Unbidden Love (Book Five of the Bidden Series)

by Cierlak, Crystal

  Of course, he did not believe a word of it.

  ’Does it not occur to you that I would love you still even if you were at your worst?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. How could you love the worst version of someone?’

  ‘Because I love all the versions of her,’ he whispered before kissing her cheek, ‘from the best,’ he kissed her chin next, ‘to the worst.’ He kissed her lips last and lingered there a moment.

  ‘I guess we’ll find out.’

  If he had only known that she had slept with Joe Gallo - a man he once despised but could now just barely tolerate - maybe then he would have realized that Natalie knew what she was talking about that night. She knew how much Celine cheating on him with Joe while they were married hurt, and even if he and Natalie weren’t together when it happened, her betrayal felt just as deep as Celine's. But he did not listen to her, nor was he aware of what she was capable of. He would have never made the wager - that if he could forgive her, then she would give him an answer to his proposal - otherwise.

  The hole inside him echoed with the reverberations of a slowly dying heart. Where her love once filled the parts of him that had been broken by Celine, it now poisoned, bleeding into new cracks that darkened him from the inside out. How could he ever love her again?

  James stood from his seat to refresh his drink and caught sight of his phone on the desk. An idea sparked inside him, and with it a quiet voice dissenting from a plan that was quickly forming. He could not change the past or what Natalie did anymore than he could fix his own mistakes, even the ones that were still with him. But he could do something else.

  If you pick up that phone and make the call, you will never be able to take it back, the quiet voice warned him. Choosing to ignore it, James set down his still-empty glass and picked up the phone.

  “Well I will be damned,” a crisp London accent greeted him once the call connected. “If it isn’t my favorite customer.”

  “Sorry for calling so late, Thomas.”

  “It is no trouble at all, Mister Fitzgerald. What can I do for you?”

  James pursed his lips thoughtfully as he considered the next words to come from his mouth. There really would be no going back if he went through with it.

  “I would like you to acquire something for me. Something beautiful and rare.”

  "Want to get a pressed juice when we are done?" Natalie asked as she huffed up along the trail, James at her side.

  "You know I am not into that. Too trendy," James laughed. He took a long draw from the bottle of water he carried before offering it to Natalie. "Honestly, I would rather have coffee. Why buy all of that expensive organic fruit at the Farmer's Market to not use the juicer at home?"

  "Probably for the same reason you go to Starbucks when we have a perfectly good - and might I add expensive - coffee maker at home?"

  "I cannot make my own coffee. It never tastes the same," James defended.

  "Right. It is so much better when the hot blonde who works the morning shift makes your Americano." Natalie playfully bumped her shoulder into James’ side.

  James feigned ignorance. "There is a hot blonde?"

  "Processed hair, incredible fake breasts, pouty lips?"

  "Never noticed," James shrugged as they made their way back to their car parked along a busy residential street. "You know I prefer redheads."

  Natalie glanced over her shoulder at him. "I know exactly what you prefer," she said just loud enough to be heard over the growing sound of traffic and birds in the trees. She slid into the driver's seat of the not-at-all-discreet white Bugatti Veyron and stabbed the start engine button with her finger as James climbed in beside her.

  “Let’s compromise,” Natalie offered as she buckled her seatbelt. “I will make your coffee and you can press my juice.”

  James leaned back into the passenger seat, a smile pursing at his lips. “Or we could forget both and just take a really long shower together.” He gently brushed his fingers across the back of Natalie’s hand as it rested atop the center console. By the time they reached home his fingers had brushed their way from Natalie’s hand to her inner thigh, grazing suggestively across the fabric of her workout pants.

  “Come on,” Natalie breathed as she clutched at his hand before climbing out of the car. She was sweaty and warm both from the morning’s workout and James' touch. She needed a shower, and desperately wanted to get her hands on his body. They were laughing as they ran-walked to the master bathroom suite, hands grasping at bits of expensive workout clothes, abandoning shoes, socks and any other piece of clothing that could come off easily.

