Unresolved Issues

by Wanda B. Campbell

  “Hello, Derrick.” She placed the picture back on the desk.

  “Hi.”

  She inhaled and exhaled in metered breaths before saying, “Do you have any plans for lunch?”

  “No.” His monosyllable answers made his mood hard to read.

  “I was hoping we could talk during your lunch break.”

  Her expectations fell when he walked around her and sat at his desk, then asked, “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I want to talk about our marriage, or what’s left of it,” Staci answered, still standing next to his desk and forcing herself to maintain eye contact.

  Derrick closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

  “Derrick, I need to know if we still have a marriage or not.”

  “Staci—” he didn’t get to finish.

  “Derrick, I’m going to Zito’s for lunch. Would you like to join me?”

  Staci turned her head to see the female who’d rudely interrupted her time with her husband. She looked at the twenty-something female long and hard, but didn’t recall seeing her before. She then looked at Derrick for an explanation.

  “This is Rhonda. She’s the dental assistant I hired a few months ago,” Derrick explained. “Rhonda, this is Staci.”

  Inside her head Staci counted to ten—quickly. Derrick had just introduced her to an employee as simply Staci and not as his wife. He didn’t seem to even notice his error. Staci wanted to remind him that California is a community property state, which meant half of this office belonged to her, including the employees.

  “Hi, Staci,” Rhonda said, then leaned against the door frame and waited for an answer from Derrick.

  “That’s Mrs. Garrison,” Staci corrected and shot hot daggers at Derrick. When she looked back at Rhonda, her facial expression remained hard. “Rhonda, tell me, when did it become appropriate for an employee to barge into her employer’s office and address him by his first name?” Staci didn’t crack a smile. Derrick appeared nervous. He fumbled with his hands, then brushed them over his mustache.

  Rhonda stood there with her mouth ajar. She’d been calling Dr. Garrison by his first name from the beginning, and he had never corrected her. Nor had he mentioned his wife.

  “I’ll meet you at Zito’s,” Derrick answered, and Rhonda made a quick exit.

  Staci turned away from Derrick to gather her emotions. He had chosen to spend time with another female over her. He’d chosen to accept an impromptu lunch date with an employee instead of talking about their marriage with his wife. Now it was time for her to make some decisions of her own. At that moment, she made several. She was not going to beg Derrick to talk to her. She was not going to drill him on the nature of his relationship with Rhonda. If he wanted to spend his time with Rhonda instead of her, then so be it. She was not going to chase after him. She was hurt, but still had her pride.

  “I won’t keep you from your lunch date,” she said when she finally turned around. “Here’s your mail.” She pushed the mail on the desk toward him. “I don’t work for the postal service. I will not sort or deliver your mail to you in the future. I suggest you put in a change of address with the post office.”

  “Staci, we don’t have to do all that.”

  “Yes, we do.” She strapped her purse on her shoulder. “Derrick, I came here to talk to you about our marriage, and you just proved to me that our marriage is not important to you. I should’ve known that when you left a week ago. Our marriage is not now or ever has been important to you. I’m just sorry it took so long for me to see that.”

  In her heart, Staci waited for him to tell her she was wrong, that their marriage did matter to him. But he didn’t.

  “Good-bye, Derrick.” As she turned to leave she gave in to her anger. “One more thing,” she said after opening the door. “The next time you would like to enter my home to pick up the rest of your belongings, call first. I live alone, and I don’t want strangers roaming around the premises.”

  Staci managed to stay composed all the way to her car. Once inside, she waited for the tears to come, but they didn’t. They didn’t come on the ride home either. Sitting alone in her bedroom and taking off her wedding ring, there still weren’t any tears. That’s when Staci decided she’d cried all the tears she was going to cry over Derrick Garrison. She had given him her best, and he had given it back. That hurt; it really hurt. But like her father said, in the end she would be fine. It would take some time, but her life would go on without Derrick. The sun would still continue to shine whether Derrick was in her life or not.

