Goodnight Kisses

by Wilhelmina Stolen

  The poignant moment brought her to tears, and she was moved to honesty. “You’re the one, McCrea.”

  “The one?” his voice was rough with the question.

  Her lips trembled under the weight of her words, and she gazed up at him through misty eyes. “The one I love.”

  He froze.

  She held his face with both hands because she wanted to savor the memory of this moment. He kissed her palm. First one and then the other. She waited for him to say something ─anything. But his words never came. As he made love to her, a twinge of hurt mingled with their unbridled passion. She reminded herself McCrea wasn’t a man who expressed love easily and his intimate, and ardent lovemaking was enough. He would voice his love in his own time.

  When he couldn’t hold back, he unleashed what restraint he had left. He drew her higher, and closer to the sun than she’d ever been before. The thrust of his hips was tempestuous and his body tight like a whip-cord. Her legs clenching tight around his hips. “Please.”

  A final heave finished him with a groan and washed her in ecstasy. He fell, spent, to her breasts and with hearts pounding, neither said a word.

  Chapter Five

  The Proposal

  McCrea shifted his weight to the bed and rested his head on her shoulder. She kissed his forehead and caressed his shoulder with a brush of her fingertips. Never had she felt more attractive, desired and loved than she did right now. He couldn’t deny the love between them or the magic of what they had just shared.

  “McCrea?” He was so still, she thought he’d fallen asleep

  “Yeah,” he answered with a hollow voice.

  “I love you.”

  He rolled to his back and closed his eyes. “Darlin’,” he said with a sigh as he sat up on the edge of the bed to grab his jeans from the floor. “Never let sex make you say things you don’t mean.”

  Wounded by his coldness she sat up to explain. “Sex didn’t make me say it. I wanted to tell you earlier but…”

  He heaved one leg into his jeans and then the other, jumped to his feet and headed into the living room.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To the truck. I need a cigarette.”

  She heard the front door open, the truck door slam and his footsteps on the porch. He didn’t return to the bedroom, and the longer she waited the more nervous she became. Why was he distant all of a sudden? Had she done something wrong? She slipped his shirt on, and took the lantern into the living room. He was at the door, staring out across the porch and into the rain with his back to her.

  Smoke from his cigarette billowed around him as he exhaled.

  “McCrea?” She sat the lantern on an old table near the fireplace, and circled his waist to lay her cheek against his rain-soaked back. “What’s wrong? Was it me? Was it because it was my first time?”

  His hand covered hers and lifted it to his lips for a kiss. “No, Eleanor. Your gift to me was priceless.”

  Her gift? He considered her virginity a gift. A priceless gift. God, she loved this man. Her arms tightened around him. “Then what is it?”

  A long draw filled the air with more smoke, and his silence persisted.

  “Please talk to me. Let me help you.”

  A quick flick, sent the cigarette out into the rain and his hands gripping the frame around the door. With his head down, he stared out into the dark night as if he were on the edge of a great abyss. “You really want to help me?”

  “I do.”

  “Then marry me.”

  A blast of hot needles pricked her body. Numbly, her hands fell, and she took a step back. “What?”

  Her retreat brought him around to explain. “I told you tonight would be more.”

  She swallowed back nausea. “I didn’t think you had marriage in mind.”

  He shoved his hands into his pockets, and the weight shifted his jeans lower to the tan line around his hips, exposing more of the V-shaped muscles she’d felt against her thighs minutes ago. “I thought you’d be happier.”

  Happy about being trapped? “You thought wrong.”

  “But you just said you loved me.”

  “All the more reason not to marry you.”

  He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  Marriage? The very notion terrified her. “Love and marriage are two different things, and I want no part of the latter.”

  “Why not?”

  She glared at him, hoping he would accept her refusal without an explanation.

  He didn’t. “I’m waiting.” His face was hard and drawn, nothing like a man seeking a loving marriage. If he was this dismal before, how would he be in six months, or a year? In a lifetime?

  Like, Rex.

  He’ll be just like Rex.

  Bitter. Heartless. Cruel. Malicious.

  And I’ll be as miserable as my mother.

  When she couldn’t summon a truthful answer without diving into her fear of marriage, she went to the obvious faults of his proposal. One she knew he couldn’t deny. “You’re a roamer. You like your freedom and having your choice of women.

  He took her hands in his. “I told you the truth this afternoon. I don’t sleep around. I’d take my vows seriously, and I’d expect you to do the same.”

  “Don’t lie.” She jerked away. “I know your type.”

  “My type?” he asked tautly. “You know what everyone says about me.”

  “I know what I see, McCrea. Vanessa Worley is one of your whores!”

  His face twisted. “Vanessa is a whore, but she’s not mine!”

  “You’ve never slept with her?”

  He looked away. “That was a long time ago.”

  “But you did sleep with her!”

  “It was high school!” he yelled. “Everyone had a turn at Vanessa! It’s a mistake I’ve had to pay for over and over!”

  Mistakes. She was guilty of a few herself. The biggest being opening her heart up to the man standing in front of her. “This is crazy.”

  “Why is it crazy?”

  “I’m not the marrying kind either.”

