Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology

by Knox, Elizabeth

  “Said no woman ever,” she giggles.

  “True. But what can I do? I mean, the baby is on the way, so I have to suck it up. I need to pull up my big girl panties and get on with it.” I sigh again, resting my hands on my baby bump. They told me because I am so small, I will show early, but every woman is different.

  “And what big panties they will be soon,” Pepper jokes.

  “Bitch,” I snark back, smiling at my best friend.

  To say I am reading baby books is an understatement. It is all I seem to be doing and listening to audiobooks, even though they creep me out.

  Music plays on the radio and I get lost in the lyrics. Bon Iver’s ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’ makes my chest hurt but it is all the right words.

  “Have you heard anything?” she inquires. I shake my head, afraid to speak because the song has me choked up and I don’t want to cry over him anymore.

  No real man will make you cry over him. He should never give you a reason to cry ugly tears, only happy ones.

  “Bastard. I am going to rip his balls from his fucking body when I see him. He hasn’t been around the clubhouse much lately.”

  I shrug because I have no reply for her. I can’t control the man; he is an alpha biker who has a one-track mind and refuses to learn a new path. But that’s okay. He has his life, his son and I will have my life and my son or daughter.

  I have no plans on contacting Rip anymore. He knows where I am. I let him know about today and he blew me off, so I am done. Like I told Zero when he came around to speak to me on Rip’s behalf, no one should take his responsibility on. This is his baby and if he doesn't want to be involved then it is his loss, but I will never stop Austin from coming around to spend time with his brother or sister.

  We drive in silence to the doctor’s office and before I know it, Pepper is parking and turning the car off. I take a deep breath and swallow the emotion filling my throat.

  “Come on, let’s go see my niece or nephew for the first time,” Pepper says happily as she climbs out of the car. I follow suit and sling my bag over my shoulder as we walk toward the clinic, arms linked.

  Best friends for life right here.

  I check-in at the reception desk and sit in a small waiting room, that’s peppered with women at different stages of pregnancy. Some of the women have their baby daddy with them, and the sight makes my throat tighten. Thoughts of Rip float into my head before I can stop them. Images of him holding our baby to his chest, soothing them when they are upset, helping to feed him or her.

  “Indie Smoaks,” my name is called, jerking me out of my thoughts. With another deep breath, I fill my lungs that scream at me to stop depriving them of much-needed oxygen.

  I smile at the nurse as we enter the small room. It is dimly lit with a bed and large machine with a screen and a keyboard on it.

  “Take a seat on the bed and lower your pants to just below your hips. I will add some gel. It might be a little cold, sorry.” I smile and nod at her, doing what she said. After checking that my details match, she starts by dropping some cold blue gel on my belly.

  “Oh, chilly,” I mutter as a shiver races through my body.

  “Sorry,” she mutters.

  After a few buttons are pressed, the nurse glides the handheld wand over my abdomen and the most amazing sound in the world comes whooshing through the speakers. I cover my mouth with my hand as a sob breaks free. The nurse smiles at me, then looks back to the computer, turning it so I can see the screen.

  “Say ‘hello’ to your little bean, Mom.”

  I cry happy tears. I look at Pepper and she is crying right along with me. My gaze stays glued to the screen for a little longer. I am sure the nurse is talking to me, but I don’t hear anything.

  I soak in the bittersweet moment of seeing my baby for the first time, but also knowing its father didn’t want to be here to see it.

  “Hello, bean,” I mutter between sobs.

  I know I can do this. I will be the best-damned mother I can be. Without his help.

  6

  Rip

  Slamming the bottle down on the bar top, I signal to the prospect to get me another. I need something stronger today after the bitching I just took from Zero. A week ago, Indie had her first scan to see the baby. Our baby. I missed it. My stubborn ass stayed away.