  She placed her wedding ring into her jewelry box and looked down at her watch. It was only one o’clock in the afternoon. She grabbed her briefcase from the closet and decided it was time to go back to work.

  “Dr. Garrison, your patient is ready.” This time Rhonda knocked on the door before entering. Instead of stopping in the threshold, Rhonda walked in and leaned against his desk in the identical spot Staci had occupied earlier.

  Derrick shifted in the chair but didn’t make eye contact. “I’ll be right out.”

  “I missed you at lunch. I brought you something back for later.”

  That’s when Derrick noticed the plastic bag containing a Styrofoam container in her hands. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but I wanted to. I can’t have my gentle giant passing out from hunger.” Rhonda placed the food inside the refrigerator. “See you in a few.”

  After she closed the door, Derrick leaned back in his chair and picked up his wedding picture. “You’ve always mattered to me,” he whispered to Staci’s image. Why he couldn’t voice the words in Staci’s presence he didn’t know.

  Derrick had been stuck in his seat since Staci left an hour ago. He didn’t mean for their first meeting since his leaving to go so badly. When he saw her standing at his desk, he wanted to hold her and tell her how much he’d missed her, but fear gripped him. Then Rhonda came in and everything went downhill from there. There was nothing going on between him and Rhonda, although she would like for it to be. She’d made several advances toward him, and honestly, he enjoyed the attention.

  He owed Staci an explanation, but he just didn’t know how to talk to her. His normally steady hands shook as he punched her number. Her voice mail picked up on the third ring.

  “Hello, you’ve reached Staci Simone. I’m sorry, but I’m unable to accept your call at this time. Please leave a brief message and I’ll return your call shortly.”

  Derrick felt like he’d been sucker punched in the gut. Staci had removed his last name from hers. What he feared most was starting to happen; Staci was removing him from her life. Derrick steadied his voice enough to speak.

  “Staci, I’m sorry about today. It’s not what you think. There’s nothing going on between me and Rhonda. I just wanted you to know that.”

  Chapter 13

  “You did what!” Miss Cora yelled.

  “I’ve moved out of the house.” Derrick shrugged his shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal.

  “You can’t be that crazy. How could you leave Staci?” Her son’s stupidity was enough to make her sit up in bed. She’d been feeling weak all day, but the anger brought on by her son’s revelation gave her a much-needed energy boost.

  “Mama, you don’t understand.”

  “What is there to understand? You left your wife and for what?”

  Derrick stood there with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered, just like he’d done all his life after he’d done something wrong. Like the time he loaned Miss Cora’s car to his so-called friends who, in turn, participated in a street race, getting the car impounded.

  “Baby, sit down.” Miss Cora patted the space beside her on the hospital bed placed in her home. Derrick quietly obeyed. “Derrick, I’m not going to be around much longer,” she began. “I need you to really hear what I am about to say.”

  “I’m listening, Mama.”

  “Derrick, I want you to forgive me for you not having a fat
her around.”

  “That’s not your fault,” he protested.

  “Yes, it is partially my fault.” Miss Cora nodded her head. “Baby, I knew before I lay down with John Archer that he was a married man with no intentions of leaving his wife. He told me the first day he flirted with me that he was only curious. I was well aware that he kept coming back because of the sex and not because of me. He didn’t love me. I was playing with fire, and I got burned, but not in a bad way. I got you. Derrick, you have been the joy of my life.”

  Derrick smiled. “I know, Mom. You tell me all the time right after you call me certified crazy.”

  “Baby, I should have picked a better father for you or at least provided a positive role model for you, but I didn’t and for that, I’m sorry. If I had, you wouldn’t be so insecure and screwed up right now.”

  “Mama, what are you talking about?” He disagreed with her. “I never said I’m insecure.”

  “That’s the problem; you won’t admit it. But not having your father has left you with a fear of rejection and insecurity.”

  Derrick turned away from her. She was right, but he wasn’t ready to hear it, not yet.

