If It Wasn't For Sarah

by Lynne Roberts

  Chapter 10.

  ‘Chelsea will take over Sarah’s part.’ Ms Cutter repeated as I sat there with my mouth hanging open in shock.

  ‘What, me?’ Be the centre of the whole show? Me? I felt sick. If Sarah had felt like this for weeks, no wonder she couldn’t go on. ‘I’m shorter than Sarah. The costumes will be too long for me,’ I protested, which was all my feeble brain could think of.

  Ms Cutter said, ‘Mrs Barrington is going to alter them to fit you and you are excused from class to go and give her your measurements right now.’

  I wandered off to the Clothing room in a daze. All those gorgeous costumes! Now it seemed like a great idea that most of them wrapped on like aprons. Mrs Barrington smiled at me through a mouthful of pins as she turned up the hems. I was still trying to think of excuses when I went home to break the news to my parents’

  ‘I have to do Sarah’s part in the Dance/Drama but I can’t do it. I’ve got a spot on my face.’

  ‘What, that little thing?’ said my mother. ‘I can hardly see it’

  How could she miss it? It was the size of a basketball and flashing like a neon sign.

  ‘I’ll put some concealer on it for you and no one will see it,’ she assured me.

  I hoped it would conceal me completely so that no one would see me at all.

  ‘But I’ve got braces on my teeth,’ I wailed.

  ‘No one will notice your braces,’ my mother said firmly. She was so excited. This beat being the hind legs of a donkey by about a million light years. She made Malcolm and Billy have a bath and wash their hair and forced Dad into wearing his best jacket that he hates. Even Dad was beaming in delight as he rushed around putting film in the camera and wondering aloud if the newspapers would be sending any reporters.

  I could hardly eat any tea as I was starting to get fairly excited myself as well, by then. I mean, I did know all the words and I’d been to most of the rehearsals.

  The costumes had been altered to fit me and Gemma had said her Mum would help me put on my makeup. It had to be a success, it just had to.

  I felt excited, but confident as well, as we waited backstage for our turn. The hall was packed with people. That was one thing about having a school that went from little ones right up to Year Thirteen, it always meant there were heaps of people to watch.

  The class before us was doing an action song about daffodils. It was a bit of a cheat really, as they had already done it for the rest of the school on Daffodil Day, but the parents were clapping so that was all right. Then they all came crowding off, pushing and shoving past us to get down the stairs and round the front to see our performance. Ms Cutter walked onto the stage and everyone went quiet. She announced,

  ‘My English class is going to do a mini Dance/Drama of excerpts from Shakespeare, ably written and narrated by Chelsea.’

  I felt so strung out I thought I would burst, then Ms Cutter came off the stage and the lights went dim, except for one spotlight over the balcony.

  I walked over and climbed onto the balcony. Actually it was a gate they had used in a play about a farm, but the boys had fixed it to a couple of nail boxes, with the help of Mr James, the woodwork teacher, who had made them a couple of bolts.

  I stood there wearing about a ton of costumes, with the spotlight on me, and looked at the audience. The hall was packed and I could see Mum and Dad sitting with Malcolm and Billy about two rows back. Everyone was looking at me. I had never felt so important in my life and one part of me was hoping that the lights weren’t reflecting off my braces, I was smiling so much.

  Now that was the point at which I was supposed to say Juliet’s speech.

  O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

  Deny they father, and refuse thy name;

  Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

  And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

  So I took a deep breath and leaned forward over the balcony. I said,

  ‘O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?’

  The balcony rail collapsed and I fell onto the stage. The boys obviously hadn’t tightened the bolts enough. Brian saw it happening and shrieked,

  ‘I’m here darling,’ and ran forward to catch me, so I landed on top of him.

  There were a few minutes of frenzied thrashing around before we could get up, and the whole audience was laughing. They obviously thought it was part of the show. So we fixed grins on our faces and backed off while the boys rushed on with their swords for the fight scene and a couple of them dragged the remains of the balcony off the stage.

