“I am.”
“Damn,” Brian sighed. “I wish I was there with you. I can practically taste the back of your neck right now.”
Terry made a noise between a moan and sigh. “Of all the things you’ve tasted, that’s the one that comes to mind?”
“Oh yeah, the back of your neck is awesome. As soon as my lips touch it, chill bumps cover your skin and you go hard for me. Not only is it sexy as hell, it does something to my chest.”
“Where are you right now?”
“The hotel bar.”
“Go to your room,” Terry demanded. The husky order caused a low chuckle to slip past Brian’s lips.
“Why should I?”
His question met a long pause before Terry answered. “Look at your phone.” Holding it away from him, Brian glanced at the screen. An image of Terry, bare-chested and covered in a flush of arousal met his gaze. A wave of longing washed over him. Reluctantly, he gave up his prize and put the phone back to his ear.
“Goddamn, Terry,” he growled.
“I love the sound of my name on your lips. Go to your room,” he repeated.
Brian’s erection throbbed, making him almost whimper. “I don’t know if I can move.”
“I won’t wait forever so you’d better get going.” At Terry’s threat, Brian caught the bartender’s attention, making sure the man saw him throw a twenty on the bar before heading for the elevator. It dinged loudly as the doors slid open.
“Are you going?”
“For fuck’s sake, Terry, you’re killing me?”
A red-haired woman Brian recognized as the girlfriend of one of the other fighters, smiled brightly at him making him realize he wasn’t alone. She stepped aside, giving him room to step inside the elevator. He almost groaned. Terry had him so tied up in knots he hadn’t noticed her presence. Blushing again, he stared at the opposite wall after pushing the button for his floor.
“For fuck’s sake isn’t an answer,” Terry said silkily. The words caressed Brian’s ear, going straight to his already leaking cock, making him twitch.
“Heading that way,” Brian said, hoping the woman couldn’t hear the lust in his voice. As things were, if she looked down she’d lose an eye.
“Good. You’ll want to be alone when I tell you all about how I want to take you to the back of my throat.”
Brian tilted his head back and focused on the ceiling. He wasn’t sure if he was seeking guidance, praying for strength or hoping the poor woman stuck in the otherwise quiet space couldn’t hear Terry’s words.
“Of course, that’s after I tongue your slit, swiping away the delicious pre-cum.”
The door slid open, releasing Brian from his prison. “You’re fucking evil,” Brian growled quietly. The redhead’s musical laughter followed him off the elevator. He was beyond caring. Holding the phone trapped between his shoulder and ear, he dug around in his wallet for the keycard to his room. The second the door closed behind him, he tossed everything except the phone to the floor. Without taking another step, he fell back against it and ripped open his jeans.
“Can you feel my throat tightening around your dick yet?” Terry taunted.
“I wouldn’t miss a minute of it,” Brian answered, never meaning anything more as he palmed his erection.
“Your hand is holding the back of my head as you fuck my mouth.” Closing his eyes, Brian pictured Terry’s mouth in place of his hand.
“Damn, Brian. I love the sounds you make when you’re about to come. I wish I really was there sucking you off.”
“Want you here. Want to be inside you,” Brian admitted, barely able to think. The hitch in Terry’s breathing came through the line loud and clear. The sound sent him over the edge. Hot semen rolled down his fingers. His knees almost gave out. As the orgasm left him gasping, he chanted the only thing his mind was able to hang onto. “Love you. Love you so much.”
For weeks afterward, Brian would murmur those words in the exact same tone on a nightly basis while Terry teased him without mercy. By nine weeks into Brian’s tour, he was replaying every single moment of those encounters wondering exactly where everything went wrong.
*
Terry was intentionally avoiding a majority of Brian’s calls. It was too hard to stay silent. Things hadn’t started out this way, and he wasn’t even sure when it truly began. One day the phone rang and Terry couldn’t bring himself to answer. As he watched Brian’s name flashing on the screen, he knew a moment of weakness. In that span of thirty seconds of paralyzing fear, Terry had wanted Brian with him more than he wanted Brian’s dreams to come true. He’d known the truth then. It was time to start letting go.
