A Simple Prayer

by Amy Clipston

  “Why not?”

  “Solomon thinks Manny was getting too close to me, so he told him he couldn’t help me anymore. I think Solomon is hoping I’m going to get fed up and leave.”

  “Are you going to let him push you away?” Worry overcame her eyes.

  “No, I’m not leaving, but I don’t know what else to do to get my bruder to accept me back into his life. I’ve been praying, just like you suggested.” He ran his fingers over her palm while contemplating the situation. “What else can I do? I need your advice on this. I’m lost, and it’s getting more and more difficult to handle his anger toward me.”

  “When did he tell you Manny couldn’t work with you anymore?”

  “It was right after we took the buggy ride.” Aaron shoved his fingers through his curls while irritation nipped at him. “He was furious that I had taken his buggy out without his permission. Manny tried to apologize and explain it was his idea, but Solomon wouldn’t listen. He said I had no right to take his buggy, and that’s when he said he didn’t want Manny to work with me anymore. I asked him how I could get him to forgive me, and he said I would have to rewrite history.”

  “He wants you to rewrite history?” Linda scrunched her nose as if she smelled something fetid. “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “I know. He’s completely irrational.”

  “You should try again to have an honest conversation with him,” she said simply. “Just calmly ask him why he’s so bitter toward you. Tell him you’re tired of trying to guess why he’s so angry. Explain again that you’re sorry you left, and you want to start over. See what happens then. Be strong and confident, like you keep telling me to do with mei onkel.”

  He smiled and touched her face. “So you think I should take my own advice.”

  “Ya, I do.” She nodded. “It’s very gut advice.”

  At that moment, as he stared into her gorgeous eyes, he was nearly overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she was breathless.

  But he knew he couldn’t. He was already breaking the rules by visiting her. Kissing her would get her into even more trouble if anyone saw them, and he didn’t want to make life difficult for her. Since spring had come, it was only twilight right now. For all he knew someone in her cousin’s family could be walking nearby.

  The front door opened with a squeak, and Linda stood up like she’d been shot out of a canon.

  “It’s time for you to come in, Linda,” Reuben said. “You’ve been out here long enough.”

  “Gut nacht, Aaron. It was gut seeing you.” Her posture became rigid, but her eyes were still tender and affectionate.

  Aaron stood. “Danki, Reuben, for the opportunity to speak with Linda.” He nodded at Linda. “Take care.”

  As Aaron drove back to the bed-and-breakfast, he contemplated Linda’s advice. He knew to his very core that she was right. The only way to get Solomon to talk to him was to calmly sit him down and ask him to explain why he was so bitter. There was no other way. It was time for him to prod his brother along. He would face him tomorrow and find out what he had to do to make things right between them.

  As Linda stepped into the house, Aaron’s words echoed in her mind. Perhaps it was time for her to stand up for herself, just as Aaron, Madeleine, and Hannah had all suggested. She was an adult, and she deserved to be treated like one. Her body trembled with both anger and fear as she faced her uncle.

  “I can’t allow Aaron Ebersol to keep coming here to see you,” Reuben began with a sour expression. “What if one of Raymond’s girls saw you and started gossiping? What if the neighbors saw his truck coming up the driveway at all hours of the day and night? That wouldn’t look right to them at all. They’d figure out that he’s here to see you, and if they told the bish—”

  “I’m thirty-one years old,” Linda began, interrupting him. She placed her hands on her hips in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

  “I know how old you are,” he snapped.

  “That means I’m old enough to choose my friends,” she continued. “I’m entitled to sit on the porch and talk to a friend when I choose to. I don’t need your permission. I’m aware that Aaron isn’t baptized, but I enjoy talking to him.”

  Reuben blinked while studying her. “Why are you suddenly being so disrespectful? This isn’t like you.”