  I was hissing, ‘don’t touch me,’ at Brian and he was hissing back, ‘I was only trying to save you.’

  I said, ‘I don’t need saving, go away,’ while still walking backwards and trying to smile at the audience.

  The fight scene began really well with the boys doing the thrusting and parrying the way Mr Sadler had taught them. The painted swords looked terrific but then Rangi forgot to duck and Mike caught him over the head with his sword and it broke. The sword broke, not Rangi’s head. So both Rangi and Mike were furious and took to each other. Soon all the other boys stopped their own fights to egg them on and the audience thought it was terrific acting and cheered like anything. Even Hamish stopped being a tree and started swinging his branches around and clobbering people. Brian swore and ran to tell Joey to turn the music on for the Minuet before Rangi and Mike killed each other.

  The Minuet music started and the dancers pushed onto the stage and muttered for the fight boys to get off. Mike had an impressive nosebleed by then and he got an enormous cheer from the parents who thought it was tomato sauce. Rangi had to be pulled off stage by three of the other boys and I could see half a dozen of his cousins slipping purposefully out the side door of the hall. It looked like there was going to be quite a fight later.

  We did the Minuet okay, although it was hard to move slowly and gracefully and smile pleasantly when we could hear scuffling and thumping coming from backstage. In fact the Minuet would have been perfect except for Jason. He did a really grand bow about halfway through and there was this loud ripping noise. We all looked at him in horror and saw that his trousers had split right across the crotch. Actually they belonged to his sister who wore them to Pony Club. We knew they were a bit tight for Jason but he’d said they would be okay as long as he didn’t breathe too deeply.

  ‘Help,’ whimpered Jason. ‘What do I do now?’ Aaron started spluttering with laughter.

  ‘Keep going with the dance,’ breathed Sally. ‘The audience might not notice.’

  ‘But they’re split right across,’ moaned Jason.

  ‘Keep going, don’t stop,’ we all hissed.

  ‘Someone in the audience is taking photographs,’ whispered Aaron gleefully. ‘I saw the flash.’

  Jason looked horrified at this and all the rest of us promptly got the giggles. We did the rest of the dance, and Jason just took tiny little mincing steps with his legs held together so no one would notice the split. The audience thought he was doing it on purpose and laughed and clapped and cheered and Jason got redder and redder in the face. We all giggled so much we forgot the last movement. Bethany waved her hand at Joey.

  ‘Turn the music off,’ she mouthed. Joey didn’t understand and thought she wanted it louder. So the music boomed out as we all stood there snorting and going red in the face trying not to laugh. We gave a sort of bow and curtsey and rushed off stage in a big huddle around Jason who raced off to the clothing room, swearing, to put his jeans on.

  The next bit was The Merchant of Venice.

  ‘Here’s your cloak, Chelsea,’ Angela whispered, handing it across.

  ‘Thanks,’ I gasped as I grabbed it and hastily wrapped it around me. Portia is supposed to be a girl dressed as a man. Though of course in Shakespeare’s day it would have been a man, dressed as a girl, pretending to be a man, which rather defeated the purpose if you ask me. It also probably meant that guys were no keener to wear dresses then than they are
now.

  The speech I had to do is a really famous one and I’d watched Sarah do the actions so I reckoned it would be okay. Wrong! I started off all right.

  ‘The quality of mercy is not strain’d,

  It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

  Upon the place beneath:’

  I raised my arms and wriggled my fingers like rain, just the way I’d seen Sarah do it. Unfortunately all the Juniors were sitting on the floor right at the front and they thought I was doing an action rhyme like they learn at mat time. They all stood up and started doing the actions too. Then the parents thought that obviously they were meant to join in as well so to my horror they all stood up and made rain movements. I kept going; what else could I do?

  ‘It is twice bless’d’

  I crossed my arms on my chest one after another and the whole audience copied me. It was a nightmare. It was like I was some kind of bizarre aerobics instructor with a hall full of pupils.

  ‘It blesseth him that gives and him that takes’

  I gestured to one side and then the other. The audience did the same. I felt like an air hostess pointing out the emergency exits on a plane. Brian was standing in the wings with the rest of the class and they were convulsed with laughter.