He’d been forced to promise McKenna the moon to keep her quiet and by moon he meant he’d given his word he’d come clean to Brian on his own. Tonight, he promised himself for the hundredth time. He’d force the words past his throat if it was the last thing he did. Brian deserved so much better than him. He wanted to call him, hear his voice. Every time he dialed his number, he cleared the screen before hitting send. No matter how often he imagined different ways to drop the bomb, he couldn’t do it.
Standing on the sidewalk outside G. Richards’ Bookstore, Terry let the sun of the day soak into his skin. He’d met with Asher earlier in the day, making sure his shit was in order. After meeting the lawyer for coffee at the bookstore café, he’d hoped for a small sense of peace. There was none. As he stood mere feet from where Gray had taken his own life, his state of mind continued its downward spiral. A wave of exhaustion washed over him. Was he only thirty-five? Damn. He felt at least twice that age. Everything ached, especially his heart. He’d overdone it today but it had been a necessary evil. In a flash, a lead weight landed on his shoulders. It was as if he were dragging himself across broken glass as he made his way to the alleyway where his brother had drawn his last breath. The metal staircase leading to McKenna’s apartment above the bookstore came into view and Terry knew he wouldn’t make it. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, Kurt stood in front of him. Concern etched his every feature.
“Hey man. Are you okay?” Kurt’s question sounded as if they were standing in a tunnel. Everything went black.
* * * * *
Sitting at the bar of some hotel in a town he couldn’t remember the name of became a nightly routine Brian hated passionately. The food was always overpriced and everything tasted like ash the longer he went without hearing from Terry. Most nights, it seemed as if they were simply on some sort of fucking passing ships schedule. It wasn’t as if he had any room to complain. He was chasing his dream. Terry was trying to help someone in need. It didn’t change a damn thing. He was still sick of shit being this way. In his heart, he knew he’d expected their relationship to stay the way it had been when he first left, jacking off while talking as dirty as possible into Terry’s ear each night. Even though it wasn’t realistic to believe it could be that way forever, he still wanted it.
He tried calling one more time. Thankfully, unlike the past six times when it had gone straight to voicemail, it rang.
Terry’s voice slurred when he answered. He sounded less than half-awake. Brian thought he heard a beep in the background but it was impossible to tell with the noise of the overcrowded bar drowning everything out.
“Did I wake you?”
“Yeah. It’s okay.”
Damn. It seemed they were always out of sync. As the silence stretched on, a wave of loneliness swept over him. He could almost picture Terry hovering between awake and asleep. It was one of his favorite times to watch him. His face lost its hard edge. In those unguarded moments, Brian knew Terry was the one for him. Longing crawled up his skin. He wanted to be with him instead of this fucking place.
“Is everything okay?”
A smile touched Brian’s lips at the question. Terry knew him too well. “Worn out,” he lied, not wanting to sound ungrateful. He knew this is what Terry had worked so hard to help him achieve. Before Terry could question him fur
ther, he forced a hint of cheerfulness into his tone. “I guess I should let you get some sleep. It’s easy to forget about the time difference.”
Terry didn’t respond right away. It was almost as if he was trying to decide if he should press. “This is harder than I expected,” Terry said, taking him by surprise. Brian’s eyes fell closed. A lump formed in his throat. He swallowed against it.
“Yeah.” Brian’s heart couldn’t take any further admissions from Terry. The fact he’d been trying to call for the past two hours while Terry’s phone behaved as if it had been turned off had his head reeling now that he knew Terry was in bed. What if he’d been avoiding Brian’s call because he hadn’t been alone? He couldn’t stand the thought. Clearing his throat, Brian did his best to hide the hurt welling inside him.
“I honestly didn’t realize the time.” It was a total lie, but he couldn’t stop. “I just wanted to hear your voice, but I should let you go back to sleep.” His words were met with silence. Fuck. He wanted to put his fist through the wall. He waved for the bartender to bring him another shot.
