Hannah's Journey

by Anna Schmidt

  “I cannot see how my daughters moving in with the women of the company will make much difference,” Gunther said.

  “Oh, but it will. It will also help to have the three of you take meals with the rest of the company. You see, while it is not your way to give in to petty jealousies, that particular malady runs rampant in a situation like this. If your daughter and daughter-in-law were to show that they expect no special treatment, it would calm the rumblings of several ladies who are beginning to think they deserve more.”

  “I suppose there’s no real harm,” Gunther said more to himself than to the others. “There’s no fraternizing between the sleeping cars?”

  “I don’t allow that,” Levi assured him. “In fact, it’s grounds for dismissal and believe me, Lily Palmer would be the first to raise the alarm.”

  All eyes were riveted on Gunther as he wrestled with his decision. “And we’ll reach Wisconsin in a week?”

  “Ten days,” Levi corrected.

  “We’re still going to offer grace before meals,” Gunther said in a tone that showed he was daring Levi to cross him on that point.

  “I would expect so, sir.”

  Hannah saw that her father-in-law had run out of arguing points and yet she held her breath waiting for his final answer.

  “All right then,” Gunther said. “Let’s get you two women packed up and moved in while the others are doing the matinee. The less fuss there is surrounding this, the better.”

  “Very wise,” Levi said. “I’ll leave you to your packing, then.” He extended a hand to Gunther. “Thank you, sir.”

  Solemnly, the two men shook hands while Pleasant practically fled down the passageway to their cabin and Hannah wondered why she felt such sadness that she would no longer be sharing her meals with Levi. After all, hadn’t she begun this campaign for the real purpose of distancing herself from him?

  “Yes, thank you, Levi,” she said, determined to put her regrets behind her. She had no clue why he had been so supportive. Perhaps she had misread his interest in them—in her. Sheer vanity, she thought, and prayed silently for the will to resist such worldly ways in the future.

  It was done. The solution to his problem with Hannah Goodloe had been provided by the woman herself. Probably an indication that she was alarmed at the growing attention he paid her. Levi could not believe it when he overheard her making a case to move with Pleasant to the women’s sleeping car.

  He hadn’t intentionally listened in on the family discussion, but after all, this was his private car—his residence when traveling. They were his guests and also his employees now. Yes, he had every right to eavesdrop on such a conversation. And when it had looked as if Gunther would stand firm against the idea, he had stepped in.

  Relieved to have spent his last sleepless night thinking of Hannah just two doors away from his own cabin, he left the Goodloe women to their packing and headed over to the resting tent where performers waited for their act to be called. Lily was there as he had expected.

  “The Goodloe women are moving into the women’s dorm car,” he said, grateful that for the moment, Lily was the only performer in the tent.

  Lily paused in the series of stretches she routinely performed as a warm-up for her act and glanced up at him. “And hello to you, too, Levi.”

  He ignored her sarcasm. “You’ll make sure they have what they need?”

  “That depends.”

  “On what?” he snapped impatiently.

  “On whether you want them to be settled in as one of the gang or as special.”

  “You know what I mean. They are different—their ways are different and I just don’t want…”

  “We’re not going to embarrass them, Levi,” Lily interrupted. “Or you.”

  “That’s not…”

  “Then stop acting like it is. If you want us to put on a show for Hannah and Pleasant then I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed. We’re all tired and anxious to get back home to Wisconsin. I’m pretty sure Hannah understands our ways.”

  “Are you mocking me?”

  “A little bit. Sometimes you need to get down off your high horse.”

  Levi smiled. “All right, I deserved that.”

  Lily went back to her stretching. “Jake tells me that Hannah’s caught on to stuff real quick over in the office.”

  “He’s right. In just a couple of days she’s already done all the filing and caught up with the ledger entries. I may have to start looking for things to keep her busy over the next ten days.”

  “Don’t be too hard on her, Levi. You’re the one who’s gone sweet on her, not the other way around.” He opened his mouth to protest but Lily wasn’t done. “Oh, don’t give me that look. You’re as transparent as a pane of glass when it comes to trying to hide your feelings.”

  Levi perched on the edge of a chair, his hands hanging between his knees as he watched her finish her warm-up exercises. “It’s that obvious?”

  “To me,” Lily said. “I doubt others have noticed. Every body’s pretty single-minded about getting through each day and getting home right now, so they’re fairly wrapped up in themselves.”

  “It’s an impossible situation,” he muttered.

  “You like her. She likes you. Pretty simple, really.”

  “She’s Amish.”

  Lily sat up and wrapped a towel around her neck. “So were you once upon a time.”

  If she had suddenly announced that she was off to join a nunnery, Levi could not have been more shocked. “How do you…”

  “Everybody knows, Levi. You’re hardly immune to gossip and speculation. People talk and when you showed up in Jonesville with three Amish people along with you, tongues really started to wag.”

  “Well, I’m not Amish anymore—haven’t been since I was a kid.”

  “But your brother and sisters are and you could go back to it, right?”

