by L. C. Davis
“Ulric is going to make an announcement soon,” I said, checking to make sure we were alone. “He's lifting the ban on leaving the Lodge. The hunters are gone.”
“Gone?” he asked, wiping his mouth after taking a long swig. “I wanna stretch my legs as much as the next wolf, but a couple of months of peace doesn't seem like enough to make that kind of announcement when hunters are involved.”
“It isn't, but Victor has been tracking all the known members of the Family,” I said. “They all left school or work to go to Europe right around the same time that supernatural killings started happening there.”
“No shit,” he murmured, pulling a set of weights off the rack to do some curls. I thought that was what Brendan called them, at least. “Well, I know what I'll be doing tonight.”
I smirked. “Planning on a moonlit run with Clarence?”
“Don't start. He's admittedly not as bad as I thought, though.”
“No?”
“Nah. He's backed off the whole destined mates thing and he's actually been a lot of help with my research into the mark.”
“I've never seen him the way he was that night,” I admitted. “I didn't think Clarence was capable of fear.”
Hunter looked away. Either it was my imagination or he was blushing. “Yeah, well, don't expect wedding bells anytime in the near future. He's just a friend and I still have too much shit to do to even entertain the idea of romance.”
“I can understand that,” I said, leaning against the wall. “Just be gentle with him, that's all I ask.”
“Don't you two have a thing?” he asked, a bit breathless after switching to chest presses. “Like, a bad thing?”
“My relationship with Clarence is one of distant respect,” I admitted. “He's still a good guy, though, and we're part of the same pack. I'd hate to see him get hurt.”
He snorted. “Guess the wolf mother in you really is starting to kick in. I'll do my best, alright? Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how to break the whole trans thing to him before he's in too deep.”
“I think he's already at the bottom of the ocean where you're concerned,” I said dryly. “I can't imagine him feeling any differently once he finds out.”
“Oh.” He sounded almost disappointed.
“Look, I know this is none of my business, but it really does seem like you two are mates. I'd tell him sooner rather than later, if I were you. You don't want nothing to turn into something if you do develop feelings for him and decide you want a relationship. At least give him the chance to surprise you.”
“Maybe you're right, but if we were really mates, we would have seen each other in a vision when we were kids.”
I cringed, remembering what Clarence had told me about the subject of his vision. “Just talk to him when you can,” I repeated. “If he is your mate, the more distance there is between you the harder the universe is going to shove you together. Trust me, I'd know.”
“So what, you're in a three-way collision right now?”
“Very funny.”
“Are you gonna workout or just stand there?” he asked, pausing to take another drink.
I wrinkled my nose. “Weights aren't really my thing,” I said, taking a step towards the door. Just then, footsteps thundered down the stairs. I peeked out of the weight room in time to see Clarence, Jason and Brendan jockeying to be the first out the door. They were whooping and carrying on like—well, like a pack of wolves.
“Where's the fire?” I asked, walking out into the lobby.
“Your daddy just lifted the travel ban,” said Brendan, ruffling my hair. “Didn't you hear?”
“Nope,” I lied, not wanting them to think I was getting special treatment just because I was Ulric's kid. If anything, I was getting special treatment for sleeping with his successor.
“We're going out for a run to celebrate,” said Brendan. “You wanna come?”
I could tell they wanted me along about as much as I wanted to come, but the gesture was touching. “Thanks, but until I can shift I think I'll stick to the treadmill. Where's Mav?”
“Your boyf—er, one of your boyfriends,” he corrected himself, “is doing some mind meld thingy so he can't snitch on us. He still can't leave the Lodge by himself, but after we get back I'm taking him out to celebrate.”
“Oh, good,” I said, deciding to let the boyfriends comment slide. Whether my heart was in it or not, I technically was dating them both. “Your first official date?”
He gave me a look. “I have a boyfriend. We're just hanging out as friends, I mean it's the least I can do to make sure he gets some fresh air.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said, feeling guilty for needling him. There was still part of me that couldn't understand how the obvious soulmate bond between Brendan and Mav hadn't put an immediate end to what was obviously a distant relationship to begin with. As far as I knew there was no hard evidence of Maverick being marked, but from what Victor and Sebastian had told me about being a verndari wolf bonded to a fleur, resistance was damn near impossible. If there was one thing neither of them was lacking, it was will.
It was admittedly, shamefully shallow, but I would never understand how it was possible to live with someone like Maverick, who was as stunningly beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside, and not fall for him. Especially when the alternative was the relatively plain guy in the picture on Brendan's desk who never even seemed to bother to call him.
I felt a pang of guilt for even thinking it and reminded myself that I had no room to talk. Not when Victor and Sebastian of all people loved someone like me.
“Hey, you seen Hunter anywhere?” Clarence asked, coming up to us. “I wanna see if he's up for a run.”
“He's in the weight room,” I said, noticing that Jason was still giving me a wide berth. He had understandably been wary of me ever since I'd chomped down on his shoulder while trying to stop Sebastian from killing Victor. “Last I checked he was stir crazy, too.”
“Thanks,” Clarence said, wasting no time running off to find the magician.