“I’m sorry.”
The quiet apology felt a lot like the final straw to Brian. “Yeah me too.” Problem was, he didn’t know why. He tossed back the shot and motioned for another. It burned all the way down.
“Brian.”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t say anything more. Brian tossed back another. When he was able to breathe again, he decided he’d tortured them both enough for one night. “Go back to sleep, okay? I’m sorry for calling so late.”
“All right.” At Terry’s quiet response, Brian disconnected the call before he made a fool of himself. Apparently recognizing his desperation, the bartender refilled his shot glass without Brian asking.
“Are you allowed to leave the bottle?”
“Sure thing,” he answered, making Brian’s night.
“Cool.” Brian didn’t meet his stare. Instead, he chose to watch the fireworks on the opposite side of the room. The same red-haired woman he’d seen at every match yelled something Brian couldn’t make out at the blue-haired fighter she was traveling with. It seemed he wasn’t the only one with problems. Taking in the fact she was visibly pregnant, he accepted hers might be worse.
It took him a few minutes to realize the guy working the bar still hadn’t moved away. Focusing on him for the first time, Brian raised his eyebrows in question while doing his best to hide his surprise. The guy’s hooded gaze did nothing to mask his thoughts. Once he had Brian’s attention a lazy smile touched his lips.
“Whoever he is, he’s not worthy of you.”
“And you are?” The question left Brian’s lips, surprising even him. The man’s blue eyes flashed with promise.
“Oh yeah. You should hang out until my shift ends. Let me prove it.” Brian eyed his dark hair and deep dimples. Of all the shit he didn’t need, this guy topped the list.
*
For several minutes after Brian abruptly ended their call, Terry stared at the green, flashing light on the monitor beside him. He would’ve thought his heart breaking would at least show a tiny blip on the screen. Even without looking and with the room cast in shadow, he knew Kurt was watching him. He hated knowing the man felt as if he couldn’t leave him alone. Looking away from the machine, he focused on Kurt. The glow drifting from the open bathroom doorway glimmered off his eyes, proving he was indeed watching him. It had to be uncomfortable sitting around in a mask all day, hoping not to bring new germs into isolation. Terry could barely hold his lids open against the massive amount of pain medicine pumping through his veins. Drifting into a haze, he heard himself confessing his darkest secret.
“Dying is so much harder than I thought it would be.”
“It’s not easy from where I’m sitting either.” Kurt’s words floated through his mind as if part of a dream. When he opened his eyes once more, McKenna was at his side again. Damn. Time slipped away from him here. It could have been a couple of hours or a full day for all he knew. The moment she realized he was awake, she did what McKenna did best—spoke her mind.
“You didn’t tell him,” McKenna said. There wasn’t even a hint of accusation in her voice, only the sure knowledge he had not. “What if you die?” Terry snorted at the question. Anyone else in the world would attempt to assure him he’d pull through, not McKenna. She was honest and forthright to a fault. “I’m being serious, Terry.”
He couldn’t hide his dry tone. “I know you are.” The strain in his voice must have shown because McKenna shot to her feet and helped him snag a quick drink of water. Of course, it didn’t stop her lecture.
“He’ll hate you forever if you die,” she promised. “Mostly because you didn’t tell him. He’ll be left behind wondering why he wasn’t good enough for you to confide in.”
“Fine. Goddamn it. Hand me the phone before these damn drugs kick in again.”
To say McKenna’s smile was triumphant would be the biggest understatement ever uttered by man. She dialed the number before handing him the receiver. As much as Terry would’ve liked to believe she was trying to help, it was more likely she didn’t trust him to really call. It rang four times and he almost hung up. A woman answered.
“Brian Johnson’s phone.” She was whispering. Glancing at the clock, he calculated the time difference. It was two a.m. in Knoxville.
“Is Brian around?”
“He’s sleeping.”
“Okay.” Terry drew out the word unsure if he was relieved or upset.
“Do you want him to give you a call when he wakes up?”
