Red Sand Sunrise

by Fiona McArthur

  She had to talk to Bennet. Tell him it was okay. That she understood they weren’t together. Explain about the risks.

  The risks!

  She closed her eyes and felt the pain tear at her. The ghastly fear of this baby growing and wriggling and communicating through her belly just like Bethany had . . . and then dying as well.

  Would she survive such a tragedy a second time?

  Well, she knew what she wouldn’t survive: she wouldn’t survive not giving this baby a chance. So she wasn’t doing anything about it, no matter if she or he wasn’t perfect.

  Which meant she’d prefer not to have any tests to check, because there was no need. That at least was clear, even in the first five minutes of knowing. She would love her growing baby with all her heart for as little or as long as she could. And she’d certainly know the due date because she’d only had sex once. Roughly 266 days from conception. That gave her a date to work out as exact as any ultrasound could give her.

  She rinsed her mouth out, wiped her face and neck and felt better, then remembered her occasional half a glass of wine and felt worse. Thank goodness she’d never been a big drinker, or the guilt would be a hundred times worse. It’d be abstinence from today. Bennet was coming for lunch with her mum. Goodness knows how she would tell him.

  Callie opened the bathroom door and went through to the kitchen. Her mother was sitting at the table with her hand on the teapot. Her eyes were closed.

  ‘You okay, Mum?’

  Sylvia opened her eyes and smiled, a smile that stroked her daughter’s face and brought new tears to her eyes. God, she would miss that smile. She wanted to catch it and hold the love in it in her hand so she could pull it out and look at it. Be healed by it.

  Sylvia studied her face. ‘I’m fine. Good morning, my daughter.’

  ‘Good morning, my mother.’ Callie breathed out a long, slow sigh and vowed again to savour every moment.

  After lunch Callie and Bennet watered Sylvia’s garden while she rested.

  ‘There’s something I have to tell you, Bennet.’

  ‘What?’

  God. How did you tell a man you were having his baby when it was the last thing he expected? ‘You know that time down at the river?’

  Bennet took a breath, glanced around to make sure nobody could hear them, and held up his hand.

  ‘No. I thought you didn’t want to talk about it, so I haven’t. I know what you’re going to say. It should never have happened.’ It all poured out like a gully rusher down the creek, now that he had permission to speak. ‘I don’t know what came over me. At least you had the excuse that you were beside yourself with grief; your father had just died and your husband had left you.’ He shook his head in disbelief. ‘I don’t know what happened.’

  Callie winced. ‘Well, thanks for that, I think, but that wasn’t what I was going to say.’

  Her voice trailed off and Bennet looked at her. He bent his head and furrowed his brow. Blinked. Straightened and stepped back as his mouth opened.

  ‘You’re on the pill, right?’

  ‘No. I had fertility problems.’

  He was flooding a bush with the hose as he listened. ‘Had?’

  There was nothing slow about Bennet. That was a good thing, she decided. But now she really did have his full attention.

  ‘You said “had”. So what are you saying?’

  But she could see he’d guessed. So she needed to get it out in the open. She was trying. Really. But it was hard in the face of his shock and disbelief. Even though it shouldn’t be hard because she’d decided she expected nothing from him.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’ There. It was out, but dancing in the air between them like a swirling little whirly wind, sucking the breath from both of them. ‘It’s your child – but not your responsibility.’

  His voice was very soft as he bent the hose to kink it off so he could concentrate. ‘How is a child we both made not my responsibility?’

  ‘It’s my fault.’ She spread out her hands. Of course it was her fault; she’d practically seduced the poor man.

  Bennet crossed to the tap and turned off the hose before facing her. ‘I’m pretty sure there were two of us there.’

  He wasn’t saying the things she expected. But then again, this was Bennet, not Kurt. Kurt would have left her in no doubt as to whose fault it was. She needed to stop thinking like that but it was hard after fifteen years of keeping the peace. Maybe she and Bennet could have a civil, grown-up conversation.

  His voice was calm. Calmer than hers. ‘When are you due?’

  She’d only just worked that out for herself. ‘Twentieth of December. I’m twenty-one weeks now. So I’m due before I can file for divorce.’ She looked away. Now for the even harder part.

