Unmending the Veil

by Lisa Heaton

  Rob, thanks for your words. Deep down, I knew I was supposed to do it, but I was scared. The whispers…I know exactly what you mean by that, hard to tune out sometimes. You always know what to say, always have. How did you get so wise?

  Yes, I remember the four-wheeling disaster. I thought you were a very good sport about it. If you had cried, I would have never made fun of you. You always amazed me that way. You almost never cried. That was one thing I always wondered about. My mom cried a lot, just never when anyone was around. Were you like that? I know I made you cry with the whole Shelly thing. Seeing you cry that night nearly killed me. But when no one else was around, did you cry more?

  Any more news on Emma and the vet? Does Emma hate my guts? That was an odd lead in, wasn’t it? I have wondered.

  Thanks for the dishonest Thanksgiving recap. Why did I stay home? I couldn’t imagine sitting at a table with someone else’s family. I would feel out of place. So I stayed home. Yes, you said too much. You have to skip telling me things like you were grieving for me, because when I answer you, I feel something – I don’t know, stupid or I would say vulnerable if I were a girl, but I’m not, so I’ll go with weak. Please, never grieve for me. I do have joy and contentment that is surprising and surely from the Lord. Yes, holidays are hard, but I would rather be home alone than somewhere I don’t belong.

  Still not past the apple thing. Even the thought of apple pie makes me nauseous. See, this has become serious!

  Before I loved you, I liked you, too…I think. I don’t know for sure; I loved you so quickly that I can’t swear to it. I think I loved you when I saw your marshmallow burn up. You were looking at me, and there it went, up in flames. That would have been funny to me had I not been so nervous about talking to you. That night, I determined you would be mine, no matter what it took. Did I ever tell you that?

  There will always be a place in my life for you, no matter what life looks like in the time to come, always.

  These letters have reminded me why I like and love you. You are a funny, funny girl, and sometimes, when you are not picking on me, you can be very sweet.

  Please, no typing. It is much more personal this way.

  Always,

  Mike

  Her response was immediate.

  Dear Always Mike,

  Tim sounds great. Glad to know you have a friend like him.

  Okay, I didn’t mean I like outdoorsy as in the go mountain climbing kind of stuff. I imagine that sounds like fun to you. We play volleyball in the summer and go out on the boat. I have decided I like to fish. I don’t want to bait my own hook or take the fish off, but I like the thought of catching them.

  I suppose real men, like you, should only grill and use the microwave. Since I remember you like chili, which is a relatively manly thing to cook, I am including a recipe in with this letter. Just put it all in the crockpot before work and when you come home, you will have dinner waiting.

  I am certain your cookies are gone by now. Maybe I will send you some more soon. And my, how selfless of you to offer to eat my cookies and keep me from over-indulging. You are a real team player.

  This semester, pretend it is underwater basket weaving. Nothing interesting.

  You will have to let me know if you decide to go and see your dad. I am sure he would love to see you.

  Hope for me to become a gym rat? Hardly.

  The beach – with the weather here now, it sounds like a wonderful dream. If I ever do make it there to the beach, a buddy-old-pal dinner would be very nice. Thank you for offering.

  Jeff? Seriously? How is that working out? You two never got along. I never fully understood why. He seemed like a pretty nice guy. And surely you knew I would have never gone out with him.

  I am glad your group went well. I don’t know that I would call me wise, just learning.

  I didn’t cry much and am not sure why, just wasn’t me. This past year, I have cried a lot. I think I needed it. I spent too many years with things bottled up inside me. Now, I feel lighter on my feet. Who knew tears weighed so much?

  Emma and Stan are like two kids in love. It has just been a few weeks, but you would think they have known each other for years. Recently, I asked if maybe they are moving a bit too fast, and she informed me they are on an accelerated calendar. She said, “Honey, at this age, you can’t afford a long courtship.” I take that to mean they are already talking about a future together.

