Written on Her Heart

by Paige Rion

  “Exactly. And you’re pissed at her about it.”

  “So you’re calling me selfish? This is a huge leap toward my dream. This job is nothing for you. Yet you asked me to give it up. In fact, you both know he’s been my idol since he started writing, yet neither of you even told me about your interviews. I should be the one who’s mad.”

  Carma braced her hands on the table beside her on the bench. “When are you going to wake up and see what’s going on around you? Your problems are nothing in the real world. You live in a bubble—”

  Andi sucked in a breath. “Whoa. I’ve never said my problems were worse than anyone else’s, but why do I have a feeling this isn’t really about me?”

  Carma rolled her eyes. “Do you think I asked you to give up that job just for the hell of it? Do you think I’m like Rachel and just wanted a husband out of it?”

  “No, of course not.” Andi’s head spun, wondering how their conversation had gotten to this point. One minute, Carma was her friend and things were normal, and the next she was a completely different person.

  “I really needed that job.” Carma’s voice hitched and her face crumpled in grief. “Things just come easy for you. They always have and they always will. That’s why this drama, these complications right now, are so hard for you to handle. You’ve never had to deal with this type of thing before. And I’ve never begrudged you for it. As a friend, all these years, I’ve never once cared that everything seemed to come naturally to you, that you won every contest you entered, that luck just seemed to follow you. Until now. The second I saw you in that office, I knew you’d get the job. And the one time I needed something from you, the one time I needed you to be a real friend and give something up, you chose yourself.”

  Andi had no idea what to say. She sat on the bench, floored by the things Carma said. When she opened her mouth, she said the first thing that came to mind. “Maybe if you would’ve explained why you wanted the job, I would’ve understood. All I knew about it was what I’ve known for years. That you despise your stepfather and want nothing more than to get away from him.”

  And that was when it clicked.

  “Something’s going on with him, isn’t it?” Andi asked, searching Carma’s face for the truth. “Something big. Something you’ve never told us.”

  “I couldn’t tell you.” Carma’s chest heaved. She blinked and several tears streamed down her face.

  Andi leaned forward, forgetting her own problems. She put her arm around her best friend, trying to quiet her tears. “Tell me now. Carma, what the hell’s going on? You’ve always been quiet, but you’ve been more distant lately. Then your reaction when I asked you about the bruises, the dark circles under your eyes … and now you’re accusing me of being selfish. Maybe I am, but I don’t think that’s what this is about. Why don’t you just tell me what the real problem is? Tell me and I’ll understand.”

  “I can’t…” Carma sniffed and wiped her eyes.

  “How am I ever supposed to understand if you won’t tell me? You’re putting all this blame on me, yet you won’t even tell me what’s gotten into you, so what am I supposed to do?” Andi threw her hands up. “I’m at a loss, because I am your friend. I do want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t—”

  “He raped me.”

  Andi stilled. Her ears buzzed and she wondered if she heard correctly. “What?”

  “The first time he molested me was the night he married my mother.” Carma hiccupped, choking on a torrent of tears. “On his wedding night, he snuck out of the bedroom of his new bride and molested her nine-year-old daughter.”

  Andi covered her mouth with her hands, unable to fully absorb the enormity of what she was saying, then glanced behind her to see that Carma’s stepfather was gone.

  “Oh my God.”

  “Things got worse and continued for a few years until he got scared.” Carma wiped her nose with her sleeve. She shook as she spoke. “I told my mother the truth. She didn’t believe me. He was her savior. He took us from a trailer and moved us to Callaway Cove into the cottage. She didn’t want to see what was happening. Then one night, she almost walked in on us. He covered it up the best he could, but the next day, I threatened to tell the sheriff. I must’ve scared him enough and he stopped for a while... until just a few weeks ago. He was stressing about something and drinking more. I’d been avoiding him like I always do, when, the one morning, he cornered me...” Carma trailed off and winced.