  I didn’t respond to her text letting me know about the appointment. Needing to sort the shit out in my head, I left for two weeks, taking Austin to Chicago to see his grandparents. They spoiled him rotten as they always did. It also gave me time to speak to them about Indie and the baby.

  Sitting on the back patio, I sip a beer, thinking about Indie and the baby she is carrying. My baby. The door slides open and Phil, Esther’s dad, walks out, joining me, sipping his open beer.

  “You okay, son?” Turning to look at him, I take a deep breath and shake my head. “Talk to me.”

  “I fucked up, Phil. I never wanted to betray Esther, but she keeps seeping into my thoughts and making me feel and think things.” I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my thighs, dangling the bottle between my legs. Closing my eyes, seeing how Indie looked when I said all that nasty shit to her. Plus, my drunken fog lifted, and I started seeing images of her beneath me, riding me, sucking my cock the night we fucked.

  “What do you mean you betrayed my daughter?” His voice holds a calmness to it. He knows I loved Esther with all my being.

  “I met someone a while back. She is younger than me, too good for me to be fair, but fuck if she didn’t kickstart my heart again and it scared the ever-living shit out of me.”

  “Brian, we knew you would move on after Esther passed. She would want you to. You are young enough to start a whole new life with someone. But I get the feeling you aren’t telling me everything, son.” I shake my head. Lifting the bottle, I down the rest of it before telling him the rest.

  “She is pregnant.”

  Chancing a look at his face, I turn my head and what I see shocks me. A smile has completely taken over his face. He looks damned happy I fucked up and cheated on his daughter’s memory.

  “What are you smiling about, old man?” I can’t stop the smile that crosses my face.

  “Miriam,” he yells before winking at me. Oh hell. This woman is like a mother to me and I have a feeling she is going to rip me a new asshole.

  “What are you screaming my name for, you old goat?” I smile at their interaction. It was always one of the things I loved about these two, something I loved that me and Esther had.

  Nodding at me, he explains.

  “We have a new grandbaby on the way, woman. Now, isn’t that something to scream about?”

  Her face is fucking comical, her eyes wide, mouth gaping open and closed like a fish out of water. I chuckle and so does Phil.

  “What’s going on?” Austin asks as he steps outside with us. He looks at his grams and laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Oh, so he told you, huh?”

  “What? Who? When?” she asks, stuttering over her questions.

  “Her name is Indie. She is awesome, Grams. She is a friend of Zero’s Old Lady. She told Dad a few weeks ago, but he stuck his head up his ass and turned his back on her.”

  My head snaps in his direction, scowling. Way to throw your old man under the bus kid.

  He smirks at me before taking a drink of his Pepsi, still holding his grandmother around her shoulders. He towers over her, following me in that department. He follows me in every way except for his eyes, he has his mother’s eyes.

  Fucking hell’s bells.

  “Brian, how could you?” Fuck my life. Miriam looks so disappointed in me. I lower my head, taking note of the scratching on my boots.

  “Son, you know you have fucked up, right?” I nod, not giving them my eyes. I really don’t want to see the way they are looking at me.

  “Plus, he missed the baby’s first scan,” my first-born adds.

  “Austin, shut it,”
I growl.

  “Brian, look at me,” Phil says. He moves to stand next to Miriam, wrapping her up in his arms. She is crying softly, leaning into him. Fuck, they hate that I have betrayed their daughter’s memory.

  My chest starts to constrict like a fucking snake is wrapping itself around me, crushing me. Taking a few breaths, I finally look up at them.

  “You will always be a son to us, even with Esther gone. You haven’t dated since. Don’t you think it is time you moved on and started living for you? You can’t live your life mourning Esther. She wouldn’t want you to do that. She would want you to live. Have a family with this Indie girl, if that is what you want. Have a strong woman figure in Austin’s life. You have done an amazing job with him and you should be proud. Hell, we are.”

  “I feel like I am betraying her,” I whisper, my heart tightening in my chest at the thought.

  “She is gone, Brian. She isn’t coming back. Do this for her,” Miriam says.