  Does she hate you? No. She was worried at first, but not now. She understands how much this means to me.

  Glad to hear you have joy and contentment. I told you, that is the subject of my current Bible study, so I am working on contentment myself.

  And I fully understand what you mean about feeling out of place if you went to someone else’s house. I am just sorry you were alone. That’s all. I am mailing you an apple pie. Kidding. This does sound serious, though. No, you never told me you made up your mind that night. I wish you would have. That would have been a sweet memory to carry all these years. I will treasure it now, though.

  Notice – I am writing by hand and not typing.

  Always too,

  Robin

  P.S. Decided to make cookies tonight, so I will send with the letter tomorrow. Hope you enjoy. I ate three when they first came out of the oven. I am a very good cook.

  After reading her letter, Mike noticed Robin left out any mention of her parents. He could hardly blame them for hating him. If he had to guess, he would suspect they did not even know about the letters, and he understood why she would keep it from them. In a way, it clarified something for him. The fact that she had not even told them assured him that this was friendship and nothing more. If she were feeling something deeper than that, she would have at least told her mom. More than once, he reminded himself it was enough. Before September, he had no hope of friendship even.

  The day before, Tim cornered him at the gym, trying to get him to open up. He had only briefly mentioned they were writing, and for the most part, Tim never asked questions. Yesterday though, he pursued the subject more than Mike was comfortable with. Tim’s final advice was that maybe this would prevent them both from moving on. Mike wondered if he was indeed preventing Robin from moving on. It was no prevention on his part, as he had no desire for any other woman but her, but the idea that he might somehow keep her from meeting someone who would love and cherish her in a way he would never be able to, made him feel terribly selfish. And wasn’t it his selfishness that was exposed when they first began writing? Had he not overlooked what she wanted and what was best for her when they were together, focusing solely on himself? No longer that same man, he wanted more for her than he wanted for himself. And that would require a level of selflessness he was not so sure he possessed, but after doing all things the wrong way for his entire life, for once, he wanted to put her first.

  The thought that maybe he was preventing her future happiness plagued him. He had prayed all morning about it. Should he leave her alone in the hopes that the right man would come along? While he tried to begin a letter to her, he found his heart was too heavy to even write. Throwing away what he had so far, he called Tim instead. Meeting down at the church, they prayed together at the altar.

  Arriving home, he felt better able to do what needed to be done, still sad, but able.

  Dear Robin,

  I have been thinking about this and praying so hard about it. I am at a loss here, and worried. Are we doing the right thing? This friendship means the world to me. My fear though, is that it will somehow prevent you from moving on. It has been what I have asked God most for you, to find someone who will love you. I don’t want to interfere with that, and if I stay in the picture, it may never happen. For once, I want to do what is best for you.

  I received your letter, and as much as I want to reply, I think maybe I shouldn’t. I will wait until I hear back from you. Think this over. Pray about it. If you think we should stop this now, I will comply with your wishes.

  A thousand ti
mes thank you for the cookies. They are almost as good as choco-chip. You are a gifted cookie-maker indeed.

  Mike

  P.S. I will send you the photo you asked for. And I can understand why you need it. The years I was away, that was one of the most difficult aspects, not being able to go there.

  Robin sat with a blank piece of paper before her, perplexed. Should she? Scribbling out a few words, she quickly sealed it in an envelope and drove it directly to the post office, afraid she would change her mind if she had to wait all morning for the postman. Afterwards, she had some last minute Christmas shopping to do. Emma was leaving to go to upstate New York with Stan to visit his daughter and her family. Robin’s parents canceled after Emma had already made plans. Though Emma insisted on staying home with her, she would not hear of her canceling the trip. This turn of events would leave Robin all alone for Christmas.

  Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life? She wondered. Shaking her fears away, thankfully, she knew it was too late to change her mind. What was done was done.

  Mike found Robin’s letter in the mailbox and knew it was too soon to be a reply to his question. Sliding his finger underneath the seal, he pulled out the small note. He read the words again and again, certain they did not mean what they said.

