Mission

by Patrick Tilley

  Linda closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘No … it’s not true. It – it doesn’t make sense.’

  ‘It doesn’t make sense to us,’ I said. ‘But it’s happening nevertheless. And I may soon have the opportunity to prove it to you.’

  She looked at me, her eyes besieged with doubt. It sounds awful but, as with Russell and Marcello, I enjoyed seeing someone else going through the mill. ‘I don’t wish to sound insulting,’ I said, ‘but it should be easier for you. After all, you are a Christian. There are plenty of Catholic saints who claimed to have a nodding acquaintance with Jesus. Didn’t you say yourself that he was a special kind of person?’

  Linda thought it over. ‘How many other people know about this?’

  ‘Just you, Doctor Maxwell and myself,’ I said. ‘He also met Mrs Perez but I think she has been persuaded that what she actually experienced was an ecstatic vision.’

  She nodded. ‘But if this is true, why haven’t you told the Vatican?’

  I sucked air through my teeth. ‘That’s one of the problems. From what I’ve learned so far, they and The Man may not have a lot in common.’

  She raised an eyebrow. ‘The Man?’

  ‘It’s what we call him,’ I explained. ‘You see, he doesn’t really fit the image people conjure up when you talk about Jesus Christ.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘How about someone in the Government?’

  I threw up my hands. ‘Who should I call, Linda? Do you really think the people in the White House would be pleased to hear that Jesus Christ was arriving on the next flight into Dulles?’

  ‘Yes, but, Leo, if this is true don’t you think people have a right to know? Surely, for millions of people all over the world to know that he was actually here would be the most wonderful thing that could ever happen.’

  ‘Linda,’ I said, ‘I’ve been beating my brains out over what to do ever since The Man got here. Believe me, it’s not that simple. I don’t know what it is he’s come to do but if he wanted the whole world to know he could have landed directly on the lawn of the White House.’ I smiled. ‘And I think everybody that heard about it would be as sceptical as you are.’

  ‘Give me time,’ she said. ‘When you hand out something like this, it takes a bit of getting used to.’

  ‘Yeah, well, for what it’s worth, he told me to share the news with you.’ I smiled. ‘That’s why you’re sitting here instead of clearing out your desk.’

  She grimaced. ‘That close, huh? Are you expecting him back?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know.’

  Although the information I’d imparted to Linda was what the Pentagon would label ‘highly sensitive’, I did not attempt to extract an oath of secrecy. I knew what I’d told her was so incredible, she wouldn’t breathe a word to anybody for fear of being certified herself. In an odd way I felt better that Miriam and I were no longer bearing the burden alone. Linda had got what she’d asked for and, like me, was probably now wishing her curiosity hadn’t got the better of her. I had urged her to question Gale McDonald and if, contrary to my opinion, she decided to pass the news on, then that would save me the trouble. McDonald, Fowler, or whoever she chose as the recipient would either find the information riveting or risible. The egg would be on her face, not mine.

  You may find this sudden change of heart somewhat surprising after my earlier agonising, but the fact is something had changed inside me. Whether it was what Miriam had said to me, or whether I had been reprogrammed by The Man is hard to say. All I knew was that I had become detached from many of the concerns which cluttered my day-to-day existence. I was beginning to see things more clearly. Narrowing my field of view down to focus on the essentials. Moving towards the stillness at the centre.

  Towards the end of the afternoon, Joe Gutzman came into my office with his coat on. ‘I spoke to Friedman. You didn’t call him yet.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ I said. ‘I’ve been busy trying to clear my desk. Have you had any more thoughts on the Delaware appeal?’

  Joe raised a hand in supplication to the invisible god who sometimes answers the prayers of Jewish lawyers. ‘Corinne’s going over the transcripts but so far she hasn’t found any flaws in your argument. I’ve said I’ll look through it next week. Who knows? Maybe the judge didn’t like your aftershave.’ His eyes told me that my temporary defection had been forgiven. ‘Are you going down to stay with your folks in Florida?’

