Hannah's Journey

by Anna Schmidt

  “But it should be you he sees first,” Lily had protested.

  Hannah had to admit that she agreed but what was she to do? In her world the men were the heads of households and in the absence of her husband, her father-in-law had every right to make the decision. Then she remembered Pleasant’s idea and glanced toward the railroad car where she could see Levi pacing as Pleasant laid out her case, hands aflutter and voice rising enough that the sound carried out to the grounds.

  “I should go,” she told Lily. “Thank you again for your concern.”

  “We mothers have to stick together,” Lily said as she hugged Hannah again and then hurried away, wiping away tears.

  By the time Hannah reached Levi’s private car, Pleasant had left the room and he was standing at his desk studying a typed sheet of names.

  “Levi?” She was stunned when he turned to her with a smile that lit up his handsome but usually brooding features.

  “Ah, Hannah. I’ve just had a most interesting conversation with your sister-in-law. It seems that we may have come up with a plan that will be mutually beneficial to all parties concerned.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He chuckled. “No, I suppose not. Give me time to speak privately with Gunther and then I can explain everything.”

  “My father-in-law does not take kindly to having his decisions questioned once he’s made up his mind,” Hannah cautioned.

  “Nor do I. But I believe I may be about to offer a proposition—a business proposition that may interest him.” He shrugged. “If the result of that is that the three of you continue to travel with the show all the way to Wisconsin, then I can understand where that would be a bonus for you.”

  The man actually winked at her.

  “I…we…”

  “By the way,” Levi continued, “I fully understand why you would want to go on to Wisconsin and be reunited with your son. What’s Pleasant’s agenda?”

  “Agenda?”

  “What’s in it for her?”

  “She…” Hannah felt her irritation at the twists and turns of this conversation getting the better of her. “Can’t she just want the best for me?”

  Levi nodded. “She might but that’s not her main goal. Pleasant is a woman who looks out for herself.”

  “In our culture we look out for each other,” Hannah snapped.

  His features darkened once again to the more familiar solemn demeanor she had come to expect from him. “Not always, Hannah,” he murmured. “Not always.”

  In the silence that fell like a curtain between them, she could hear the brass trumpets of the circus band announcing the grand march that opened the evening show. “If you’ll excuse me, Hannah, I want to be sure everything is going well with the opening,” he said, moving toward the observation platform. “After that I’ll speak with Gunther. Have a good evening.”

  Upon returning to their shared cabin, Hannah had insisted that she and Pleasant prepare for the journey back to Sarasota the following morning. The plan was that the two women would be taken to the public train station before dawn to await the southbound train while the circus train—this time pulling Levi’s private car—moved north into Georgia.

  But Pleasant refused to give up. She sat on the edge of her berth, gripping the muslin coverlet and murmuring prayers in the language they had learned as children.

  An hour passed, and through the open window they could hear the laughter and oohs and ahs of the audience at the big top as the show moved from act to act. Another hour passed, and they could hear the finale and the applause and the excited chatter of the patrons as they left the show and headed home. And with every passing moment, Pleasant’s assurance faded and Hannah released the kernel of hope that she had dared to plant.

  “We should get some sleep,” she said.

  Pleasant nodded and pushed herself to her feet.

  The knock at their cabin door startled them both. “Daughters?”

  Pleasant pressed her fist to her mouth to stem the flood of giggles that threatened to escape. Clearly, she thought her prayers had been answered.

  Hannah was not so sure and when she opened the cabin door and saw her father-in-law standing in the narrow passageway, his brow knitted into a frown, she was positive that Levi’s conversation with him had not gone well.

  “We have a dilemma,” he said. “Please come so we may discuss this.” Without another word he headed for the sitting room.

  Pleasant practically pushed Hannah down the hallway in her eagerness to follow.

  “Sit down, please,” Gunther said as he remained standing—and pacing. Levi was nowhere in sight.

  “What is it?” Hannah asked softly.

