Hannah's Journey

by Anna Schmidt

  “It seems that you met the responsibility,” she ventured.

  “Ja. And so will Caleb in time. He does not wish to leave his faith, Hannah. He just wishes to try his wings a bit, find his own way rather than the way of his father or grandfather.”

  “But isn’t that what Levi did?”

  Matthew shifted on the seat. “The difference is that my brother is still out there. He is still running away. Your Caleb is not Levi. Your Caleb runs because he knows he has a place to come home to. Levi never had that until it was too late.”

  “His grandfather?”

  “Levi blamed him for sending Pa out that night and for not stopping Ma from following him. Our grandfather was the head of our household and in Levi’s mind, the responsibility for the animals was his—not our father’s. Levi couldn’t forgive that.”

  “But you did forgive Levi for leaving?”

  “He is my only brother. God showed me that I had a choice—I could hold on to my anger and disappointment or I could let it go. I chose to let it go and in time after the death of our grandparents, Levi came back to us.”

  Hannah thought suddenly of Jake. What if Jake never forgave Levi?

  “Somebody’s up there,” Matthew muttered and urged the horse forward.

  Hannah followed his gaze and saw a man standing on the side of the road waving to them. “It’s Levi,” she murmured, and knew in that moment that he had become such a part of her that she would know him anywhere even on the blackest of nights.

  “Levi!” Matthew called out and drew the wagon closer then hopped down. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine.” The two men greeted each other with the traditional Amish handshake—one pump of their clasped hands. Then Levi looked past Matthew to Hannah. “He’s all right,” he said, and stood aside to reveal Caleb sound asleep against a tree. “Took a couple of tumbles and might have broken his ankle.”

  While Hannah climbed into the back of the buggy, Matthew helped Levi hoist Caleb into the buggy next to her. “Thank you,” she whispered as she cradled her son in her arms. He stirred for only a minute before falling into a deeper sleep, his head resting on her shoulder. He seemed to have grown some in the short time he’d been gone, and yet he fit perfectly into the curve of her shoulder. “Thank you both.”

  “Let’s take him into town and get that ankle looked at,” Levi told Matthew as the two men climbed into the buggy. “Then you can all go back to the farm and get some rest.”

  “He was running away again,” Hannah said as Matthew snapped the reins and they started toward town. “I heard the train whistle and I thought…” She could not find the words to go on.

  Levi reached back and touched her cheek. “He’s safe,” he told her.

  But for how long?

  Chapter Fifteen

  By the time they saw the doctor and got back to the farm, it was past midnight. Hannah really did not want to question Levi about his past with Matthew there, and so they did not speak of it.

  “Are you all right?” he asked as Matthew carried Caleb across the yard and up the front porch steps.

  “Yes. Thank you for finding him and for staying with him.”

  Mae was making a fuss over the boy, insisting that he get into dry clothes and have something to eat before he went to bed. Gunther waited until Matthew had gotten Caleb into the house and then turned and walked away.

  “I should go,” Hannah told Levi, although what she wanted most of all was to ask him why—why he had left the farm. Why he had changed his name. Why he had never told her that he was Amish. It made perfect sense now in hindsight. The way he seemed to know of their ways.

  “May I stop by tomorrow?”

  “Yes. Caleb would like that,” she said, and ran across the lawn and into the house before he could say anything more.

  But that night she lay awake trying to imagine Levi living in this house. She heard the rumble of a freight train in the distance and wondered if Levi had lain awake planning his escape—if Caleb were even now lying awake planning to run away again.

  Levi did not come the next day nor the day after that. Lily stopped by with Fred, who had Caleb laughing at his antics within five minutes of meeting him. It was so good to hear her son’s laughter and she realized how very frightened she had been that she might never see him again.

  “Levi had said he might come to visit Caleb,” Hannah ventured later when she and Lily were sitting on the porch watching Fred and Caleb toss a baseball back and forth. Caleb had begged to get outside and Matthew had brought down an old wheelchair that his grandfather had used and set it up in the yard.

