Hannah's Journey

by Anna Schmidt

  “She’s gone,” Lily said, touching his arm as she and the others headed back to their cars. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

  Levi walked to the edge of the platform and stared after the train. He saw a lone figure—a woman in a plain gray-blue dress and white prayer covering—standing at the very back of the train. She did not wave, but she was watching and he knew that she knew that he had come.

  The summer had flown by and at the same time it had seemed a lifetime since she had last seen Levi. On the day they had left Baraboo, Lily and Fred had organized a little impromptu parade to see them off. Fred had shown up at the station in full clown makeup and costume while Lily had presented them with a basket loaded with cheeses and sausages and breads.

  Hans had been there and Chester, as well. But there had been no sign of Levi. He had offered Gunther the use of his private car to transport the family, but Gunther had turned him down. Still, she had hoped that he might…

  “All aboard!” the conductor had shouted, and Gunther had hustled them onto the crowded car, anxious to get the seats that faced each other in the center of the car.

  The train had chugged to life and slowly started to pull away from the platform when Hannah saw Levi.

  He emerged from the train station, glancing up and down the track until he realized that he had arrived too late. As the others turned to go, he remained—a lone figure staring after the departing train.

  “I’ll be back,” Hannah had told her father-in-law as she climbed over Pleasant and practically ran to the rear of the train. There she stepped out onto the little metal platform and craned to see him. She did not wave or try and catch his attention. It was enough to know that he had come.

  “Goodbye,” she had whispered as he grew smaller and smaller and finally disappeared from view altogether as the train rounded a curve.

  Since then she had had letters from Lily filled with gossip and news—except about Levi. These two performers had eloped. This one had left the circus to become a nurse. Someone else had developed a new act. She chattered on excitedly about returning to Florida and seeing them again, but she said not one word about Levi.

  And Hannah was reluctant to ask. After all, she knew what the gossip had been and now that it had calmed, why stir things up again by showing interest or curiosity? On the other hand, wasn’t it odd that she didn’t inquire about him?

  In the end, she had decided against raising any question. After all this time, to do so surely would be cause for gossip. But oh, how she longed to know if he was well, if he and Jake had reunited, if he ever thought of her.

  She forced her thoughts aside and went through her day’s routine—washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing, tending the kitchen garden she had planted and taking care of the bookkeeping for the bakery.

  Hannah could not recall a hotter, more humid September. Every morning she washed out the clothes the family had worn the day before, hung them on the line and then went inside the small house they all shared to start breakfast. Pleasant and Gunther left for the bakery at four and Hannah packed them a breakfast that Pleasant’s half sister, Lydia, delivered on her way to her new job as the community’s schoolteacher. At the same time, Hannah packed a lunch for Caleb who spent his days going to school and then working the celery fields and carefully putting away what little money he could to buy a horse of his own.

  Horses had healed the breach between Caleb and his grandfather. Their common love for the animals had brought them closer and Gunther had encouraged Caleb’s dream of one day owning his own breeding stable by giving him sole responsibility for the care and feeding of the family’s mare, as well as the team of Belgians that Gunther used for business.

  That afternoon, Hannah was making the month’s ledger entries when she heard the bell over the bakery door clang. She waited for Pleasant’s usual, “We’re closed,” then remembered that her sister-in-law had left early that afternoon to deliver a cake for the birth of a neighbor’s first child. Caleb and Gunther had gone to a horse auction.

  “I’m sorry,” Hannah said as she stepped from behind the curtained area that served as the bakery’s office. “We’re…” The words froze on her tongue.

  For standing in front of the counter was Levi. Or was it only that her eyes and mind were playing tricks on her? Too much sun, she thought. The oppressive heat, she assured herself.

  For this man who had Levi’s face and Levi’s smile was dressed plain. His dark, loose-fitting trousers were held up by black suspenders. His collarless shirt a deep shade of navy. His face clean-shaven as always but his copper highlighted hair hung straight and smooth covering his ears under a wide-brimmed Amish straw hat. “Guten Tag, Hannah Goodloe,” he said softly.

  She grasped the countertop, her only defense against giving in to the overwhelming urge to race around the counter and into his arms. “What is this?” she asked, unable to find the words as she nodded toward his unusual attire.

  He removed his hat and spoke to her in the familiar Swiss-German dialect of the Amish. “Ich bin Levi Harnisher,” he said and his eyes pleaded with her to understand something she could not begin to fathom.

  Her uncertainty made her irritable. “You should not make light of…”

  “I am not making light of anything, Hannah,” he said, reverting to English. “I have come to ask you a very important question. I have come back.”

  “To what?”

  “To my faith, my family and with God’s blessing—to you.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s simple, really. I…” The doorbell jangled and together he and Hannah snapped, “We’re closed.”

  “Well, I know that,” Pleasant said and then she saw Levi and her mouth fell open.

  “’Tis I,” he said with a nervous laugh and a slight bow.

  Pleasant considered him for a long moment. “I know that you are not a cruel man, Levi, and therefore I must assume that you have not come costumed like this to make fun of our ways.”