  “Why? Do you have trouble with fidelity?” he snarled. “Can’t give up the other guy? The one you’re also in love with.”

  “God!” She threw up her hands. “Are you really that blind?”

  “I guess I am,” he seethed.

  “I wasn’t meeting anyone at Tubs!”

  He blinked.

  “I was there because I knew you’d be there.”

  “But this afternoon you said you wanted to seduce─.”

  “You, McCrea! You’re the one,” she repeated.

  Another blink. Then another.

  “I wanted to seduce you. Don’t you see? It’s always been you, but you’ve never noticed me. Until I practically threw myself at you!”

  His face softened with a smile that made her heart flutter. “I’ve always noticed you, darlin’. I’ve just been waiting for you to grow up.”

  Tiny moments of his affection over the last couple of years flashed through her mind. The moments when no one was watching. The moments they connected without a word. Quick kisses. Tender hugs. Loving glances. Teasing smiles. All things they’d shared that could be interpreted as notice, but nothing which would have brought about a marriage proposal. “You were?”

  “Yes. I was.” The chalice of his hands on her face and his gentle kiss made his answer nearly convincing, but his words lacked sincerity and sentiment.

  She drank in the taste of his lips, the feel of his tender hands, and the magic of her love for him. She wanted time to stop. She wanted to keep McCrea this close, this real and this devoted. But something inside her told her there was more to his proposal. She drew back and lifted her eyes to meet his. “I know you, McCrea. You don’t want to get married.”

  His hands fell from her face.

  “So just cut through the bullshit and tell me what’s going on.”

  A shift of his lower jaw signaled annoyance. Her directness caught him off guard. “
I have to find a wife.”

  “Why?”

  “As part of our inheritance, Wade promised each of us a piece of land when we finished college.”

  “Land?” Why was he talking about land?

  He propped a shoulder against the door, and a bare foot tapped the floor. “My inheritance is over three-thousand acres. It includes Promise Point, the old homestead and most of the original land that started the ranch. It’s been in our family for generations, but now,” he exhaled. “The fight with Willard has made Wade reconsider mine.”

  The well-worn wood of the floorboards creaked beneath her feet as she began backtracking across the room. Marriage? Land? Help him? Her mind rattled with questions. The whiskey. Solving his problems his way. Piece by piece the night came together.

  “He doesn’t think I’m responsible enough to inherit it. He thinks I need a wife.”

  That was it. His motive behind all the kissing and cuddling. He needed her. His tender lovemaking was nothing more than a scam to lure her into accepting his proposal. Her legs buckled when her heel made contact with the stone hearth. “That’s what the three of you were talking about this afternoon in the study?”

  Both hands raked up the back of his head. “Yeah and dad kept talking about how much he wanted a grandkid. Hell, I don’t want kids! Ever!”

  I was right. He doesn’t want children. Her fingers rubbed the edge of an overhanging hearth rock. No babies. No kids. Ever.

  “Diapers and droolin’, that’s not me.”

  The level of disdain in his voice triggered something inside her. An anguish which caused her to rip the loose rock from its mortar. The razor sharp edge sliced into her finger. She let out a yelp and clutched her hand.

  “Careful.” Two quick strides, brought him kneeling in front of her. “Some of those are sharp.”

  She winced and bent forward, holding her bloody finger. “God, it hurts.” Everything hurt. Her finger. Her heart….

  “Hold it up,” he instructed and leaned over to draw the lamp closer. Tenderness and concern etched across his face as he examined the cut. “It’s deep.” He wrapped the hem of his shirt around it and pressed hard to stop the bleeding. “It might need a stitch or two, and a bandage,” he continued with a kiss to the tip of her finger. “I may have to buy you two rings. One for the wedding and one for after it heals.”

  Not only was he asking her to marry him, but he wanted her to do so for the sake of his inheritance. Not because he loved her or wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. A sharp pain penetrated her body, and she withdrew her hand from his. “Don’t bother.” Her eyes closed, bearing the awful truth of his intentions. Grandma Rose was right. McCrea was a heart breaker. No truer words had ever been spoken. How could she have been so blind? “I’m not marrying you.”

  “I have plans for the land. A game ranch with trophy bucks and elk…” The scald of his eyes pinned her down. “This is a chance for me to have something of my own.”

  What about love and commitment? Children? Home? Family? They meant nothing to him. She meant nothing to him. “I’m leaving for college on Sunday,” she whispered her last argument and pushed him away, hoping he would land on his ass.

  He staggered backward without falling and oddly enough, his face brightened. “We’ll find a place in Austin and come home on the weekends.”

  She stood up. “No.”

  “I’ll pay your tuition.”

  Wasn’t he listening earlier? “You’re a real sweet talker, McCrea, but I have a scholarship. Remember?”

  “Then use the money for the ranch.”

  She didn’t want him to have any part in rebuilding Redemption. “No, I’m not the type of woman who can be bought.”

  “I’m not trying to buy you, only compensate you for your time.” His knuckles grazed the side of her breast. “Look at it like a business agreement with benefits.”

  “God. Stop.” She shrank back, revolted by his suggestion. “How could you suggest such a thing?”