  “He went to Milwaukee for a few days. Someone sent word that Jake had been there. He’s been like a caged tiger waiting for any news at all so when he heard this, he drove all night to get there.”

  “I hope he finds him,” Hannah said.

  “Jake is a hothead,” Lily said. “Hopefully he’s cooled down enough to realize that if he’d been in Levi’s shoes he would have thought the same thing. Those two can be oil and water, but in a good way. Without them, I doubt the company would have made it. These are hard times,” she added almost as an afterthought, as she stared off into the distance. But then she shook off her melancholy and focused her attention on Caleb. “But you have your boy back and that’s wonderful.”

  They sipped lemonade and watched the game of catch for a few minutes. Hannah couldn’t help noticing that Lily seemed wistful as she watched Caleb.

  “Lily? You once mentioned that you’re a mother like me, but…”

  “My son drowned accidentally when he was four,” Lily said. “He would have been sixteen now. Sometimes when I see a boy—even a younger one like Caleb—I think about my Lonnie and wonder what he would have been like. He was such a happy kid—never a tear, never a frown. It made you smile just to look at him—like looking up at the sun.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Lily.”

  “After that, his father left and I just stayed on with the circus. It was Brody’s Circus then—a ragtag bunch of acts with a couple of exotic animals. Then Levi took over and he brought Jake in to work with him and within a year, we were playing bigger towns and bringing in enough to buy more animals and so it grew.”

  Hannah fought against the question she had longed to ask Lily for weeks and lost. “Were you and Levi—I mean, did the two of you…”

  Lily laughed. “Oh, honey, he was always so out of my league. I won’t deny that I was interested—more than interested. I mean, the man is gorgeous and smart and kind in the bargain. We shared a couple of dinners but a girl knows when the guy’s heart just isn’t in it. His wasn’t and I realized that having him for a friend was going to do me a lot more good. Now Jake…” she said and rolled her eyes. “That is a whole different can of worms.”

  “You love Jake?”

  “I understand Jake,” she corrected. “Love?” She frowned as if she’d just uttered a foreign word. “Yeah, maybe so.” She stood up and drank the last of her lemonade. “Hey, Fred, you ready to go?”

  As Hannah walked with Lily and Fred to their car, Lily linked arms with Hannah. “We miss you,” she said. “You were good for us—you and Miss Pleasant and Gunther. You were good for Levi.”

  “You’re embarrassing her,” Fred said. “It is not her way to accept compliments.” He grinned as they all recalled how many times one of the Goodloe family had had to explain that something was or was not “their way.”

  “Let us know when you’re heading for Florida,” Lily said, kissing Hannah on the cheek before climbing into the flashy yellow roadster that they had arrived in. “We’ll have a big send-off waiting for you at the station—brass band—the works.”

  “No brass band,” Hannah begged and then realized her friend was teasing her.

  Fred gunned the motor and it split the idyllic quiet of the countryside. “Farewell, Hannah,” he called as he spun the wheels and drove away with Lily waving wildly.

  Hannah turned back to the h
ouse and saw Caleb still sitting in his wheelchair, idly tossing the ball in the air and catching it. When she came close enough, he lofted the ball in her direction and smiled when she caught it.

  “Not bad, Ma.”

  She tossed it back to him. “You should rest.”

  “Ah, Ma, I broke a bone. It’s not like I got pneumonia or something.”

  If Caleb had any intention of trying to run again, he was going to be hampered by the heavy plaster cast the doctor had applied after determining that indeed the boy had broken his ankle. Hannah had never imagined she would be thanking God for breaking her child’s bone, but at the moment it did seem a blessing.

  He glanced toward the stables. “When do you think I might be able to help Grandpa down there?”

  Since their arrival at the farm, Gunther had taken charge of the horses and spent much of the day in the barn. Hannah suspected that it was at least in part due to his indecision about what to say to Caleb. She took hold of the handles for steering Caleb’s wheelchair and started rolling him down to the barn. “Let’s go see. Surely there’s something you can do to help.”

