If I Was Your Woman: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

  "How disrespectful can you be Kasan!" she whispered.

  "Yo what the fuck is wrong with you, get the dick one time and what you think we dating? You’re my fucking employee!" he whispered back harshly.

  "I know you're not fucking her, I mean look at her and look at me, if you a chubby chaser why did you even sleep with me?"

  Did this bitch just say chubby chaser! I mean me and her were total opposites. She wasn't even cute but throwing shade at me. Jessica was 5'11 about 120lbs, long blonde hair, and big fake breast. On a scale from 1-10 she was about a five in the looks department, baby girl had no room to talk about anybody, but I had a long night and I was tired so I let the bitch live.

  "Look do ya job point blank period or I will hire somebody that will!" he said pissed. What the hell was going on? He called her his employee, did he actually own this beautiful hotel. I guess I’ve been being closed minded, here I thought he was your typical drug dealer but he’s proving to be anything but.

  "Alrighty Mr. Richards your suite is on the 12th floor you have the whole floor to yourself, please enjoy and if you have any problems feel free to dial the front desk," Jessica said looking like she wanted to cry. Oh well that’s what she gets, she tried to play me when not only is he not my man I ain't even fucking him. It’s crazy how women fight and make a fool out of themselves all to get treated how he just treated her. When we got to the 12th floor, I was in awe.

  "This is beautiful Kasan!" I said while I looked around.

  "Yeah I've never brought anyone here."

  "Oh so should I feel special?" I asked smartly.

  "Yeah actually you should."

  "Well ya little blonde doesn't like the fact that I’m here."

  "Man she was tripping and I don’t even know why we ain’t even on it like that," he replied seriously confused.

  "Y’all men crack me up sleeping with these women thinking it’s all good, no strings attached, like you wrote some kind of contract up," I said shaking my head.

  "That’s a good idea maybe I should make these hoes sign a no commitment agreement, and if they get crazy I can sue they dumb asses," he said seriously.

  “Aren't you with Camille's cousin anyways?” I asked curiously.

  “Yeah but we have a no commitment agreement,” he replied laughing.

  “See that's another reason I don't deal with y’all hustling street niggas,” I said shaking my head.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he asked offended.

  “Look at any hood story you got a nigga that ain't got shit and a female that’s ok with that. The nigga start getting some money, get a name for himself, then start shitting on the chick. Baby girl gotta deal with lying, cheating, and baby mamas. He has a baby on her and she takes him back, all that shit. Then to top it off gotta deal with the illegal shit like you getting locked up or getting killed talking about ride or die shit, I don't wanna die for ya ass,” I said all in one breath causing him to crack up laughing.

  “So is that why you ain't wanna fuck with a nigga?” he asked still laughing.

  “What are you talking about, you ain't never tried to fuck with me,” I said honestly.

  “What you mean? I get at you every time I see you but you ain't never really tryna fuck wit a nigga.”

  “Well you're right I don't mess with dudes that sell drugs or partake in any illegal businesses.”

  “I feel you but you can't knock a nigga for how he get his money. You judging me and you don't even know me, you basing this shit off a damn hood book. I would never disrespect you or anyone else the way you described, my mama ain't raise me that way. The shit with Keisha is an arrangement, I ain't never lied to that girl, I told her the truth and she decided to still rock wit a nigga,” he said shaking his head

  “You're right and I apologize for judging you but this shit ain't just based off of a hood book this shit happens every day. Hell my mama fell victim to a hustler's charm and look how she turned out.”

  “Imma make you love me!” he said arrogantly.