  ‘Stick your finger up your nose and see if they all copy you,’ called out Eric, who was wildly excited by the whole thing. I turned and glared at him and the audience turned their heads as well.

  I got really desperate then. I gabbled the next bit as fast as I could, my actions faster than the speed of light. The audience struggled to keep up with me, and as they heard the class shrieking with laughter from backstage, they decided it was some sort of comedy routine and started laughing as well. I clutched my face in despair and they all copied. I waved my arms at them to stop and they all waved joyfully back.

  I screamed the last couple of lines:

  ‘And that same prayer doth teach us all to render

  The deeds of mercy,’

  and ran off the stage hissing to Brian to put on the fairy music.

  The audience slowly sat down, still laughing among themselves, and the music for the fairy sequence in A Midsummer-Night’s Dream started up.

  I ripped off my cloak and the Juliet dress and stepped on stage in my glittery fairy costume. There was a gasp from some of the girls in the Junior classes and I began to hope we could save the show after all. I waved at Brian behind my back, he said later that I gave him the fingers, but I didn’t, so he would turn down the music while I gave Titania’s speech.

  ‘Come, now a roundel and a fairy song;

  Then, for the third part of a minute, hence;

  Some to kill cankers in the musk-rose buds,

  Some war with rere-mice for their leathern wings,

  To make my small elves coats, and some to keep back

  The clamorous owl, that nightly hoots and wonders

  At our quaint spirits. Sing me now asleep;

  Then to your offices, and let me rest.’

  The audience listened spellbound. They listened in absolute silence. This was more like it. Malcolm told me later that one of the boys had accidentally pulled the backdrop control and evidently it kept dropping and raising again above my head and everyone was watching with bated breath to see if it would actually fall down and hit me.

  As I spoke the last line, ‘and let me rest,’ the music started for the fairy dance. This began beautifully. I knew it would go well because the girls had practised it so much.

  You spotted snakes with double tongue,

  Thorny hedge-hogs, be not seen;

  Gemma and Phoebe danced across the stage, doing amazing snake like movements with their arms and hips. Then Violet and Theodora, who were the thorny hedgehogs, sort of scuttled across the stage in shimmery silvery costumes. After that it was supposed to go onto the next bit;

  Newts, and blindworms, do no wrong;

  Come not near our fairy queen.

  Unfortunately the music got stuck in a loop. It kept going:

  Thorny hedge-hogs, be not seen;

  Poor Violet and Theodora thought they’d better do it again and rushed across the stage the other way, colliding with Ruby and Charmaine who were waiting to come on as the newt and blindworm. Ruby and Charmaine were pretty miffed by this and Ruby pulled Theodora’s hair.

  ‘Are you a total moron, or what?’ she spat. Theodora promptly burst into tears and kept saying, ‘but that’s my music, that’s my music,’ and the music kept going over and over with thorny hedgehogs. Violet lost her head completely and ran from one side of the stage to the other while the other girls started going off at Joey.

  ‘You’ve mucked it up totally. You are ruining our dance,’ shrieked Phoebe.

  ‘It wasn’t me. It must have been Janice,’ said Joey defensively as he desperately tried to untangle the tape.

  ‘That’s right, blame me. Everyone blames me,’ said Janice bitterly. ‘ Look, that bit goes under here.’

  ‘Don’t touch it,’ Joey moaned. ‘You’ve done enough damage already.’

  Janice swore at him but fortunately Ms Cutter didn’t hear her. Joey did though and he was shaking with rage as he looped up the coils of tape and wound them back onto the cassette.

  All this time Violet was running across the stage and the other fairies would go on and try to head her off. She would whimper and duck out of their way to start running again. Of course the audience, the cretins, thought this was part of the show and clapped and cheered again. I could see my mother laughing so much she had tears running down her cheeks, while Gemma's mother was completely appalled. I found out later that she kept telling all the people sitting by her that it was ‘obviously Chelsea’s fault.’