  Levi looked at her incredulously. “Oh, yeah, sure. I could just say I took a little time off to build a fortune by doing circus shows around the country—a profession that would not exactly endear me to the clan. Oh, and I could tell them that by the way, I would be heading back to Florida in October for the next season of performances. Yeah, that would work.”

  Lily shrugged and sprang nimbly to her feet. “Just a thought. Got to run. Almost time for my entrance.” She gave him a platonic peck on the cheek as she left. “Think about it,” she whispered. “I think Hannah might be worth it.”

  It was hard not to share Pleasant’s doubts about the idea of living with the other women. The matinee was still going on as they carried their few belongings from Levi’s car to the women’s sleeping car. Hannah led the way down the narrow and shadowy center aisle to the far end of the coach.

  Along the way she could not help but take note of the berths they passed. Far more than a place to sleep, many of them seemed to be like a small house. There were makeshift shelves that held dog-eared novels, framed family photos and other memorabilia. There were curtains and coverlets of different fabrics and colors. There were canvas shoe bags, the pockets holding not shoes but personal items such as lotions and reading glasses and letters from home.

  When they reached the far end of the car, Hannah pointed to two top berths across the aisle from one another. “These two,” she said. “You choose.”

  Pleasant looked at the bunk hung just inches from the ceiling of the car and then back at Hannah. “But…”

  “We’re the new girls,” Hannah explained, using the lingo Lily had used to explain things to her. “If someone leaves then we get to move down to the second tier of bunks.”

  “And that’s so likely to happen over the next ten days,” Pleasant grumbled as she ripped a threadbare blanket off one bunk and held it up with two fingers. “Where can I dispose of this?”

  “I’ll take care of it,” Hannah said, laying it on top of her bunk before turning back to Pleasant. “Here, let me help you get settled.”

  But Pleasant had already clim
bed up the wooden ladder and started making up her bunk. Within minutes, she had transformed the space from dreary to cheery with the use of a quilt she’d made and her very pristine organization of her clothing on the shallow shelf at the foot of the bunk. Hannah watched as wordlessly her sister-in-law leaned back on the ladder to inspect her work, and then catapulted herself into the space. She lay flat on her back, her arms folded over her stomach, her legs straight.

  And then Hannah noticed that the bunk had begun to shake and realized that Pleasant was laughing, tears running down her cheeks.

  “What is it?” Hannah asked, fearing Pleasant might be having an attack of hysteria.

  “It’s…it’s like…I can’t…” The more she tried to speak, the harder she laughed until Hannah could no longer contain her own laughter. “You try it,” Pleasant managed to get out before setting off on a fresh round of giggles.

  Hannah quickly spread out her own quilt and climbed in. Just trying to maneuver so she could lie down she bumped her head twice and her knees and elbows several times. Finally, she plopped onto her back. “It’s a little cramped,” she said, which set the two of them off again laughing so hard that they were unaware that the matinee had ended and the women were slowly coming back to the sleeping car.

  Moments later, they looked down to see several of the female performers gathered below them watching them. Both struck their heads as they tried to sit up, setting off a chorus of sympathetic murmurs from the women below.

  “It gets easier,” one said. “Took me a week but…”

  “The trick is to…” another offered and was interrupted by two others with different advice.

  Outside they heard the clang of the dinner bell. “Supper time,” one woman bellowed as she turned and hurried back down the aisle. And like a herd of sheep the others followed.

  “You coming?”

  Pleasant glanced over and Hannah was relieved to see that she was still smiling. The two of them wrestled with the acrobatics of getting out of the bunks they had thought were so difficult to get into, and followed their dozens of roommates out into the late afternoon sun and on to the dining tent.

  Time was so short between the matinee and evening performances that most of the company ate with their costumes and makeup on. So when Levi stopped by, telling himself that he just wanted to be sure things were running smoothly, he had some trouble locating Hannah among the throng of performers.

  Then he saw the white prayer cap. She was sitting at a table with Pleasant, Lily and Fred and three other performers. He positioned himself next to one of the large tent poles, glad to have this opportunity to watch her without her being aware he was anywhere nearby.

  He knew Fred well enough to know that the clown was in rare form, keeping Lily and Hannah so consumed with giggles at his antics and tricks that they had barely touched their food. Even Pleasant was smiling. He couldn’t help but wonder if Hannah and her sister-in-law had insisted on saying grace before taking their supper, or had been intimidated by the throng of performers and stagehands and decided against it.

  And then to his amazement, she said something to the others. Lily looked over at Fred, who had a fork filled with mashed potatoes halfway to his lips and he stared back at her for an instant and then slowly lowered the fork to his plate and took Lily’s hand. One by one the occupants of the table completed the circle of linked hands and bowed their heads. Like a wave, silence settled over the tent as those at nearby tables observed the action and grew still. And while no one else repeated the practice, everyone waited respectfully for Hannah and Pleasant to complete their prayer and raise their heads.

  If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, Levi would have thought it impossible for two Amish women to quiet a tent filled with rowdy circus people. Not that there weren’t some among the company who were religious. Long ago, he’d hired a retired minister to travel with the company and offer Sunday services. But those services were poorly attended, his employees preferring to take their day off and use it for much-needed sleep or to catch up on chores such as laundry or letter writing.