  “That’s why you keep shutting Staci out; you’re afraid that if she sees the real you, she’ll reject you. That’s why you won’t share your feelings with her. That’s why you left her, but baby, you’re too late. She sees the real you just like I do, and she accepts you. I accept you. It’s time you for you to accept yourself for who you are, so God can heal you.”

  She sounded like Pastor Reggie. “Mama, it’s not that easy.”

  “And losing your wife is?”

  Derrick’s jaw flexed, and his eyes darkened. Why didn’t his mother understand how he felt? Why should she?—he really didn’t understand himself.

  Miss Cora continued. “Derrick, go home and talk to your wife. Staci’s a good wife. Don’t make her suffer for my and John’s shortcomings.”

  Derrick swallowed hard, but didn’t say anything. Miss Cora gently touched his arm. “Baby, I know it’s hard, but with God, it’s possible.”

  Derrick couldn’t admit to his mother he hadn’t talked to God in so long, God probably wouldn’t recognize his voice. He couldn’t tell his mother that he felt like a failure as a Christian since he and Staci committed fornication. He couldn’t tell her how he felt guilty about the abortion. He couldn’t tell her he was afraid. He couldn’t tell her any of that. What he did was kiss her on the cheek, told her he loved her, then left.

  On his way back to his studio apartment, he stopped by his house. He was both relieved and disappointed when he didn’t see Staci’s car. Inside their bedroom, he fought and won over the urge to break down. He missed his home so much. In the three weeks he’d been gone, nothing had changed except the closet he once occupied was now completely empty. His chest and underwear drawers were empty also. His tie rack was bare. Staci had boxed up his remaining clothes and personal belongings. Before locking the door after loading the last box into his SUV, he grabbed a framed picture of Staci from the mantle. The peaceful image would have to be enough for now.

  Chapter 14

  Staci spent Saturday morning housecleaning and trying to keep herself from crying. When she returned home last night, the boxes she’d pack for her estranged husband were gone. The hot anger she had when she packed them had dissipated and now was replaced by an overwhelming emptiness.

  Staci was determined to move on with her life despite how hard the task was. The nights were the worst. No matter how distant they’d become, she and Derrick always slept with his arms around her. Now, her king-sized bed was cold and uninviting. She tried unsuccessfully to substitute his lack of presence by changing her bedding and traded in the black and gold motif for an emerald green jacquard design. She thought the warm green would add warmth to the bed, but it didn’t. The sheets were still cold.

  She’d been tempted to call and tell her estranged husband off on a few occasions, but what would that solve? It definitely wouldn’t bring him home. With each day he was gone, she wondered if she really wanted him back. After service on Sunday, she did, but by Tuesday, she didn’t care if she ever saw him again. Then last night, she wished she’d been there when he came so she could see his face and hear his voice, or perhaps feel his soft hands against her skin.

  Staci had just finished cleaning the refrigerator when she received a call from Miss Cora, apologizing for, as she put it, “her crazy son.”

  “Staci, this doesn’t change our relationship. If I’m still living, I want to see you at my birthday party,” Miss Cora told her. “Hopefully, by that time, you and my son will have worked everything out. Honey, I know he’s going to come around, but before you let him back into your good graces, make him beg. Make him think he’s never going to get back into your bed. That way, he’ll appreciate you more when you do open up to him.”

  Staci laughed at her mother-in-law’s reference to sex.

  “I’m not playing. Hold out as long as you can.”

  I’m going to miss her when she passes on, Staci thought sadly after she hung up. Miss Cora was something else. She was the one who gave Staci handcuffs at her bridal shower.

  “I should’ve used those handcuffs to keep his behind at home,” Staci grumbled in frustration.

  No sooner had she sat down in the den with the remote in hand, her doorbell sounded. To her surprise and delight, it was Shannon and Lashay, carrying grocery bags.

  “What are you two doing here?” Staci relieved some of the bags and walked toward the kitchen. They followed.