  “Our friend, Levi, has a problem. One that he has asked for our help in addressing.” As he told them the story of the Stravinskys leaving Levi’s employ, Hannah could barely concentrate because Pleasant was squeezing her hand so tightly that she thought her fingers must surely crack and break.

  “So we will help our friend who has shown us such kindness. We will all travel the rest of the way to Wisconsin and during the trip, Pleasant, you will mend and sew as needed and I will see to the ring horses. It is only right,” he added, as if trying to assure himself that he had not gone back on a decision. Rather, he had made a new plan—one that served a fellow man.

  “And what shall I do to help?” Hannah asked.

  “Levi had thought to have you both tend to the costumes although he only needs one. He asked if I could think of some other task for you, Hannah. I told him that you had taken charge of the office duties and accounting in the bakery back home. He seemed both surprised and pleased at that news. He wants you to serve as his secretary while Miss Benson is in Wisconsin.”

  Hannah let out a squeak of protest. “But…”

  “It’s only right that we should do whatever we can to help Levi now that he is the one in need,” Gunther continued.

  But as his secretary I will be called upon to spend time with him—time alone without the buffer of you and Pleasant. Hannah could not seem to find the words to convey these thoughts to Gunther. Instead, she said nothing, wondering why the idea of spending time alone with Levi was so upsetting to her when clearly it was not an issue for her father-in-law.

  Chapter Seven

  Hannah spent yet another sleepless night as she lay awake listening to the sounds of the workers dismantling the tents and loading the wagons and livestock. Sometime well after midnight, she felt the train begin to move and in minutes faced the fact that instead of boarding a public train for the trip back home, she was heading north to be reunited with her wayward son. The idea of seeing Caleb again cheered her, but she could not seem to control her anxiety at what working with Levi might mean.

  What would he expect of her? And more to the point, was she up to the job? Keeping books for her father-in-law was one thing. His business was relatively simple. Over the past couple of days, she had been amazed at the complexities of running a circus. Levi employed so many people, some salaried and some paid by the hour. Still, they all needed to be paid. And then there was feeding them—not to mention feeding and caring for the animals and…

  What did lions and tigers and elephants eat? she wondered. “And where does one purchase such items?” she muttered aloud. She imagined herself filling out orders for tons of wild animal food which led to imagining herself writing up correspondence as Levi dictated. She bolted upright. What if Levi expected her to use the typing machine that she’d seen Jake Jenkins pecking away on when she’d walked past the railroad car that served as the traveling circus’s office?

  But remembering Jake in that other car—in that more public place—was reassuring. Surely she would carry out her work as Levi’s secretary from a desk there. She even recalled seeing an empty desk when she’d returned Jake’s jovial greeting the previous afternoon.

  She lay down again and this time she slept. It might not be so bad after all, she decided. At least it would make the time go more
quickly and before she knew it, they would arrive in Wisconsin and she would see Caleb.

  Levi sat on the private observation platform at the very rear of the train watching the shadowy scenery fly by. What had he been thinking suggesting that Hannah work as his secretary? Gunther had suggested both women take Maria’s place in the costume shop and surely that would have been the wisest choice. After all, Maria was an experienced and talented circus seamstress. Sewing sequins back onto velvet or satin costumes was a far cry from what he imagined the usual sewing tasks might be for an Amish woman. Surely between the two of them they could muddle through until the company reached Baraboo and he could start interviewing potential replacements for Maria.

  But, no, almost the minute Gunther had suggested the idea, Levi had rejected it. “I wonder if Mrs. Goodloe might not be qualified to assist me in the absence of my secretary, Miss Benson. I find that I have a great deal of work to get done before we get home to Wisconsin and while I can certainly instruct Miss Benson by way of letters and telegrams, it would be so much more efficient if I could simply handle things from here.”