  It was the last thing in the world I intended to do but I didn’t destroy the image he’d built of me. ‘I’d like to but they’re on a cruise right now.’ I gestured through the open doorway to where Linda sat busily tapping out the last typewritten letters I would ever sign. ‘Linda here will know where I am – and she’ll hold things together while I’m away.’

  Joe sized Linda up with a nod then drew her attention to me. ‘Make sure this young man gets a check-up before he leaves town. He’s to see Sol Friedman. My secretary will give you his number. Just mention my name when you ring up to make the appointment.’

  ‘Joe,’ I said. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s a waste of his time and the firm’s money.’

  Joe looked beseechingly at Linda then turned to me with his hand on his heart. ‘Leo, first you turn down my daughter, then you turn down my clients. Personal friends. Now it’s my doctor who’s a nebbish. Is there something you’re trying to tell me?’

  ‘Joe, come on,’ I protested. ‘You know it’s not like that.’

  ‘So humour me,’ he said, giving me his old faithful bloodhound look.

  I patted him on the shoulder. ‘Okay. I’ll call him first thing Monday. I promise.’

  One more that I didn’t keep.

  Chapter 18

  Saturday, 9th of May. I collected Miriam in the morning and we drove up to Sleepy Hollow. It was another warm spring day and we spent most of it outside gathering wood which I then sawed by hand. It gave me great satisfaction, an aching shoulder and a good excuse for not painting the front porch which, in any case, still needed some work on the side-rails. The only carpenter I knew was out of town. I can change a fuse but that was about the limit of my handyman skills. It’s always been easier to pick up the telephone. It’s still difficult to realise that that is something I will never be able to do again.

  Miriam raked up the leaves that had been left over from the previous fall and we made a bonfire and pottered around in the fresh air until long after the sun went down. When we got inside, our faces tingled and our hair and sweaters smelt of woodsmoke. Spring and autumn rolled into one. A beginning and an end. Inexorable – and totally unforeseen.

  I used some of the branches to build a fire in the living-room while Miriam put some supper together. We ate in the glow of the flames then pushed the plates aside, pulled the cushions off the sofa and lay there propped up against each other, gazing into the fire as the pine wood popped and crackled, sending flurries of sparks up the stone chimney.

  ‘This is the life,’ I murmured.

  Miriam turned her face so that her forehead touched my cheek. ‘Well, you don’t have to be a big-city lawyer. We could always hang our shingles side-by-side on a white timber-frame house down a leafy side-street in Smalltown, USA.’

  ‘Yeah, I know the place you mean,’ I replied. ‘Ten miles east of Nowhere. It was great when Spencer Tracy was alive but not since they put the Interstate down Main Street. We’d go crazy inside a week.’

  She shrugged. ‘I’ll take that risk if you will.’

  I stroked her hair. ‘It’s a nice idea. But really, can you imagine us fitting in with red-necked ranchers, their D.A.R. wives and the rest of those ‘good ole boys’? Besides, they’d never understand my Brooklyn accent.’

  ‘True, I hadn’t thought about that.’ She snuggled closer. ‘We could go to Israel.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘They’ll always have a need for doctors. But what chance would I have amongst all those Jewish lawyers?’

  ‘You could grow or
anges.’

  I laughed. ‘I suppose I could at that.’ It was an idea we had often discussed jokingly before. Like many other young Jewish Americans, Miriam had done a two-year stint on a kibbutz before going to medical school and had gone back there for occasional holidays. Five years earlier, when it had been the turn of my contemporaries, I had stayed at home with my nose stuck in law books. I’d regretted the decision afterwards but, by then, it was too late. It would have hurt my career.

  Miriam sat up and faced me. ‘You’ve got two weeks with nothing to do, why don’t you go out there and take a look?’

  I reached for the first excuse I could think of. ‘But what about The Man?’

  ‘Leo,’ she said firmly, ‘if it’s you he’s interested in, he’ll be there too. He might even prefer it. He won’t have so far to travel.’

  I eyed her. ‘I don’t really think that’s a problem. But I see what you mean.’ I cast around for another stumbling block.