  Their words sink in, hitting me right in the heart. Climbing to my feet, I step over to them and wrap them up in a hug. Holding them tight to me. I know what they are saying about living my life. I have always known Esther would want me to move on, but fuck, it has been hard, but then Indie walked into the club and my world spun.

  “I’ll fix it,” is all I say.

  Twisting on my stool, I see Pepper walk into the clubhouse and make a beeline for her Old man. I don’t miss the fierce scowl she sent my way, so I wink at her, making her scowl deepen. I chuckle and finish off my second beer before sliding off the stool and making my way outside. I need to see Indie and we need to talk.

  “Rip,” Pepper calls my name. I stop and turn to face her.

  “Yeah,” I answer.

  “She is at home. She isn’t coping well with the sickness.” I stare at her, seeing if she continues to speak, but she doesn’t and turns back to Zero, who winks at me. Shaking my head, I finish off my beer, dropping the bottle in the waste bin we have for bottles. Pepper and her fucking eco save the planet shit.

  Walking to my bike, I think of the things Esther did when she was pregnant with Austin and her sickness was fucking awful. She puked day and night for most of the pregnancy. I remember ginger ale and crackers, but I also remember the sickness bands that were given to her.

  Straddling my bike, I start her up and pull away from the compound and head for the pharmacy to get what I need before going to see Indie and trying to smooth things over. My head is all over the place, but after speaking to Phil and Miriam, I can see a way through this. Now to get Indie to see me and let me explain.

  7

  Indie

  Brushing my teeth for the fourth time today, I sigh with exhaustion. This pregnancy sickness is killing me. Whoever called it ‘morning sickness’ was a lying sack of shit. My OBGYN said if it keeps up, I will have to stay in the hospital for a short time to be put on a drip, so they can get much-needed fluids in me.

  It stopped for a week maybe, but then the heartburn started, and the sickness came back tenfold.

  Now I have been given medicine to help, but it hasn’t got into my system yet. Fingers crossed it will soon. Taking a small sip of water, because even water makes me want to puke, I take one last look at my face and I cringe at how I look.

  My hair looks like straw, I have dark circles under my eyes, hell even my skin looks faded. Sighing I walk out of my bathroom and head into the kitchen. My body feels heavy and it isn’t even from a baby belly. Resting my hands over my small bump, I will the tears to not come, but I know I will fail epically. This baby has me crying at the drop of a hat.

  Even commercials set me off.

  Opening the dishwasher, I pick up a plate just as there is a knock on the door. Glancing up at the clock, I notice that it has just gone six o’clock p.m. Who could be here? Not Pepper, I know that much. She said she was staying at the club with Zero tonight. Apparently, some stuff has been happening with a local gang causing trouble in the area.

  Walking over and opening the door, I am stunned as Rip comes into view. Damn, he looks good. I just wish I could appreciate it more and out in the open. He is wearing his usual black faded jeans, his biker boots, and a plain black t-shirt under his club cut. His hair has grown a little since I last saw him, but it’s still short in the military-style.

  He runs his fingers through his hair, making some of it stick up in different directions.

  Damn, I wish I could do that, but we all know that will never happen. He will never let me touch him again. I am trying to deal with those feelings, but to be brutally honest, I would rather him be there for the baby and the baby alone, than force himself to be with me.

  I am worth damn more than that.

  “What are you doing here, Rip?”

  “Can I come in?” he asks, his voice husky and tired sounding.

  What does he have to be tired about? I bet he has been sleeping like a freaking baby while I have been puking my guts up twenty-four-seven.

  “Why? I think we’ve said all we need to,” I tell him, not breaking eye contact.

  Showing him how seriously pissed off I am at him, no way am I letting him see how much he is getting to me. He needs to know I am strong, and I will do this pregnancy and raise my child on my own.

  “Please.” is all he says, his voice full of emotion.