  “It is no costume,” Levi said. “These are my clothes, made for me by my sister-in-law, Mae.”

  “And your fine suits?”

  “Gone.”

  “And your private rail car?”

  “Under new ownership.”

  “And the circus?”

  “It all belongs to Jake now.”

  Pleasant studied him carefully while Hannah forced herself to breathe.

  “And what about your mansion here on the bay?”

  “I have donated that to the state as well as my other land holdings here, with the exception of one small parcel that I have kept for myself and another that I gave to Hans.”

  And after quizzing him, Pleasant came away with the same conclusion Hannah had voiced earlier. “I don’t understand.”

  “Would it be presumptuous of me to ask myself to supper where I can explain everything?”

  “Yes, it would be presumptuous,” Pleasant said, “but you’ll do as you please. You always have.”

  “That is the past,” Levi said. “Hannah?”

  “I will set another place,” she said.

  Levi smiled at them as if they had just handed him the moon and stars. He replaced his hat and moved to the door. “Danke,” he said and there could be no doubt that relief colored the breath he released as he opened the door and stepped outside.

  Chapter Eighteen

  For the rest of the afternoon, Hannah pondered this strange turn of events. While she scrubbed the bakery floor, Pleasant prattled on about Levi’s changed appearance and short answers to her questions.

  “Why would he abandon everything he’s worked his entire life to build?” she asked repeatedly.

  “Perhaps it was because he wanted to reunite with his family,” Hannah guessed.

  “He already has a relationship with Matthew and Mae,” Pleasant argued.

  “But not his sisters.”

  “But they all live in Iowa or Wisconsin. What’s he doing here in Florida?”

  Han
nah saw the light then. He had come to take care of his business holdings—the mansion and other properties he owned. He had come to put all of that to rest. But he had mentioned keeping one plot of land for himself and another for Hans. Amish men were not given to establishing second homes the way some in the outside world did.

  “I should go,” she said, putting away the ledger and files she had been working on. “Someone needs to tell Gunther that we will have a guest.”

  Gunther Goodloe was sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of dominoes with Caleb when Hannah entered the small house.

  “Levi has come back,” she said without preamble. On the walk from the bakery to the house she had practiced half a dozen ways of delivering this news, but in the end she had stated it plain and Gunther simply nodded.

  “Ja. He was here.” He placed his final tile, winning the game. “Time for chores, Caleb,” he said.

  “Levi looked plain,” Caleb said as he put away the dominoes and picked up his hat. “Do you think that means that…”

  “I don’t know what it means,” Hannah replied. “Now go.”

  She put on her apron and began assembling the evening meal.

  “He’s come back for you,” Gunther said softly.

  “He said that?”

  “Didn’t need to. Why else would a man like that change his entire life?”

  “Then he has made a mistake,” she said as she set the table, counting the places as if the addition of one were monumental.

  “You do not care for him?”

  “I…” She had almost said that she loved Levi but then she had realized she was talking to Gunther—her late husband’s father.

  “My son has been dead many years, Hannah. His memory lives on in Caleb. You are still young—young enough to start a new family. If Levi is the one…”

  “He cannot think that it is enough to simply change his clothes and grow his hair to cover his ears,” she said, rubbing her palms over her apron. “Anyone can dress up on the outside. It is what is here that counts.” She patted her heart.

  “He…”

  “Besides,” she continued more to herself than to Gunther, “he ran away from his family and his faith.” Everyone knew that in the Amish faith, choosing the outside world over the faith and community of one’s birth could not be forgiven.

  Gunther pushed himself to his feet. “Do not be too hard on him, Hannah. There may be more to his change than you know.” He said no more as he walked slowly down the hall to his bedroom.

  Supper was a quiet affair. Caleb and Gunther generated what limited conversation there was, while the women—Hannah, Pleasant and Pleasant’s half sisters, Lydia and Greta, remained silent.

  “How is Lars?” Caleb asked.

  “He has grown another two inches,” Levi reported. “He’s taller than his mother now.”

  “I’m almost as tall as Ma,” Caleb said, grinning at Hannah. “And taller than Lydia or Greta.”

  Gunther asked after the men he had worked with in the horse tent and after Levi assured him that they missed his help and expertise with the horses, silence fell over the table. Even Caleb seemed at a loss for words. Hannah felt as if every bite she took clogged her throat, leaving her unable to speak at all. She had made sure that Levi was not sitting next to her for the very idea of his taking her hand during grace was more than she thought she could bear.

  Instead, she had taken her place at the far end of the table next to Pleasant and across from Caleb. But that position had its problems as well for she could watch him—watch him watching her.

  Finally, Gunther signaled the end of the meal with a loud belch—a compliment to Hannah for another good meal.

  “Ma,” Caleb said, his voice cracking. “I was wondering. Some boys from town are playing baseball this evening with our guys—just until dark and…”

  “Have you done all your chores?” Hannah asked, relieved to be able to concentrate on something other than the overwhelming presence of Levi.

  Caleb nodded, then ducked his head a moment. “Could I take the buggy?”

  Hannah’s emotions warred between knowing her son was growing up and needed some independence and the fact that once the game ended it would be dark and Gunther’s buggy had only two dim side lanterns.