  ‘There’s more?’

  ‘Bethany.’ She licked her lips, swallowed the pain. ‘My daughter had Down syndrome and died at birth. I’m not having an ultrasound. Or any tests for Down syndrome. I’m not getting rid of this baby, even if there is something wrong with him or her.’

  She couldn’t bear to see the shock in his face so she didn’t look up, but she sensed him step closer. Callie felt his finger on her chin, lifting her face so she had to look at him.

  ‘Okay. I can understand that. That’s your choice and I appreciate your honesty.’ Then he smiled at her and it was that Bennet smile from a hundred years ago. The one that said she was the best thing that had happened to him all day. Today had to be ‘amazing smile’ day.

  His voice dropped, enveloping her in a warm blanket the way only Bennet could. ‘Who have you told?’

  She shook her head. ‘No one. Just you.’ She watched his eyes widen. Then came a rueful smile that couldn’t quite hide his delight.

  ‘Thank you. I appreciate that.’ He looked at her and sighed. ‘So can I be involved?’

  She thought she was going to faint, and had to put her hand out and rest it on the fence for support. ‘In what way?’

  ‘I don’t know. Go to the doctor’s with you. I won’t get to see any ultrasounds.’ He could even tease her. This was turning out so differently to what she’d imagined.

  ‘I probably won’t go to the doctor’s. Eve will look after me until she goes as long as I stay healthy.’ She didn’t want to think about Eve going. Or her mother, who was leaving much more irrevocably.

  But Bennet was stuck on her previous statement. ‘Why wouldn’t you stay healthy?’

  ‘I had quite severe toxaemia of pregnancy last time.’

  ‘So that means you’ll have it again this time?’

  ‘Not necessarily.’ She had to smile. ‘A different father of the child can make a big difference.’

  Then he smiled too. ‘I’m sure I have much better DNA than your husband’s.’

  ‘I don’t doubt that.’ Though it would be a shock for her mother.

  ‘What about Sylvia?’ he asked, as if he’d read her mind. ‘Can I come with you when you tell her?’

  She hadn’t imagined he would offer. But in that moment she could see how much that would help. Even if she and Bennet didn’t end up together, Sylvia would see they both wanted what was best for the baby. It would relieve her mum’s mind a lot, which was all Callie wanted in these last few months. Her mum might even be excited at the thought of a grandchild.

  ‘I’d like that. If you don’t mind.’

  ‘Silly. So what if I did mind? I’m sure it’s not a conversation you look forward to.’ He tilted his head and examined her. ‘Though you’re getting used to this, aren’t you?’ He took another step back and examined her face from a distance, then smiled at her. ‘You’re glowing.’

  She wouldn’t be surprised if she was. Callie’s hand crept to cover her stomach. ‘I will always grieve for my lost baby, but the idea that I might finally have a child of my own,’ she looked at this man who was everything Kurt was not, ‘with a man I can respect, is a gift. And I’m a little excited.’

  ‘Only a little?’

  She looked
down, trying to hide the fear that had been growing as she became accustomed to the news. ‘It’s further along than I can believe but if there is anything wrong with my baby there’s a big chance of miscarriage. When I feel movements I’ll be more excited. I think I can but I’m not sure yet.’

  ‘Okay. So when should we tell your mother?’

  She looked up and his strong features were so calm, so empathetic. She was incredibly lucky. ‘Today? But if you want a couple of days to get used to the idea, then I can wait.’

  His voice lowered, as he picked up on what she hadn’t said. ‘Time is short?’

  Callie swallowed. ‘I don’t know. She could be here for months or her heart might give way. I just want her to know.’

  He held out his hand and she felt his strong fingers curl around hers and squeeze. ‘Then let’s go tell Sylvia the good news.’

  Sylvia was asleep when they entered the house, lying back in the easy chair with a light blanket covering her knees. The dim room was kind to her sunken cheeks, and the yellow of her skin seemed less pronounced.

  She opened her eyes and smiled as Callie and Bennet sat down on the lounge together. ‘Hello, darlings.’