  Stupid pregnancy hormones have my heart hurting for him. Losing someone you love is never easy for anyone and I would imagine that time doesn’t heal all wounds. But is that serious grounds to be a dick to people and push them away?

  “I don’t see the need for us to talk anymore, Rip. You have made your intentions clear and I am strong enough to support and love this baby without you,” I explain, folding my arms, drawing Rip’s eyes to my breasts.

  “Hey, eyes up here.” I point to my face, making the side of his mouth quirk up in a smirk. Cheeky bastard.

  “Oh, I know, babe, but damn this pregnancy is making them look even more juicy.” He winks at me, then steps into my house, using a gentle touch to push me to take a step back so he can close the door behind him.

  “Excuse me, what do you think you are doing?” I huff, following him into my kitchen. As usual, Rip ignores me and carries on with what he is doing, setting food and medicine on the kitchen island.

  I stand stunned as he takes out soup, orange juice, and some anti-sickness foods like ginger ale and bananas. He pulls out a small packet that has two lilac bands inside. Stepping close, I see Rip look at me out of the corner of his eye, smiling.

  “What’s all this?” I ask, peaking at the items.

  “Pep said you were really bad with the morning sickness. Esther was the same with Austin, so I remembered what she used. I thought it would help with you and the baby.” He shrugs like he didn’t just make my heart melt for him.

  “Oh,” is all I can manage to say. His words have my brain stuttering in the speech department. I watch as he takes the bands out of the packet and he steps up to me, taking my left wrist in his large hands. A shiver rushes through me when we make contact and he smirks at me, knowing what his touch is doing to me.

  “These are sickness bands. This dot here will be placed on the pressure point on your wrist. They really do help,” he explains while adding the second one. All I can do is nod at him, not understanding this tender side of him.

  Such a short time ago, he was flipping out, cursing up a storm that I had tricked him into being with me and trapped him. He ignored every attempt of communication about the baby from me and Pepper, hell even Zero.

  So, what’s changed now?

  “The soup will help settle your stomach, same with the banana, but also it has potassium that you will need to replace after all the vomiting you are doing.”

  I stare at him, wondering if he is Brian Tatum or someone or something else.

  “Were you abducted by aliens?” bursts from my mouth. Shocked, I slap my hand over my mouth to stop any more outbursts, but it shouldn’t be my words that shock me, n
o, it is the sound that comes from Rip.

  He smiles at me before a bellow of laughter bursts from him, it sounds foreign because I have never heard him laugh like this before, chuckle around the brothers and Austin, yes, but never this full-on belly, throw his head back laugh.

  I stand in my kitchen stunned by the turn of events surrounding us.

  He's gone from yelling at me to helping me. My head starts to hurt thinking of what could have changed to make him change his mind about the baby. I am under no illusions that he is only here for the baby. Yeah, he has bought me things to help me feel better, but I am the person carrying his child.

  “No, babe, no alien abduction. It is just me. Plain old Rip.” He winks before turning back to the bits he brought with him. Seconds tick by and my beating heart tells me I can’t take much more of the silence between us.

  “Rip,” I whisper his name. My heart is racing in my chest and sweat is covering my skin as my body heats up from nerves.

  “Yeah, babe?” he answers without looking at me, still moving around my kitchen like he belongs here.

  ‘Babe’? Where did this come from? He usually calls me Indie or Indiana.

  “Rip, look at me,” I plead, needing his eyes for my next question. Stopping what he is doing, he looks over to me. The look on my face must spark concern in him because in a flash he is standing in front of me.

  Cupping my face, he asks, “What’s wrong?”

  Again, his concern freaks me out. Shaking my head, I step back, his hands dropping to his sides. My heart rate skyrockets as I ask the one question that can change everything.

  “What’s changed?”

  8

  Rip

  Seeing how pale Indie looks scares the shit out of me. I remember all the sickness Esther went through and the thought of seeing Indie going through it too makes my chest ache.