  And as suddenly as the silence had descended, it was gone and the usual chatter and clang of utensils against tin plates prevailed. As if it had never been, Levi thought, and suddenly remembered the way the tornado had roared across the plains, straight for his father’s farm and just as quickly been gone, leaving death and destruction in its wake and changing Levi’s life forever.

  “Hey there, boss man,” Fred bellowed, spotting Levi from across the room. “Come join us.”

  It wasn’t unusual for Levi to take meals with the company. It got pretty lonely eating alone in his private car and now that Hannah and Pleasant had moved out, Gunther had insisted on taking his meals with Hans and the rest of Levi’s personal staff.

  Lily and Fred scooted closer together on the narrow wooden bench making room for him and he had no choice but to sit across from Hannah. Someone set a plate of food in front of him and filled his glass with fresh milk that he knew had been bought from a local farm.

  “You missed saying grace,” Fred said.

  “I was here,” Levi replied, unfolding his napkin and laying it across his lap.

  “What a lovely tradition,” Lily said. “I was thinking, Levi…”

  “Always a danger sign,” Levi teased, glad to be able to focus on his star rather than have to deal with the fact that keeping his knee from brushing Hannah’s skirt under the table was becoming a problem.

  “I’m serious. We should have a prayer circle before every performance—nothing too formal. Just all gather round and take a moment to pray for safety and a good performance.”

  “Then afterward we could do it again,” Fred agreed. “Then it would be a prayer of thanksgiving that we all made it safely through another show.”

  “I don’t know,” Levi hedged. “Some folks…”

  “Well, let’s ask them,” Fred said and before Levi could stop him, he had leaped onto the bench and was banging his fork and knife against an empty metal tray that one of the waiters had been taking back to the kitchen. “Hey, everybody listen up,” he bellowed.

  And because this was Fred and because in many ways the employees saw him as their spokesperson, everyone stopped talking and turned to hear what the clown had to say. In less than three minutes Fred had laid out the idea, allowed time for people to object and called for a motion, a second and then a vote.

  It was unanimous and the company chaplain stood and volunteered to lead the first prayer circle that very evening before and after the performance.

  Slowly, Levi got to his feet. He did not need to stand on the bench for he knew that every eye was riveted on him. He was, after all, the boss.

  “One thing,” he said. “This is a voluntary activity. Anyone who chooses not to participate has that right and anyone who shames or intimidates such a person will be reprimanded. Understood?”

  There was a general murmur of agreement and Levi saw that a few of those assembled look relieved. It occurred to him that he should feel comforted by the idea that he was not the only one around who had long ago turned away from the faith of his father. Instead, he looked at those individuals and wondered what kind of pain had damaged their belief in a higher being, a loving God.

  “Father will be so pleased,” Levi heard Pleasant whisper excitedly to Hannah as he sat down again and everyone resumed eating, and the conversations they’d been enjoying before Fred made his announcement.

  “Yes,” Hannah replied, but she was watching Levi and the tiniest of frowns marred her perfect face. “If you’ll all excuse me,” she added, dabbing at the corners of her mouth with her napkin. “I want to finish those ledger entries,” she said as if Levi had asked for some explanation.

  “And I’ve got mending to complete before the next performance,” Pleasant said, hurrying to add as she swallowed a bite of chocolate cake and finished her milk. It was clear that it was one thing to sit with the circus folks in the company of her sister-in-law
, but Pleasant was not yet comfortable being alone with them.

  Lily and Fred and the others followed the Goodloe women’s lead. Before he knew it, Levi was finishing his dinner alone after all as everyone left the long tables and headed off to prepare for their next show.

  For the remainder of the week they followed the same routine. Arrive in town, unload the train, set up the circus, perform two shows and move on. All within twenty-four hours. Each night, Hannah wrote a long letter to Caleb and gave it to Hans to post the following morning.

  She took great care not to talk too much about the circus and the friends she was making there. How could she deny her son this life if she admitted that she found the people and the adventure of the travel every bit as exciting as he must have? Instead, she wrote about Gunther and Pleasant and how much they were all missing the rest of the family back in Sarasota. She reminded him to say his prayers and to help with the chores and to be respectful of the people who had taken him in.

  After a week, she had had no letter from her son. Instead, there had been daily wires from Miss Benson assuring her that Caleb continued to be well cared for and in good health and that he was anxious to see her. Hannah would carry the day’s telegram in the pocket of her apron and take it out several times in the course of the day, hoping to find some turn of phrase that would give her more information.

  To overcome her sadness and worry, she buried herself in work. Jake marveled at her ability to get through what to him seemed a full day’s filing and correspondence before noon. “Ida had best watch out,” he told Hannah. “You’ll have her job.”

  “Oh, no,” she protested. “I’m just doing this until we reach Baraboo. Then my son and I will return to Florida.”

  “And Miss Pleasant as well?” Jake asked, not looking up from his newspaper.

  “Of course, Pleasant and my father-in-law—the four of us.”

  “And do you think the boy will try again?”

  It was the single thought that haunted Hannah’s dreams every night. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I hope not, but then Levi…”