  “Checking on our girl,” Shannon answered, after placing the remaining bags on the counter.

  “That’s nice of you, but what’s with the groceries?”

  “This is for the slumber party,” Lashay smiled after hugging her cousin.

  “What?”

  Shannon explained. “We’re sleeping over tonight. Marcus is away at an engagement this weekend. His plane doesn’t land until eight o’clock in the morning.”

  “And what about Brian?” Staci questioned.

  “He’s on a ministry trip with Reggie. So that leaves us with some time alone to cheer you up,” Lashay smiled and patted her shoulder.

  Staci smiled too, but her smile didn’t last long. In no time, she was leaning over the counter crying. “Thanks so much for stopping by, but you really don’t have to stay,” she managed between sniffles.

  “We’re more than relatives; we’re friends, and right now, you could use your girlfriends,” Shannon said. “So stop protesting and sit down. We’re going to handle everything.”

  Lashay began unloading the bags. “We’re making tacos and s’mores. You can’t have a slumber party without something to drink so we brought this to help you drink your troubles away.” Staci smiled when Lashay pulled out three bottles of her favorite sparkling pear cider. “We also have pickles and peppermint sticks and ice cream. The pickles and peppermint are for us, but you can eat the ice cream; it’s Ben & Jerry’s.”

  “For our viewing pleasure, we have five of the hottest DVDs. One each: drama, comedy, action, suspense, and love story.” Shannon fanned the disks in her hand.

  “You guys have thought of everything.” Staci was about to cry again, but Shannon stopped her.

  “No more crying. We’re here because we love you. Now go on into the den and sit down.”

  Staci quietly obeyed and thanked God for a cousin and a sister-in-law like Lashay and Shannon. Their company was a welcomed distraction.

  In record time, the two pregnant women prepared the food and the girlfriends feasted on chicken tacos. Afterward, Staci propped pillows on the floor and they roasted s’mores in the fireplace. Each had a flute of cider in hand.

  Staci sat relaxed with her eyes closed as she leaned against the marble fireplace. The sounds of Kenny G played in the background.

  “What happened?” Lashay finally asked. “I mean, I thought you and Derrick were happy.”

  Staci opened her eye
s and took a sip of cider before answering her cousin’s question.

  “We haven’t been happy, at least I haven’t been, since the first month of our marriage,” Staci answered honestly.

  Lashay swallowed a chocolate marshmallow and probed further. “How could that be?”

  “I married Derrick too soon. He wasn’t and still isn’t ready to share his life with anyone.”

  “Is it because he’s insecure?” Shannon asked.

  Staci wasn’t going to mention it, but since it was out there, why deny it. “How did you know?” she asked her sister-in-law.

  “I recognized that awhile ago. He displayed some of the same characteristics I’d displayed when I was fearful and insecure.”

  “I thought when you guys got married he was over it,” Lashay added.

  Staci took another sip. “Unfortunately, he wasn’t, and now he says he needs time to figure out what he wants.” She swallowed hard. “Hopefully, at the end of the day, he’ll want to remain married. If not, I’ll live my life without him just fine.”

  “I’ll drink to that,” Lashay stated and took a sip of cider.

  Shannon touched her arm. “Staci, give him the time he needs. He’ll figure it out the same way I did when Marcus proposed to me and I turned him down.”

  “What?” Lashay asked. “You turned my cousin down?”

  “Is that why you guys had that riff?” Staci questioned.

  Shannon nodded. “Marcus proposed to me on his birthday, and I said no because I was afraid and didn’t think I deserved him. I was an outcast in my family, and I didn’t think I was worthy of his or anyone else’s love.”

  “No wonder he was so messed up; you kicked him to the curb on his birthday.” Staci shook her head. “My conceited brother needed to be knocked off of his high horse. Now I’ll drink to that.” Staci savored the bubbly pear flavor.

  Shannon further explained. “That was before I knew who I was and accepted myself for who I am. Once I became secure with myself and loved myself, I literally begged Marcus for another chance.”