“No. That’s okay. I’ll try back later.” He didn’t bother saying goodbye before hanging up. McKenna’s eyebrows couldn’t have gone any higher as he handed the phone back to her.
“Who the hell was that?” Her question proved she’d been listening to his every word.
Terry shrugged. “Some woman. I don’t know. She didn’t give her name.”
“Oh. Well. That’s okay then. As long as it wasn’t another guy, you’re good.”
Terry wasn’t as sure as McKenna seemed to be, but since he might not live to see the end of the day, what could he say? A wave of panic ran through him. He wasn’t ready to die. “If I don’t make it, will you tell Brian something for me?”
“Of course.”
He tried to come up with something powerful to express how much he loved him. There was nothing. “I have too many things I want to say.”
A half-smile played on McKenna’s lips. “I guess you’d better pull through then.”
“Looks that way.” Weariness tugged at him. The meds were kicking into high gear.
Unable to keep from doing so, he closed his eyes. “He was the one,” he said before losing the chance. He could hear the way his words slurred. It wouldn’t be long now. “Even if I don’t make it, he was the one for me.”
“I know.”
It was the last thing Terry heard.
* * * * *
Someone was trying to drill a hole in his head. It was the only explanation Brian could dredge up for the pain slicing through his brain. A shaft of sunlight blazed through the cracks in the blinds, falling across his face, piercing his skull. As much as he wanted to burrow beneath the blankets, shutting it out, the sound of running water kept him from it. Using a burst of Herculean strength, he pried one eye open. He regretted it immediately. Steam rolled from the open bathroom doorway. Who the hell was in his shower? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He couldn’t remember anything. What had he done? He ran through a mental check of his body. Other than the pitchfork in his brain, everything else seemed okay. Casting a glance around the room, he checked for any clues to the water-stealing intruder’s identity. The only clothes on the floor were his. Wait. He checked beneath the covers and groaned. Goddamn it. Why were his clothes on the floor? A pain hit him in the center in the chest. He was such an idiot. Only a complete moron would ever cheat on Terry. In his panic, he didn’t notice the woman’s presence until she spoke.
&nbs
p; “Good morning.”
His heart jumped into his throat. Damn. He really hated it when people snuck up on him. “Good morning,” he responded automatically. Something wasn’t right. Unless there was some random dude still hiding the bathroom, things were definitely off.
She smiled. “You don’t remember me, do you?”
“Uh.” The towel wrapped around her head, hid her hair from him, making it impossible to tell the color. Not to mention, the hotel bathrobe hid the rest of her body from head to toe. With his head pounding like it was, there was nothing about her that struck a chord. He honestly had no idea who she was.
Her smile hitched up a notch. “You were pretty messed up by the time we left Julien’s Bar and Grill. It took me forever to get you into bed.” His mouth fell open at her statement. With a laugh, she pointed at the second full-size bed. “Don’t worry. I slept over there.” A wave of relief crashed over him. Thank God. He couldn’t live with hurting Terry in any way.
Another sharp pain shot through his head. “How much did I have to drink?”
“Not much as I recall.”
“Sounds about right.”
Her tinkling laughter filled the room. “I’m Kip, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Kip,” he said, allowing his lids to fall closed again. Now that he knew he wasn’t in danger of fucking up his life, he could relax. If she was some psycho bent on killing him, she could’ve done it while he’d been out.
“Terry called while you were asleep.”
She knew about Terry. He must have been one hell of a good time. The sound of the man’s name had him scrambling for his cell phone. When she gasped, turning toward the wall, Brian almost slapped himself. Right. No clothes. Snagging the sheet, he wrapped it around his hips before snatching up his phone. He scrolled through the call log. There was only one recent call. He didn’t recognize the number, but the area code was right.
“Did he leave a message?” She was eyeing a badly drawn, framed sketch hanging on the wall. “I’m decent. Sort of,” he tacked on for good measure, glancing down at the sheet covering his lower half.
Unattainable (No Rival Book 5) Page 8