  "On that note imma take a shower," I said ignoring his statement and walking into the bathroom. I can't believe I’m in this beautiful hotel, even though the circumstances leading up to this were fucked up, I'm still on cloud nine. No one has ever treated me so nice, not even the guys that try to get with me. I know he doesn't like me on that level, hell he's never really said much to me up until tonight and I've known him just as long as Cammy has, but regardless he's always been super cool. As I showered I felt all my stress wash away, I've never been so calm and just stress free. I’m kind of glad tonight happened because I would have never had the heart to stand up to my mom. I can't believe she would pick getting high over her child; she was literally going to sell my ass. I silently cried in the shower thinking about all the things I've been through in my almost twenty-one years of living. I wonder where my dad is and if he even thinks about me. I got out the shower, dried off, lotioned up my body and wrapped a towel around my hair. When I walked out of the bathroom, I didn't see Kasan. I walked around and saw he was on the balcony smoking a blunt.

  "It’s cold out here, you could have smoked inside," I said.

  "I didn't think you smoked so I didn't want the smoke to bother you."

  "I don't but the smoke doesn't bother me so get in here before you get sick!" I sassed.

  "Yes mother dearest," he said while laughing.

  "Oh you tryna be smart, well stay your smart ass out there!" I said closing and locking the door.

  "Yo stop fucking playing open the door!"

  "Nope go head smoke," I said laughing

  "You playing and shit while my balls shrinking!"

  "Well maybe if you ask nicely."

  "Can you please open the fucking door?"

  "Oh hell naw!" I said turning to walk away.

  "Ok ok come back I apologize!" he begged.

  "Beautiful sexy Shante can you please open the door?" he said showing that sexy ass smile. Oh my God why did he have to say all of that? I unlocked the door blushing and all.

  "Awww are you blushing!" he said laughing.

  "Kiss my ass black people don't blush, but are you shivering," I said cracking up.

  "Oh you got jokes huh!" he said tackling me on the bed tickling me.

  "Oh my God stop! Imma pee myself I swear!" I said punching him but he wouldn't stop.

  "Say I'm sorry king Kasan!"

  "Hell no, fuck that!" I screamed.

  "Alright tough girl!" he said and continued to tickle me.

  "Ok I’m sorry king Kasan!" I yelled.

  "Thata girl," he said laughing.

  "Whatever you’re an asshole," I said while he laid on top of me. The connection was so strong you would think we've been this way for years. There was a knock at the door

  "I hope it ain't that chick that works the front desk," I thought to myself.

  "It’s probably just room service I ordered us some food," he said reading my mind because I was starving. He got up and went to answer the door. "I got both of us steak, baked potato and broccoli, I’m allergic to shellfish so sorry no seafood."

  "Wow so am I, that’s crazy. I have to keep an epipen on me."

  "So do I. Well here's a shirt, you get dressed while I set the food up," he said passing me the shirt and walking away.

  "He is so sweet and such a gentleman," I thought while I was getting dressed, once I was dressed we ate. It was so good; the steak was so tender and succulent.

  "Do you want something to drink?" he asked pouring himself a glass of patron.

  "You got apple juice?"

  "Really!" he replied laughing.

  "What’s so funny?"

  "Nothing you’re just really a good, sweet girl that’s all," he replied still laughing.

  What's that supposed to mean?" I asked with my hands on my hips.

  "Damn don't kill me tough girl. It's a good thing, usually chicks pretend to be innocent, but you really are.”

  “So you work here too
?” I asked changing the subject.

  “Naw I don't work here,” he replied laughing.

  “You have an office at Palmers and you told that girl downstairs you could fire her.”

  “Damn look at you nosey!”

  “Yup I am so what’s up? You don't seem like a guy that owns hotels and clubs.”

  “What I tell you about judging? The club actually isn't mine, it’s Mark’s. Being as though I'm in school for business and management I help him out from time to time, hence the office.”

  “Oh ok,” I said while stuffing my face.

  “Any more questions?” he asked smartly.

  “Yeah if you own this hotel why doesn't anyone know?”

  “Niggas don't want beef as long as they don't think you're doing better than them, that's when the hating bitch nigga shit starts. Now the cops they don't fuck with you as long as you're not out here flashing ya shit. I like to keep a low profile not everybody has to know what I own or how much money I'm making.”

  “That's really smart Kasan!”