  They undressed each other hastily, Natalie tugging at James' tee shirt while he slid her pants down her hips and thighs. Natalie tugged off her own top as James turned on the waterfall shower-head above them, hot water steaming instantly the moment it touched their skin.

  "Come here," Natalie breathed, reaching for his hands. She tugged and stepped back simultaneously until her exposed backside met with the slick cold surface of the tiled wall. "I want to feel you inside me." She moaned with relief when James' tongue slipped between her parted lips, the taste of mint from earlier that morning still lingering.

  "I bet you taste as good as you look," he said in a low voice. His lips drifted across Natalie's chin, down the column of her neck and dipped between her breasts, his large hands cupping the copious mounds of flesh. He suckled at one nipple then the other, lavishing his tongue across the piqued pink tips as sheets of water cascaded down the sloped edge. Natalie's fingers splayed across James' neck and shoulders, the tips kneading into soft skin and hard muscle as he continued his exploration of her body.

  "Tell me how much you want me," he demanded, his voice low but just loud enough to be heard over the sound of running water.

  Natalie's eyes fluttered open as her head craned forward to see James on his knees. His fingertips grazed up and down the smooth skin of Natalie's thighs.

  "You know I do.”

  "Tell me you love me," he said, the last word a murmur between Natalie's thighs as he nestled his face against her sex. Natalie parted her legs as he kissed the delicate folds in the apex of her thighs.

  "I do. I love you." Natalie cried out as his velvet tongue swept inside her warmth with the skilled ease of a practiced lover. Muscles constricted and released as his tongue worked within her, every velvety stroke igniting her from within. Natalie held her breasts in her palms, squeezing the flesh through the spaces between her fingers in search of ever more sensation. Her calves threatened to burst with angry heat as the tension between her legs built.

  "I love you," she whispered again, her voice hoarse with need. Her hands moved from her own breasts to the head between her legs, grabbing long strands of slippery hair. The tongue that brought her to such states of pleasure was slimmer, cooler, licking from just within the guarded depths of her sex to the crackling bud of fire nestled beneath her mound. Soft hands cupped Natalie's rear as she slid against the wet tile wall behind her, catching her. When her eyes opened again the head between her legs was not honey colored, but blonde. The woman's face was so strikingly familiar she leaped at the sight of her.

  "You?!"

  "Poor little Natalie!" Celine's smile was as wicked as her tone was taunting. “You are just determined to sleep with all of us, aren't you? Would you like a list of every man I have ever been with so you can sleep with them, too? Should I warn Caroline about you?"

  "What the-"

  Celine took Natalie's hands and forced them up against the wall, pushing them with surprising strength against the tile. Her cold blue eyes were like ice, making the hair on the back of Natalie’s neck rise.

  "It must kill you to know that both men chose me over you.”

  Natalie opened her eyes, paralyzed by the image of Celine and the unsettling feeling of knowing the woman could intrude on her dreams. Untangling her excessively warm body from the bedsheets, Natalie stumbled to her bedroom window and opened it dramatically, welc
oming in the chilly morning air against her inflamed skin. She breathed in and exhaled out, willing the dream to go with it.

  Celine’s intrusive face faded away, but James remained. In every variation of the recurring dream he was the one constant. She could not decide if that was ironic or just pathetic. Or maybe it was something else entirely? Her brain’s way of reminding her heart that there had been no closure between her and James, just their last night together before he disappeared entirely. She only assumed he knew everything; why else would he stay away for good?

  He must have been wrong when he said he would love all versions of her.

  Natalie took another deep breath of air and pushed it out forcefully. Do not think about him, she told herself, as she had every morning since he left for New York. He has moved on, and so should I.