  Her voice was soft, still a little dreamy with whatever pleasant cloud she’d been on, and Callie waited for her to wake properly. She watched her sit up, wince and look tense for a moment before the collection of pains and discomfort she seemed to be able to push into another part of her mind went away.

  ‘What?’ Her faded blue eyes began to twinkle. ‘You’re both bursting with news.’

  Callie drew a big breath. Got it out as fast as she could after the slow start with Bennet. ‘Bennet and I are going to have a baby.’

  Callie looked at Bennet and he smiled reassuringly back. She went on. ‘It’s very unexpected and early days yet, Mum, so anything could happen, but we wanted to tell you.’

  Sylvia beamed at them. ‘I think that’s lovely news. I’ve always wanted you as a son, Bennet.’

  Callie put her hand on her mother’s and softly patted it. She wasn’t going to start lying now. ‘We’re pregnant – not engaged, Mum.’

  Bennet eased the awkwardness. ‘Plenty of time for thinking about that when she’s rid of the other fellow.’

  Callie could have kissed him – and she just might later on, once she’d stopped blushing.

  ‘Indeed.’ Sylvia gave him a wink. ‘And when is your baby due?’

  Callie pretended she didn’t see the interplay between them. Her mother hadn’t been upset. Any embarrassment over Bennet was minor in the scheme of things. ‘Before Christmas.’

  Sylvia sighed. ‘I won’t be here.’

  Callie shook her head. ‘Of course you will. It’ll be something for you to look forward to.’

  Sylvia didn’t say anything. Then she turned to Bennet and smiled. ‘I’m glad.’ She considered them. ‘A bit of a shock for both of you, I’m thinking?’

  ‘We’re not telling anyone for a few weeks. In case anything happens. I want to feel our baby move more before people start talking about it.’

  ‘Of course. Thank you for telling me. Are you going to tell Eve straight away?’

  Callie glanced at Bennet. ‘I’d like to. She’ll keep an eye on both of us. I’m really hoping she’ll stay until after baby is born.’

  ‘Ask her. She’s a good girl.’

  The ‘good girl’ blinked a couple of times, scrutinised her sister’s shyly excited face and then whooped. ‘You’re kidding me! That’s awesome. You naughty girl! When are you due?’

  ‘Around the twentieth of December.’ Callie blushed and Eve laughed.

  ‘All those hints of mine and you’d already seduced the local vet. I’d better tell Chippie I won’t be back till after Christmas. I’m not missing out. I am so going to tease you about this.’

  ‘Well, not for a couple of weeks, please. I’m trying hard not to count my chicken until the baby is definitely growing.’

  The smile fell off Eve’s face. Poor Callie. She nodded. Then her grin broke out again. She couldn’t help herself. ‘And what about the rooster in the henhouse? What did Bennet say?’

  Callie blushed again. ‘He wants to be a part of the pregnancy. I think he wants to be a part of more than that.’

  Bless Bennet. ‘And . . .?’

  ‘I was shocked.’ Callie spread her hands wide. ‘Considering I still have a husband.’

  ‘No, you don’t. You have a creep who is living with someone else and you’re just waiting to get your name back legally.’

  Callie looked away and Eve guessed she was still doing the guilt trip. Not worth pushing, then.

  ‘Well, Bennet took it well.’ She looked back. ‘I’m still shocked that he became invested so quickly.’

  Eve wasn’t sure what that meant but she could see how fragile Callie was. ‘I think it’s lovely.’

  She thought about the whole abnormality-testing issue and let it lie. Callie would talk about all that when she was ready. She knew the risks as much as if not more than anyone else. Nobody knew her history better. Except maybe the sleaze she’d married.

  ‘Okay. So, mum for a few weeks.’ They both grinned at the pun. ‘What did Sylvia say?’

  ‘She’s happy for me, I think. She was lovely to Bennet and Bennet was lovely to everyone.’

  Obviously. ‘’Cause he’s a nice guy. So how are you feeling? Are you sick? Boobs hurt? Got any silly cravings?’

  ‘You know cravings are an old wives’ tale.’

  ‘Disagree. Metallic taste in the mouth, gone off anything you usually love, extra tired?’

