The Choice She Made

by Marissa Farrar

  “It’s always been about protecting her, hasn’t it?” X said softly. “Both times you’ve killed has been because you were protecting her, and yet she never thanks you for it.”

  “I don’t do it for the thanks. I know I’ll never get it. All I want is to see her alive.”

  He stared at me, his gaze holding mine, as though he was reading every inch of what made me who I was written across my face, then he reached out and grabbed the front of my t-shirt in his fist. With a forceful yank, he pulled me toward him, our bodies colliding on his narrow bed. His lips found mine, his kiss both soft and forceful, his tongue pushing into my mouth, tracking mine down. Then his hand left the top of my t-shirt and reached down to push under it instead, his fingers searching for my breast. His hand weighed the curve of my breast and then his fingers rolled and pinched my nipple.

  We became a sudden flurry of movement, a crazed urgency. I didn’t allow myself to think any further; I’d done enough thinking. My hands pushed up inside his shirt, feeling his hot, smooth skin. Then my fingers ran over a ridge, and another softer circle, his skin peppered with them.

  I pulled away, “What the...?”

  He dragged me back, a dark desire in his eyes. “Not yet,” he whispered against my mouth. “I’ll tell you, but not yet.”

  I hadn’t seen him, but to me it felt like his body was covered in blemishes. Part of me wanted to press him on the topic, but the other, more primal part only wanted to consume him.

  I was mindful of the injury in his arm and thigh, both of which I had given him. He was favoring his injured side, understandably, but it didn’t seem to slow him down. His kiss melted me, and his caress on my breast sent electric tingles shooting right down between my thighs. Too much time had passed since I’d had someone kiss and touch me like this—the time before I’d met X had been with a one night stand whose name I didn’t even remember—and even though I knew this was wrong, my body kept telling me it was oh-so-right.

  We tumbled to his bed together, a mess of limbs and hands and mouths. X yanked my t-shirt up and over my head and then fell to my breasts. I was on my back, him hovering over me. My nipples were already puckered, and he bent his head to draw one into his mouth. His tongue laved the hardened nub, making me squirm, and then his teeth closed gently around the peak. My hips bucked, my nipple seeming to have direct contact with my core, and I wanted more. My fingers laced through his hair, pulling him closer to me, as though I wanted him to take my entire breast into his mouth and devour me.

  But instead his mouth left my nipple and tracked a cool trail down across my stomach and to the waistband of my jeans. He was quick to pop the button and pull down the zipper, then yanked the jeans from my hips. I wasn’t wearing any underwear.

  He didn’t once pause to check if it was what I wanted. He was the sort of man who saw what he wanted and took it. That was fine by me. I was exactly the same.

  He used his knees to shove my legs apart, opening me up to him as he settled between them. Like a man starving, he pushed his face between my thighs, his hot breath on my sensitive skin. His fingers parted me, and then his tongue was on my slit, tracing a long line up from my perineum, across my opening and up to my clit, where he swirled a circle and then headed back down.

  I couldn’t help the little ‘ah’ of pleasure that escaped my throat, and my hips lifted again, seeking more. He licked me like that again, long and slow, driving me crazy, and then pushed a finger inside me. My body reacted to the penetration instantly, wetness flooding my channel and coating his digit. He pumped into me a couple of times and then added a second finger, and then a third, stretching me open. His mouth remained on me, his tongue flicking over my clit in little laps. I felt like I was captured by him, holding my body, mind, and this climb toward the peak of pleasure in his sole grasp.

  I was close to coming, reaching for it now. I didn’t want to let go of the high I was on, but the desire to topple from the cliff’s edge gripped me. His teeth grazed against my clit, making me squeal, and then he did something with his fingers, curled them inward as he stroked, which pushed me over the edge. My orgasm hit me hard and fast, every muscle taut as the waves shuddered through me again and again, leaving me gasping.

  He looked up from between my thighs, his blue eyes smiling with smug satisfaction.

  I reached for him. “Now it’s your turn.”

  I wanted him naked, too, not only because I was curious as to what he was hiding under his shirt, but also because I wanted to feel skin against skin. But he didn’t let me touch him, and instead his hands went to his own waistband. The size and shape of his erection pressed against the inside of the material, making me eager for what was in store.

  He freed himself, his erection springing out into his hand, long and thick. His fist closed around it, and I watched slack-lipped as he pumped his hand up and down the shaft, his eyes never leaving me. I reached for him again, but he batted my hand away with his free one.

  “No,” he said. He was still wearing his shirt, his pants only slightly hung from his hips. “Turn over.”

  “I want—”

  But he didn’t let me speak any further. He reached down and grabbed my thighs and yanked me over, so I flipped onto my front. Then his fingers closed roughly over my hips and he pulled me up so I was on all fours.

  His knees pushed between mine again, and then the solid weight of his cock thudded on my ass, and I caught my breath. My heart was racing, partly from my recent orgasm, but also in anticipation of what was to come. I could smell sex on the air, that slightly salty musk, a combination of us both, and it made my mouth water.