“So,” said Brendan. “Which one of your harem boys is taking you out tonight?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sebastian, if Victor has anything to say about it.”
He watched me for a moment, tilting his head. “Is that weird? I feel like it would be weird.”
“You have no earthly idea,” I muttered.
He laughed. “Yeah, can't say I envy you. Any idea who it's gonna be?”
“If Ulric or the twins ask? I'm still deciding,” I said wryly.
“And the official unofficial answer is Victor?”
“Always.”
He gave me a sympathetic smile. “I think this whole thing is bullshit, for that it's worth. You're old enough to know what you want, especially now that your head's all in one piece.”
“Thanks,” I said as saddle bags of guilt rested deservedly on my shoulders. Here I was questioning the judgment of the one person in the Lodge who actually respected mine.
“Anytime,” he said, looking up when Hunter came tearing out of the weight room. He blew past Jason and flung the door open, holding his arms outstretched as he rushed past the threshold.
“Sweet freedom!”
Clarence and Jason ran after him, cheering and shoving each other. Hunter jumped on Clarence's back and clung to him like a monkey, cackling victoriously as he rode him down the driveway.
Brendan rolled his eyes. “You'd think we were a bunch of animals,” he said, nudging me. “Come on.”
“Huh? No, that's okay, I can't keep up with you guys.”
“Maybe not, but you've only ever seen the twins shift,” he said, grinning. “Don't you wanna see what a normal wolf looks like?”
I hesitated. “Well, yeah, I guess that would be kind of cool.”
“Come on,” he said, motioning for him to follow me through the threshold.
“Alright,” I said, holding my breath as I stepped through the door. “I'm just gonna watch, though.”
&
nbsp; “Attaboy,” he said, kneeling down. Before I could protest, he roped my arm around his neck and hoisted me onto his back.
“Brendan!” I cried, startled as he took off towards the edge of the forest, laughing.
“Oh come on, this is one of the least weird things we've done together.”
Before I could complain again, we had joined the others within the shelter of the trees and he put me back on the ground. I noticed Hunter was nowhere to be seen, but Clarence and Jason were already stripping down.
“You here for the peep show?” Clarence asked dryly.
I blushed and turned around, covering my eyes. “I forgot you guys had to be, you know, naked to do this.”
“Maybe he's afraid he'll see something he likes,” Jason taunted. “The twins can't be keeping him satisfied if he can't even pick one of them.”
“Yeah, I don't think you're packing anything he wants, bro,” Brendan shot back, coming to my defense.
Their banter was cut short by an impatient snarl. Forgetting my modesty, I whirled around to see a massive yellow wolf nearly as big as Sebastian's beastform standing in front of me. I stared in shock for a long moment as I found recognition in the beast's icy blue eyes.
“Clarence?” I whispered.
The wolf snorted in acknowledgment before turning to pace through the narrow clearing. No matter how many times I saw one of them in their beastform, I knew it would never be any less shocking.
Growls on either side of me signified the transformations of Brendan and Jason. Eerily familiar shadows of particles came over them and clung to their bodies until they were no longer men but animals. Unlike the times I had seen the twins shift, there was no thrashing and no screams of agony. The shadows were different colors, too. Brendan's was a warm auburn shade while Jason's was bluish-white.
When the shadows dissipated, Brendan was left as a wolf who matched his shadow and Jason was a shade or two darker than Clarence but considerably smaller.
Brendan stepped closer with a twinkle in his brown eyes. He may have been a massive beast with hunched shoulders and monstrous claws, but he was unmistakably my friend. I could see it in those eyes.
It didn't escape my notice that Brendan's wolf form was far more innocuous than Victor's or Sebastian's. Even Clarence, as big as he was, seemed less threatening. The other wolves' eyes didn't have the crazed look I was used to and their bodies were mostly quadrupedal.
Suddenly I understood what Brendan had meant by “normal wolves.” Since Sebastian and Victor were the only wolves I had seen transform, I had always just assumed they were normal even though I knew they were berserkers. It turned out that my strange wolf was closer to normal than either of them.
Twigs cracked and bushes rustled, announcing the appearance of a stunning white beast with gray markings all over. Once it loped into the clearing I could see that it was smaller than Clarence and Brendan but around the same size as Jason. Its fangs were longer, too, and they rested on either side of its lower jaw like a saber-toothed cat's.
It took me a moment to register the familiar gray eyes. This was Hunter's beastform. The beast made a snickering sound at my reaction and gently nudged me with its massive head. I reached out and tentatively stroked its fur. It was by far the most impressive looking among the four wolves, and I couldn't help but notice that it was unmistakably anatomically male.
“I guess this is pretty much what I would have guessed a wizard wolf looked like,” I said with a nervous laugh.
Hunter snorted in my hair and went to join the others who were already walking deeper into the forest. He paused and looked back at me with hesitation.
“Go on,” I said, waving him off. “Enjoy your run, I'll be joining you soon enough.”
For the first time since I had learned of the existence of werewolves, it seemed like a gift instead of a curse. I had always just assumed that the twins had the normative wolf experience, from Sebastian's inability to control himself in his beastform to Victor's inability to leave his.