  Miriam clasped her hands together excitedly. ‘Oh, if only – you’ll love it. How soon can you go?’

  ‘Hey, hey, hey – hold on a minute,’ I said. ‘That’s a big chunk of money you’re talking about. Let’s think this over.’

  She took hold of my hand. ‘Leo, if it feels right, you don’t need to think. The moment you do, you can always find a million reasons for not doing anything. It’s your birthday on the eighteenth – I’ll give you the ticket as a present.’

  ‘Are you crazy?’ I snorted. ‘No way. But buy your own and you’ve got a deal.’

  She grimaced. It was obviously a big temptation. ‘I’d love to but I can’t take a break now. But you must go. It’s important. Really.’

  I shook my head. ‘No, it’s a waste of time. Even if I came back starry-eyed and with my pockets full of orange blossom you’ll never leave the Manhattan General.’

  She dropped her head on one side and considered me. ‘I would. It depends on what kind of proposition was put to me.’

  I gazed back at her. ‘You really are serious about this….’

  ‘I’m a very serious girl,’ she replied. ‘The only danger is that when you see some of the girls out there, the last thing you’ll want to do is marry me.’

  I considered the idea of going. It was mad, but curiously enticing. I tried to fight it off. ‘Jack Seligmann and his wife hated it.’

  ‘Jack is a shnorrer,’ said Miriam. ‘And what does she know about anything?’

  So much for the Seligmanns.

  ‘Listen,’ I said. ‘I’ll think it over. It certainly would be interesting to see him on his home ground. It’s odd that you should mention it now. I’ve always wanted to go but for some reason I just never got around to it.’ It does me no credit but I knew exactly what the reason was. I’d always been scared of booking into a holiday hotel and finding myself sharing breakfast with a boatload of Palestinian commandos, or having my West Bank bus ticket clipped by shrapnel from a grenade. It hadn’t happened to anyone I knew but the thought had been enough to put me off. Suddenly what might or might not happen to me was not important anymore. It was the quality of my life I was concerned with; not the length of it.

  I gave Miriam a pleading look. ‘It’d really be a lot more fun if you could come with me.’

  She took hold of my hands. ‘I will. But it’s better for you to see it first through your own eyes. Don’t worry, you won’t be lonely. I’ll give you names and addresses of friends who will be only too pleased to drive you around and show you whatever you want to see. Then, when you come back, we can talk about it and – well, decide what to do.’

  ‘Okay, but I’m not promising anything,’ I said, intent on proving I was my own man.

  She planted a motherly kiss on my forehead. ‘I’d rather you didn’t. You never keep promises anyway.’

  ‘Oh, come on, give me a break,’ I protested. ‘I make an innocent remark about how nice it is to be sitting in front of a log fire, and the next minute you’re trying to tear my life out by the roots and replant me on some far-flung frontier where they use Syrian artillery fire instead of alarm clocks.’

  ‘The break will do you good,’ said Miriam. ‘I’ll phone Israeli Airlines – ’

  I held her down. ‘I’ll phone them. What’s this sudden desire to get rid of me?’

  She brushed her fingers across my face. ‘I don’t want to get rid of you, I want to find you.’

  Before I could reply, I caught a glimpse of sudden movement out of the corner of my eye. Miriam and I turned together and saw The Man standing behind the sofa. He was still wearing the clothes Linda had bought him at Macy’s.

  It was the seventh time he had appeared. I’d tried to remain calm in face of his quite unpredictable comings and goings but they still sent a chill shock up my spine. ‘We were just talking about you,’ I said, when my jaw muscles had tightened sufficiently. ‘Come on over by the fire.’

  Miriam hurriedly gathered up the supper dishes and swept them into the kitchen. I pulled a chair closer to the fire for him to sit in and offered him a glass of wine. When Miriam returned to settle on her now separate heap of cushions I noticed that she’d combed her hair.

  ‘Can I ask you a question?’ she said.