  In his eagerness to repay Levi’s kindness to his family, Gunther had readily agreed. He’d spent the next several minutes singing Hannah’s praises. “The woman is remarkable with figures,” he told Levi. “And she writes a fine hand as well. I’m sure she could be a great help to you, Levi.” Then he had smiled and added, “Frankly, her handiwork with a needle leaves something to be desired according to my daughter. Not that she can’t sew a seam or mend a tear—it’s just her stitches are not as small and tight as Pleasant’s are.”

  What were you thinking? Levi wondered, propping his feet on the brass railing and closing his eyes as the warm May breeze rushed over his face. But instead of the blackness he sought in shutting out the passing world, he found himself visualizing Hannah.

  Plain or not, she was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Her competitors had the advantage of enhancing their best features and concealing their lesser ones with cosmetics. Lily, for example, was by any man’s standards, a beauty. But then he had never seen Lily without rouged lips and cheeks highlighted with fake color and eyelashes that had been artificially embellished.

  Hannah wore no makeup and yet her lashes fanned her cheeks when she looked down—as she did far too often—and her cheeks glowed pink with the natural brush of the sun’s kiss. Her lips were full and a soft rosy pink and every feature was set off perfectly by her skin—a soft golden color that was, no doubt, the result of days spent coming and going in the Florida sun.

  He tried to imagine her hair and thought of the gold satin gown that Lily always wore for her entrance. Hannah’s hair reminded him of that luxurious satin. She wore it in the traditional Amish style, pulled tight away from her face and wound into a bun under her prayer cap. What might it be like to see that hair falling freely down her back? he wondered. Would it come to her waist? Would it fall straight like a waterfall, or cascade its way down her back with natural curls and ringlets like a brook thawed after the winter, finding its way over rocks?

  Levi pushed himself to a standing position, adjusting to the sway of the train as naturally as a ship’s captain might adjust to the pitch and fall of a ship’s deck. “Enough,” he muttered, banishing the thought of Hannah Goodloe from his thoughts. “She’s not for you so get some sleep.”

  But that night Levi did not enjoy the kind of dreamless sleep that comes from sheer exhaustion. That night he dreamed of Hannah Goodloe and by morning, he had made up his mind that she would be reassigned immediately to the costume department.

  But Hannah had been dressed before the train pulled on to the siding near the field where the circus would set up. The instant she felt it roll to a stop, she quietly left the cabin and hurried along the passageway to the rear exit from Levi’s private car. The morning was cool so she wrapped her head and shoulders in a shawl as she walked quickly along the length of the train.

  All around her people had already sprung into action, unloading wagons and hitching them to teams so they could be pulled to the circus grounds several blocks away. The dining and cooking tents were already up, having arrived on a separate train that had left Jonesville even as the evening performance was going on. Hannah could smell eggs and bacon frying and gallons of coffee brewing in anticipation of feeding the cast and crew. Several dozen local people had already gathered at the site—some to watch and some hoping to help out and perhaps pick up some extra money. Automatically, Hannah scanned their faces for any sign of Caleb. Although she knew he was safe in Wisconsin, somehow she couldn’t help looking for him.

  Finally, she reached the steps leading into the car reserved for the female performers. She wanted some advice and she thought she knew exactly who would be her wisest choice as a counselor and confidante. A woman on her way back to her berth pointed to a private cabin at the opposite end of the car near the galley kitchen.

  Hannah tapped lightly on the frosted glass of the narrow door. “Lily?” she whispered so as not to disturb others who were still sleeping. “Are you awake?” She opened the door a crack.

  “Coasting,” Lily grumbled. “Who’s that?” She rolled over and blinked several times as she adjusted her eyes to the light and to the unexpected sight of Hannah standing next to her. “What’s happened?” she demanded as she rolled to a sitting position and reached for her robe.

  “Nothing,” Hannah assured her. “I’m sorry I woke you. It’s just that…I mean if you could spare me a few minutes…”

  “It isn’t your son, is it? I mean, nothing’s happened to the kid?”