  “What can I offer you?” Desperation replaced enticement. “What do you want?”

  Did she dare answer that? Did she tell him her heart’s desire? Or did she walk away? “If I marry you, what happens after you get the land?” She went back to the bedroom and snatched her panties from the floor. “What then?”

  He had followed her and was now watching her dress. “I pay you and,” he shrugged, “we go our separate ways.”

  She shivered out of his shirt and found her dress to whisk over her head. “The marriage is over,” she snapped her fingers, “just like that? I say “I do” and a year later you hand me a check along with divorce papers?”

  “Yeah. It doesn’t have to be complicated.” To him, it was simple. To her, it was a stab in the heart.

  “What if I don’t want a divorce? What if I want a white picket fence and ─ and growing old together?” The kind of love Charlie and Rose had. “What if I want kids?”

  A quake of dark emotion ripped through his eyes. “I’m not the type of man who takes to the bridle or kids.”

  Her heart made one last bid. “What if what I’m feeling isn’t puppy love? What if it’s the real thing? What then, McCrea.”

  His smirk not only insulted her, it crushed her. “Fairy tales or happily ever after only exist in your books.”

  “They do exist,” her defense was weak. “In people like Wade and Sophia. Charlie and Rose.”

  His face hardened. “The marriage is a twelve-month business agreement.”

  A year. That’s all he was willing to give her. God, this was a nightmare! There was a part of her that wanted to agree to this stupid business agreement just to keep him, but she wasn’t desperate enough to be trapped in a loveless marriage. And though his tenderness during the night suggested he cared about her, his cold business agreement shined light into the dark recesses of the truth.

  She sat down on the bed and shoved her bare feet into her wet boots. “I see, and if I don’t marry you?”

  “I’ll find someone else.” She knew McCrea Coldiron was a man of business, but she never suspected he would ever be this heartless.

  “So this,” she waved a frantic hand between them. “All your gentle persuasion, and – and lovemaking was for…”

  “No,” he cut her off.

  She felt like melting through the floorboards. “I trusted you. I thought you cared for me.”

  “I do!” he belted. “I want to take things one day at a time, but if I don’t get married I don’t get the land! I have to find a wife. Now!” He gave the air in a frustrated punch. “Damn, it! I asked you first! Doesn’t that count for something?”

  “I suppose I should feel flattered since half the women in Santa Camino would trade places with me in a heartbeat.” Sarcasm wasn’t her style, but it helped to hide her pain.

  “They would want more than the cost of tuition,” he returned with the same amount of cynicism.

  “That’s why you asked me, wasn’t it?” Pain tore through her heart. “You thought I would jump at the money. You─” her voice broke. “You thought you could buy me like that damn dress or Romeo Baby.”

  “No. I don’t even want that goddamn horse!” His voice cut through the oak rafters, scattering her nerves so much that she flinched in defense. Her reaction softened his demeanor. “I didn’t mean to shout. Let’s just calm down and talk about this.”

  “There is nothing to talk about. You planned this.”

  “You’re the one who came looking for me, remember?” he said between his teeth.

  She recoiled at the sobering truth. “You’re right. I did. I was stupid enough to think you might love me.” A mocking laugh emerged from her tight throat. “I guess all the boys down at Tubs had a good laugh watching me bounce out of there on your arm.”

  He stood firmly planted in his cause without any emotion. “Fuck the boys.”

  “I made myself a prime target, didn’t I?” She wiped away her tears and attempted a smile. There was no way in hell
she would let him see her pain. “Lesson learned.” When the emotion covering her face threatened to crumble into uncontrollable tears, she ran out the door. “Don’t worry about giving me a ride home. I’ll walk.”

  He was too fast for her quick getaway. She hadn’t gotten one foot out the door before he caught her by the arm and whipped her around. “You don’t understand! Wade likes you.”

  “Wade?” she repeated softly, and understood why he had chosen her. “Wade likes me?”

  “He thinks you’d be good for me, and that you’ll settle me down. You remind him of Grandma.”

  Any other time the comparison to Sophia Coldiron would have been a welcome compliment. She was the backbone of the family. A true lady who would have been appalled by her grandson’s proposal and behavior.

  A frosty bite of animosity ran over her. “You asked me to marry you to pacify Wade?”

  “No.”

  “It all makes sense now. The three of you were in a deep discussion about Wade’s new terms when I walked in, weren’t you?” She seen the imprint of something serious on their faces even though they tried to hide it. Wade’s interest in her plans for the future. His offer to help in any way he could… She felt sick. Both Mr. C and Wade seemed so sincere, so kind.

  Nausea kicked in a dry heave, causing her to cover her mouth. “Would tonight have happened if Wade hadn’t given you those terms? Would you have kissed me?” she hesitated with another wave of nausea. “Made love to me?”

  He stepped closer to caress her upper arms. “Let me take you home, and we’ll talk about it after you’ve had time to ─”

  The smack across his right cheek was hardly enough to cause damage, especially to a man as tough as McCrea, but it did rouse his temper. She could see it in his eyes. He blinked and gritted his teeth. “Calm down.”