  “I wouldn’t mind watching the game,” Levi said. “Perhaps your mother and I could come with you.”

  Caleb’s eyes pleaded with Hannah to agree to this plan.

  “All right,” she said. “As soon as the dishes are finished.”

  “I can do the dishes,” Pleasant’s half sister Lydia volunteered. It had been clear from the moment she’d heard that Levi had returned that every romantic ideal she’d ever entertained had fully blossomed.

  “Can I come to the game, too?” Greta asked. Greta found the games and activities—even the chores—usually assigned to boys far more interesting than those activities reserved for girls. “I can catch,” she announced.

  Levi chuckled while Caleb made a face.

  “Yes,” Hannah decided. “You can come as well, Greta.” She couldn’t help but take some small pleasure in the look that Caleb and Levi exchanged. Taking Greta along had clearly not been in either one’s mind.

  The baseball field was a makeshift affair on the edge of the celery fields. Several boys from Sarasota had already gathered and were tossing a ball around from player to player. Another smaller cluster of Amish boys stood on the sidelines talking and knocking sand off their shoes with handmade bats.

  Caleb was out of the buggy and off to join his friends almost before the horse had come to a full stop. Levi helped Greta and then Hannah out and together they walked over to the edge of the playing field. Hannah saw several of the boys talking to Caleb and looking their way. After a while, Caleb broke away from the group and started toward them.

  “We’re a player short,” he said to Levi without really looking at him. “The others were thinking maybe you might…”

  “Sure,” Levi said. “What position?”

  “First base?”

  “Okay,” Levi agreed. “You ladies will be all right?” he asked.

  Hannah nodded as Caleb and Levi trotted off toward the other players.

  “He’s cute,” Greta said.

  “Handsome,” Hannah corrected her without thinking. “A man of Mr. Harmon’s age…”

  Greta looked up at her and laughed. “I didn’t mean Mr. Harmon. I meant Caleb.” The girl considered Levi for a moment. “I suppose for someone that old, Mr. Harmon is nice-looking. Better than some, anyway,” she said. Then she studied Hannah for a long moment. “You two would make a good match.”

  “Really? I didn’t know that you had decided to serve as the community matchmaker,” Hannah teased. Anything to turn Greta’s interest to some other topic. “I thought you planned on raising horses.”

  “Well, just until I marry Joshua Troyer,” she announced with such certainty that Hannah thought it just might come true.

  Hannah sat on the grass and Greta did the same, each of them pulling their skirts down to cover the tops of their shoes and wrapping their arms around their knees as they watched the game in progress.

  “And once Joshua and I marry, then our children will help out as well,” Greta continued as if the match with the bishop’s grandson were already decided. “The boys can work in the stables and cut the hay in fall and the girls can help me in the house and with the little ones.”

  “You seem to have this all planned out,” Hannah said, trying hard not to let her amusement show. “Does Joshua agree with these plans?”

  “Oh, he hardly knows I’m alive,” she said, resting her chin on her knees. “But he will. Someday.”

  Hannah watched the girl watching the game and thought back to when she and Caleb’s father had shared dreams of a large family and a lifetime together. But they had not been blessed with many children—only Caleb. And she understood how that had put undue pressure on her son. There ought to have been siblings for him,
but she had miscarried many times and then Caleb’s father had died.

  Greta nudged her as Levi came up to bat and before facing the pitcher, he glanced back at her and pointed to the far right side of the field.

  “Oh, that’s so romantic,” Greta squealed. “He’s going to hit a home run just for you, Hannah.”

  The pitch came low and fast and Levi swung. There was a crack as ball met bat and then the ball was sailing in a high arc between first and second base. The fielder backed up but the ball stayed aloft until it landed several yards behind the fielder.

  “Home run,” several players on both teams crowed as Levi trotted around the bases, grinning like a schoolboy. They did not care about scores. They only cared about the sport of playing and when Levi crossed home plate both teams gathered to congratulate him.

  Moments later he and Caleb walked back toward Hannah and Greta. They were rosy-cheeked and Levi was still breathing hard but he had his arm around Caleb’s shoulders and Hannah could not help but think that he would make a good father.

  And it hit her suddenly that Levi should be a father and if he insisted on pursuing her, he never would be. She had proven that she was barren save for Caleb. Any idea that she might entertain his attempts at courtship was sheer selfishness and she would have none of it.

  They let Caleb drive the buggy home and once there, he and Greta set about unhitching and stabling the horse for the night.

  “I have something to tell you,” Levi said as he walked Hannah back to the house. “I have been taking instruction to be baptized.”

  Hannah stared at him, thinking this must be some sort of joke. He had run away and abandoned his family and his faith. Surely he understood that he could not simply go back…

  “When I ran away I had not yet been baptized,” he explained. “In fact, it was my grandfather’s insistence that I prepare to join the church that was part of my reason for leaving. Once Bishop Troyer realized that, he reminded me that never having been baptized or never having accepted the responsibilities of living in the Amish faith, I was never shunned. It was he who suggested that it is never too late to join the church and accept the obligations that come with such an act.”