  “No. As far as I know he’s fine—safe in Baraboo.”

  “Could you keep it down?” a voice from down the way grumbled. “I’m trying to sleep.”

  Lily thrust her feet into feathered slippers as she wrapped her robe tightly around her and tied the sash, then motioned for Hannah to follow her. In the small galley kitchen she filled two stained mugs with coffee and handed one to Hannah. “Speak,” she commanded as she took a long swallow of the hot liquid and closed her eyes as it made its way down her throat.

  Hannah told her of the plan for her to work for Levi while her in-laws also worked, but in other parts of the circus.

  “Sounds like you got the better end of that deal,” Lily said. “What’s the problem?”

  And suddenly Hannah was completely at a loss for words. What was she going to say? That she couldn’t work so closely with Levi because… Because why?

  Because you are drawn to him. Because there is an attraction there that you recognize because it’s what you once felt for your husband when you first met him. Because…

  “Hannah?” Lily had set her mug aside and was patting Hannah’s shoulder and peering at her with curiosity. “Is it because Levi—I mean he hasn’t made any—you know—advances or anything, has he?”

  “Oh, no,” Hannah rushed to reassure her and when she saw the relief in Lily’s eyes, she realized for the first time what a fool she was being. Levi would hardly be interested in someone like her when there were women as beautiful as Lily around. After all, he could have his pick of any number of women—not just the performers, but women in the towns where the circus traveled, high-society women in Sarasota. What had she been thinking?

  She smiled at Lily. “I’m just having a case of nerves,” she said. “I’ve never worked for anyone but my husband and father-in-law. This is going to be so different and…”

  “Levi is a good and patient man. If he’s asked for you to step in for Ida while we’re on the road, then take that as a compliment. Ida is like his right arm. She does everything for him, knows where everything is, can almost do what he wants before he even knows he wants it. Ida and Hans keep Levi on track.”

  Hannah blurted the first thing that came to mind, “Sounds like a wife.”

  Lily burst into laughter so raucous that several sleepy-eyed women poked their heads out of their berths and shouted at her to keep it down. “Ida might
be like his wife, but I think Levi’s taste in women runs to someone a lot younger and prettier—like you, honey.” She pinched Hannah’s cheek and drained the last of her coffee. “You’ll be fine. The boss is way too much of a gentleman to cause you any problems, okay?”

  “Thank you.”

  Lily yawned and stretched. “Let me throw on some clothes and let’s go see what the cook’s fried up for breakfast.”

  “I should…” Hannah started to say that she should get back to Levi’s private car for breakfast with her in-laws and Levi, but then thought better of it. If they were going to work for Levi then why should they receive special treatment? “Lily, are there any extra berths in this car?”

  “A couple of third berths,” she replied, pointing to a row of top berths where even lying down a person’s nose would be only inches from the ceiling. “Why?”

  “I was just thinking that maybe Pleasant and I should move in here—I mean now that we’re working for the circus.”

  Lily stopped midstride. “Okay, let me get this straight. You have your own private quarters in Levi’s luxuriously appointed car, your meals served up by his personal cook, your needs attended to by Hans and you want to trade that for this?” She swept her arm in an arch to take in the cramped, stuffy surroundings.

  Hannah shrugged. “It only seems fair.”

  “Well, I’d pay to be a fly on the wall when you have that conversation with Levi, honey.”

  Once Levi Harmon made up his mind about something he liked to take action and move on. The problem was that he could not seem to locate Hannah to tell her of his decision to put her to work with Pleasant in the costume shop.

  She had not appeared for breakfast and neither Pleasant nor Gunther had seen her. Pleasant remembered hearing her go out quite early and surmised that she had gone for one of her usual walks. “She starts every morning that way,” Pleasant told him. “And more often than not ends the day with a walk as well. Of course, since we’ve been traveling with you, she’s had that schedule disrupted a bit, but my guess is that if there’s a stream or river nearby you’ll find her there.”