  He took no prisoners, grabbing my hips, his cock nudging my entrance. He felt so big and hard, but I was wet and ready for him. With a surge of his hips, he thrust balls-deep, giving a grunt of satisfaction as he did so.

  His movements grew faster, his hips pistoning as he slammed into me. Flesh smacked against flesh. He reached beneath my body and between my thighs to strum my clit at a speed that matched his own. The low ache in my belly began to build, and I experienced that tightening. My inner muscles gripped him, and his hand on my hip dug into my skin. I dropped down onto my elbows, my ass in the air. My breasts crushed against the bed. I glanced back over my shoulder to see his face tense and almost angry looking with concentration. I wished he were naked so I could see the taut muscles of his body as he fucked me.

  “Ah, fuck ... Jesus ...” he moaned as he slammed me harder, and then pulled out and slammed into me again. He held himself deep, and I felt him jerk inside me.

  My orgasm hit. It shuddered through me, sparking all my nerve endings with little shocks that had my eyes rolling. I squeezed my inner muscles together, wanting to eke that last little bit of pleasure from the act, holding him tighter.

  But he pulled out of me and we fell together in a tangled heap, me naked, him still fully dressed. I felt exposed, and I wasn’t the kind of woman who automatically wanted to snuggle after sex, even though X tried to pull me into him. I gently unraveled myself from his hold and grabbed my clothes, ignoring the trickle of him down the inside of my thighs, and headed to the bathroom.

  I washed up and then dressed. Taking a deep breath, I headed back out into the bedroom to find X sitting up in bed, his gaze focused solely on me.

  “Vee ...” he said, and I knew what he was trying to ask me before he’d even said it.

  “It’s fine,” I replied. “We’re fine. I just need to be ready, you know, in case something happens and we need to move quickly.”

  He gave me a smile, but I saw sadness in his eyes. “No time for romance in our world,” he replied.

  I climbed onto the single bed beside him, not bothering to pull the bedcovers over my body, and turned away from him to face the wall. “No, I guess not.”

  I heard him sigh and roll over as well.

  It wasn’t that there wasn’t time for romance; it was more that we didn’t have the luxury of forming those kinds of attachments. Sex was sex
, and it didn’t need to come with any kind of emotional ties.

  I’d turned away because I knew I couldn’t look at him or my heart would slowly start to fall, and once it started falling, it would be impossible to stop.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  X

  I WOKE THE next morning to find Vee asleep in the single bed beside mine. I was relieved she was still there and hadn’t run back to her own room in the middle of the night. Like me, she hadn’t felt safe enough to sleep naked, always aware that we might need to spring into action at any second. Of course, I had my own reasons for wanting to stay dressed, but she didn’t know about that.

  Moving quietly, I left the room and went to find us something to eat and drink. The motel had an ancient vending machine, but I figured I’d keep walking. There looked to be another building further down the road, which I took to be a small store. I could get better coffee and some breakfast sandwiches from there to take back to Vee. I figured she would be hungry after last night.

  The memory brought a smile to my lips, and I quickly snapped the expression from my face. Smiling wasn’t something I did, unless it was in a sarcastic or cold kind of way. And yet this woman made me want to smile. This woman I had been paid to kill.

  I’d only received half of the money. The rest I would have been paid upon completion of the job, which would have been proven by a photograph of her dead body. Part of me thought I should give the money back, but I didn’t want it being in the hands of her father. Maybe I should give it to Vee—though I doubted she would want it either, as she wouldn’t want to take money from me, and she especially wouldn’t want it if she knew where it had come from.

  I bought us both coffee and hot sandwiches, and headed back to the room. If Vee was awake, she’d be itching to get moving, and I didn’t want to be the one to hold her back.

  I propped the takeout cups of coffee one on top of the other. Securing the lid of the top cup beneath my chin, I pushed open the door.

  Vee was standing in the middle of the room and she spun to face me, her dark eyes wild. “Where the hell have you been?”

  I lifted the cups as a response, and then the brown paper bag containing the sandwiches. “I thought you would appreciate breakfast.”

  The tension left her body and she dropped down to sit on the edge of one of the beds, her head in her hands. I dumped the food and drinks and went to crouch in front of her, my hands on her shoulders.

  “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

  Beneath my fingers, her slender shoulders trembled. She said something, but it was too quiet to catch.

  “Say that again?” I said, softly.

  She lifted her eyes to mine. They were red, but dry. “I thought you had gone. I thought I was going to have to do this on my own.”

  I shook my head. “No, I hadn’t. I wouldn’t.”

  I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her frame and placing a kiss on the top of her head, lingering with my nose and mouth in her hair.

  She sniffed and withdrew slightly so she was able to look into my face. “Why does facing my father in a secure prison scare me more than facing a whole car of armed gangsters?”

  “Because he has more emotional control over you than any of those men. Because of the horrific thing he made you do. Because perhaps a tiny part of you still cares.”

  “No.” She shook her head briskly. “I hate him. I hate him more than anyone else in the world.”

  “You know what they say about love and hate?”