  “Yeah niggas don't last long being stupid.”

  “So what do you own?”

  “I own two of these hotels and soon I will own more. I have three laundromats and a car wash.”

  “Why didn't you want to open up a club like your cousin?” I asked truly intrigued by this man.

  “Come on! Name a get money nigga that don't own a club?” he said laughing.

  “Naw for real though my mom worked at a hotel back in NY, she used to come home so tired. One night when I was around ten she came home from work limping, I sat her down and took her shoes off only to find blisters from her standing on her feet for so long. That night I told her that I would buy all the hotels so she wouldn’t ever have to work for another one,” he answered shocking me. After dinner we both laid in the bed and got comfortable, it felt nice. I wasn't scared he was gonna try something, it was real nice.

  "Yo what you took ya weave out why you still got that towel on and how the hell did it manage to stay on with all that playing ya ass was doing!" he said laughing trying to grab my towel off my head.

  "Stop playing all ya life!" I said moving my head.

  "Aight baldy," he said pissing me off.

  "I’m not bald stupid. I washed my hair now it’s all curly and nappy!"

  "It’s cool mama you don't have to be embarrassed, no pressure!" he said still laughing.

  "What you think I’m dumb, don't be trying to use reverse psychology on me, I'm taking it off because I want to," I said pulling my towel off my head.

  "I like it, you are really beautiful Shante," he said rubbing my head.

  "Thank you. I hate my hair it always looks dirty, it’s a nasty brown," I said playing in my hair.

  "So what’s up with ya mom, are you gonna tell me what happened?" he asked genuinely concerned. I explained everything that happened tonight, well last night since it was five am now.

  "Wow that’s crazy, have you ever thought about finding your dad?" he asked.

  "All the time. I just want to be established so he can see what I became without a father and basically without a mother," I said as tears fell down my eyes.

  "It’s no secret, I do my thing in the streets so I've seen a lot of shit and she is definitely strung out bad. I know it doesn't make it any better but that monkey on her back ain’t no joke."

  "Man she a crack head always has been, but she was going to not only let him rape me but she tried to sell me, I’m done with her!"

  "You are a smart, strong woman. I admire you for not letting your life break you real shit. So if you want to be done with her that's your choice and I respect it mama," he said causing me to smile. He stared into my eyes; I just knew he was going to kiss me. He inched closer, but then pulled back.

  "Aight Tae baby you take the bed, I'll take the couch," he said kissing my forehead. Wow the forehead kiss though. Fuck am I his little sister or some shit, he did call me Tae baby though, which was cute.

  "Thanks Kasan and goodnight," I said kissing his cheek. He got up, grabbed a blanket and laid on the couch. I’m so confused right now, one minute I don't like him like that, and the next I'm upset he gave me the sisterly forehead kiss. At least now I know he doesn't like me that way so I can back off. I couldn't sleep to save my life with all that fine man laying a few feet away from me so I decided to text Cammy.

  Bestie: hell no I can't sleep I was worried about you.

  Me: I’m sorry I’m in Philly with Kasan I'm safe

  Bestie: wtf you mean Kasan? He was supposed to just drop you off not stay!

  Me: he broke my door so we went to a hotel since it won't be fixed until 2morrow you mad?

  Bestie: naw I aint mad just surprised lmmfao!

  Me: what you mean surprised?

  Bestie: nothing just he's older you’re a virgin what could you possibly be doing at a hotel?

  Me: I'm tired ttyt I love you

  Bestie: aight love you too

  I might be tripping, was she throwing shade? She was acting real weird to me. It felt like she was saying why would he want me, but I could always be wrong. I don't know maybe her and Mark beefing or she just mad I didn't hit her up and she was worried, yeah that’s it, I thought putting my phone back on the charger.

  "Kasan you sleep?" I asked.

  "Naw I'm up, you good?"

  "I can’t sleep, I’m not used to being in this big bed," I said honestly.

  "Aight here I come," he replied getting off the couch and laying in the bed.