  Dear Mr. Solo,

  What are your plans for Christmas? Is it too last minute? Call me.

  Solo Too

  He whispered, “Is this real, Lord?” Reading her note again, he laughed out loud. It was real, and she even included her number.

  Sitting at the kitchen table, it took him two tries to get the number right. His hands were trembling from sheer excitement, knowing he was about to hear her voice.

  Robin was sitting in front of the fireplace, curled up under a blanket. When she saw the 919 area code, she inhaled and held her breath for a second, acknowledging how excited she was. Pressing send, she said, “Hello.”

  “Hey, Rob.” His heart was racing with anticipation.

  “Hi. I guess you got my note?” Suddenly, she was thirteen again, sitting there grinning and chewing on her thumbnail.

  “Yeah. And I’m not doing anything for Christmas.”

  “My parents canceled, and Emma is going out of town. I was just wondering if maybe you would like to come here and spend Christmas?”

  He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “I can’t think of anything I would like more.”

  “I was thinking maybe the day before Christmas Eve. Would that work?”

  “Yes. I’ll have to talk to them at work, but I don’t think it will be a problem.” He would personally pay someone to take his shift if he had to.

  “So, okay then. You are coming.” Her stomach was flipping and flopping, and she wondered if he could sense the goofy smile on her face.

  “This will be my first holiday with…” He was about to say family but stopped himself. “This will be the best Christmas I have had in a very long time.”

  “I am looking forward to it.”

  Having agreed he would check flights and get back to her, they ended the call. After hanging up, he grabbed his coat and headed out to shop. The week before, he had bought her a gift, but had no intention of sending it until he heard back from her regarding his last letter. Then it struck him, she would receive the letter and likely be a little confused. Should he call her back and try to explain?

  During their next phone call, Mike gave her his flight information and added, “I, um, sent a letter the same day I received yours. I’m not sure if I should tell you to forget it, or to think about it still.”

  “Why, what did it say?” The tone of his voice made her uneasy.

  “Just read it. I am sorry if it seems silly.”

  Emma was calling her from the top floor. “Hey, I have to run for now, should I call you back to discuss this?”

  “No. It was no big deal. We’ll talk soon.”

  “Okay.” She felt a bit uncertain, but then Emma called again, in a tailspin about another packing crisis. Nervous and excited about meeting Stan’s family, every detail, no matter how small it was in actuality, became a big deal to her.

  Two days later, only four days before Mike was to arrive, Robin received the note he must have been talking about. He asked if they were doing the right thing and said he was worried that their friendship might prevent her from moving on. Those two statements were enough to disturb her, but what he said about wanting her to find someone who would love her – that was what caused her chest to feel terribly heavy.

  Obviously he was thinking of moving on. Maybe there was someone there he was interested in already. Finally it registered with her, saying he wanted her to find someone to love her was his way of saying he did not. He was trying to gently set her straight.

  Feeling foolish for having invited him, she regretted it completely. So why had he agreed to come? Had she not known it was a mistake? The entire relationship was a mistake. Where could it lead after all? Never could she go back to North Carolina, and he did not belong in New Hampshire. With no reason to ponder the subject any longer, she picked up the phone and dialed.

  Sitting at the diner with Tim, Mike reached for his phone. Seeing Robin’s number, he grinned broadly. “Hello.” He had not slept the night before and was running on sheer adrenaline. In front of Tim, he tried to act casual, but he was beside himself with excitement.

  “Hey. Are you at lunch where you can talk for a minute?”

  Standing, he moved for the front door and out onto the street. “I sure am.”

  “You don’t have to come.” Though she expected she would be nervous, she was not. If anything, Robin felt relief that it would soon be finished. She had been irrational to think they could continue on the way they were.

  Leaning against his patrol car, he exhaled and closed his eyes, extremely disappointed. Somehow, he feared it was too good to be true. “I already have my ticket.”