  “I’m not being disrespectful,” she said, trying her best to keep her words calm despite her hammering heart. “I’m tired of allowing you to order me around as if I were a kind. I work hard to take care of this haus and take care of you. It’s time you treat me like an adult who contributes to his household instead of a kind who misbehaves. We’ve been sharing this haus for a long time. It’s time you started treating me with the same respect I’ve shown you since I was a kind.”

  Reuben gaped.

  “I’m going to bed. Gut nacht.” Linda moved past him and walked toward her room with her heartbeat pounding in her ears and her hands trembling. She felt guilty for standing up to him, but she had also felt a strange surge of confidence after talking to Aaron. He made her feel worthy of her uncle’s respect—and worthy of Aaron’s love.

  Could he possibly love me? The question sent a tingle of hope through her body.

  She stepped into her bedroom, closed the door, and leaned against it. Closing her eyes, she took a deep, cleansing breath. If only Aaron would decide to stay in the community and join the church. With him by her side, she could face any obstacle. She was certain of it.

  Aaron spent the next day helping Trey with a project at the bed-and-breakfast. After a quick bite of supper at a local diner, he drove to his parents’ house. He pulled into the driveway and, though it was getting dark, noticed Solomon walking toward one of the barns. He closed his eyes and prayed for the confidence and the right words to confront his brother once and for all.

  This is it. This is my chance to make things right.

  Once he was mentally ready to face his brother, Aaron climbed from the truck and marched toward the barn with his work boots crunching on the rock driveway. He found Solomon sitting at a workbench, working on a birdhouse next to a lantern. Aaron stood in the doorway and watched Solomon work, wondering how a man who could make such a beautiful birdhouse could also hold such a hateful grudge. His thoughts turned to his childhood and the happy memories he cherished.

  “Do you remember when I was ten and you were eighteen?” Aaron suddenly asked, his voice echoing throughout the large barn.

  Solomon did not look up or turn, but his shoulders visibly tensed. He sat perfectly still as if he were frozen in a block of ice, and Aaron could only see his face in profile.

  “I was trying to hitch the pony to the cart,” Aaron continued, “and I was so frustrated that I was close to tears. Dat told me it was time I learned to do it by myself, and he wouldn’t help me and told you not to help me either.” He stepped into the barn. “But you did. You disobeyed Dat and patiently showed me several times until I could do it on my own.”

  Solomon kept his eyes trained on the birdhouse.

  “Back then you were like a second father. You were patient and nurturing, even though I seemed to constantly get into trouble.” Aaron walked over to him. “You knew I had a lot to learn, and you wanted to teach me. I remember another time when you stayed home from youth group to help me get my chores done. You sacrificed your time with your freinden for me.”

  Solomon looked over at Aaron, his face fixed in a deep scowl. “When are you going to get to your point?”

  “My point is that we were close once. I looked up to you, like I look up to Dat. I want to get that relationship back. I need you to show me how we can do that. How can I get our relationship back to the way it was when we were kinner?”

  “That was a long time ago, and that time is gone now. I don’t want you here, so you need to leave my barn.”

  “No.” Aaron felt a surge of confidence, and he stepped forward and sat down on the workbench facing his
brother. He’d finally gotten Solomon to talk to him, and he wasn’t going to give up now. “I want to know why you’re so bitter toward me. Why are you the only person who isn’t happy that I’ve come back to the community? I know Becky wasn’t at first, but she’s come around.”

  Solomon looked angrier than Aaron had ever seen him.

  “You really want to know why I’m bitter?” Solomon asked, and Aaron nodded while holding his breath in anticipation of the answer. “You come back here after seventeen years, and you’re welcomed like a hero while I was the one who stood by Mamm and Dat all along.” He pointed and gestured with emphasis. “You did nothing but cause Mamm heartache, but she welcomed you back with open arms. I feel unappreciated and ignored when I was the loyal and dutiful son. Not you. Me!”