  The sentiment did not land quite right, or was not convincing enough. What if the dreams did not go away? Or if they kept changing? She was not sure she could handle not knowing which night her brain would choose to psychologically torment her. Maybe there was someone she could turn to for help. Someone who did not have an interest or particularly care about the outcome of her love life. Someone objective.

  She sighed and felt the resolve of a new decision sink in. “Okay Quinn, We will try it your way.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  "Thank you for squeezing me in today, Doctor Brown," Natalie greeted as she slipped into the therapist's midcentury modern office space.

  "You sounded quite upset when we spoke this morning, Natalie. What's going on?"

  Natalie sat down in the seat she occupied on her first visit to the therapist's office, and took a calming breath. “I have been having this recurring dream. Only last night it changed and I am sure it is probably my brain convincing me I need to be in therapy.”

  "Tell me about it." Doctor Brown said with a small laugh as she sat across from Natalie, folio pad and pen in hand.

  Natalie inhaled deeply as she recalled the dream as though it were a memory. It had recurred enough to almost be one.

  "The dream usually starts off with Audra and me. We come home from hiking and take a shower together. Things start to get... intimate." She glanced up at and then away from Doctor Brown, willing herself to keep going in spite of her own embarrassment. "She asks me to tell her that I love her, which I do, and then the dream changes and it's not Audra, it is James, and he is telling me that he loves me, too; that he never stopped loving me. The sex changes too, from oral to penetrative, and just as I am about to climax I wake up."

  "But that is not the version of the dream you had last night?"

  Natalie shook her head. "No. Last night it started with James instead of Audra. We come home from hiking, things get intimate in the shower, and after I tell him I love him he-" It was a struggle to willingly recall that part of the dream, let alone speak it aloud. It felt wrong on every level. A violation, even. "He turned into Celine."

  "Celine?"

  "James' ex-wife. Audra's sister."

  Doctor Brown tucked her chin into her hand, the pen speared between her index and middle fingers. “James appeared in Audra's usual role, and then his ex-wife appeared in his usual role?”

  “Pretty much.”

  "Did she say anything to you in the dream?"

  "She basically called me a slut, that I have slept with everyone she has slept with and that it must kill me knowing that both James and Joe chose her over me."

  The therapist's brows squeezed the skin at the junction between her eyes and nose. "Who is Joe?"

  Natalie eyed the unused pen, knowing it would not go unused for too much longer. "My business partner. Celine's ex. The father of her daughter, whom James believed was his for years."

  As suspected, the pen went to work straight away, jotting down notes into the folio resting on the doctor's lap. "Okay," she mumbled to herself as she worked. “James is the ex-boyfriend; Audra, your current girlfriend. Celine is James' ex-wife and Audra’s sister. Joe is your business parter and Celine's ex. They have a daughter together. And of course there’s Quinn.” She recited the names as though she were ticking them off a list.

  "Let me just give you the Cliff's Notes version," Natalie offered. She took a deep breath and began. "Quinn introduced me to the auction, which is where I met and spent the night with James. Five months later I randomly met him again and found out he was married to Celine. Shortly thereafter I met Audra and found out she was his sister-in-law.

  "I met Joe at work when he transferred from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Turned out that he had been Celine's boyfriend when she met James, with whom she cheated on Joe. Years later Celine cheated again, only this time with Joe on James, and the product of that was her daughter Frankie, who - up until recently - James believed was his daughter.

  "That reveal was what prompted the divorce, during which time I was with James. But come to find out, in that five month period between the auction and seeing James again, he had slept with Celine and she got pregnant. Only this time, he did not believe the child was his. I discovered then that I was pregnant, and decided that I needed a break from James and all of this drama. I got fired from my job and started up a new agency with Joe. Weeks later I miscarried and an amniocentesis revealed that Celine was indeed carrying James' child."

  Natalie forced herself to stop there, just as her eyes began to warm and tingle with the sensation of fresh tears threatening to fall.