  Too stunned for words, Andi flung her arms around Carma, who fell apart, sobbing in her arms. Andi’s thoughts scattered into a dozen pieces, and she struggled to pick any of them up. “Why didn’t you ever tell us before? I can’t imagine how awful holding onto all of this must have been.”

  “I couldn’t.” Carma’s chest heaved against Andi as she held her. “We had just moved to town. You and Rachel were the first ones to actually be nice to me.”

  Carma leaned back. Her cheeks, damp from tears, shone in the sunlight. “Let’s face it. I didn’t fit in. So when you and Rachel came along and took me into your clique, I didn’t want to ruin it. You were so popular. Everyone loved you, and I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want you to think I was different. And I was ashamed. I figured it was my fault he did those things to me. I was dirty somehow, and I knew if I told you, you’d see it too. Then, as we got older, it just seemed like it was too late. It had gone on for so long. So much time had passed.”

  Andi took Carma’s hands and squeezed them. “I wish I would’ve known. I’m so sorry. I wish you would’ve told someone—anyone.”

  Carma shrugged and Andi wracked her brain for the right thing to say. For something that she could do. She came up short. “What can I do?”

  Carma laughed bitterly. “Well, even if you gave up the job now, I doubt Ford would hire me, given the little proposition I gave him during our auditions.”

  The involuntary rush of relief crushed her, turning her cheeks pink. Andi cursed herself for it. Maybe Carma was right. Maybe she was selfish.

  “You need to report him. You need to go to the sheriff,” Andi said.

  Carma shook her head.

  “You’re a grown woman now. There’s no need to be scared of him anymore. He needs to be held accountable.”

  “No. Everyone in town will find out.”

  “So what? If you’re planning on leaving, then who cares what anyone thinks?”

  Carma grabbed Andi’s arms, pleading in her eyes. “It’s a small town. I can’t have everyone whispering every time I turn around. I can’t have their pity or their judgments. Please. You want to help me? Find me a way out. Get me a different life. Get me away from all of it—the memories, the fear and pain. But, please, just promise me you won’t tell anyone about this.”

  Andi swallowed. Carma’s situation was a delicate one, and one Andi couldn’t even begin to fully understand, nor would she try. She would do as Carma asked and keep her secret. But how could she help her? How was she supposed to give her a new life?

  With her own life in upheaval, she had no idea.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Andi sat in the silt on the water’s edge of the cove. Her feet dangled in the cool lake, and the sounds of nature surrounded her—the trickling of water, the preening of nearby gulls, and the buzzing of honeybees as they gathered pollen from the blooming wildflowers.

  She stared into the distance, her thoughts on Carma and their conversation that afternoon. She’d had no idea her friend had suffered so much. The simple knowledge of it made her feel even worse about her own problems, which seemed trivial in comparison. It didn’t make them any less real, but it certainly put things into perspective.

  Something crackled behind her, followed by the soft sound of someone’s footsteps. She turned to see Peter, who appeared on the edge of the clearing to the cove. Flashing him a smile, she turned back to the water, waiting for him to make his way over to her.

  Maybe she should have told him sooner that Ford had tried to kiss her and a
dmitted that Ford wanted something more than just a working relationship. Maybe her ambiguous feelings were to blame. Because there was a part of her that felt something between her and Ford. She just didn’t want to fully admit it. She didn’t want anything, especially her muddied feelings, to get in the way of her job.

  “Hey,” Peter said from behind her.

  “Hey.” She inclined her head and patted the ground next to her. “You want to sit?”

  He lowered himself onto the ground, his arm rubbing against her side. She waited for the sparks, that same electric feeling she got when Ford’s skin brushed hers, and noted its absence with sorrow.

  “Listen, I’m sorry I left things the way I did yesterday,” Peter said. He picked at a clump of moss by his feet while he spoke. “It’s just that I know the way he feels about you. You don’t have to be a genius to see it. And when he started in on me, a part of me snapped. I wish I could’ve kept my cool...”

