I reached up and flicked the tear that had slipped unchecked from his eye and was making its way down his cheek away. “I’m tougher than that to kill, you should know this by now,” I said with a smile I almost felt.
He didn’t smile like I thought he would. Instead, he pulled away from me suddenly and punched a good size hole through the closet door. His hand came back bloody and I picked up a stray shirt from the floor and wrapped his knuckles up. “No one ever told me what happened to you guys after they took me,” I started, trying to distract him.
Jack sat down on the bed and ran his hands through his greasy hair. He had a good two week’s worth of stubble on his face which only made him look even more rugged and handsome. I’d been so busy trying to stay alive and rescue everyone that I’d forgotten how incredibly beautiful he was. It was no wonder he’d been voted Sexiest Man Alive.
“After they took you, they took Penny and the kids to the main house and locked me and Earl up in the barn with Austin. We’ve spent the last several days at the end of a leash doing supply runs as bait. After you escaped, they corralled all of us into the barn and took turns beating us until someone told them something. Only no one knew anything, so it was all for naught. That’s when you showed up.” He looked up at me and I could see the anger at watching even the kids be beaten until someone cracked slowly eating him from the inside.
“Well, fuck.” I filled my cheeks with air and let it out slowly as I paced the tiny room. Turning back to Jack, “So what should we do?”
He looked up at me and shook his head. I walked back to him and stood in front of him. Jack leaned his head against my belly and I let out the rest of the air I’d been holding and wrapped my arms around his head as he wrapped his around my waist. I started to feel moisture seep through my shirt and decided to not acknowledge his tears; we’d been through hell and no one should have to keep it all buried forever.
I felt him sniffle hard before he pulled back and stood up fast, his body rubbing against mine hard the whole way until he was holding me again. I leaned my head on his shoulder and inhaled his scent; basking in the familiar and comforting smell that was only Jack.
Feeling his mouth nuzzling my neck, he whispered “Let’s figure it out tomorrow. I just want to sleep.”
I nodded and let him pull me down onto the bed with him and didn’t fight when he held me even tighter and wrapped a leg around mine; apparently I wasn’t going anywhere for a while.
“Angie, the world is fucked up; even more so than before. But I’m glad I met you.”
I smiled into the pillow and snuggled up closer. His face was pressed into my shoulder and his light breathing tickled, causing goose bumps to race down my spine. In that moment, in that small, insignificant moment, I wanted to tell him I loved him and tear his clothes off and have my wanton way with him but I knew I wouldn’t. Everything we’d been through together only solidified the fact that I was already too close and to go that road would absolutely only end in pain and suffering. That and we were both still injured.
“I’m glad I met you too, Jack. And I’m still sorry about Steve.”
He snickered into my shoulder, making the little hairs on my skin go wild with lust. I knew he could hear my heart racing and feel my skin heat up but was ever the gentleman. He just wrapped his arm tighter around my belly and I felt him systematically relax every muscle in his body.
Jack started rubbing his lips down my neck, the stubble on his cheeks stirring all kinds of inappropriate things deep inside. “I love you, Angie.”
My eyes shot open and my heart stopped. He was still rubbing his lips across my neck and collarbone but I couldn’t get a breath in to save my life. I finally got enough air in to choke out a mumbled “I love you too,” before the air left me again.
He stopped nuzzling me and flipped me over to face him before I could protest. His eyes shone in the near darkness as he stared at me hard. “Do you?”
Words just weren’t going to happen so I nodded. Jack smiled wide, causing the cut on his lip to split slightly and glisten with a small drop of blood. I was too distracted by his incredibly beautiful face I’d missed so much to care. He pulled my face in gently and kissed me lightly this time.
I sank into it and kissed him back. It was painstakingly slow and sweet and just as I felt his hand creep up my shirt I pulled back with a start. Shaking my head I pushed his hand away and rolled onto my back.
Jack reached over and brushed the stray curl that had come loose out of my face, “I’m sorry,” he whispered at me, worlds of remorse audible in his soft tone.
Turning to meet his eyes, “Don’t be sorry, it’s not you, it’s me. I just, I just can’t. Not yet at least, maybe not ever. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
A dark cloud passed over his eyes and I knew he understood what I meant. He grit his jaw and I watched as it became even more pronounced, which only made him hotter and the whole thing more of a mess.
Jack ran his fingers down my cheek so lightly I almost didn’t feel them. “Don’t ever be sorry. None of it was your fault and I swear I will never push you.”
I smiled under his fingertips and kissed them lightly. There was no way I could ever explain how hard that level of intimacy was for me and seeing that he completely got it, made me love him that much more.
Rolling into him, I wound my legs up in his and curled my arms up between us, fitting my head under his chin and passed the fuck out.
Chapter 14:
“Hey, Angie,” I cracked open an eyelid to see Chloe standing next to the bed and shaking me softly.
“Mmphrmmhm,” I mumbled into the pillow and closed my eye again.
Chloe just shook me harder. “Serious, we can’t stay here long and need to figure out what we’re going to do.”