  Gunther was sitting at a carpenter’s bench mending a piece of harness when they entered the barn. He did not acknowledge either of them, and Hannah could practically feel Caleb’s nervousness as she wheeled him toward his grandfather.

  Before Caleb had run away, his relationship with Gunther had been a good one. The difference in generations had made Gunther less strict with Caleb than he had been with his own son. The two of them had gone fishing together in Sarasota Bay and returned with large live conch shells for her to figure out how best to clean and cook.

  How they had laughed the first time they had handed her one of the beautiful shells so large that she had to hold it in two hands. But then the animal inhabiting the shell had begun to move and extend its strange foot and Hannah had yelped and dropped the shell on the ground. Gunther had nudged Caleb and winked and the two of them had collapsed into guffaws of laughter.

  But ever since they had arrived in Wisconsin, Gunther had kept his distance from the boy. He did not come to visit him as he lay in bed recuperating. He did not ask about him at the supper table, although Hannah had seen his eyes brighten with interest when she and Mae discussed Caleb’s progress.

  Well, it’s time to put a stop to this, Hannah thought and opened her mouth to address her father-in-law.

  “Caleb,” he said before she could get a word out. “Hand me that awl there on that haystack.”

  Hannah let go of the wheelchair handles and nodded to Caleb. He rolled himself over to the haystack to retrieve the awl and then transported it to Gunther.

  “Now hold this like so,” Gunther said, demonstrating how Caleb should anchor the harness strap for him.

  As their heads bent toward one another and Gunther’s litany of instruction continued, Hannah knew that every thing was going to be all right between them. She slipped out of the barn without either of them noticing and did not see them again until Mae rang the bell calling everyone in for supper.

  That night Caleb sat next to Gunther, regaling him with his ideas for how he had been thinking of offering his services for caring for horses once they got back to Florida. “If you’ll help me,” he added, looking shyly up at his grandfather. “Ja. I can help,” Gunther replied, and turned his attention back to his supper.

  Caleb glanced over at Hannah and grinned, and in that moment she knew that her son was home to stay—or would be as soon as they could get a train back.

  Levi was troubled. And he should have been relieved. He had caught the thief and Chester was safely behind bars. Hannah had been reunited with her son and, after his misadventures that had led to a broken ankle, the boy seemed content to return to Florida. The company had arrived safely back in Baraboo and as always, Ida had everything under control. In short, he had nothing to worry about for a change.

  And yet…

  He sat at his desk and studied the list of potential new acts that Jake had given him. In a week or so he would head east to audition the best of the lot. It was a trip he had always enjoyed, but it was a trip he and Jake had always made together. He had spent three days searching for Jake in Milwaukee and on down to Chicago with no success.

  In spite of that, his life was about to get back to its normal routine so why was he so jumpy? So out of sorts?

  Outside, the rain came in a steady downpour. It had rained for days now and there was talk of flooding to the west. Perhaps the train to Florida would be delayed.

  And then what?

  He had no future with Hannah so the wisest course had to be to let her go. But he wasn’t yet ready to do that. Oh, he was well aware that the day had to come. He just wasn’t ready for that day to come so soon.

  Mae had settled Caleb back into the room he’d shared with Lars, the oldest of her four boys, but now he shared it with his grandfather as well as Lars. She and Matthew made up bunks in the barn for the other children so that Pleasant and Hannah could have their room. It was a tight fit but one that Caleb seemed to revel in.

  “It’s a real family, Ma,” he said one day as she sat with him shelling spring peas and listening to the rain that continued to fall steadily.

  “We’re a real family as well,” she replied.

  Caleb grew quiet and stared out the window to the corn field that he’d helped Matthew and his sons plow and plant. “Not like this,” he said softly.

  Hannah set the bowl of shelled peas aside and sat down on the edge of Caleb’s bed. “You miss your father,” she said, combing his silky straight hair with her fingers. “So do I.”