  Andi glanced over at him. His blond hair was disheveled, an anomaly for him. Stubble covered his jaw and the clothes he wore last night, now wrinkled and tired, hung on his thin frame. The look suggested an all-nighter, and Andi wondered if he’d made it to his meeting that morning.

  He cared about her. One look at him this morning and that much was obvious.

  She exhaled and stared back out at the water. “I know. I’m sorry. And I should have taken your concerns about Ford more to heart.”

  Peter nodded. “All I want is you, Andi.” He turned to her and caught her gaze. “All this wanting you back at school in the fall and not being thrilled about this job, it’s all because I love you. I don’t want to lose you, especially not to this. It’s not worth it. I want to support you, and I will, but I need to know you have no feelings for him.”

  Andi’s mind flashed on Carma, her tortured expression as she told Andi the truth about her life. Carma knew real problems, real pain. Whereas she had an amazing boyfriend, one that cared enough about her to at least attempt a dinner with a man he disliked, a man he thought cared about her more than a boss should.

  She turned to him, her eyes on his. “I love you, too. I don’t have feelings for him. Nothing’s happened between us,” she said, pushing back the dreamlike memory of Ford’s mouth on hers.

  “Okay,” he said, hesitating, as if contemplating whether to believe her. “But you need to be careful there.” He slid his hand into hers. “Did you really talk to him and tell him that you only wanted a professional relationship?”

  “Yes, two weeks ago.”

  Peter remained silent for a moment, then perked up. “I have some news.”

  In her current mood, Andi didn’t exactly feel like embracing ‘good news,’ but for the sake of her relationship, she sucked it up and plastered the widest smile she could manage on her face. “What is it?”

  Peter rubbed his hands together. “I have a meeting with the committee next Friday night. It’s in Cleveland. Maggie will be in tow and they want to discuss the project, but if all goes well, I’m pretty sure they’re going to offer me the grant money.”

  “That’s great,” Andi said, forcing her enthusiasm. She squeezed his hand and he smiled in return, but a wave of exhaustion washed over her.

  “It’s huge. And I need you there by my side. The meeting’s really important. Dr. Andrews’ wife will be with him, as well as Dr. Giani’s, and I think Maggie’s bringing her boyfriend. Will you come? Please?”

  Andi forced a smile. Why was it that he got her full support, while she was left with barely little more than tolerance for her job? She was tired of Ford being blamed for his lack of support. Right from the start, Peter was against her taking the position. It seemed unfair that he got to be excited about his career, while she could barely discuss hers without a fight.

  “It’s important,” he added, when she said nothing.

  “Yes, of course. I’ll be there.”

  He leaned in and pressed his mouth against hers, kissing her. She moved into the rhythm of the kiss, but her heart wasn’t in it, and she found herself wanting to pull away much too early.

  “What’s wrong?” Peter asked.

  Good question.

  Her stomach sunk. She bit her lip and fought the urge to pull her hands from his to wring them in her lap. She wanted more than anything to put the past weeks behind them and move on without conflict.

  She started to tell him nothing was wrong, but she knew he wouldn’t believe her and didn’t feel like hashing out the intricacies of their relationship when she hadn’t even figured it all out herself.

  Her mind spun, trying to come up with something she could say, when her eyelids drooped from the fatigue of her afternoon with Carma. The heavy weight pressed down on her.

  “Something happened earlier today that I really need to talk to someone about,” she said.

  He narrowed his eyes and Andi waved a hand in front of him. “No, not about Ford. It has to do with Carma.”

  “Oh.” His face softened. “What’s going on?”

  “I know you won’t tell anyone and I can trust you, but I still have to say that I’m telling you this in confidence.”

  He nodded. “Of course.”