I sighed into the pillow and pushed my tired body up until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes. “What time is it?” My voice cracked and it felt like a desert had taken up residence in my throat.
“It’s after 4,” Chloe answered.
“AM?” I asked incredulously.
She shook her head and made a ‘tsk’ sound in the back of her throat. “PM, lazy.”
Both of my eyes shot open at that. We’d slept more than 12 hours! I turned around and started to shake Jack awake.
He mumbled at me and before I could say a word he grabbed my waist and pulled me back down into the bed.
“Ugh, you guys are impossible. Hurry the hell up.” With that, Chloe stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind her.
“Jack it’s after 4 in the afternoon, we have to get up,” I ended on a giggle as he tickled my neck with his beard.
“So? Let’s just stay here,” he mumbled into my neck as his hands slid up the back of my shirt and started rubbing my back. The whip marks still hurt and I flinched, which got his attention.
Jack’s eyes shot open and he sat up and pulled the back of my shirt all the way up. “Son of a fucking bitch! I’m going to kill the bastard! I’m going to tear him apart and feed his kneecaps to him!”
Jack’s yelling brought the troops as I peeked over my shoulder to see the door thrown open and Austin and Earl standing in the doorway scanning the room for trouble. Their eyes settled on my back and the tension eased from the room.
“Everything ok in here?” Earl managed to get out on a rumble; cheeks reddening from the exposed wounds on my back.
“No, no it’s not fucking ok! Look! Look what that pigfucking son of a whore did to her!” Jack stood up so fast from the bed I was almost tossed over the other side from the force of the mattress springing back. He punched another wall for emphasis.
I looked over my shoulder at the puckered flesh on my back and cringed. It looked like I’d been torn apart and sewn back together by a blind surgeon using fishing line and safety scissors; it was bad to say the least.
Austin came over to get a closer look; tracing his fingers across the healing wounds. “They’re all se
aled and it doesn’t look infected; does it hurt?” Concern flashed across his face as he met my eyes.
“A little, but I’ll live.” I plucked my shirt from his hands and pulled it carefully back down, moving to stand.
Jack was still pacing furiously on the other side of the bed so I picked up a pillow and threw it at him. He stopped pacing and stared at me in complete shock and it was all I could do to not erupt in a fit of laughter. “Come on killer; let’s make sure the kids are alright.”
The fight drained from his eyes and I watched him swallow his fury; there wasn’t anything any of us could do about it at that very moment and he well knew it. Jack stormed out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
I looked helplessly at Austin, who only shrugged his shoulders and started for the living room. Normally I was the one with the temper but apparently Jack’s unwavering calm was starting to unravel. I could only hope he could manage to keep a cool head when we needed it.
I threw myself onto the sofa and watched everything happening around me. Roscoe was eating something off a paper plate on the floor next to where Ty and Bash were once again heavily engrossed in maps. Johnny was playing with his Spiderman doll and Chloe was busying herself with something in the kitchen.
Earl and Austin had followed me from the room and came to sit with me. “So we got a plan?” Austin asked, looking at me.
“Get the hell out of here and never look back?” I offered, trying to finger-comb the tangles from my hair.
“What? Aren’t we going back to finish the job?” I looked at the shock on Austin’s face and had to keep myself from punching him. As much as I wanted to see the Preacher and his sheep burn, it was really best if we just left.
I stood up and started to pace the room, looking for the right words to say. I finally turned back to him and crossed my arms, planting my feet firmly. “I think we should leave; I don’t see any good coming out of us going back except more death for us. I want to erase that guy just as much as you do, if not more but it’s suicide to go back.”
Austin opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish. Earl looked lost in thought as he stroked the stubble on his chin. I could see then both weighing my words and I knew they knew I was right, but they hadn’t completely set aside their pride at being beaten yet to fully side with me.
I opened my mouth to argue my side some more when the bathroom door was flung open so hard it cracked and Jack came storming out to stand in front of me.
“We’re going back, and that’s final.” He stood tall and crossed his arms; mimicking my stance. I watched his jaw grind back and forth and the veins in his neck pulsing with his conviction. Jack was usually so easy going and agreeable that seeing him in his full pigheaded glory was a bit of an eye opener.
“Did I stutter? It’s. Suicide.” I shot at him, willing to let my anger match his. I could barely hear any of the others over the roar of our heartbeats; it was deafening.
Jack uncrossed his arms and took a step towards me, towering over me and I had to wonder if he knew how threatening he looked from my perspective. Out of instinct, I took a step back and he must’ve seen the fear in my eyes because in less than a second all the anger drained out of him and I could see the “sorry” written all over his face; he knew me well enough to know I wasn’t the kind of person who wouldn’t cower when someone I loved got pissed. I could handle strangers beating the shit out of me but when someone I respected got in my face? 5 year old Angie wanted to run to the nearest corner and hide.
I watched Jack’s shoulders slump with defeat and he turned and fell into the sofa where I’d been. “So what, then?” He asked the room, staring down at his boots.
