that you find happiness. And I understand that, at that point, there will be no place for me in your life. I am more than grateful for this friendship you are offering to me. I certainly don’t deserve it, and I will never take it for granted. So for as long as you are willing, I would like to continue writing.

  Love,

  Mike

  Robin stood on the dock shivering.
It was barely above forty, and she was foolish to be standing out in the gusty wind. Rain was on the way, which would certainly add to the gloominess of the day. The day was not only overcast and dark, it was plain sad. Mike’s letter was tucked safely in her coat pocket, and having read it so many times, she had no need to read it again to recall the sadness of it. Did he realize how poignant it was? His openness and sincerity gave her a new and deeper insight into the new man he had become, and along with that insight, came a longing in her to know him more.

  Taken off guard by his story of his father, she grieved again for him, just as she had all those years ago. They had been together just over two years when his father killed a man during a bar fight and was sentenced to life in prison. Though she never met him, after hearing stories about him, she determined she never wanted to. He was an alcoholic, abuser, and a womanizer. He had been brutal to Mike’s mom and to both boys. Finally, he left when Trevor was ten and Mike was twelve. From that time, Mike was mostly in charge of Trevor. Their mom began an endless pursuit of men, and often would not come home for two or three days at a time. They ended up on government assistance, something he was mortified by, but they did what they could to get by. He went to work at fifteen. His uncle owned a feed store and Mike continued to work there until he left for the Marines.

  His story was sad. The early one and what happened to them. But in between the two stories, he thought he had made it out of the turmoil and chaos, and so did she. He insisted he would never be like his dad. Once he got on at the Sheriff’s Department, he was confident he would make a difference and be a better man. Somehow, no matter how much he tried to overcome it, he became a version of his dad after all. Life took that tragic turn once they buried Michael, for both of them. But by God’s grace, he did not have to remain that way.

  Her thoughts drifted to how he said he feels inadequate. Then he said, “They all know.” She wondered what that must feel like for him. What was it like to live in such a small town where everyone knows something so ugly about you? Sure, she had experienced a small taste of it, but she fled. Mike, though, was able to go back and carve out a new life for himself, in spite of it all. Knowing the human heart and how the enemy tries to make you second guess your every move, especially in matters of service; she was certain his struggle was a great one. So her prayer for him was that God would give him wisdom and courage to do what He called him to do, if that was indeed His call.

  Lastly, and this was the point at which tears stung her eyes. She imagined him alone on Thanksgiving Day. While she, Emma, and Stan laughed and ate until their bellies hurt, he was there alone, in their home. She was sure he watched football; it was what he always did. Even in their teens, she helped her mom in the kitchen while Mike, Trevor, and her dad watched football.

  This was not the first stirring, but it was the most intense and painful of her heart’s longing to go home. No matter what she felt, she never could. After all, they did all know.

  Later that evening, Robin began a note that would take her but a moment.

  Dear Inadequate,

  You are inadequate for the task. When we are weak, He is strong. What does He say? Has He told you to lead this class? If so, what is the verse He used to speak to you?

  Your friend still and always,

  Robin

  Mike read Robin’s brief note and was amazed at the simplicity of it. He had heard and he did know.

  Dear Robin,

  You sound just like a counselor. Yes, I am inadequate, but He isn’t. Thank you for the reminder. He says so. Without doubt, He has told me to feed His sheep. What a humbling thought.

  Pray for me.

  Mike

  The day after he received her note, he received another envelope. He sat in his patrol car, having just eaten lunch, and read it again, planning his responses. Ironically, he found that the more they wrote, the more he missed her. Seems it should be the other way around. Somehow though, as she shared her daily life through her letters, he felt jealous that he was not able to see those things in person, that he was unable to live them with her. He knew the details of her life would always be secondhand. Even so, it was enough.

  As long as he had known her, she was always spiritual. Now though, she was such a godly woman, as if she took all the things she knew in her head before and moved them down into her heart. It was application – she applied her lifetime of church to life and hearts, and because of it, she would make a great counselor or whatever she felt led to do.

  Still though, in her letters, she was as funny, if not maybe more so than she ever was. When he read her words, he knew exactly where to apply sarcasm and teasing. Then when her tone turned to one of tenderness, he could hear her sweet voice saying the words. She turned him into a big pile of mush, and oddly enough, he did not mind one bit.