  Andi closed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. “You know how she wanted the assistant’s position? Well, the day of the interview, she asked me to give it up. At the time, I just thought it was because she wanted out of town so bad. The last time she left, she came back and has never forgiven herself for failing, but it turns out…”

  After a pause, Andi explained everything—about the job, Carma, her stepfather, his abuse—and he listened raptly. She wondered why he never seemed to listen to her on the subject of her feelings the way he was listening now.

  “I don’t know what to do.” Andi felt the sting in her eyes, the emotions rising in the back of her throat. “I feel like I need to help her. I think about all those years we never knew what was going on, and I...” Andi shook her fists. “I wish we would’ve known. How did we not know?”

  Peter rubbed her arm. “It’s not your fault. She didn’t tell you. You were just kids.”

  Andi shook her head. “She’s been harboring this horrible secret for years. I can’t imagine what that must be like. I know it’s not my fault, but I feel awful about taking the job. I understand now why she wants to get out of here so bad. When we graduated high school, she fled without a dime to her name. When she had to come back … I can only imagine the depression she felt afterward—the resignation, the fear...” Andi kneaded her forehead. “I need to know what I can do.”

  Peter sighed and placed a hand on Andi’s back. “She should probably see someone to deal with the abuse.”

  “I know. I suggested that and she shrugged it off. I thought about talking to the sheriff, but she said she’d never forgive me if I went behind her back. Plus, her stepfather is loved in this town. He’s the fire chief, a hero in Callaway Cove. I don’t think anyone would believe it, and unless they saw some real proof, I think it would wind up as nothing more than a complaint filed away in a drawer somewhere.”

  “She told you. That’s a big step after all these years and a cathartic one, I’m sure. Chances are the confession will release something in her and eventually she’ll tell someone else or do something to expel more of her anguish. I would give her some time. It’s hard to keep the truth inside once you see how freeing it is.”

  Andi bit the inside of her cheek. “So I should just be there for her? Wait and see if she needs me for something?”

  “I’m afraid that’s all you can do. Except…” He paused and picked up a smooth rock on the shore and whipped it into the lake. It sank to the bottom without skimming the surface. He picked up another and tried again with the same results.

  “Except?” Andi moved in front of his line of vision.

  He put down the last stone and met her gaze. “Maybe you should think about giving up your position. Talk to Ford about letting Carma replace you.”

  Andi raised her b
rows and stared at him. Seriously? The job again. And Peter again trying to convince her she shouldn’t be working for Ford. Andi held her breath, trying to find the right thing to say. He was only trying to help. Right? She couldn’t associate this with all his other attempts at getting her to forgo her job. After all, she had just finished telling him Carma wanted the job desperately and why. She needed to be mature. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

  “That won’t work. For one thing, she came on to Ford the night of auditions.” She picked up the stone he’d dropped, tossed it and watched it skip four times over the smooth surface of the water before sinking. When Peter eyed her, she continued, “Well, she more than came onto him. She basically offered to have sex with him in order to get the job.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t accept,” Peter muttered under his breath, and Andi elbowed his arm. “Ow!”

  “I know you don’t like him, but he’s not like that.” Peter glared at her, but she ignored him, and said, “So even if I gave up my position, he’d probably just give it to Rachel instead.”

  “You could talk to him, explain what’s going on. Maybe he’d understand her desperation and reconsider. If anyone would feel empathy for a sordid past and skeletons in the closet, it’s him.”

  Andi bit her lip. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. If Andi explained Carma’s situation, he probably would hire her. But dammit, as much as she hated to admit it, she didn’t want to give up the job. Just the thought of handing it off to someone else formed a knot in her chest. There had to be another answer…

  Her mind clicked. Ford had connections. If she explained her situation to him, maybe he could find Carma a stable job and an apartment. Maybe she could be a good friend without giving up her job. “Maybe there’s another way,” Andi said.

  “Well, just think about it. Jobs are easy to replace. Friendships aren’t. And we’re talking about some serious stuff here. You could really help her.”