  "Can I ask you a question Kasan?"

  "Yeah what’s up?"

  "What made you start selling drugs?"

  "Like I told you earlier my pops used to beat my mom on a regular basis. I was young and I feared the dude, so me and my younger brothers didn't do anything. He took all her money but then would beat her when she couldn't afford dinner. I figured I could make it easier for her if I could bring money in so I did everything I could. Any hustle you could imagine I did it all. I bagged groceries, made store runs, and swept the floors at a local barbershop.. It was slow money and I wasn't feeling that shit so I went to this nigga. He owned most of the businesses I was working at and he ain't want me selling drugs but a nigga like me wouldn't take no for an answer. He initially gave me a corner and I think he thought I would fuck up the money or get robbed, but I excelled in selling drugs. My hustler’s mentality, street smarts, topped with my knowledge of math, it just worked out. He's like a father to me, not only did he groom me in the drug game to eventually take over when he retired, but he taught me how to be a real man," he said smiling. I could really tell that he loved whoever this man was and it hurt my heart because I wish I had someone I could think so highly of.

  "Sometimes I would dream that I had a regular life, you know a good mom and dad, nice house, maybe a dog,” I said laughing but very serious. “My mom said he was a drug dealing pimp, he forced her to use drugs so that he would have control over her and when her habit got too bad he kicked us out.”

  "So you've never met you father as an adult or teen?"

  "Nope, he put us out when I was three and said if we came back he would kill all of us, that's all she told me. I honestly don’t know what my dad did besides what my mom told me. It's been years and he's never come looking so that's all the proof I need for me to know everything she said was true."

  "Sometimes you can't go off of someone's words, even if it is ya moms, you gotta go out and get the truth yaself you feel me."

  "Yeah that’s so true. For years my mom told me my older sisters didn't care about me and that they thought I was a burden, but after speaking to my sister I know that was a lie, she will do anything to keep me down," I said shaking my head.

  "Well misery loves company and you have too much potential to let her bring you down," he said while staring into my eyes. It’s crazy because around him I felt so alive. I definitely could get use to him being in my life, I thought as I dozed off.

  When I woke up the
next morning, I felt so refreshed. I swear my night with Kasan had to be the best night I've ever had. When I got out of bed, he was already up. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but when I heard him on the phone with Camille I was surprised and wanted to hear more, but as soon as I did I wished I didn't. They were really talking about me like I wasn't fucking grown and I'm so tired of Cam acting like she's my mom. If I want Kasan then that's what I want, she don't have to go behind my back and tell him to stay away from me. I know all about her cousin Keisha and I could care less if he feeling me then may the best bitch win. Instead of interrupting his call, I went back to bed, but best believe his little talk with Camille was going to be addressed before I left him.

  Chapter 3

  (Camille)

  Man, I hope Shante ain't mad at me, shit who am I kidding, I know she's pissed, but I needed this time with Mark. I missed him so much. Yeah we been fucking but I miss hanging with him, I miss waking up to him, I just miss my man. It's been two years since I caught him cheating and it still hurts like yesterday. I was livid when that girl walked up to us on the dance floor even though we weren't together. I guess I expected him to wait for me to take him back. I know that sounds stupid but it seems like right when I think he's changed some bullshit happens and it reminds me of what I've been through with him and what I don't want to go through ever again.

  “So who was that chick at the club?”

  “Who Trina? She ain't nobody just some chick I smashed a few times since we broke up.”

  “So if we get back together I got to worry about all your little thots?” I asked pissed.

  "Bae we got this beautiful room we supposed to be turning up, I'm tired of fighting," Mark said staring at me with pleading eyes.

  "I’m tired of this shit Mark maybe I shouldn't of started fucking with you, maybe you ain't ready," I said pissed.

  “Yo if you don't want to do this at least keep it real and say the real reason why!” he snapped.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You cheated on me Mark, not the other way around, and you expect for me to just get over it and trust you again,” I snapped back.