  He replied with an amused smile. ‘Sure, go ahead.’ It was remarkable how patient he was, but I guess that by the time he met us he’d got used to people coming to him for answers. Those seeking enlightenment, the incredulous, the ignorant, and the crafty ones trying to catch him out. And if you bother to count the number of times that I mention it you will also know that he smiled quite a lot. He possessed a wry, good humour and was not above gentle self-mockery but it was my puny, earth-type dilemmas which appeared to provide his greatest source of amusement. But then, he knew what was in store for me. He had already done his stint and was through to the other side. He knew from experience that, faced with the daily insanities of life in a ‘Braxian world, it was better to laugh than cry – and risk drowning in our own tears.

  Miriam silenced me with her eyes. ‘I’m trying to persuade Leo to spend his two-week vacation in Israel. What do you think?’

  He glanced at me as he weighed up the question. ‘How does Leo feel about it?’

  ‘He’s tempted. But you know what lawyers are like. He wants to go but on the other hand …’ She smiled at me. ‘Leo loves to prolong the agony.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ I protested.

  She pretended not to hear. ‘I thought you might make up his mind for him.’

  The Man looked at us both. ‘It really has to be Leo’s decision, but I think it’s a good idea.’

  My decision … Who was he trying to kid?

  Miriam turned on me triumphantly. ‘There, you see?’ She scrambled to her feet. ‘I’ll go and check the flights.’

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. ‘I’ve already told you I will do that.’ I looked across at The Man. ‘If I decide to go, is that going to throw your plans out?’

  ‘Not at all,’ he replied. ‘I’ll show you round.’

  The idea of touring the Twelve Stations of the Cross in the company of The Man was an offer that was hard to refuse.

  Miriam could see I was wavering. ‘So, when can you go?’

  ‘Look,’ I said. ‘I don’t know yet. Just get off my back and let me think about it. Okay?’

  Her eyes flashed with annoyance. She turned to The Man. ‘Is there any chance that you might be here tomorrow?’

  He nodded. ‘It’s possible.’

  ‘Good.’ Miriam turned back to me with a wintry smile. ‘You promised to call Linda – or would you like to think about that too?’

  It was the kind of smart Alec remark that often made me feel like punching her right in the mouth. Not that I ever did, of course. I only mention it to show you, despite my first hesitant steps along The Way, I was not yet overflowing with the milk of human kindness.

  I swallowed my venom and told The Man that I’d shared our secret with Linda. As he had suggested.

/>   ‘Do you think she believed you?’ he said.

  I laughed. ‘I think she’d like to but she, well – doesn’t want to build up her hopes. To be honest, I don’t think she’s prepared to take my word for it. But at least she didn’t suggest I see a doctor.’ I glanced sideways at Miriam.

  ‘Would you like me to have a word with her?’ he said.

  I shrugged. ‘That’s up to you. I think it would be fairer to her. It must be terrible to learn that you’re here and not know for certain.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you call her?’

  I got to my feet and looked down at Miriam. ‘I’ll see if she can make it tomorrow morning. I’ll call Gale McDonald too. And I think you ought to speak to Jeff.’

  My sudden decision to make it open house took her by surprise. ‘What shall I say?’

  ‘Simple,’ I replied, throwing one of her favourite words back at her. ‘Just ask him if he’d like to meet Mr Sheppard.’

  Linda agreed to come without hesitation but her voice was tinged with understandable caution. ‘What’s going to happen?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘The six of us are just going to sit around and talk. I’ve told you what the score is. It’s up to you to take it from there. But there is something I ought to explain. The Man doesn’t stand on ceremony. The way he was when the two of you went shopping is the way he is all the time. So don’t embarrass the hell out of everybody by coming dressed as a Bride of Christ.’

  She greeted this with a brief silence then spoke in a small tight voice. ‘I’ll see you around eleven. Do you want me to bring anything?’

  ‘Just an open mind,’ I said. I had been deliberately provocative to check her Catholic reflexes. They were obviously in good shape despite her professed apostasy and it was clear from the tone of her voice that my gratuitous remarks had gone against the grain. In its fully developed form, it is a mental and bodily affliction known as religious intolerance. Which we Jews know something about.