  "It was a very confusing and painful time for me," she continued, intent on fighting through any tears that threatened to fall. "Audra was there when I needed someone. She and I became closer, and at some point we were something more than friends. But then I slept with Joe. It did not mean anything to either one of us. It just-“ she shrugged as she found the right words, “-sort of happened. At the same time James was trying to win me back. He bought this enormous house in Montecito. He told me he was planning on asking me to marry him and we ended up sleeping together shortly thereafter. When James discovered that I had been with both Audra and Joe, he took off for New York, and I have not seen him since. Celine gave birth to their son, and they are planning on moving into the house in Montecito. As a family.” And oh yeah, there was one other important fact, she thought to herself. “They are probably on a plane flying out here right now.”

  Doctor Brown tapped the cap-side of the pen against her chin, her eyes fixed on Natalie. Finally, after an extended moment, she said, “Why don’t we focus on the individual parts first before we tackle the whole?”

  Natalie let out a shaky breath and nodded her head. “Okay. That is probably for the best.” She felt exposed, raw. Having the entirety of her romantic world and all of its extensions bundled up in her mind felt like a pressured weight on her heart. Perhaps the doctor could help alleviate some of that pressure, or at least enough to keep Natalie's subconscious at bay from her dreams.

  “We will work our way to Celine. You talked about your relationship with James the last time you were in. Let’s talk about Audra.”

  Audra’s poised smile came to mind almost immediately, a bright spot amongst a lot of darkness. “Like I said, she was there for me when I needed someone. I felt like she was the only person in the world who was uniquely qualified to understand where I was in that point of my life.”

  “Because?”

  “Because of James. He and Audra have this amazing relationship completely free of the typical man-woman drama. Or at least, they did.”

  She was tempted to make the joke again that she was the Yoko Ono of the duo, but decided against it. She was there for help, not to try her hand at self-deprecating standup.

  “What changed your mind about Audra? At what point did your relationship shift from one of friendship to one of romance?”

  Natalie bit the inside of her bottom lip as she flipped back through her memory. “I would not say we were ever really friends. She was essentially my boss, and I always thought of her as being kind of aloof. She is the type of woman who seems like she ha
s got it all together, while you feel like you’re still in puberty. She has this innate sense of class and poise.” Did that make her sound as if she was jealous of Audra? Or that she placed Audra on some kind of pedestal above herself? Why was she so quick to make herself the punchline of her own joke? She knew for a fact that if Audra heard her talking that way, she would have words with her.

  “I had no idea she felt about me the way she did,” Natalie added quietly.

  “So your relationship was once more formal?”

  Natalie nodded her head. “Yes. I don’t know if it was the miscarriage or the paternity results that more or less ended things for good between James and me, but they ended. It hurt too much to be around him, to even talk to him.” She did not want to admit to anyone, least of all herself, that it hurt just as bad to not be around him. “One night he sent me a text message saying he would always love me, and I went to his hotel to…” she drifted off. She still was not sure what her intentions had been that night. To reconcile? To just see his face and hear his voice? “I lost my nerve in the lobby and made a detour to the bar. I don’t even remember if I drank anything or not. I just remember feeling incredibly torn. Of all the people to find me in that state it was Audra. She treated me so differently than she ever had before. She has this very nurturing, almost maternal side to her that I did not even know existed.”

  “Maternal. That is interesting,” the doctor noted aloud.

  “Why, because she is a lesbian?”

  Doctor Brown looked taken aback by the comment. “No. Because you described her as being aloof.”

  “Oh,” Natalie muttered to herself. “Sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything.”

  “It’s fine,” Doctor Brown said, kindly dismissing the slight tone of accusation in Natalie’s outburst. “Do you still find Audra to be aloof?”

  “Sometimes. I think what I ascribed as being aloof back then was really just her being guarded. She still is, but I feel as though she has let me in to see what she is protecting. I kind of get the impression she has not been that way with too many people in her life - romantic or otherwise. Doesn’t that say a lot about her feelings for me?”