  Vee removed herself from my arms and wiped non-existent tears from her dry eyes. She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, as though suddenly aware of her outburst of emotion, and was now pulling the shutters back down.

  She got to her feet and crossed the room to where I’d left the coffee. “Thanks for this. I need it to feel more human again.” She gave a small laugh. “If I ever do feel human.”

  I risked a smile in return. “I know that feeling.”

  Taking a sip from the coffee, she asked, “How long is it going to take us to drive to New York?”

  “Six hours or so, depending on if we run into any traffic.”

  She nodded. “I guess we’d better get a move on, then.”

  “Has Tony contacted you yet?”

  She checked the cell phone and shook her head. “No.”

  “He will. He won’t give up on what he wants that easily.”

  “I just hope he doesn’t hurt Nickie in the meantime.”

  “He won’t,” I said, though I wasn’t so sure. I hoped he didn’t decide to do something to her sister in order to persuade Vee to take up his offer.

  Within ten minutes, we were back in the car and on the road again. I drove, while Vee sat, looking out of the passenger window, deep in thought, her knuckles pressed to her mouth.

  The hours and miles passed us by without event.

  Finally, the cell phone buzzed again, and she snatched it up and answered before putting it on speaker so I could hear. Her gaze flicked wildly to me, her skin drained of color. I pulled over so I would be able to concentrate on what was being said.

  “Tony,” she said, before he could get a word in, “tell me my sister is safe.”

  “She’s safe,” the man’s voice came over the phone. “No thanks to you and your friend.”

  “I made a mistake,” she continued, not looking at me now. “I’ve changed my mind. I’ll take your deal.”

  “It’s too late for that. I have your sister and she’ll have to do.”

  “No, please—”

  “I’m giving you a warning,” he said, cutting her off. “Come anywhere near me and my guys again and you’re dead meat.”

  She shook her head, frantic, even though he couldn’t see her. “I’ll do anything you want, I swear. I just want to be with my sister.”

  “You had your opportunity. You should have taken it.”

  “Please, one more chance. That’s all I ask.”

  “No, she’s mine now.”

  And the line went dead.

  I gave her a moment to allow her time to lash out, if she was going to. When she didn’t—only sat, staring at the now dead phone with dull fear in her eyes—I reached out and took her hand.

  “Nothing has changed,” I told her. “We still continue to do what we’d planned.”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I guess a part of me still hoped Tony might have agreed to meet again, and I wouldn’t need to go and pay a visit to my father. This all just makes it even more real, that I’m going to have to see him. And I’m terrified for Nicole. I’m not sure she’s going to make it out of Tony’s clutches. I just wish I’d accepted his offer now. I should have gone with him instead of trying to fight.”

  “If you’d done that, you’d both be under Tony’s thumb.”

  “I’d rather that than Nickie be on her own.” She shook her head again. “What have I done?”

  “You’ve done what’s right,” I said, filling my voice with conviction. “You can’t let this son-of-a-bitch win.”

  “I feel like he’s already won.”

  “No, you’re wrong. He’s only won if you give up.”

  We sat together, my thumb brushing over the top of her hand as she stared down at her lap, contemplating what to do. I was relieved she hadn’t pulled away from me. I thought she might shut down on me again after last night, but the tiny glimpse into her emotional state this morning had given me hope that she might actually need me. Being needed wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before. Physically wanted, yes, but never needed. I’d never allowed myself to get close enough to a woman for her to create any kind of emotional dependence. I wasn’t sure if it warmed my cold heart or scared the hell out of me.

  “Okay,” she said eventually. “So the next step is going to see my father and asking him for his help.”

  I nodded. “I think it’s our only option.”

  She looked up at me. “Getting to see him isn’t going to be eas
y. I might not even be on his visitors list. He knows I plan to testify against him, remember.”

  “But he didn’t know you were going to when he was first locked up. You said he hugged you, and told you he trusted you again after you ... did what you did. If he put you on his visitors list initially, he might not have bothered to take you off again. Do you have any identification in your old name?”

  She nodded. “Yes, I grabbed our birth certificates and my old driver’s license before we left. I’m not supposed to have them, but ...” She gave a shrug as if it was an explanation. “I’m still going to have to fill out a form and get approved before I can visit.”

  My lips twisted, and I slowly nodded. “I think I have a contact who can help with that. Don’t worry. There’s always a way to get around things if you need to.”

  Reluctantly, I released her hand and started up the car again. We still had several hours before we reached New York, and I tried not to think too hard about what would be waiting for us when we got there.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  V

  AFTER A NUMBER of hours on the road, we finally reached New York. We drove through the city, my heart lodged like a chunk of ice in the base of my throat.

  I kept my head down, not wanting to see anyone, or for anyone to see me. I couldn’t imagine what people would have been gossiping about us. As far as they knew, my sister and I had just vanished one day. Did they think we’d been killed and dumped somewhere, or that we’d simply run away? Or did people wonder if we’d been moved into Witness Protection, and perhaps suspected I was a rat? The idea made my cheeks burn with shame. It was the one thing you were taught growing up in the society I had—rats were the scum of the earth.