My reassurance seemed to be enough. Hunter turned and disappeared after the others in a white flash of fur. I lingered for a moment, looking at the clothes on the ground. I folded them into piles, as if that would somehow help, and made the long journey back up the hill the Lodge rested atop.
It wasn't until I got to the very top of the driveway that I came to a startling realization. I was outside—without Victor, Sebastian or Ulric. My pulse quickened as I approached the door and I reached through it.
Nothing.
I held my breath and took a step through without resistance. Stepping back outside was just as easy. I darted within the safety of the Lodge and closed the door before anyone could find out about my accidental act of disobedience.
“Going somewhere?”
Sarah's voice startled me so that I spun around and stared at her like she was a ghost. Sometimes it felt like she was one with the way she walked around like she'd lived here all her life.
“My, you're jumpy,” she said, taking out a cigarette. She lit it, taking a deep drag.
“I'm fine,” I lied, brushing past her. She grabbed my arm before I could head up the stairs.
“You're a terrible liar,” she said, sounding a bit disappointed. “You get that from your father, obviously. Tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help.”
“I went out to watch the others shift,” I said, leaning on the railing.
“Now there's an all-American pastime,” she said, casting a lustful glance in the direction of the forest. “Honey, trust me, if your boy toys are upset about you sneaking a little peek at the competition, they probably don't have the equipment for the job in the first place.”
“That's not it!” I snapped. “And they both have plenty of equipment for the—they're both well equipped, okay?” I stammered. “That's not what this is about.”
“No?” She blinked. “Then what?”
“I left the Lodge by myself. Months ago, Victor put a mental block up that would keep me from leaving the Lodge without permission,” I said. “It was our trade for me not needing constant supervision inside the Lodge and now it's gone.”
“Oh, that,” she said knowingly, taking another puff off her cigarette. “You're welcome.”
My eyes widened in realization. “You removed the block.”
“I noticed it while I was in your head,” she said casually.
“I thought your powers were gone!”
“Mine are,” she said. “I siphoned off a little of yours. It was child's play, it hardly even took any effort. Your brooding lover is good at mindgames for a werewolf, but he's batting in the minor leagues compared to our kind.”
“I can't believe you, especially after Ulric gave you shelter,” I hissed.
“Sweetie, relax!” she said with a dismissive laugh. “You're acting like I just killed your dog.” She winced. “Bad analogy since I almost did that, but you know what I meant.”
“You wouldn't understand,” I said through gritted teeth. “You have no idea what it's like to want someone to trust you. All you do is play games and screw around with other people's heads.”
Hurt registered on her face for a moment and then it was gone. “I'm sorry,” she said stiffly. Those were the last two words I had ever expected to come out of her mouth, but they seemed surprisingly sincere. “I really thought I was doing you a favor. I know you don't want me here, but I'm trying.”
“Trying to do what, exactly?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“I don't know,” she admitted. “To reconnect, I guess.”
“Reconnecting implies that we ever had a connection in the first place,” I said firmly. “Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that you're helping me through this whole hybrid thing, but we don't know each other. Not really. Stalking me from a distance doesn't count.”
“Maybe not,” she said, holding my gaze. “But I'd like to start over, if you'll give me the chance.”
I hesitated. “I don't know, Sarah.”
“I
know that I don't deserve it,” she murmured. “But you gave that lowlife a second chance to live after he did the unthinkable to you. You're giving Sebastian a second chance, even if it's only as a friend. Is giving a second chance to your own mother really such a stretch?”
She had a point. I couldn't deny it even though there was something deep inside me that wanted to. The truth was, I didn't know why it was so much harder to give her the benefit of the doubt when I had given it before with much less justification. Maybe it was just because, in some strange way way, her betrayal was far more personal than the others had been.
“We can try,” I said finally. “I'm still not sure I won't regret my decision, but we can try to start over.”
She gave me a small but sincere smile. “Thank you,” she said, clasping my hand. I resisted the urge to pull away. “You won't regret it.”
“I hope not,” I told her firmly. “I'm good at handling disappointment, but I'd like to stop winning medals at it.”
“Fair enough. How can I earn your trust?”
“For starters, you could stop screwing with the people who already have it,” I said pointedly. “Whoever Ulric chooses as alpha, I have a duty to this pack as his mate. Whatever you do to any member of this pack, you're doing to me. If you want me to trust you, then be trustworthy. No more lies, no more games.”
“That sounds reasonable,” she said, cringing. “Let's start over from now though, because I did some very un-motherly things to that blond boy last night.”
“Jason?”
“Yeah, I think so. It was something with a J,” she said casually.
It was impossible to hide my disgust. At least it wasn't Clarence.
“Anything else?” she asked.
I thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, stay away from dad. No offense, but you're the last thing he needs to deal with right now.”
She laughed and gave me a dismissive wave. “Oh, sweetie, Ulric is gay as the day is long and the novelty of being a beard wore off years ago. Besides, he couldn't handle me now,” she said proudly, planting her hands on her hips. “Now Jimmy on the other hand...”
I grimaced. “Ew. You have fun with that, I need to go check on Maverick.”