“We need to go back.” I spun to meet Earl’s face, ready to counter his argument. He continued before I got my chance. Holding his hands up, he shook his head at me, “Now I know what they did to you was wrong, Angie, but what if they come after us? You think they’re just gonna let us burn down their property and not attempt retaliation?” Earl stood up from the sofa and moved to stand in front of me, addressing the room. “We have to hit them hard and fast, before they have a chance to regroup. I say we go tonight.” He pounded a fist in his hand for emphasis and it took all of my willpower to not roll my eyes.
“Fine. You guys do whatever you want but I’m not going. I’m going to the coast.” I left the room with that and wandered into the bathroom to clean up. I closed the broken door behind me as well as possible and took a deep breath, glad to not be in that room while the men played War. Sure, I was mad but I’d rather run and live than stay and fight a battle that didn’t matter in the long run and die, or have someone I cared about die; the cost far outweighed the gain.
Besides, they were like 50 strong and we had 3 mutants, an aging Vet and 4 kids. What were we gonna do? Throw rocks at them to death? Listen to their heartbeats from afar and hope they all suddenly went into cardiac failure? The odds weren’t in our favor and I was fast running out of fucks to give.
I took my time cleaning up and tuned out the voices in the other room. I really didn’t want any part of an attack and I knew that’s exactly what those bastards were planning.
I heard heavy footsteps and the front door slam and waited another heartbeat for the silence of an empty house before quietly peeking out of the bathroom door. When I saw the place cleared, I headed towards the kitchen and dug out something to eat.
I could see the whole group running around the property and in and out of the shed from the little window above the sink and tried to ignore them as I ate cold beans straight from the can. If we attacked tonight; maybe I could incapacitate them with my gas.
Finishing what passed for my meal, I threw the empty can of beans in the nearby overflowing trashcan, grabbed a bottle of water and went back into the master bedroom and lay back down.
Rolling onto my back, I crossed my arms behind my head and stared at the cracks along the ceiling. Voices drifted in from the thin walls and I tried my damnedest to not hear the words and follow the ridiculous planning. Instead, I closed my eyes and started to sing ‘Gloomy Sunday’ quietly to myself.
When that didn’t drown them out, I rolled onto my belly and pulled a pillow over my head, holding it tight around my ears and started to hum. I knew they knew I would stand with them come what may, but fuck; why couldn’t we do what I wanted to do for once?
Since I stumbled across Jack, I was starting to realize he had gotten his way every time and I always ended up paying dearly for it. I didn’t want to stop in San Antonio. I didn’t want to go the alleged military outfit we tried flying to. All I wanted to do was get my ass to an island and live in peace making rum from coconuts; I didn’t feel like that was too much to ask. I never asked to become invested in other people and I certainly didn’t fucking ask to be nearly killed the countless times attempts on my life had been made since this whole nightmare had begun.
I was starting to remember why I’d lived alone for so long; other people were exhausting and quite honestly, dangerous. It didn’t seem fair that I not only had to survive a motherfucking zombie apocalypse, but I also had to fend off the crazies that had magically survived this long out of sheer lunacy.
Suddenly I was longing for the days of couch hopping and doing enough drugs to impress a Rolling Stones groupie. At least then I knew what I was up against and had Sarah to watch my back; although in retrospect I spent most of my time bailing her out of whatever mess she’d wandered into but it was what it was. I hadn’t really thought about her in so many years I had to wonder if she’d survived or died from a drug overdose before the whole thing started.
Images of my coworkers and the gas station clerk who was always so nice to me and the woman at the dispensary who’d greeted me by name whenever I came in flashed through my mind and I missed them. Had any of them made it? If they hadn’t, would it have changed anything had I tried to bring them with me? But then again, when I left home, the only person on my mind was me.
Of course I’d never know if it could have been different as I stood in the afternoon sunlight watching their faces furrowed in concentration as they counted weapons and bullets and made more bombs out of what was left of the homemade Moonshine. I loved them all the more for it. They weren’t victims and never would be. These were the brave warriors stories were told about; the underdogs who would win the war. I was just the uneducated, lazy drug addict they took along for the ride. Everything we’d survived up to this point had been because of their unwavering bravery and willingness to keep fighting, even when the odds were stacked against them. They deserved to live. They deserved to keep going and come out on the other side of this. I was not one of them and never would be.
That chilling conclusion sunk into my pores and oozed its way down to my stomach where it sat like concrete and cast a shadow over the dust motes dancing merrily in the sunbeams. I loved them. I loved them so much it hurt and it was in that moment, that small moment watching Jack showing Chloe how to unjam the shotgun in her small hands that was almost bigger than she was while Roscoe rolled in the grass at their feet and Ty filled jars with Moonshine that I knew there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep them safe and protect them, even if it meant my end. Maybe that’s what love really was; the knowledge that someone else was so important you would do whatever it took to keep them alive.
This is the End (Book 2): Not Dead Yet Page 21