  “You’re right.” Aaron nodded as his body shook with irritation. “I don’t deserve the warm welcome I’ve received, but I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I want to move toward the future, and I want to be part of this family again. I want to really know you, Becky, and your precious kinner. I want to get to know my freinden again. I want to be a part of this community. I want to be here.” He pointed toward the floor for emphasis.

  “Well, I don’t want you here. You went off to Missouri and lived your dream. You opened your construction business, and you’ve been successful and froh,” Solomon continued. “What about me? I was stuck here helping Dat run the farm. What about my plans?”

  Aaron shook his head. “I don’t understand. What plans are you talking about?”

  “I didn’t want to be a dairy farmer. I wanted to start a business building houses. Don’t you remember I was building my own house when you took off? You weren’t the only one Dat did woodworking projects with.” He held up the birdhouse. “And how do you think Manny learned the basics of woodworking before you even got here? I showed him.”

  He took a long breath before going on. “I was saving money, and I even had a partner who wanted to help me get started. You were supposed to be the one to take over the farm with Dat, not me. This wasn’t my dream.”

  “I never knew that. You never told me.” Aaron studied his brother as if he were a stranger. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  “You never asked.”

  Aaron shook his head with confusion. “Is that why you were always pushing me to be a better person and a better member of the community? So I would be worthy of running this farm with Dat?”

  Solomon regarded him with a scowl. “It didn’t work. No matter what advice I gave you, once you hit your teens, you always got into mischief.”

  “Now it all makes sense.” Aaron gave him a wry smile as everything clicked into place. “That’s why you started criticizing me and telling me I needed to act like an Amish person. I remember now. I wasn’t just having trouble getting along with Dat. You and I were at odds as well. You were trying to mold me so I would be Dat’s partner and take over the farm.

  “But you were part of the reason I left, Solomon. I felt like I could never live up to you, the ideal son. Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted me to take over the farm so you could open your own business? Why did you expect a fifteen-year-old kid to ask if you were living the life you wanted?”

  “What does it matter now?” Solomon kicked a stone with the toe of his boot. “It’s all history.” He met Aaron’s gaze and his eyes still smoldered with resentment. “And you just decide to come back one day after seventeen long years and expect me to forget what you did and just move on?” His voice was growing louder. “You ran off and never looked back!”

  “That’s not true. I wrote letters.” Aaron gestured widely. “I just don’t know how they disappeared into thin air.”

  Solomon stared at him with hatred in his eyes. “They didn’t disappear.”

  “What do you mean?” Aaron asked.

  Solomon stood, reached under his bench, and removed a metal box. He pulled a key from his pocket, and unlocked the box. He flipped it open, reached inside, and threw the contents at Aaron. “Here. Take your letters and go.”

  Aaron was too stunned to react. Envelopes fluttered through the air like confetti and peppered the floor like large rectangles of snow.

  Aaron stooped and picked up two envelopes. He immediately recognized his own handwriting. He looked up at Solomon, who now stood and glared down at him. “What have you done?” He stood as well, standing toe-to-toe with his brother. “You’ve had my letters all these years?”

  “Ya, I have.” Solomon lifted his chin in defiance and narrowed his eyes. “I made sure I intercepted the mail every day for seventeen years. I’ve kept all of your worthless letters locked away so that no one would ever find them. I wish I had burned them.”

  “Why?” Devastation mixed with confusion flooded through Aaron and stole his breath. “Why would you keep my letters away from Mamm? I don’t understand why you would do something so evil and hateful. Why, Solomon?”

  “I wanted to shield Mamm from any further pain.” Solomon’s eyes shimmered with outrage. “You have no idea how much pain she endured. Mamm cried and cried for months. She was inconsolable, worrying about what could have happened to you. I, on the other hand, learned from reading your first letter that you had merely started a new life, leaving the rest of us behind. How was that going to make her feel?

  “Then you return three months ago, and everyone acts as if that pain never happened.” He pointed to his chest. “Well, I remember, and I will never forget. You’re dead to me, Aaron.”