  ‘That’s me.’ Callie joined in, raising her hand. ‘Tired with frequent trips to the ladies’. The nausea was never noticeable. If it had been maybe I would have thought of this sooner. I feel such an idiot.’

  They both giggled.

  ‘How about we go for a little wander down to the clinic today to take some blood, check your blood pressure and work out some dates. It’s probably too late to take supplements but we can check your iron.’

  ‘I guess I’ll get the ultimate pregnancy refresher.’

  ‘Nothing makes it sink in faster than putting yourself in that position. But I don’t think even Blanche expected you to put so much into your study.’

  ‘Blanche.’ Callie grimaced. ‘Everyone is going to say I’m too old to have a baby.’

  Piffle, Eve thought. ‘Everybody can go hang. You are the perfect age for Callie Wilson to have a baby because for you it’s the right time. Imagine having one with the ex instead of Bennet. I know who I’d prefer as my dad.’

  They both stopped to look at each other, speaking of dads. Eve sighed and squeezed Callie’s arm and Callie chewed her lip and looked away.

  It had been a very intense five months since that fateful morning when Duncan Wilson had brought them together. And there was more heartbreak to come.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Two weeks later, on a day when the mailman was suffering from a nasty bout of kidney stones, the local policeman offered to do the mail run. Douglas McCabe arrived at the medical centre to pick up an extra supply of prescriptions and medications to take with him.

  Instead of ‘hello’, as he came through the door he said, ‘Your sister is insane.’

  Eve looked at Sergeant McCabe as he leaned into the doorframe with his shoulder. ‘Callie?’ She couldn’t imagine how Callie had offended him. Callie didn’t offend anyone.

  ‘Sienna.’

  ‘Oh.’ That she could imagine. Eve tilted her head and studied the tall man in front of her. She’d picked him as a private man, slightly forbidding, and Eve hadn’t noticed him offer something personal about himself or anyone else until recently.

  She had actually seen him around more than usual, now that she thought about it. He’d even turned up at Callie’s to see Sylvia last Friday night, when the three girls had been there for their weekly debrief about Sienna’s research progress.

  Eve had thought then that it had been the closest
they’d been to a family.

  Now it seemed Sienna had managed to penetrate the thick hide of Sergeant McCabe and set up a nasty little skin irritation. That was pretty funny.

  She tilted her head and looked at him. ‘She’s my sister but I’m not sure I understand her.’

  His brows lowered even further. ‘I don’t think anyone understands that woman.’

  Even more interesting. ‘Do you want to?’

  He glared out the door. ‘I don’t think so.’ He didn’t sound sure about that.

  Eve was silent for a minute. ‘Okay.’ Best leave it all alone, then. She handed him the pack of medications she’d put in the bag for Aggie O’Malley. Callie had written the scripts out earlier for the widowed station owner, who lived by herself 150 kilometres from Red Sand township.

  ‘I heard the full run takes eight hours of driving?’

  ‘I have Saturdays off.’ He shrugged. ‘I like to check the outlying roads every now and then for trouble.’

  Eve poked the scripts in after the medications. ‘Is this the last thing you need to pick up before you leave?’

  ‘Just some cheese and milk for Bellbird Station. I was leaving that till last.’

  ‘Molly’s doing well with her new baby.’

  ‘So I hear. Jill at the store mentioned Molly had ordered her food for yesterday because the mail wouldn’t be out again till Wednesday next week. She was out of dairy.’ He shrugged, embarrassed. ‘She might want milk – keep her own up for the baby.’

  Eve didn’t like to tell him milk didn’t make breastmilk. But the thought was very sweet. ‘A good all-round diet does help. So do you ring her when you’re at the gate?

  He looked surprised. ‘Sometimes she runs stuff out for Simon in one of the paddocks so she might not even be home. I’ve got some feed for her horses as well. Bennet’s been driving out but he’s tied up today. I’ll just leave it in the fridge in the kitchen.’

  Eve laughed. She couldn’t believe this place. Or the people. She’d miss it like a limb when she went. ‘Can’t get service like that in Brisbane. Service straight to fridge. That is so cool.’