  “Maybe this is not a good idea after all.”

  He was not about to argue with her. If she changed her mind and did not want him to come, he would cancel his flight. But then it occurred to him. “Did you receive my note?”

  “I did.”

  He noticed the coolness of her tone. “And?”

  “And maybe this is a mistake. You don’t have to worry about me holding on, or missing out, or whatever you fear I’m doing.”

  In her voice, he thought he detected a hint of hurt feelings. Having known her as long as he did, he messed up plenty. Of course he knew the you-have-hurt-my-feelings,-but-I-will-pretend-I-don’t-care voice. Smiling sheepishly, he asked, “What do you think I meant by what I said?”

  “I am not exactly sure, maybe that I need to move on because you are. Don’t worry, I can do that. If I would have known you were feeling this way, I never would have invited you. And if you were feeling this way, you never should have said you would come.”

  He grinned at how she read way more into his words than he intended, but that was exactly what he often did when she wrote. “I meant precisely what I said; I just don’t want to prevent your happiness, nothing about me moving on.” He was glaring through the window at Tim. “I am a guy. There is nothing deeper or hidden in my message. I said something simple, and I meant it exactly like I wrote it.”

  She tried to speak, but he interrupted.

  “It was a dumb thought that someone planted in my head. Forget it. I don’t want to stop writing to you. I don’t want to cancel my flight. As a matter of fact, I have my ticket, and I will be getting on that plane. If you are not there to meet me, I will rent a car and drive to the inn. If you are not at the inn when I arrive, I will sit out in the freezing cold until you get there.

  “So now, I am going to hang up the phone before you have a chance to tell me no. I am coming, and I am so excited I can hardly see straight. See you in four days at noon. Bake me some cookies. Bye.” Quickly, he hung up the phone.

  Back inside the diner, he sat across from Tim. “Really, you get paid
to help people?”

  “What?” Tim shrugged innocently.

  Robin sat listening to silence. Finally, she whispered, “Whew.” He would be there in four days, and her heart began to pound with the anticipation of seeing him. Of course she would be at the airport to meet him. His being there would be the greatest gift she had ever received for Christmas.

  16

  As they had not spoken since the day he assured Robin he was coming, Mike walked through the terminal of the Concord airport, uncertain of what to expect. While he had no way of knowing if she would be there, truthfully, it did not matter. If not, he would go to her and straighten things out. That stupid note, why had he sent it? Certainly, he learned a great lesson about doubt. Although things were going along so well, doubt crept up in him, which in turn gave her reason to doubt. From his point of view, the note expressed his concern for her. Obviously, his message was unclear, and she had taken it as some sort of means of escape on his part, which was the craziest thing in the world. If she only knew what he was really feeling deep inside, how desperately he loved her still.

  With all of these thoughts rolling around in his head, in an instant, all deliberations faded. In his field of vision, about fifty yards ahead, was the answer to all his wonderings over the past few hours. As if encountering a mirage in the desert, he blinked his eyes, trying to make perfectly sure he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. She was there, smiling at him, no mirage at all. Wearing a long black sweater with jeans tucked into tall black riding boots, she waved at him shyly. Her hair was down, with the ends curled and draped over her right shoulder. Quite literally, the sight of her took his breath away. He felt suddenly winded.

  Moving toward her quickly, nearly knocking people over in his path, he chuckled softly when he saw her move her thumb up to chew on her nail. It was something she did unconsciously when she was nervous, or sometimes excited. Likely, it was a little of both, as he was feeling the same way. As beautiful as she looked, what most captured his attention was the way she smiled at him, assuring him she was happy he came. He stopped just in front of her, wondering if it would be okay to hug her. As if answering his thought, she reached up on her tip toes to slide her arms around his neck. Having longed to feel her in his arms, he stooped down and slid his arms around her waist. Standing, he lifted her off the ground and squeezed her hard. “Aww. You are here.”