  “I don’t remember him so much,” he admitted, “but I guess I miss the idea of a father—and brothers. Even sisters might be okay,” he said miserably.

  Hannah couldn’t help it. She laughed and rumpled his hair, messing up the grooming she’d been doing. “I thought you didn’t like girls.”

  Caleb grinned sheepishly. “Some of ’em are all right, I guess.”

  “Really? Anyone in particular?”

  “Ah, Ma,” he protested, and ducked away from her.

  “You’ve got a visitor,” Mae announced as she climbed the wooden stairs.

  Hannah and Caleb looked toward the door. “Levi!” Caleb shouted.

  “Mr. Harmon,” Hannah corrected her son firmly.

  Levi handed Caleb a package wrapped in brown paper and string, which the boy tore into immediately. It was a book on horses. “Thanks, Le…Mr. Harmon. Thanks a lot,” Caleb said, and started turning the pages of the book.

  “You didn’t have to bring a gift,” Hannah said shyly.

  Levi shrugged. “The boy and I had some time to get to know each other the other night. I discovered that he likes hanging around horses. Must have picked that up from his grandfather.” He shot Caleb a look. “I thought maybe you might like to share that with your grandfather,” Levi added. “Word has it the two of you might be going into the horse business.”

  Caleb grinned and Hannah could have hugged the man for validating her son’s idea. “Thank you,” she said.

  “Well, those peas are not going to cook themselves,” Mae announced from her position in the doorway. “If you’ll excuse me I need to start supper.” She reached for the peas.

  “I’ll help,” Hannah said.

  “No, you’ve been cooped up in this house all day. It looks like we’ve finally a break in the showers so Levi, take the woman for a walk so she can get a little fresh air. It’s a lovely spring day for all its dampness and we aren’t always so blessed here in Wisconsin with such balmy breezes.”

  “Sounds like a fine idea,” Levi said.

  Hannah was torn, reluctant to let Caleb out of her sight. In spite of his plans to care for the horses of neighbors back in Sarasota, Hannah could not help but wonder if that would be enough excitement for the boy.

  “He’s not going anywhere,” Mae said. “Are you, Caleb?”

  Caleb blushed. “No, ma’am.”


  “I won’t be long,” Hannah promised, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

  “Ah, Ma,” he fussed and turned his attention back to his book.

  Outside, she and Levi strolled toward the orchard, taking care to avoid the soggier parts of the lawn. All around them, cherry blossoms past their peak showered down like snow, their sweetness perfuming the warm spring air. Levi walked with his hands clenched behind his back while Hannah kept hers folded piously in front of her.

  “It was kind of you to think of Caleb,” she said, unable to bear the silence that stretched between them like a tightwire.

  “He’s a good boy. A bright boy,” he added.

  “Things between Caleb and his grandfather have not been easy, but with time I think perhaps…”

  “I gathered as much. I ran into Gunther in town. He was making arrangements for your trip back to Florida and told me about the boy’s idea. He seemed hopeful—but cautious, like you.”

  Hannah had known the day would come when they had to leave, but so soon? Caleb was still in the cast and…

  “I can’t let you go quite yet,” Levi said, not looking at her but focusing instead on the horizon.

  “I don’t understand.” But, oh, how she hoped. Was he going to ask her to stay? And what if he did?

  Levi stopped walking and turned to face her. “I need you to testify in court in the case against Chester.”

  For an instant, it felt as if she had been doused with a bucket of cold water. Her mind had been so full of what if’s and maybes but not in her wildest imaginings would she have expected such a statement.

  “I couldn’t possibly,” she said, the words no more than a whisper around her shock that he would even ask such a thing. “We are Amish,” she added as if he hadn’t known that. “We do not take part in the English legal system. It is our way. You, of all people, know that we cannot swear an oath and we cannot…”

  “Stop telling me what you can and cannot do,” he snapped impatiently. “Without your testimony we may not have enough evidence to…”