  Solomon scooped up the rest of the letters, then shoved them into Aaron’s hands. “Take your letters and go back to Missouri where you belong with your Englisher freinden and your Englisher business. We don’t need you here.”

  Aaron stood there in complete shock. He was dumbfounded. He’d never imagined the letters could have disappeared at the hands of his brother. He felt as if he were stuck in some surreal nightmare.

  “Go on!” Solomon yelled, pointing toward the barn door. “Get out of here and don’t come back.”

  Aaron walked out and stalked toward his truck.

  “Go all the way back to Missouri!” Solomon bellowed after him as he stood by the barn door. “We’re better off without you!”

  Aaron turned back. “At least now I know the truth. You’re the one who kept me from making things right all these years. I hope you can find a way to sleep at night when you realize you’re the one who caused so much hurt—and you’re still causing it. I’ve been trying to make amends for all the pain I caused, but you want our family to continue hurting just to punish me. You’re the one who is tearing the family apart, not me.

  “But fine. If you want me to go back to Missouri, then I’ll go.”

  Aaron climbed into his truck before Solomon could reply and drove toward the road as fast as he dared. He didn’t know where he was going; he just needed to drive. He tossed the letters into the passenger seat as tears stung his eyes.

  All along he’d wanted to believe, no matter how improbable, that the letters had been lost in the mail. Instead, they had been locked away, almost all unopened and unread. The letters had been dismissed, the same way he’d always felt his family had treated him.

  Aaron’s heart was crushed. And the truth hit him between the eyes—he didn’t belong in Paradise after all.

  “No!” a weak voice cried as Aaron’s truck disappeared from view.

  Solomon’s gaze cut to the back porch. He could just make out his mother standing behind the screen door, partially illuminated by a light from the mudroom. She was grasping her walker and sobbing.

  “Mamm!” He rushed to her. “Mamm? Are you okay?”

  “Ruth?” Dat appeared from the doorway to the house. His eyes were round with worry. “Ruth? What’s wrong?”

  “H-how c-could y-you?” Her words were garbled in her tears. “How c-could y-you s-send h-him a-away?”

  She turned to his dat.

  “H-he’s g-gone!”
She grasped his shirt. “H-he’s g-gone! He’s n-not c-coming b-back. N-no, n-no, n-no! A-aron!”

  Dat looked at Solomon as if to say, Not now. We’ll talk about this later. Then he took his wife’s arm and helped her into the house. “Just calm down, Ruth,” he was saying. “I need you to calm down so we can talk about this. Let’s go to the schtupp.”

  Solomon stood on the porch alone as dread pooled in his stomach.

  What have I done?

  NINETEEN

  Aaron drove through Paradise as desolation overwhelmed him. He couldn’t comprehend that his brother had betrayed him at the deepest level. How could Solomon keep him from connecting with his mother? With the whole family?

  He needed to talk to someone. He needed Linda, but he knew he wasn’t welcome at her house. Still, he had to unload his feelings before he went crazy. Within minutes, he was parked near her front porch. He stared at the steering wheel and contemplated what had just happened. His heart felt ripped to shreds. How could he possibly stay in Paradise after learning Solomon’s secret?

  This changed everything.

  Linda was pinning an apron at her sewing table in her bedroom when she heard the pickup truck’s engine rattling in the driveway. She knew who it had to be. She went to the front of the house, moving quickly to get past her uncle’s bedroom. But his door was ajar, and she could see he was dozing on his bed with a book resting on his chest. She took the time to quietly pull it shut without clicking the lock.

  She stepped onto the porch just as Aaron was climbing the steps. He was carrying a stack of envelopes in one hand, and his face was twisted with heartbreaking sadness. When she looked closer at him in the moonlight, she was stunned to see tears trickling down his cheeks.

  “Aaron!” she gasped. “Was iss letz? Did something happen to your family? Is your mamm okay?”