  Dear Mike,

  I didn’t realize you had a new preacher. What happened to Brother Billy? Tell me more about Tim. I think it is cool that you are working out together. Is he as into it as you are, or are you forcing him?

  Me, I try my best to avoid that kind of exercise. I have a gym allergy. I like to walk and bike and other outdoorsy things. No gym for me thanks. And shopping? What have you done with Mike?

  I should have been a fly on the wall while you were cooking. Yes, you can grill – well established. But I would like to see you make a casserole. Now that I think about it, what do you take to covered-dish dinners? Are you one of those show-up-empty-handed guys, or a store-bought-cookie guy?

  I am taking online courses. I only take two per semester, which is plenty. I just started in January, so I have forever to go.

  Mike – what you said, you never held me back, never. I was content as things were. Yes, now there is something new, but you never stood in the way of it then. It simply wasn’t my desire then. As for flying, I don’t know about that. It still seems like a faraway dream, a place I am not sure I will ever reach. Thank you for sharing your story with me. You have never talked much about your dad, but when you did, I knew how much it hurt you. I am so grateful to God for your healing and forgiveness. You are free!

  I am happy you have found your Father. Because my dad was so great, that wasn’t an area where I struggled as much. Who knows, maybe I did in some ways. Now that I think about it, because I did have such a good dad, I didn’t feel as much of a need for God as Father. It was merely a title. Over the course of this year, though, I found Him to be the Father who took me into His lap and consoled me. We have the same Father.

  It did cross my mind about your dad being there. And I did wonder if the two of you ever saw each other. Have you seen him since you have been out? I suppose that would be hard to do. Your forgiveness may begin to reshape him, too. Thank you for your prayers, and I will continue to pursue this. Honestly, I am unsure if I am supposed to be a formal counselor, or maybe it will be something I use as ministry at church. I am open to His leading. I think of the verse in Isaiah that says, “Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” I am beginning to hear God more and more, and I understand His leading in a way I never used to. So finally, I feel secure in simply following as I feel led. I try not to stress about what is up ahead.

  Coffee? Yes, and too much of it. I don’t know, I tried a cup one day and thought, “Hey, is this what I have been missing all these years?” So now, I am trying to make up for lost time. I do switch to decaf later in the day; but still, I drink it and drink it until my eyes are floating.

  Do I still have a sweet tooth? Absolutely! I try not to bake much because I eat until I am sick. (I know the hypocrisy of it.) When we have guests, we have sweets and pastries for breakfast, and I find it difficult to say no. I try to stick with proteins, as I know that sweets cause me to feel as if I am running on empty by ten.

  The places I dream about are anywhere warm and sandy. Maybe someday, I will come there to the beach. We used to go on vacation when I was a little girl. I
have no idea why we stopped, but I cannot recall going after I was about nine. I’ll have to ask my mom why.

  My women’s study is still going strong. We meet here because we have so much room. But no, I do not lead it. We have recently done a study on Jonah and just began one about contentment. Since I replied already about your study, I simply can’t wait to hear what you decide. Keep me posted. The ones who are supposed to be there will come. You cannot allow those whispers to prevent you from obeying.

  While I do not own a red flannel shirt, I can see how the image in your head would cause you to roar with laughter. Remember when we went four-wheeling and got stuck. If you recall, I refused to use the outdoor restroom, and by the time we got back into town, I was nearly in tears. If I didn’t think you would have made fun of me, I am certain I would have officially cried. I don’t believe I am quite so girly now, but no survivalist either.

  Your mom and Michael, that was sweet. You are right; there was something different about her when she held him. Maybe she could look back and see you, before things got so bad between them. There is something special inside of her, but I doubt she believes that.

  The vet? What a difference a dinner makes. If you can imagine, they were like teenagers together. Emma let down her guard and simply enjoyed the day. Oh, he is more than smitten. I think he would marry her tomorrow if she would agree. Honestly, I have a feeling that things will go well. He is a really nice man, and he makes her laugh. And he compliments her in sweet ways, while she blushes like a school girl. I want this for her so badly.

  Dinner was just okay: Turkey was dry, dressing gooey, potatoes lumpy, and sweet potatoes not-so-sweet. I hope that helps your envy. It wasn’t at all true, but maybe that will help. Why? Why didn’t you go somewhere for a big dinner? I know how the ladies at church operate, so you could have. I am sure of it. It made me terribly sad to think you were all alone for Thanksgiving. Each and every holiday, knowing you are alone, I have grieved for you. Have I said too much?